About
Thank you for visiting my blog!
It is my prayer that in the midst of your trials, you will find your way to my blog, and be uplifted. We all can use some encouragement when life just doesn’t make any sense. And I am a firm believer that, “We are our brothers’ keepers.” And our sisters too.
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In life we will have trials and tribulations, and most times we cannot understand why. Of course there are situations that we sometimes bring upon ourselves by not being wise. And other times, we may find ourselves sinned against unjustly.
In either case, we struggle to keep our sanity, and strive to maintain the good within our hearts. I am here to encourage you-to not let the madness of the world change you. If you are a good person, I encourage you to stay that way. In the event that you are striving to become a good person, don’t let anyone turn you around.
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The world that we live in offers glittering false hopes, and many allurements. Oftentimes, things aren’t what they seem. We can become disillusioned by people who say they “love us”, but don’t really mean us any good. But don’t let that destroy your capacity to give and receive love, for we were created to love. God is love!
Vow this day, to not let those who are unkind in heart cause you to become bitter. Choose to respect life, and those who strive to live life to the fullest. Most of all, choose to respect your own life. It is yours, a gift of God, and yours to orchestrate to do either good, or evil.
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Visit my website,
http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org/
and learn about the sociopaths, and psychopaths that have been destroying your sanity. And yes, some of them may be sitting on the pew next to you every Sunday. You will also find information concerning:
- The violence and abuse is not your fault.
- You are a “victim” if you choose to be!
- God does care!
- Preachers- YOU MUST ACT NOW!
- The truth about biblical “submission.”
- Domestic violence and alcohol
AND MUCH MORE!
NOW – ABOUT ME PERSONALLY
I like it better when others say things about me, good things that is, rather than say much about myself. So, I will keep it short. I am a mom, a grandmother, sister, friend and most of all – a Christian. I grew up in Philadelphia, Pa., and currently reside in Atlanta, GA.
Although I have several talents that keep my mind busy, writing is my “fast ball.” My gift from God. I am in partnership with the Holy Spirit to write what I am directed to share with this dying world, and whatever is encouraging to the children of God.
As middle age approached, I pondered a lot of things – mainly concerning my life and my walk with Christ. Realizing that I am in my season of 60’s, just started – I do not have time to waste on the things of this world anymore. I now “count many things as lost,” and cling to my Savior. I have my physical challenges and trials in life still, but I know I am headed towards a better place, home with my Friend, and Savior. Someday I too shall meet God, and all that matters to me now is to hear Him say, “Well done.”
If you want to see a picture of me, you will have to wait until I publish my first book. I am kind of shy that way.
Thanks for reading what the Holy Spirit and I put together in partnership.
God Bless.
Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence 
haunted_doc
March 14, 2011 at 5:26 am
you are very inspiring, i’m much reassured & comforted reading your blog.
if i may ask, what was your inspiration for starting this blog?
ssofdv
March 14, 2011 at 10:59 am
Hello haunted_doc,
Thank you very much for your compliment. It is my nature to inspire others, even when I am hurting inside myself. My best example of love comes from my pain. It makes me feel good inside when I can lift another up, motivate, encourage, and bring a smile to a sad heart. I was born a giving person, perhaps too much with the wrong persons, and at the wrong time. Then again, I believe all things happen under the watchful eye of our heavenly Father for a reason.
I am no stranger to domestic violence. I grew up with it, and everyone in my mother’s circle pretty much were violent drunks. Not all, but most. I had my own personal experiences with domestic abuse, and it is something that no human being should have to endure. The difference with me is-I refuse to live a life of violence and abuse. Each time it reared its ugly head, I was planning my escape. I was not about to live my mother’s life. I had always known that I deserved better.
My inspiration for starting this blog? – I started out with my web site, but then I desired dialog with my readers, hence my blog. How did all of this come about? I believe writing is my gift from God, and writing about domestic violence – helping the abused – is my spiritual assignment. I can say this without a doubt for; I can’t get away from it. Even when I try not to think about this subject, I am drawn to it. It gets me down a lot, I get depressed – and yet – it’s like the Holy Spirit always lifts me up saying, “We’re not done yet – get up.”
It is with me when I go to bed, when I get up and 24-7. Sometimes the thoughts are intense, and other times they are whispers – so that I can at least enjoy a movie, or more pleasant times with family.
I was like Jonah, tried to run away from my assignment. But as God pursued Jonah, He pursued me. God will allow us to go through certain situations, and use our gifts and talents to help others who are going through the same things. You cannot truly comfort someone if you haven’t been there. I marvel at the things that the Holy Spirit does through me. I take no credit for what I write – I am just a vehicle in service to the Kingdom of Heaven. All believers are – or should be.
On the Terry side of things, I do want to leave my mark in this dark world. We are not born to live a life of “self” as most people believe. I am middle-aged and drawing closer and closer to the time to meet my God. And when that happens, I desire badly to hear, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” After all, nothing else matters in life except serving the Master, and making heaven our final resting place.
God bless you always.
P.S. It is God’s desire that those who hear His truths – from whatever source – will find “reassurance” and “comfort” in knowing that He loves them. I am happy that you found both of them here.
Peace
MJ(judy) harper
October 18, 2011 at 1:19 am
I hope they stop putting women in prison for killing their abuser. Why do they make punishments worse on women? Do they not see they were already in prison at home,, then the man just keeps beating on them until they snap. I was married to an abuser a long time ago, he drank, run around on me, and beat me constantly, then make me go and have sex with him, he would always beat me for 2 hours ,every time. I was so in love with him, i tried to do everything i could do to please him, but it was never enough. he would beat me, make me have sex with him, then tell me to get my things and leave, when i did i always got a gun to my back, and was told, if i walked out the door he would shoot me in the back. he don’t know how many times i sat there holding a gun on him after he passed out, and praying to GOD not to let me kill him, i never did anything he cheated on me with anyone, even my older sister. GOD helped me keep my head so i would not shoot him. He does deserve to die, he has been in prison around 5 times since i divorced him. He has been a woman beater since he was 17 yrs. old. I didn’t know all this until i talked to his first wife. It took him beating me in front of mine and his son, they both were around 7 or 8 yrs old. i always blamed it on the alcohol, but he was sober when he beat me in front of the boys. I made it through the weekend, got up on monday morning and went to work, told them i needed off for the day, i was going to go file for divorce, the nursing home i worked at rented me a motel room for a week so he could not find me. I thank GOD everyday that i did not kill him, i decided he was not worth going to prison over. I feel that any woman in prison should be let out, because they lived in a prison with their abusers. this is just some of the things he did to me, one night of his beatings he almost killed me, i prayed to GOD to not let me go through the light, because if i did i would i would die. I had 3 big knots on my head the size of a grapefruit, i could not walk for days, and no i did not call a dr. or go to one,because i was too afraid. That has been about 25 years ago. Never looked back. Best thing i ever did. So please if you are being abused, get out. there are people out there that will help you.WE WERE NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO BE BEAT ALL THE TIME. FREE ALL THE WOMEN THAT ARE IN PRISON THAT WAS ABUSED SO BAD THAT THEY KILLED TO SAVE THEIR LIVES AS WELL AS THEIR CHILDREN. THIS IS SOOOOOOO UNFAIR. THANK YOU JUDY HARPER
ssofdv
October 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Hello Judy Harper,
I am so very sorry to hear of your experiences. Domestic violence is such an ugly evil in our world. I can sense your pain and anger, most of all – your hurt. It is my hope and prayer that you are mending and you are on the road to inner peace.
This is a tough reply for me, for my oldest brother was killed due to domestic violence. It is true that he learned to hit in my mother’s house – growing up witnessing her abuse for many years. The violence was all around us, both of my brothers learned to hit women – unfortunately the oldest hit the wrong woman.
Now, allow me to say this – she had choices. She did not have to walk ten Philadelphia city blocks to my mother’s house, obtain a steak knife from my mother’s kitchen, and go back outside and stab my brother to death. OK, that is the short of the situation. When I say that she “had choices,” here is what I mean. The apartment they lived in was hers. She could have kicked him out at any time. This woman had a large family, which consisted of brothers and cousins that could have beat him up and then kicked him out. The thing is she fought back – a woman that was known for being “tough,” and not afraid to fight back. She had choices.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. In the heat of the moment, many things can happen. When people are in the fight or flight stage, often times someone chooses to fight, and there may be a death. I agree that home can and does equal “prisons” for many women. I was one of them. If you stay long enough in an abusive situation, it is possible to “snap.” Problem is, too many woman stay too long when they have support to find a way out, and too many women go back after escaping the violence. These situations can be used to determine what sentence a women will get when she kills her abuser. The judge may ask, “If you were out of harms way, why didn’t you stay out?”
You stated, “I was so in love with him, I tried to do everything I could do to please him, but it was never enough.” This is why many women accept the abuse for so long – “I was so in love with him…” Now, does that make it OK for the abuse to take place? “NO!” Does that excuse the abuser’s behavior? “NO!”
You stated, “FREE ALL THE WOMEN THAT ARE IN PRISON THAT WAS ABUSED SO BAD THAT THEY KILLED TO SAVE THEIR LIVES AS WELL AS THEIR CHILDREN. THIS IS SOOOOOOO UNFAIR.”
The woman who killed my brother was not in immediate danger, and neither were her children. He walked away from the confrontation; she followed him – ten city blocks on foot. Shouldn’t that have been enough time to cool off? There are women who are beaten to the point of near death, this woman was not. She was a fighter, and she fought back. Was my brother’s violence more wrong than hers? Were they not both wrong, especially since there were children involved? And why stay together, and fight over and over again? Is murder the only solution to domestic violence?
“UNFAIR?” What was unfair about this situation was the fact that this woman murdered a father of three boys. The youngest was the son they conceived together – who was about 3-months old when his mother murdered his father. The oldest sons lost a father, and have paid the price for their loss. “UNFAIR?” This woman got FIVE YEARS PROBATION. No jail time at all.
It seems to me that you are looking at this from the perspective of your own hurt and pain. Correct me if I am off base. We cannot view all cases of domestic violence the same. And neither does the law. Why women are sentenced to longer prison terms? We live in a sexist society, and the majority of the criminal judges are men. I am sure there are other reasons as well.
You stated, “He does deserve to die.” I pray that you will be healed of your pain, anger and bitterness. Rightly so, you should feel these feelings for what you have suffered. However, they will eat you alive and cause you much distress even though you are free from your abuser. In fact, it sounds as though you are only physically “free.” I pray for your spiritual freedom and healing as well.
It has been said, “The best revenge in life is success.” Please don’t allow the memories to destroy any hope you may have for a future. God is the only One who should rightfully determine who “deserves” to die.
You stated, “He has been a woman beater since he was 17 yrs. old.” Obviously he learned the way of violence by witnessing it growing up. Someone had to teach him. Does that make it right? “NO!” I am happy for the sake of your children that you didn’t “kill him.” Your children would have suffered much worse than your prison sentence. I am happy to hear that your employer also assisted you. That is rare, but a blessing.
And you are correct, “…he was not worth going to prison over.”
Your advice is sound – “That has been about 25 years ago. Never looked back. Best thing i ever did. So please if you are being abused, get out. there are people out there that will help you.” As yourself, I was helped by people who cared, and believed me. The best thing to do is find a way out. Why trade one hell for another?
New American Standard Bible (©1995)
For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY.” And again, “THE LORD WILL JUDGE HIS PEOPLE.” (Hebrews 10:30)
Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Help break the cycle, teach your sons to be different.
Peace
Angels of Secrets
December 22, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Thank you so much for the loving and supportive comment you left on my post. I’ve read your blog and I am in awe of your inspiration to others! You are truly an Angel and I am blessed to have found you here. Thank you! Joan
ssofdv
December 22, 2011 at 8:35 pm
Thank you Joan. I will come back to your blog, but today – it made me cry. Not because it was depressing, but triggered memories – those that cause a whirlwind of feelings about the past. We try to forget childhood pain, but that is impossible. You are a very courageous woman, and I am happy to have found you as well. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.
Peace be unto you always,
Terry
Lynne
January 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm
I was so glad to find this website. God bless you. This is needed. There are so many abused women and the numbers continue to escalate. Almost every day there is a news report about a woman who was beaten or even killed by her partner.
I am a survivor of domestic violence. For 10 years, I was abused physically, mentally, verbally, financially and spiritually. When I left the first time, he bought a gun and threatened not only me, but my family. He held that over my head most of those years. It got so bad that he would tell me when my mother missed her train for work thus confirming that he was watching her. He would also tell me the activities of my younger siblings which terrified me. He got so smug that he began hitting me in public and no one would help. A woman told her friend that women like me liked to be hit and not to say anything because it was none of their business. All this while he beat my head on the sidewalk.
