By Terry Loving
Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
My ex-husband/verbal abuser was a song leader in our church. He often used this platform to air out our business, and tried to make me look bad as a person in general. It is an awful feeling sitting on the front pew feeling eyes on the back of your neck, wishing that you could snap your fingers and just disappear. Mind you, the things said about me were not a true picture of my character, but an attack from someone who was supposed to be on the Lord’s side as I truly demonstrated.
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Even though my ex was not a preacher, somehow standing in the pulpit putting me down made him feel like a big man. In between announcing the next song to sing, he would wound me deeply in front of everyone that knew us. Fortunately, in the end when things at home got really bad – escalating to shoving – the leadership believed me, and helped me to move away from abuse. They provided me with a down payment on my own apartment after making sure that I was able to make it on my own. I assured them that this was possible, and I was determined to do so.
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After the whole truth came out about my ex and his abuse, the leadership rebuked him and he eventually left our church. I still attended – in peace – but not many abused Christian women are as fortunate as I was at the time. Author Susan Greenfield is one of the many women in our churches that know firsthand what it is like to lose her-self to abuse. When your abuser is in the pulpit preaching sermons that touch the souls of the congregants, it is very difficult to get them to believe that the same person is evil behind closed doors.
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No woman should suffer abuse, especially not by the hands of men who claim to follow Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, there are many who keep silent concerning domestic violence and abuse in fear of turning people away from serving God. Too many “Christians” prefer to keep up false appearances that all is well in the Kingdom of Christ when this is the exact opposite. Granted, what God has established through Jesus Christ remains constant and never changing. Every soul needs a Savior, a Guide, a Friend, and a Confidant, Someone who cares about them eternally. God never changes His love for us.
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Sadly, it is the mistaken souls in our churches that believe they have the right to treat others any way they so desire. God is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever. It is mankind that gives Christianity a bad reputation, not God and His Word. Christianity should be a peaceful experience, not without challenges, but certainly there should be no mistreatment from fellow spiritual sojourners.
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Not only does Susan Greenfield share her raw experiences, she offers practical advice to those who assist the abused. Her book is a wonderful resource for those who speak out against domestic violence, and an eye opener for the abused. Even though this book is written by a Christian woman, non-Christian readers may find her experiences very helpful. Most of all, she offers her contact information at the end of the book.
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Susan has been beaten while pregnant, lived in a shelter, had church members turn against her; was tortured in her own home; in public; and tormented regularly by her “Christian” husband – who hid behind the pulpit of shame. I highly recommend this book as a guide, and reference to strengthen those who are seeking to leave abuse.
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Author Barbara Roberts is another Christian woman who knows the horrors of abuse. I am very happy that Susan and Barbara are speaking out to help others. Unfortunately, the subject of divorce comes up when abusive situations drive the abused to seek permanent solutions. I personally took this road, and I have no regrets.
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http://www.notunderbondage.com/
There are well-meaning church folk that advise the abused to “cook better,” “keep silent,” “don’t push buttons” and all kinds of useless counsel. The abused may be shamed into staying with her abuser so the church doesn’t look bad in the eyes of the world. What the abused need is sound Biblical advice, not unfounded emotional blackmail.
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There are many misconceptions concerning Christian marriage, divorce and remarriage. Barbara does an excellent job clarifying much of the confusion. There are many scripture references concerning this issue, and her research offers a fresh perspective that is worth exploring. When marriage breaks down due to abuse, it is difficult for Christians to make spiritually informed decisions without the right information.
“NOT UNDER BONDAGE” contains valuable information on topics such as:
“What is abuse?”
“If I’m the innocent party, why do I still feel guilty?”
“God hates divorce” – slogan or scripture?”
“May I remarry if I have suffered divorce?”
There is valuable information for those who counsel the abused, and to assist the abused to understand what the Bible has to say about divorce. Barbara did an excellent job with this subject, and I highly recommend this book for those who need this information.
Susan and Barbara, thank you!
Barbara, thank you for sharing these insightful resources.
May God bless your endeavors to bear fruit for His Kingdom.
Terry
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Why do Christian Husbands Abuse Their Wives?
Part One (click here)
“God gave Adam and Eve–both of them–dominance over the animals not over each other (Genesis 1:28)”
“Clearly both Adam and Eve were created in the image of God. Together they reflected God’s image. In essence, male dominance teaches that males were created in the image of God and females were created in the image of man. There are no Biblical texts or teachings that support the idea that Eve was to be subordinated to Adam. Jesus told his disciples: “When you see me you see the father . . . I and my father are one.” This was to be the example of male/female relationship.”
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Why do Christian Husbands Abuse Their Wives?
Part Two (click here)
“We have learned that religious abuse, a form of emotional/psychological abuse, is a way many Christian Bahamian men abuse their partners. Religious abuse occurs when someone makes you feel that it is your Christian duty to stay in an abusive relationship. It is using texts out of context to perpetuate domestic abuse, to encourage a partner to be submissive to an abusive mate. It is also when a husband constantly reminds his wife about her “Christian duty” to be submissive and to respect him as the head of the house, and placing himself as “king of the castle.”
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Why do Christian Husbands Abuse Their Wives?
Part Three (click here)
“How could a “Christian nation” be so poisoned, so sinful, and wretched? In reality, the churches have laid the foundation for such abusive behavior. The church is powerful. It has preached submission to husbands “no matter what.” The church has taught that reconciliation is staying with an abusive partner because “a gentle, Christlike, meek spirit will win him over.” It has taught that Christian forgiveness means returning to a threatening, dangerous relationship. It has kept quiet in a world which resonates with cries of abused women and children. It has denied, covered-up, and minimized the abuse of church leaders, and other Christian men, thus demanding no accountability, no change. Who has to change? It is always the woman. In reality this is not ministry of reconciliation.”
If you are a pastor who would like learn more about the dynamics of abuse or hurting person in need of help, or you have request for counseling, write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas or Email: question@soencouragement.org , or call 242 327 1980
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Marital Abuse & the Bible
“I’m not an authority on the subject. Yet, I also know that those of us who have used the Bible over the years to support marital permanence have often inadvertently contributed to a loss of peace and safety in the home. So I feel an obligation to do what I can to speak to a problem that, through so much misunderstanding, is robbing men of their honor, and women of their safety.” by Mart De Haan
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THE PHARISEE SYNDROME
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THE WRONG ADVICE!
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http://www.amazon.com/Would-Real-Church-PLEASE-Stand/dp/1602660255
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NEW BOOK ANNOUNCEMENT!
(May be used for group or individual Bible study)
This Bible study is a necessity for all who counsel abused women. Domestic violence has reached epidemic portions worldwide, and we must not keep silent. Church leadership must recognize that Christians are not immune to domestic abuse, and the need for education in this area is great. The abused have been silent for too long – now they have a platform from which to share their experiences. With each study session, they will learn to open up, release their grief, and find their personal road to healing. It is encouraged that participants keep a journal as they travel this road of healing and restoration.
Please CLICK HERE if you desire to be notified of this publication’s release date.
Thank you in advance for your patience.
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Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence 