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“I CAN’T CALL THE POLICE – HE IS THE POLICE!”

By Terry Loving

“‘You shall not murder.   (Deuteronomy 5:17)

yX5yV.AuSt.5On April 26, 2003 Tacoma Police Chief David Brame fatally wounded his wife, Crystal, and then killed himself.”

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“…when a woman calls police to report domestic violence, her chances are at least two out of five that the officer who responds has recently beaten his own partner . . . and gotten away with it! It is in part this dynamic that has created “unequal justice” for domestic violence victims everywhere.”

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No other crime victim is so utterly trapped as the police officer’s domestic partner. She is threatened with death if she reports; dismissed as crazy in internal “investigations” that are little more than a closing of the ranks around the offender; and laughed off by district attorneys when asked when charges will be filed. For the rare woman who does break free, she finds herself hunted from house to house and state to state, afraid she will be arrested on a trumped-up crime, then “battered” again in family court, often to lose her children to the violent spouse. Some of these women have lived underground for years rather than risk almost certain death if her batterer finds her.”

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Abused women are encouraged to contact agencies that assist them during their crisis. When in immediate danger, they are advised to dial “911” and seek help from local law enforcement. When the police arrive at the scene in many cases, abusers are arrested especially when the abused shows visible signs of injury. The laws are changing for the most part where domestic abusers are arrested and prosecuted in spite of the protests of the abused.

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 Usually, the abused who seeks a domestic violence restraining order is granted one in a matter of minutes. But what happens when the abuser is a police officer himself? The wife of Milwaukee Police Officer Mark T. Lelinski experienced just how difficult it can be for abused wives to seek and win protection orders against their abusive husbands who work in a system that is designed to protect its citizens – regardless of who they are.

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“Every year, hundreds of domestic violence restraining orders are granted in Milwaukee County’s courts. In many cases, the hearings take 5 or 10 minutes. In the case against Milwaukee Police Officer Mark T. Lelinski, hearings stretched over more than eight hours on four different days.”

It is not uncommon for the responding officers to only speak with the officer accused of battery. Police officers are part of a “Brotherhood” that protects its own. In too many cases, no reports are written and the officers have a pow-wow on the front lawn, laughing and dismissing the severity of why the abused called for help in the first place. The abused is accused of being “crazy” or “hysterical” and having “blown things out of proportion.” The responding officers leave and the abused is left in an increasing dangerous situation.

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It is well documented that proving a case of domestic violence against a police officer is very difficult. The challenges are “unique” and abuse victims feel that the system fails them because their abusers are a part of that system they should be able to turn to for help. Mrs. Lelinski discovered to her dismay that the system was more concerned with the officer’s reputation, and the good of the department rather than the injustice she suffered at home.

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 Although the responding officers “did nothing,” and refused to testify against their fellow officer; the victim was first denied a protection order; a city attorney fought to keep the evidence out of court, Mrs. Lelinski was finally granted a two-year protection order for the sake the couple’s son. Because officer Lelinski was not convicted of a felony in Milwaukee, he was allowed to keep his job and his gun.

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On April 26, 2003 – David Brame shot his estranged wife Crystal in the parking lot of a Gig Harbor shopping plaza. Not only did Brame shoot himself in the head, he psychologically damaged their two children – they witnessed the shootings. At the time of this tragedy, 44 year-old David Brame was the Chief of Police in western Washington. Brame died 2-1/2 hours after his self-inflicted gunshot wound. The 45 caliber Glock semiautomatic was possibly his service weapon. Crystal Brame held on for seven days, and finally succumbed to a fatal wound to her head. Two more children were orphaned by domestic violence.

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 Their turbulent divorce had become public knowledge, and Crystal Brame “alleged spousal abuse and claimed Chief Brame pointed a gun at her and threatened to kill her.” On April 26, 2003, David Brame turned his threats into a harsh reality.

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 An alleged rape in the 80’s, and a recommendation that Brame not be hired as a result of a psychological evaluation in 1981 did not impede his rise to power. There were “other incidents” throughout Barme’s career that were red flags, but they were ignored. Asterisks surrounded his 1981 hiring; Brame took three psychological evaluations before he was deemed eligible. Few knew or noticed.

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 “He had a brother on the police force. He had a father on the police force. It’s the good old boy system. It’s the buddy system. It’s the blue code,” says John Hathaway, who grew up in East Tacoma, near Brame’s family.

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megan-graham beaten by copsHandicapped Woman Calls 911 During Brutal Beating by Cops

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Ray Corpuz, Tacoma’s city manager allegedly suppressed the rape charges against Chief Brame. The “cover up” by Corpuz protected Brame and Corpuz. Ray and his wife were involved in an insurance scam concerning a burglary at their home. Corpuz and Brame knew damaging information about one another, and they made a pact to keep silent.

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In the case of “Ross Mirkarimi, the San Francisco sheriff who was charged with three misdemeanor counts connected with accusations that he abused his wife” – fear spread far and wide.

“Advocates for battered women are reluctant to dive into domestic violence cases involving police for fear of alienating the agencies they rely upon for help in other abuse cases. Several local advocates declined to be interviewed for this article because of that concern, although more than a dozen publicly called Thursday for Mirkarimi to step aside temporarily while the case against him is resolved.”

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“The biggest problem for a woman reporting that she’s been abused by her police officer husband or boyfriend is that nobody believes you,” said Diane Wetendorf of Chicago, who wrote a nationally used victim handbook, “Police Domestic Violence.”

“If you do speak up, the police are very good at turning the accusations around,” Wetendorf said. “The women get terrified, too, so the crime is very under-reported. There is a legitimate fear of retaliation.”

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There are many good cops that strive to do the right thing on and off the job. On the other hand, power and control hungry men often pursue a career in law enforcement to satisfy their need for dominance. The use of and misuse of authority, the badge and the gun are more important to such men rather than the heart to help people in need.

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NYPD-Officer-Larry-DePrimo-a-standard-all-cops-should-strive-forhttp://christopherdiarmani.com/8811/police/great-police-officers/shocking-true-good-cops-exist/

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Several studies, according to Gandy and Wetendorf, indicate that women suffer domestic abuse in at least 40 percent of police officer families. For American women overall, the figure is 25 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”

“She said officers who abuse their wives or partners often are perverting the ‘continuum of force’ used in policing.”

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“They start out with command presence and voice to gain and maintain control, and if that doesn’t work, they go up the scale with an increasing amount of force until they get compliance,” Wetendorf said. “Unfortunately, these guys use the same technique with their wives and girlfriends. And some of them go from 0 to 60 right away.”

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“A big part of police culture is the code of silence,” she said. “The prosecutors depend on police for their cases, the police depend on each other – it’s a very insulated system.”

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Officer Mirkarimi stated that what happened in his home was “a family matter.” Fortunately, the laws are changing – slowly – but changing to view domestic violence as much more than a family squabble.

“San Francisco police spokesman Officer Albie Esparza said his department is as intolerant of domestic violence as anyone in the city.”

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“When you are sworn to protect and serve, you are held to a higher standard than the general public,” Esparza said. “If you are accused of domestic violence, you not only get your case in court, but you get an internal affairs investigation.”

“Whether it involves an officer from our agency or another agency, we take these accusations very seriously,” Esparza said. “You cannot change the way you do your job just because it’s another officer.”

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  Calculated Behavior

“Most victims ask if the abuser knows what he’s doing. The answer is “yes.” The police abuser, even more than a civilian abuser, knows exactly what he wants to accomplish and how to do it.”

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Training makes him dangerous

“A police officer’s training and professional status add extra levels of sophistication to his style of psychological and physical battering. It may be helpful for you to step back and see how his training and status intensify his abusive behavior in your relationship.”

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THE POLICE ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!

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The Police Are Still Out of Control

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In America, fear is growing that the police are getting out of control

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“And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.”