The church was no help. I was told to “pray more,” “keep my mouth shut,” “read the bible more,” “be submissive,” and “make sure to have a hot meal waiting for him because, after all, he worked.” So did I!
I was the one who wore the long sleeves in the summer, the sunglasses indoors, the hats which covered my face and smiled through every church service, although I knew the consequences of being there.
There were times when I thought I would lose my mind, but God was keeping me.
My daughter would run out of the room and scream, “Stop hitting my mommy! You’re mean!” He never hit her for she was the “apple of his eye.
On the day I grabbed my daughter and left, he had put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. The gun jammed. He kept pulling the trigger, but nothing came out and the gun was loaded.
Today, my daughter and I are both ministers. We minister to abused women and children and because of what we’ve gone through, they listen to us because when we say, “I understand,” we truly do. We provide resource information and I am now working with a Pastor who wants domestic violence and teen dating violence awareness classes in the church. In February, I will begn an internet radio station solely dedicated to domestic violence awareness. I also pray for victims and survivors of domestic violence every first Friday evening on an internet radio station.
I have written my story which was published a few years ago and I use it as a teaching tool. I am now in the process of updating it.
I will keep you in my prayers. Continue to do this much needed work and be encouraged because all you do is blessed. God bless you.
ssofdv
January 4, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Hello Lynne,
I am very happy to hear that you have escaped the violence, and that you and your daughter are doing well. It is really sad what you have experienced, and yes, “every day” we hear more and more of this evil. God is faithful in using your experiences to be a champion for the abused. He allowed that gun to jam, for He had a work for you to do – He knew your heart would be willing to serve in His Kingdom.
It is true that leaving can be dangerous, but in many cases – the alternatives can be worst. You made a brave choice to survive, and you did so by God’s amazing grace. I can only imagine how frightening it was to not only worry about your own safety – but that of your family as well. Abusers are cowards, and if they cannot affect you any longer, they try to hurt what and who is close to you. Praise God that he did not carry out any of his evil schemes towards you or your family. That had to be a real nightmare to live through.
The ignorance of humanity is really sad. The same people that watched you get beaten in public, are the same people that would expect others to help them in that situation. Those who stood by and watched your beating will answer to God someday. I am so sorry you had to endure both private and public humiliation. “A woman like you?” – Really? And what type of woman would she be if this was her experience? Abuse is wrong no matter who is receiving it. When people think domestic violence is “none of their business,” they really are helping our society to become more and more blatant with violence.
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” (Edmund Burke)
The church is in trouble with God. The insane advice ministers give concerning domestic violence is pathetic. I am happy that you did not listen to that poor advisement. You could have done all of that and still would have been an abused woman. I feel bad for women who want to faithfully serve the Lord, but their devotion is divided between inner peace and survival. This should not be. And yes, God kept you.
I know what it is like to be a terrified child screaming at an abuser. No child should have to experience this madness. You both were saved for a Divine purpose. You will never regret heeding the call to minister to others who suffer as you have. Keep writing, teaching, believing, praying, and standing up for justice. Your reward is great in heaven. I will keep you in prayer also. And yes, as long as God allows me to live and be able, I will continue to be in partnership with the Holy Spirit to help the abused.
God bless you and your ministry. Likewise, you and your daughter stay encouraged as well.
Peace
eahill58
January 6, 2013 at 3:17 am
Terry , you are such a brave woman,God has given you an almost imposible subject to write about and you do it really really well,for those women out there whose home is a Prision, they can go on the net and get help and encouragement here,i know you dont get away with invading the Enemys territory scott free, and get depressed sometimes,just know that there a plenty of women out here who you have encouraged who will never forget you, and we pray for you,God bless you,and your Ministry.
ssofdv
January 6, 2013 at 12:46 pm
Hello eahill58,
Wow – you went deep – touched a place in my soul – I cried.
I feel more compelled than “brave” for doing this work. Sometimes I want to run away, but I am not allowed – it is always with me. And yes, I get very depressed at times. And that is when I find things to lift my spirit and rejuvenate my soul. God gives me refreshment when I need it. Without that, I would try to run and hide like Jonah.
There is a price to pay, but I look towards my eternal reward. I keep heaven in mind, and that is what gets me through – knowing my name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
God bless you for encouraging me to keep on keeping on. Please continue to pray for me, and I likewise. You have inspired me greatly today, thank you!
Terry