(Luke 21:16 – KJV)

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10 years later: Looking back at former Tacoma Police Chief David Brame

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  I Am Divorcing An Abusive Police Officer

“Mine started off as the dream guy. The most supported and loving man I had ever met. I told my family “I’m going to marry this guy”. As I am now in my 4th year of this relationship, it’s a complete nightmare. He doesn’t ke me visit my family, call them, or spend holidays or birthdays with them. I own the house we live in and he refuses to leave even though I’ve asked him to leave several times. When I say I’m going to call the cops he just laughs because they are all his buddies and won’t do anything to help me.”

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“My first lawyer told me to face the facts, my soon to be ex is a cop and he is going to win.”

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 “Last night was pretty much the last straw. A friend of his (another cop) hit me in the face joking around but I was so offended and caught off guard that I got upset and started crying. Well he flipped and told me I was being stupid and the argument between us was our fault because I chose to take the smack to the face the wrong way.”

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THE BROTHERHOOD

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Code of Silence

When an officer is in trouble on the job or in trouble with his wife or girlfriend at home, he counts on his buddies to cover for him. He gives them a story that explains why he “had to do” whatever he did. Whether or not they personally condone his behavior, they may rationalize his behavior, saying he was stressed out, under a lot of pressure, or quite simply, that he’s only human. They repeat his version of the story and they stick to that version. They put themselves on the line with their fellow officer. Whether testifying in court or smoothing things out at home, the rules are simple for them:

  • Say as little as possible.
  • Answer only the question asked.
  • Don’t give details.
  • Deny all accusations.
  • Say “I don’t remember, I didn’t see that, or I don’t know.”

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Seattle cops get free ride on domestic violence

“Cops who abuse their wives rarely pay the price.”

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Officer-Involved Domestic Violence

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How to Combat Officer-Involved Domestic Violence

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What can a woman do when her abuser IS the police?

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Muncie steps up fight against domestic violence

“One of the complaints that we had always heard was, ‘Well, I don’t have anywhere to go. I can’t get out of the house. My kids are there,'” Arnold said. “Now you can run to a fire station — you can drive to a fire station — and you’re going to be safe, you’re going to be warm.”

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YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ (even the MSM cannot deny it anymore)

YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’

YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ (even the MSM cannot deny it anymore)

– See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf

brutal_american_policehttp://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html

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http://www.lanejudson.com/2_Domestic_violence_bill_now_law.htm

New Washington State Law mandates that each law enforcement agency in the state must have an officer-involved domestic violence policy

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We can spread the word far and wide about the anguish Crystal suffered. We can convey the message to those who are still suffering in silence that they are not alone. And we can help prevent this tragedy from ever happening again. That would be Crystal’s greatest legacy.”

http://www.lanejudson.com/

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Officer-Involved Domestic Fatalities – LaneJudson.com

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YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ – See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf
YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ – See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org. – 2014
All rights reserved.

………………………………………Read more here: http://www.thenewstribune.com/david-brame/#storylink=cpy
 
4 Comments

Posted by on April 16, 2014 in Sociopaths And Psycopaths

 

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OCTOBER – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH ACTIVITIES

By Terry Loving

Domestic-Violence-Awareness2013

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Another foundation that shares the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – both causes are equally important.

The first awareness month was in Oct. 1987, which is the same year the national toll-free hotline began. The month was created out of the first Day of Unity observed in Oct. 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The Day of Unity grew into a week of activities to spread awareness of domestic violence.

This post is dedicated to listing events and links that highlight activities going on this month. For the most part, the events happen yearly. If there is an important event that you would like to add to this post, please feel free to do so in the comment section. The list will be updated when I find more useful links.

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REMEMBER AND ACT!

Click here to submit a name for the Remember My Name project electronically.

THE REMEMBER AND ACT VIRTUAL MEMORIAL: 1996-2008

NCADV honors those who have lost their lives to domestic violence. Please click here to enter the memorial.

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GRU, SafeHomes kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month

“It’s so often that (domestic violence victims) leave everything behind,” she said. “We don’t want to just house them and put them back out there.”

“We want to give them the tools and the things they need to be independent and self-sufficient.”

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Save lives and help the environment–donate your unwanted cell phones and digital electronics to NCADV.

Accepted Items:
• Any cell phone in any condition and their accessories (most wanted: Iphones and Blackberries, but we will take what you have!)
• Laptops
• Mp3 Players
• Digital Cameras
• Video Game Systems

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october20is20domestic20violence20awareness20month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Kicks Off At LOVE Park

“City Council Members were presented with an award for their successful efforts to open another shelter to help the thousands in this situation. That 100 bed shelter is set to open in the spring. Verizon has donated equipment and funds over the years.”

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Domestic Violence Awareness Project Events

A listing of events in different areas of the US.

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Futures Without ViolenceMonth Events

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Good and bad news in Jacksonville area as Domestic Violence Awareness Month launches

Dan Scanlan: (904) 359-4549

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH EVENTS AND INFORMATION:

Here are some of the October events in the area to promote Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

■ A “Take Back the Night” March and Candlelight Vigil was Tuesday at the University of North Florida.

■ 19th annual Barbara Ann Campbell Memorial Breakfast, 7:30 to 9 a.m. Thursday, Hyatt Regency Jacksonville Riverfront Hotel, www.hubbardhouse.org.

Thrill the World, 9 p.m. Oct. 26, an attempt to break the record for zombies dancing to “Thriller,” www.thrilltheworld.com.

■ Quigley House Purple Ribbon Golf Tournament, 1 p.m. Oct. 17, Fleming Island Golf Club, 2260 Town Center Blvd., www.quigleyhouse.org.

■ Micah’s Place Appreciation and Awareness Breakfast, 7:30 a.m. Wednesday, Fernandina Beach Golf Course, 2800 Bill Melton Road, www.micahsplace.org.

■ Betty Griffin House Candlelight Vigil, 7 p.m. Thursday, St. Augustine’s Plaza de la Constitucion

■ Betty Griffin House Runway to Safety Fashion Show, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Oct. 29, Marriott Sawgrass, 1000 PGA Tour Blvd., Ponte Vedra Beach, www.bettygriffinhouse.org.

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Women In Distress of Broward County, INC

  • Clerk of Courts“Be Aware” event 11:30am – 1:00pm Topic: “Stalking” to be held in the Jury Room at  201 SE 6th St. for more information & RSVP please contact Tgreen@browardclerk.org.
  • Florida Bar Association – “Domestic Violence CLE” 8:15am – 4:45pm on Wednesday, October 9th at the Hyatt Pier 66 in Ft. Lauderdale. For more information contact the Florida Bar Association. Click here.
  • Jewish Federation of Broward – Luncheon & Fashion Show – Sunday, October 20th, 2013 for the 8th Annual KOLOT Luncheon & Fashion Show at the Signature Grand, Davie. Click here for more information.
  • NOVA University – Documentary Screening and Q&A titled “No Way Out But One” from 2:00 pm- 4:00 pm & 5:30 pm-7:30 pm on Wednesday, October 23rd in Knight Auditorium located in the DeSantis Building.  Click here for more information.
  • General Federation of Women’s Clubs – “United Against Domestic Violence” A Taste of Italy Event” to be held at Gino’s Italian Market, Friday, October 25th at 7:00 pm- 5729 Johnson Street, Hollywood, FL. Mozzarella making demo, pasta stations, wine tasting, and more. Click here for more Information.

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Events planned for Domestic Violence Awareness month

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Mecklenburg County  NC Women’s Commission

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VIGIL

The Annual Candlelight Vigil will be held 6:15p, Thurs., Oct. 24th, 2013 at John Dam Plaza in Richland, WA.

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VIGIL EVENTS

Candlelight Vigil  – Melrose Alliance Against Violence

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The Children’s Advocacy Center

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YWCA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH ACTIVITIES

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Domestic Violence Vigil Set for October 8

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Empowerment Weekend Offers Domestic Violence Victims ‘SAFE’ Events This Month

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Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Official Walk Event Calendar

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Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence

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Upcoming Trainings, Webinars and Events Around the Country

Walk for the cure left footThis image © BritLivie-Handcrafted-Jewels 2013

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Shelter organizes domestic violence awareness events

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South Carolina Department of Social Services

APPROVED BATTERER INTERVENTION PROGRAMS

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WOMEN AGAINST ABUSE – Advocacy In Action

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MEN-CAN © Rally hosted by Lutheran Settlement House

October 05, 2013 at 10:30 am – Freedom Christian Bible Fellowship Church at 6100 West Columbia Ave. Phila. PA, 19151

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SAFE HOMES of Orange County

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A SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUEThis image © BritLivie-Handcrafted-Jewels 2013

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org. – 2013

All rights reserved.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on October 2, 2013 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

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ABUSERS – TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF!

By Terry Loving

WARNING – GRAPHIC VIDEO!

The above video represents a violent and brutal home invasion caught on a nanny cam in Millburn, NJ. The date of the attack was June 21, 2013 at 10 a.m. in the morning.

“The incident in a Millburn living room last Friday was caught on camera, authorities have said. In the video, a young mother is shown watching cartoons with her 3-year-old daughter – and then a loud crash is heard from off-camera. Within moments, an intruder lunges at the woman, pummeling her with his fists and kicking her in the head before tossing her down a flight of stairs off-camera. An 18-month-old son was asleep upstairs at the time of the crime, authorities have said.”

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“The victim tried not to scream as she was beaten, because she didn’t want to traumatize her daughter, she told authorities.”

The video shows what a violent crime looks like,” Acting Essex County Prosecutor Carolyn Murray said. “We have a tremendous amount of violent crime in Essex County, but when people in the community see what it really looks like that’s why we got the outpouring of assistance that we did.”

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Forty-two year old Shawn Custis showed the world what violent domestic abusers do every day. I am not taking anything away from this poor woman and her child who was a witness. For his crimes, Shawn should pay dearly, and never taste freedom ever again. He has a history of criminal charges which proves that he will not change, and may kill someone next time.

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I needed to post the video for it reminded me of what I witnessed as a child. I still have memories of my mother being beaten the very way this woman was – her child will never forget either. I am shaking as I type this post. There is tightness in my chest – this took me back to a day that was pressed down deep within my memory. I am trying not to cry.

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It is my hope that domestic abusers watch this video and see themselves. This is what they do behind closed doors. Let me just address them directly.

Abusers – you should be ashamed of yourselves! See yourself in this video and REPENT! You beat down innocent and defenseless women; scar their children for life – and for what? To prove that you are a man? I am so very angry today! I am hurting and praying for all the women you hurt. Most of all, I pray that you will find God and change. There is no excuse for the terror that you dish out, no excuse at all.

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One day you will stand before God and give an account. Look at the video, see yourself as God sees you and decide how you will answer. My guess is you will be so frightened before our Creator, reduced to weak knees with fright that you will be at a loss for words – your very heart will fail you.

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Shawn arrest

You think that what you do behind closed doors is not seen by anyone – not so. Just as you look at this video and witness the evil and ugly truth of violence against women – so does God:

5And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. Genesis 6:5-6

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Abusers, you are grieving the very heart of God. Each time you hurt one of His children, you are ripping His heart apart. You feel safe behind closed doors as if no one sees your ugly deeds, but you are very wrong.

10But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

11For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.

12So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

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china man beats woman

When you brutalize your loved ones, you are passing judgment upon them. You have deemed them guilty of trespassing your warped sense of right and wrong – and sentenced them to vicious beatings and mistreatment. You regard the abused with contempt, you despise them, and you hate God and His righteousness. Why? Did God treat you this way when you made mistakes?

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Perhaps someone abused and misused you as a child. Should that not be enough reason not to hurt others as you have been hurt? Why are you so angry? The Bible says:

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31

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This means that you are in charge of your anger. It also means that God will help you to “put away from you” the destructive emotions that cause you to lash out unjustly – if your heart is teachable. Whatever fears you have, abandonment, not being good enough – whatever – God can, and is willing to help you. But first, you must admit that you have a problem with a lack of self-control. I know, for I was once an angry person, and I felt I had every right to be considering what I had to endure in my mother’s house. But I lashed out in the wrong way – and used the smallest disagreements to vent my frustrations. It wasn’t until I acknowledged to God that I had a problem with anger – and I did not know for most of my life – that God was able to wash me clean of bitterness.

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man-beats-woman

Let me ask you this – does it matter to you that you will damage a child for life? When children witness domestic violence and abuse, your brutal actions and verbal tirades short circuit their emotional growth, plant seeds of fear, and instill negative and hurtful memories for life. Are you bold enough to stand before God and give an account? God may not approve of our actions, but He loves all mankind – especially children. When you abuse and rape, you abuse and rape the heart of God.

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“If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

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“If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left,” Hebrews 10:26

“How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?” Hebrews 10:29

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“All this I have seen and applied my mind to every deed that has been done under the sun wherein a man has exercised authority over another man to his hurt.” Ecclesiastes 8:9

“When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.” 1 Corinthians 8:12

And I saw something else under the sun: In the place of judgment–wickedness was there, in the place of justice–wickedness was there.” Ecclesiastes 3:16

“Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed– and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors– and they have no comforter.”  Ecclesiastes 4:1

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GodLooksAtTheHeart

“Shawn Custis has been charged with first-degree attempted murder, first-degree robbery, second-degree burglary and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child, according to Kathy Carter, a spokeswoman for the prosecutor’s office.”

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Any man who beats a woman, wife, girlfriend – whoever, should be charged with “attempted murder.” To what “degree” I don’t know, but abusers should not get away with a slap on the wrist – especially when the violence is carried out in front of children.

Until our world understands that what took place in this video is the face of domestic violence, nothing much will change. Domestic violence is a crime! The fact that it happens mostly behind closed doors does not lessen the severity and criminal element of the acts. It can happen to anyone, at any time.

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This video opened an old wound, and there will always be triggers. I am outraged by the vicious attack on this woman in the security of her own home. And yet, this happens every day in America – women brutalized and killed by deranged evil abusers in a place they should feel the safest – home. Will this open your eyes now????

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I believe every Pastor should see this video, and then they may not be so quick to send the abused back to their abusers. Perhaps then they will understand that cooking better, keeping quiet, being more intimate and the like is not the problem concerning abuse. Abusers are the problem period!

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Shawn plead “Not Guilty” – really Shawn?

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Comments concerning the brutality of Shawn Custis:

We believe it was his intent to kill the woman,” Chief Assistant Prosecutor Thomas Fennelly said. (Could we not say the same concerning domestic abusers? The highlighted words below is describe what the abused suffer every day!)

  • ·         A brutal mid-morning New Jersey home invasion
  • ·         an assault
  • ·         mother suffered a vicious beating at the hands of the 5-foot-11, 210-pound suspect
  • ·         chilling video captured the entire midday attack
  • ·         “He bombards her and starts wailing away.”
  • ·         The suspect throws the woman down, punches her several times in the face before picking her up and throwing her down. He goes upstairs to ransack the bedroom and as he returns, kicks the woman in the face as she struggles to regain her feet.
  • ·         … “she moans.”
  • ·         “He’s a lefty, every punch and kick was lefty,”
  • ·         his reactions were violent.
  • ·         “There was no reason for it, she would have given him anything he wanted,” Palardy said.
  • ·         In his final sickening act, the man throws her mother down the steps,
  • ·         The stunning, midday attack is so shocking
  • ·         The woman was treated at the hospital for leg and face injuries suffered at the man’s hands.
  • ·         “They wanted to show how violent this person is because they want him caught as much as we do,” Palardy said. “And we’re not going to sleep until this guy is caught.”
  • Thankfully she’s ok, physically; but you never know the emotional scars left on her, her daughter, and her husband who probably feels guilty that he wasn’t around to stop this beast!

dead woman

“The question arises in a case like this: “What Would You Do?”; but I think the answers will be obvious.”

Here are some of the answers to the above question:

  • Let’s hope someone in the community takes care of this animal the same way he treaded this lady. Waste of time going though the legal system.
  • He should be shot on sight.
  • 4 words…..tall tree, short rope.
  • They caught him and he is pleading not guilty, I hope they lock him up and throw away the key on this piece of garbage
  • i agree. As a young black man.. This is horrifying… sickening… He needs to be thrown in prison and then they should throw away the key… Bad enough black men have a bad rep, this doesnt help at all…

beat-up-women-513

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Now my questions are:

Why no outrage concerning domestic violence and abuse? Why is the church silent? Why do Preachers send the abused back to what we witnessed in the video? Why no concern for the women who suffer this evil every day of their lives and some die? What makes this crime different besides the fact that this was a home invasion? The action of the perpetrators are the same are they not – both robber and abuser?

Most of all, why do we close our eyes? This level of brutality happens in American homes and around the world daily – 24-7. Worst of all, many perpetrators are so-called “Christians.” Why????

“but when people in the community see what it really looks like that’s why we got the outpouring of assistance that we did.”

OK world, now you have had an opportunity to “see what it really looks like,”  – the evil of domestic violence – what are you going to do about it?

If you see yourself as the aggressor in this video and you continue, you really have no heart.

Sigh….

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women in hospital

Woman allegedly professes love for man who beat her with baseball bat

“When KCTV5 last spoke to Taylor, she said she hoped to inspire other women and girls to stand up against domestic violence and break the silence.”

“You can stand up for yourself. There’s ways you can do it, even if you have to whisper in somebody’s ear and have somebody else take action for you. There’s always a way to get out,” Taylor said.

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WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

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DO ABUSERS HAVE A CONSCIENCE?

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DOMESTIC ABUSE IN CHRISTIAN HOMES – Recommended Reading

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Prayer-Request2Please click on picture to request prayer.

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Posted by on July 6, 2013 in VIOLENCE AMONG US

 

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WHEN ABUSERS STALK THEIR PREY

By Terry Loving

stalking 1

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”    (1 Peter 5:8)

I had an experience with stalking years ago that unnerved me – but not in a frightening way. One day I noticed a non-abusive ex riding past my house. It isn’t uncommon for a driver to not notice the “dead end” sign at the beginning of the street I lived on. In this case however, he knew the street had no outlet, and therefore he had a specific purpose in mind. This particular day I was sitting by the window watching the squirrels chase one another – I noticed my ex driving by. He drove to the dead end, turned around and drove slowly back the other way.

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At another time I was shopping at my neighborhood supermarket, turned to place fruit in my cart – and there he was – just standing behind me watching. I was surprised, but not afraid because he wasn’t an abuser, just someone who decided on the wrong woman and had regrets – oh well. Anyway, we greeted one another and I noticed the lonely loaf of bread in his cart. I supposed this was his way of not drawing attention to himself – just another shopper.

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stalking 2

I was a bit curious though – he did not live in my neighborhood. And I am certain that he passed many stores on the way home that sold a loaf of bread. He briefly indicated that his marriage was not going well, but he never said that he made a mistake in his choosing. Later I figured that he had, for why stalk me – an ex, ride past my house, and follow me to the supermarket? Did he leave with the loaf of bread? I do not know. At our departure, my mind was racing, wondering how I missed signs that I was being stalked – especially when he confessed after I told him I saw him riding past my house – “It’s not the first time.” WOW! Talk about feeling weird at the thought of him following me around.

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I missed the signs because I was not expecting this type of behavior from him. More so, I did not know what type of vehicle he drove until the day I saw him driving by. We crossed paths at a later time and he was driving yet another vehicle. This is one of the ways that abusers stalk their victims. They somehow obtain different vehicles, sometimes borrowed, and follow their victims. I thank God this wasn’t a domestic abuse situation for I could have been killed or seriously hurt by an avenging mad man. It happens every day in America – we just don’t hear much about it.

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Young female looking through window blinds at night.(shallow depth of field)

So what is stalking? The following is a legal definition:

“A person who intentionally and repeatedly follows or harasses another person and who makes a credible threat, either expressed or implied, with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear of death or serious bodily harm is guilty of the crime of stalking. A person may be charged with aggravated stalking if they commit the crime of stalking while subject to a temporary restraining order, injunction against trespass, or similar order.”

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“Stalkers target public figures or celebrities, children, and sometimes even complete strangers. But, in most cases, a stalker is someone you know and with whom you have had a relationship. Criminal statutes which can be used in an effort to deter stalking include laws against harassment and assault, as well as a specific stalking law.”

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From state to state, stalking laws may vary; however, the essence of the act itself is standard across state lines. Stalking is intentional and intended to make your life miserable, cause harm or death. Many abused women feel safe once the abuser has left the home – but are they really? You change your locks, install a security system, get a vicious dog, perhaps buy a gun – do all that is necessary to protect yourself at home. But what happens when you go to work, church services, the dentist or the supermarket? Are you safe? Many abused persons are not.

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stalking 4

In many cases there are connections such as children, a marriage, property and other avenues abusers use to maintain control over your life. Shared friends and family often serve as information portals for abusers to keep abreast of the events in the life of the abused. When the abused makes the decision to leave abuse, as difficult as it may be, leaving shared friends often becomes necessary. Some friends may side with the abuser and feed him information that the abused shared in confidence.

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I highly recommend watching STALKED: SOMEONE’S WATCHING on Netflix, and on Youtube there is a three-part training video free to law enforcement inspired by the stalking death of Peggy Klinke. Ms. Klinke was stalked and murdered by her ex-boyfriend in January 2003. Originally designed for educating law enforcement, it is noted that the training video can be utilized by any organization or individuals.

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One of the stalking myths in domestic situations especially is the belief that ignoring the stalker will cause he or she to just go away – not so. In Peggy Klinke’s situation, her abuser Patrick Kennedy was relentless in pursuing Peggy hoping to win her back. He would call her cell phone every day, all day, and even showed up at her doorstep with flowers and an engagement ring. Peggy was through with emotional and verbal abuse – she got out of a bad relationship – but she had no peace.

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stalking 5

Manipulative and smooth talking abusers like Patrick do not handle rejection well. When he found out Peggy was in a new relationship he started harassing and threatening her new boyfriend. His desperation intensified to a new level which included setting fire to the new boyfriend’s house. It was never proved that Patrick was responsible, but the couple knew he was the guilty party. This was a major turning point in Peggy’s life. She moved to another state to put distance between her and her dangerous stalker while awaiting his trial date for felony stalking. Her extensive documentation was enough to obtain a charge against Patrick.

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It is a fact that abused women are in more danger when they leave their abusers. Friends and relatives often help the abusers locate the abused as depicted in the movie “What’s Love Got to Do with It? Ike Turner bought Tina Turner’s mother a house, and probably gave her many other financial benefits over the years. In turn, she felt obligated to tell Ike where Tina was so he could bring her and the children home. In other cases, friends and family may be frightened and threatened harm if they did not tell where the abused is hiding.

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Stalking 6

Patrick hired a private detective to find Peggy, and boarded a plane from New Mexico to California to find her, and killed her in a murder-suicide six days before his trial.  Unless an abused woman takes on a completely new identity, she can be easily found – especially with the technology available today. “Assembly Bill 978 – also known as “Peggy’s Law” – makes it misdemeanor for anyone targeted by a domestic-violence restraining order to try to locate the victim by hiring a private investigator, using a friend or relative or any other “third-party means.”

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Abusive stalkers go to extremes to maintain some sort of control over their victims. They are known to plant GPS systems in the vehicles of the abused, and hack their computers.

“Three years before her estranged husband killed her, Sandra Bentley told friends that her computer was doing things she did not want.”

“The cursor would highlight words by itself. It floated over them and even changed them spontaneously. Documents she created and saved disappeared from memory. Folders stored in one file were altered and saved somewhere else, Sandra’s friend Charma Meek said.”

“He had established a ghost on her computer.”

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stalking 9

What happened with Sandra’s computer is a form of “Gaslighing” – designed to make you feel that you are losing your mind. In this case however, this was another way her abusive husband kept tabs on her. Sandra left her abuser when she found out what her husband was doing behind her back. She wasn’t losing her mind after all. Unfortunately, leaving changed the game plan to murder. Sandra’s husband ran her down with his car in the Walmart parking lot where she worked. He then shot himself in the head – never a thought about their children.

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 “Used to be, if a spouse ran away in the night, it was quite a bit of work to find her,” said Aaron Hughes, a computer forensics expert based in Houston. “Now a lot of people have access to things that they never even thought about before.” GPS in cellphones, tracking devices hidden in vehicles and intercepted text messages sent to friends and relatives can help abusers find their victims.”

“Often, people are not aware that they are being electronically monitored, said Kristine Soule, a Tarrant County assistant district attorney.”

“Unless the abuser does something to let the victim know, the victim may not know,” Soule said.”

“That was the case with Sandra for a long time, friends say.”

stalking 8

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Now here’s a scary thought:

“People accept cellphones and other personal electronics as gifts from those they are dating without knowing what software is on those devices, she said.”

“Sometimes the gift is a Trojan horse, Villareal said.”

“Many times, they give you a phone for Christmas, and then they know your every move. He can see every phone call that’s made,” she said.

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Stalking extends the abuse once suffered at home, for the physical and emotional symptoms are the same. Stalking causes many sleepless nights, anxiety, vomiting, headaches, exhaustion, and fear. The uneasiness stems from fear of what the abuser may do because she left him. Many survive stalking from an abusive ex, and countless others do not.

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As noted by Criminal Psychologist Dr. Michelle Ward:

“Stalkers are not your average criminal. They are master manipulators. They understand that their stalking behavior usually amounts to “He said, she said” in the eyes of the law. A victim needs to prove a pattern of harassment that the stalker can’t refute. Until then, nothing can be done.”

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woman stressed

Those words are not comforting. Peggy documented “200 pages” of stalking incidents concerning Patrick, but she never got the chance to present the evidence in court. At least she did what she could do to hopefully end the madness. If he had not killed her, perhaps he would have served jail time. But what happens when abusive stalkers are set free? Would the abused still have to look over their shoulders? Would the abuser’s anger intensify because they were incarcerated?

Dr. Ward also said this about Patrick:

“He’s really trying to stop it. Patrick is obviously torturing Peggy, but he too is being tortured. He’s being tortured by his own sick mind. He’s just really trying to stop it one way or another. Whether he hurts himself or he hurts her, he just wants it to end.”

Patrick ended both their lives.

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RED FLAG

Patrick rushed Peggy into a relationship, and they moved in together shortly after. She was in a state far from family and friends, and she did not have a support system. Once Patrick had her where he wanted her, he started with the emotional and verbal abuse. He began to tear Peggy down in order to establish power and control – and to feel good about himself. Patrick most likely suffered from self-esteem issues according to Dr. Ward, and he built himself up through the abuse. Leaving him was not an option. Patrick exhibited the cruel and evil mentality of abusers that kill:

“If I can’t have her, no one else will.”

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When abusers stalk their prey, it is with the intent to do harm. Tell someone; involve others that can look out for you. Document, document, document – even though this may not have helped others, it may help you. Don’t keep abuse a secret, it may cost you your life. Take your time getting to know a potential mate. Beware of men who come across as the most charming, helpful, thoughtful, sweetest man you ever met – test the spirits.

Peggy was killed six days before Patrick was to stand trial for felony stalking. Her documentation gave the authorities the ammunition they needed to bring charges.

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Every domestic violence case should be looked at as a potential stalking case.
When dating Peggy Klinke, Patrick Kennedy had shown the kind of aggressive, controlling behavior that is typical of stalkers. Years of study show that there are common signs before a violent attack, a hostage situation, a murder. And stalking is at the top of that list of signs.”

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Psalm 35:1

“Of David. Contend, LORD, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me.”

Romans 8:35
“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”

Romans 2:9

“There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile;”

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Proverbs 6:12-15

“A troublemaker and a villain, who goes about with a corrupt mouth,

who winks maliciously with his eye, signals with his feet

and motions with his fingers, who plots evil with deceit in his heart—

he always stirs up conflict. Therefore disaster will overtake him in an instant;

he will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.”

NSAM………………………………………..

Proverbs 6:16-19

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies

and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

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How to Protect Yourself From A Stalker

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Female Stalkers, Part 1: What is Stalking and Can Men Be Stalked by Women?

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Computers and Cellphones are Another Way Many Abusers Stalk Their Victims, Experts Say

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Are You Being Stalked? 19 Ways to Protect Yourself From a Stalker

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How to prevent or defend against online stalking

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Stalking Goes High Tech (and How to Protect Yourself)

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND COHABITATION

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Prayer-Request2Please click on picture to submit a prayer request.

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org. – 2013
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4 Comments

Posted by on June 12, 2013 in LEAVING ABUSE

 

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – THE DEATH OF A CHILD

By Terry Loving

child-in-coffinTrain up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” Luke 17:1-2

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In homes where domestic violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence. “Domestic Violence, Understanding a Community Problem,” National Woman Abuse Prevention Fund.”

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PLEASE NOTE: No matter what – abusers are still responsible for their violence and abuse.

I post a lot about the abuse of women, and I have also written about the not so exposed fact that men can and do suffer domestic abuse – yes, it happens. I would like to spend time talking about the children that live in violent homes, the “silent witnesses” to the evil tyranny that destroys many innocent lives.

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 We know that children die in violent homes – fathers, boyfriends, mothers, girlfriends, family members, friends – all at some point have caused the death of a child during a domestic violence incident. Domestic-suicides are on the rise, and sadly children are killed just because they are in the home – no other reason – they are innocent, but often found guilty by association. I personally know of a sweet 9-year old boy who was murdered along with his mother by her live-in boyfriend. The child was watching cartoons, and had done nothing wrong. His mother’s abuser called him “a momma’s boy.”

frightened_child_14694662

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Today, I want to focus on the death of children that are still living. Some label what happens to abused children as a “death of the spirit,” and rightly so. Even though the child who constantly witnesses violence and perhaps suffers abuse directly is growing up physically, their inner core – their innocent free spirit is murdered, and they spend their entire lives trying to unsuccessfully resurrect the dead child. They spend their lives in confusion and pain – left unto themselves to put the pieces of their shattered souls together to make sense of what they endured.

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One of the reasons that I held off writing this post, is the fact that I cannot speak for the children without disclosing my own painful experiences – they have shaped my life – and not in many positive ways. Not only are my experiences traumatic, but they are embarrassing, humiliating, sinful, evil, shameful and have caused relationship confusion over the course of my life.

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Perhaps much of the same scenario is within abusive homes without the presence of alcohol or drugs – from my standpoint however, I can only speak about a home filled with alcoholism and violence. My two brothers and I suffered in many ways – for me – unspeakable horror.

Disciplining Children through Beating

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For the women who are desperately trying to leave abuse, I commend you and please do not take offense to what I have written. Many of you are not alcoholics, poor, uneducated and selfish – my mother was all of these and more.It is my belief that if we are going to expose the horrors of domestic violence and abuse, we have to cover all areas. This evil comes in many forms and the perpetrators can be male or female.

I do not look down on my mother because of her lack of education and her constant poverty – but know this, alcoholism creates and exasperates poverty in many cases. I say my mother was “selfish” because she had many options to leave abuse, get help for her alcoholism, place her children in safe care, but she chose none of these options when presented. Alcoholism is an extremely selfish “disease” as it has been labeled. The Bible does not see this lifestyle as a “disease.”

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Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.”

Isaiah 5:11 “Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine.”

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Children immersed in a culture of violence become insecure and lack an inner conscience that holds respect for others. They are easily discouraged and have low self-esteem. They live without hope. From such a life comes confusion, hostility and violence.” Roger Toogood, ASW/ACSW Executive Director, Children’s Home Society of Minnesota

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 CHILD_ABUSE_by_COR_IESU

There are many abused women who suffer abuse at the hands of one man for years. And there are others who continually find themselves in one abusive relationship after another – this is the case with my mother. She was not married to either of her abusers, and separated from my father whom she was married to. I never heard of my father abusing her, however, he had an alcohol problem as well. He left my two brothers and me when I was 3-years old.

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As an adult, I cannot understand why she allowed herself to be treated so badly. Out of all of her siblings, she was the only one that I know of beaten by violent men. Many of the men in our generation were alcoholics, and only one uncle was violent when he drank his poison of choice. I never heard of my mother being mistreated as a child, although her father left when she was young as well. I tried to connect the dots, but she is the only one who lived this way constantly.

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“Approximately one third of the men counseled for battering are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and in their communities. These have included doctors, physiologists, lawyers, ministers and business executives.” David Adams, “Identifying the Assaultive Husband in Court: You Be the Judge.” Boston Bar Journal, July/August, 1989.

 drunk-women

 Many times my brothers and I were hungry. I can remember going to bed hungry, getting up hoping there was breakfast at least, and going to school on the same empty stomach that I went to sleep on the previous night. There was no shortage of alcohol, only food. I can still see myself getting off the school bus with fingers crossed that there would be food at home – sometimes there was, and many times not. This is one of the atrocities of domestic violence and alcoholism.

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The wars at home are forever pressed in my mind. I can still see and hear that little girl screaming, “LEAVE MY MOMMY ALONE!” I can still hear the sounds of glass breaking, body slamming, screaming, and see ever still the sight of blood. I was in my thirties when I stopped having nightmares, and at the age of 61, I still have flashbacks and painful memories that haunt me and they will never go away.

foodad_hungrgychildren

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My brothers grew up and learned to abuse their wives. My oldest brother’s wife left him, and he abused a girlfriend that took his life. He was an alcoholic as well. Our home was a haven for anyone, young or old who desired to drink, smoke cigarettes and party. My other brother became a Christian and ceased to abuse his wife, they are still together – he refused to bail like my father did. I cannot say much more about him for he is still alive.

 

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Children often times rely on the abusers for food and shelter, but secretly wish they would disappear or die. I hated to see my mother’s abusers come home, and yet – I was glad to see any signs of hope that we would eat. If the abuser decided to stay away, especially when he got paid and my mother did not have money, we starved. During bouts of hunger I learned false pride. I had one or two friends then, and when I was offered food at their home I would kindly say, “I’m OK.” They knew I was hungry but they did not press the issue if I refused.

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We constantly moved due to evictions of non-payment of rent. We moved so much our family members called us “Gypsies.” I never understood that as a child. In the 60’s and 70’s, the Constable would plaster a bright orange eviction notice on the brick wall outside of the house. Everyone that passed by knew we were being kicked out. Often times we would have to bathe in cold water, and wash clothes in the bathtub. When the water went cold, and the food was scarce trouble was on the horizon.

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eviction

I was molested in the first or second grade – I cannot remember which. My mother had a job at the time, and she trusted one of her boyfriends to watch me because I was home from school with a cold. The memory is so vivid that I can still see the teddy bears on my pajamas. This was my first introduction to the male anatomy. I never told my mother because the devil threatened to “kill her.” Of course I believed him – why not – he beat her bloody, why not kill her too?

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Worst of all, my own mother betrayed me for alcohol. She got drunk with no money, and I paid the price. I wrote the details in my book – one that I have been too ashamed to publish – but asking God to give me strength if it will help someone else.

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I was always ashamed to bring friends home, which is why I had one or two. I would mostly go to visit at their home. I hated for anyone to see my mother drunk and I was very embarrassed. Our home was embarrassing as well – it looked like a war zone, and very dismal.

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HEALTH Alcohol 074058

I have given you the short version of some of the things I suffered as a child. I can tell you straight up, children witnessing domestic violence will kill the child that was meant to laugh and play like children should. I was never a child. I had to cook, clean, take care of the home and an alcoholic mother. I do not have fun child-hood memories that children should have. I mostly remember wars, betrayal and things I will take to my grave.

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 “Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.”  http://www.safehorizon.org/index/what-we-do-2/domestic-violence–abuse-53/domestic-violence-the-facts-195.html

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All of the above is true – survivors carry a ton of weight and the “flashbacks” never cease. I can watch a movie, read a book, work my ministry and my mind will click with another horrible memory. The sad part is, I struggle with my feelings towards my mother. The Bible admonishes us to forgive so that we ourselves can be forgiven. The problem is this, I will remember something, get angry, cry, and forgive – but the cycle continues to a point that I despise her over and over again. We did not have to go through her messed up life. She was selfish, and claimed to love her children, but she did not. Again, if you do not fit into this category please do not take my pain personally. Do all you can to not allow your own children to suffer and repeat the cycle of domestic violence and abuse.

depression

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I saved the statistics until last because I needed to make this post more personal. I have adult friends that have suffered and shared, but others who act like they were not affected – I do not believe that.

Another thing that bothers me is this – when children grow up under these circumstances, family members especially, neighbors and sometimes friends never consider the source. They will say things like, “Don’t let your daughter hang out with her,” or “He was a mean little boy.” They never say, “Man, they sure messed those kids up!” Domestic violence and abuse will kill your children literally and spiritually. Get out if you can!

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Save your children! You owe them that much and more. If not, they will pass on family dysfunction to the next generation. Every area of their lives will be affected, trust me – I know.

Don’t let your children die!

Ignoring the consequences of exposure to violence on children can negatively impact their cognitive development as well as their emotional and physical health (Edleson, 1999). Complicating these risks and negative impacts is the fact that these children are at higher risk for child maltreatment, with estimates indicating that as many as 70% of children exposed to domestic violence are also victims of child maltreatment (Fantuzzo & Mohr, (1999)

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“I grew up in a home where I would have to fight my father to allow my mother to get away. There were times where I had to get my bb gun at 11-12 years old and aim at my father just to get his attention. The fights my parents had were bad, they dealt a damage to one another all the time but my dad had the advantage. Idk.. stuff like this just never leaves. Theres not a day that goes by where I dont stop thinking about it and this is 6-7 years later. No child should grow up in a home with violence.

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“Some parents shouldn’t be parents at all. I was abused by a borderline personality disorder (look up the movie Mommie Dearest) mother and a father that enabled her behavior and many times participated in the humiliation, beatings, lies along with physical and mental abuse. My sisters and I suffer in our adulthood and we’ll continue suffering until the day we die. This type of pain never goes away.”

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“i think i suffer a different degree of PTSD. Domestic verbal abuse and parents would argue all the time. But after all of that stopped my mother dies in a car accident. I still remember the day, songs i heard, games i played, book i read, and the warrant officer who told me the bad news. PTSD is hell in your brain. I cant socialize, have fun, and be an amusing human like i used to. it’s like half of your soul dies. time can heal it as it’s doing for me. but there will always be a scar.”

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5 Ways Domestic Violence Causes Harm to Children

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“Children may exhibit emotional problems, cry excessively, or be withdrawn or shy. Children may have difficulty making friends or have fear of adults. Children may suffer from depression and excessive absences from school. Children may use violence for solving problems at school and home. Children may be at greater risk of being a runaway, being suicidal, or committing criminal acts as juveniles and adults. Children who are experiencing stress may show it in different ways, including difficulty in sleeping, bedwetting, over-achieving, behavior problems, withdrawing, stomach aches, headaches and/or diarrhea.”

“Children who grow up in violent homes have much higher risks of becoming drug or alcohol abusers or being involved in abusive relationships, as a batterer or a victim. Children do not have to be abused themselves in order to be impacted by violence in the home.”    http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/effects.htm

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Parenting after Separating from Your Abusive Ex — by Dr George Simon Jr

“Remember that you have no power over the nature and quality of the relationship your children will have with your ex. And it’s extremely counterproductive to carry out a covert war against your abusive ex through your children. It will only demonize you in their eyes and invite them to over-idealize their character-deficient other parent. Instead, focus intently on the nature of your own relationship with them.”

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Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

“It was reported in 1992 that 63% of children between the ages of 11 and 20 who were in prison, were there because they killed their mother’s batterer.”

“Do statistics like this startle you? Do they make you think about the kind of situation the child must have been in to even think of murder as a solution? Sadly more children than you might think live in homes where domestic violence occurs on a regular basis.”

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Child Protection in Families Experiencing Domestic Violence

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PTSD in Children and Adolescents

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Post-traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents Exposed to Family Violence: I. Overview and Issues

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Women, Domestic Violence, and Posttraumatic Stress

Disorder (PTSD)*

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Child murder by mothers: patterns and prevention

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RISKS POSED TO CHILDREN FROM VIOLENT HOMES

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ALCOHOL

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THE THINGS WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

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Domestic Violence: A Power Struggle With Lasting Consequences

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http://emily.last-memories.com/

“Child Abuse is real. It’s not something in fairy tales, or songs. It happens every day. Children cannot fight the real life monsters in their life, it’s our job as human beings with hearts to do it for them. We have to stop being silent and covering up. We must take a stand. We must continue the fight to stop child abuse. It’s too late to change what happened to Emily but let her story be a reminder to you, that we have to put an end to child abuse. For Emily, for the future of our children.”

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Alcohol is one of Satan’s tools of destruction. The book of Wisdom warns of becoming partakers and shows the results:

“Who has woe? Who has sorrow?
Who has contentions? Who has complaining?
Who has wounds without cause?
Who has redness of eyes?
Those who linger long over wine,
Those who go to taste mixed wine.
Do not look on the wine when it is red,
When it sparkles in the cup,
When it goes down smoothly;
At last it bites like a serpent
And stings like a viper.
Your eyes will see strange things
And your mind will utter perverse things,
And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of
the sea,
Or one who lies down on top of a mast.
They struck me, but I did not become ill;
They beat me, but I did not know it.
When shall I awake?
I will seek another drink.”

(Proverbs 23:29-35)

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“Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.”
– Herbert Ward

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bastard out of carolina

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com

“This fine but shocking drama (which Ted Turner paid for and then refused to show on his cable outfits), based on the novel by Dorothy Allison, concerns extensive abuse endured by a girl (Jena Malone) at the hands of her stepfather (Ron Eldard), while her mother (Jennifer Jason Leigh) looks the other way. Anjelica Huston made her directorial debut with this film and demonstrates that talent also runs in the family when behind the camera. Difficult to watch but mitigated by Huston’s intelligent approach and sense of balance–as well as outstanding performances–this is a significant film best left to the most mature audiences. –Tom Keogh”

What’s more, Bone’s mother has to choose between her daughter and the man she loves.

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2013 in PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM ABUSE

 

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DO ABUSERS HAVE A CONSCIENCE?

By Terry Loving

The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Timothy 1:5

A CRY FOR JUSTICE BOOK

“And herein do I exercise myself – And this very tenet is a pledge for my good behavior; for as I believe there will be a resurrection, both of the just and unjust, and that every man shall be judged for the deeds done in the body, so I exercise myself day and night, that I may have a conscience void of offense toward God and toward men.

Toward God – In entertaining no opinion contrary to his truth; and in offering no worship contrary to his dignity, purity, and excellence.

Toward men – In doing nothing to them that I would not, on a change of circumstances, they should do to me; and in withholding nothing by which I might comfort and serve them.” 1

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“Abusive people have dysfunctional or even non-functioning consciences. In contrast, their victims have very active consciences. And the abuser uses this to his advantage. He can, without any hesitation or remorse, insinuate a horrid charge against her, making her feel the pangs of her own conscience, and causing her to wonder if she really is guilty.” 2

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Most have heard the saying, “Let your conscience be your guide.” When making decisions in life, “normal” thinking people rely on their inner voice to decide what actions they should take. Depending upon the level of maturity, a person with high morals, integrity, ethics and the like will usually make decisions they can live with. In other words, the choices they make in life would be those that do not keep them awake at night torturing their minds with guilt. After making their final decision they are able to live with themselves knowing they made the right choice – no harm done.

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1 John 3:21
“Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.”

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The abuser’s decision-making process is much different. Their decisions are not based upon what is right, just, fair, moral, ethical, nor do they consider the feelings of others. Life is all about the abuser and their comfort and well-being. It is within the avenues of power and control as well as entitlement that the abuser establishes a domain of terror. He feels justified.

depression1

The word conscience is defined as:

[kon-shuhns] Show IPA

noun

1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience.

2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.

3. an inhibiting sense of what is prudent: I’d eat another piece of pie but my conscience would bother me. 3

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Pastor Jeff Crippen beautifully explains in his book – A CRY FOR JUSTICE how we assume that abusers must be “weighed down” by their horrid actions toward others. Normally, non-abusive souls would agonize over wrongs committed towards others, and seek to make amends. Because we would feel bad inside, we naturally think that others would feel the same – not so with abusers. In fact, Jeff explains how abusers use our assumptions against us as they play the “victim.” The abuser’s deeds do not weigh heavy upon them, for they are functioning in what they perceive as a normal way of life. They are oblivious to the real pain they cause others because they do not care – life is all about the abuser – no one else – not even God.

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abused woman

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In the absence of a “healthy” conscience, abusers can beat the daylights out of their victims, and minutes later take the family out for an ice cream cone. His family, especially his spouse is his personal property to do with them as he sees fit. The beatings or verbal put downs in his mind are his God-given right to keep his family in line. After all, God made him the head, and all beneath him must submit or face dire consequences. Is there any remorse for the abuse? Never! Entitlement and false justification do not produce such emotions.

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Abusers lack empathy which is why they can bloody your face and throw you a towel in disgust – “Clean yourself up, you are a mess!” Your bloody wounds are only an issue when you no longer look “pretty.” After all, he is the only man that is allowed to look at you. They will never admit fault for your pain, because you – according to them – “Brought it on yourself!” Abusers are very capable of fake empathy, especially when the abused threatens to leave them. The false tears only serve to melt the heart of the abused, and the cycle of torture will repeat itself. This is how the crazy making stage begins.

obey fist

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Abusers who claim to be Christians pretend holiness, and yet – they have no conscience – not in the sense of what we define as “normal.” 1Timothy 4:2 speaks of “hypocrites” and “liars” that have a conscience that has been “seared with a hot iron.” Verses 1-5 gives us a clear picture of the spiritual apostasy that shall take place in these “latter days” – the Christian age. According to various views of Bible commentaries, a conscience “seared with a hot iron” can also be applied to the conscience of abusers, especially those who call themselves Christians.

woman hit man with shoe

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Can we not safely say that abusers in our places of worship have “departed from the faith?” The foundation of the “faith” that Jesus ministered is based on love. It is not possible that abusers are following Christ, but their own hypocritical self-imposed doctrine of hate. They are incapable of the agape love that we should have for one another. Agape love possesses compassion for the plight of others as well as; empathy; true love; it is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love that abusers do not possess.

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“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:8

“A new commandment I give to you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”  John 13:34-35

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.”  1 Corinthians 13:1-13

The consciences of abusers are senseless and unfeeling as flesh that has been cauterized. “The sensitiveness of their consciences is destroyed by the brand of the devil.”  People’s New Testament

domestic-abuse

“The metaphor is from the practice of branding slaves or criminals, the latter on the brow. These deceivers are not acting under delusion, but deliberately, and against their conscience. They wear the form of godliness, and contradict their profession by their crooked conduct (2 Timothy 3:5). The brand is not on their brow, but on their conscience. Comp.” Titus 1:15; Titus 3:11Vincent’s Word Studies

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” (Titus 1:15)

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Jeff also notes a “degree of abuse” that ranges from “remarkably selfish” to “narcissistic,” “sociopaths” to “psychopaths.” When abusers reach the sociopath or psychopath levels, many people view the abusers as having no conscience at all. However, Pastor Crippen maintains that abusers do have a conscience, but they are “dysfunctional.” They possess not the normal means of inner conviction which keeps our passions for wrong in check.

When the searing of the conscience takes place, no one can say for sure. What we can know is the fact that abusers “speak lies in hypocrisy,” they are senseless, and unfeeling:

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 “Such a conscience exists in a mind that will practice delusion without concern; that will carry on a vast system of fraud without wincing; that will incarcerate, scourge, or burn the innocent without compassion; and that will practice gross enormities, and indulge in sensual gratifications under the mask of piety.”  Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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the_sociopath_next_door_martha_stout_unabridged_mp3_compact_disc

The Sociopath Next Door

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I highly recommend A CRY FOR JUSTICE for many reasons. It opened my eyes to a darker side of abusers, and their cunning ways. This book took my understanding of abuse much deeper, and I could feel the essence of evil more acutely as I read each page. It is a must read for those who desire to counsel the abused, and for church leaders who need to educate themselves concerning this atrocity that is hidden within our houses of worship. In addition, I also recommend this book for self-study as well as group Bible study.

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The main reason I applaud this work is the fact that Pastor Crippen isn’t afraid to “call a spade a spade.” He says what needs to be said, and isn’t concerned as many other pastors are about stepping on toes. There is no arrogance in his preaching  and teaching against domestic abuse, for he understands that the Christian church is under spiritual attack, and the people of God have been silent and ignorant for too long. The last place on earth we should witness abuse is in our houses of worship, and our Christian homes.

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It is important to understand the many faces of abusers and how they deceive us. Jeff also covers topics such as, “Why the Church Covers Up Abuse,” “Dealing With Abusers,” “The Abuser’s Use of Shame and Fear” and much more. He also covers “The Devastating Effects of Abuse on Children.” Personally, I am one who is suffering, and will most likely continue to suffer those “devastating effects.” They are very real!

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Pastor Crippen and Anna Wood – THANK YOU!

http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/

A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church

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Conscience (36 Occurrences)

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http://www.sociopathworld.com/

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Profile of the Sociopath

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Charmer/ Abusers and their ‘Prey’

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   An Interview with Martha Stout

How do you spot a sociopath?

“A sociopath has no conscience, no ability to feel shame, guilt or remorse. Since 1 in 25 ordinary Americans is a sociopath, you almost certainly know one or more than one already. How can you recognize him or her?”

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Potentially Abusive Personalities: Some Red Flags – by Dr. George Simon, Jr.

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 1 Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

2 A CRY FOR JUSTICE – The Abuser’s Use of Shame and Fear – 89

 3 Chicago Manual Style (CMS):conscience. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conscience (accessed: April 14, 2013).

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on April 14, 2013 in Sociopaths And Psycopaths

 

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WHY IS “REPENT” SUCH A DIRTY WORD?

By Terry Loving

Mourners bench2

“Thus says the LORD, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”

Jeremiah 6:16

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In times past, preachers and Revivalists used what was called the “mourner’s bench” to call sinners to repentance.  After hearing a sermon that cut deep within the soul, a “sinner” would be “moved” by the Holy Spirit to change their sinful ways, kneel at the mourner’s bench – confess and denounce all wrong.

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In modern churches, preachers invite or extend altar calls to those who desire to receive Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. During this time, people will publically confess Jesus as Lord, and get baptized – depending on the type of church they worship in.  This is also a time of “joining” a place of worship that is to your liking.

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The mourner’s bench has no spiritual powers – its significance is merely a symbol, a visual that connected sin, confession and repentance.  The practice was akin to kneeling at the foot of the cross and seeking with a contrite heart a cleansing of the soul. In some places of worship, public confession is practiced, and people are invited to empty their souls before the whole congregation. But times have changed, and the practice of confession of sins to God before an audience has all but disappeared.  Granted, we can go directly to God and confess our sins in private, however, this post mainly concerns the duty of repentance overall.

Mourners two

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John the Baptist Prepares the Way

1In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea 2and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” 3This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah:

“A voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.’”a

“In the time of John, the nation had become extremely wicked and corrupt, perhaps more so than at any preceding period. Hence, both he and Christ began their ministry by calling the nation to repentance.”    Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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Matthew 4:17  “From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.”

Both John and our Lord began their ministries calling for sinners to “repent.” So how is it that ministers today omit this requirement for salvation? Jesus said, “…It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.”

Luke 5:32 says that sinners are called to repentance.

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mourners three

“I came not to call the righteous,…. Such as the Scribes and Pharisees were in their own apprehension, and in the esteem of others, who trusted in themselves, that they were righteous, and submitted not to the righteousness of Christ: these Christ came not to call by his grace, and therefore did not associate himself with them: but sinners to repentance; such as the publicans, and others, with them, were; and therefore he was chiefly with such, and chose to be among them: these he not only called to repentance by the outward ministry of the word, but brought them to it; he having power to bestow the grace of repentance, as well as to call to the duty of it;” Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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“5:27-39 It was a wonder of Christ’s grace, that he would call a publican to be his disciple and follower. It was a wonder of his grace, that the call was made so effectual. It was a wonder of his grace, that he came to call sinners to repentance, and to assure them of pardon. It was a wonder of his grace, that he so patiently bore the contradiction of sinners against himself and his disciples. It was a wonder of his grace, that he fixed the services of his disciples according to their strength and standing. The Lord trains up his people gradually for the trials allotted them; we should copy his example in dealing with the weak in faith, or the tempted believer.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Jesus_Said_Repent

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Every person on the face of this earth could benefit from a mourner’s bench of the heart. At any time, we can call upon God to forgive our sins – but we must first acknowledge that we are sinners who have a desire to change our ways, and therefore we must repent. But how can we know that we sin against God and others, even ourselves if the preaching is watered down, preached timidly, and filled with promises of riches in this life? If preaching hellfire and brimstone, and repentance of sins is so unpopular – then how can sinners be convicted of their sins so they can come to Christ and be saved?

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mourners one

Although repentance is for everyone, the remainder of this post will address domestic abusers, especially those who call themselves “Christians.”

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Prayer of a Suffering Penitent

Kind David lamented in Psalm 38 that suffering, and un-confessed sin was the cause of his “anxiety.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For I confess my iniquity; I am full of anxiety because of my sin.”

“For I will declare mine iniquity – That is, he was not disposed to hide his sin. He would make no concealment of the fact that he regarded himself as a sinner. He admitted this to be true, and he admitted that his sin was the cause of all his troubles. It was the fact that he was a sinner that so painfully affected his mind; and he was not disposed to attempt to conceal it from anyone.”  Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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“I will be sorry for my sin – I will not deny it; I will not apologize for it. I admit the truth of what my conscience charges on me; I admit the correctness and the propriety of the divine judgment by which I have been afflicted on account of my sin; I desire to repent of all my transgressions, and to turn from them.”

“For I will declare mine iniquity,…. Either to men, to ease his mind, justify God in his proceedings with him, and for their caution and admonition: or rather to God, against whom he had sinned, and who only could pardon him; with a view to which he was determined to make a free and open confession of it before him:”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

mourner four

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“David’s troubles were the chastisement and the consequence of his transgressions, whilst Christ suffered for our sins and ours only. What right can a sinner have to yield to impatience or anger, when mercifully corrected for his sins? David was very sensible of the present workings of corruption in him.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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1 Corinthians 11:32 “When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.”

David’s penitent prayer did not include a “mourner’s bench” – but his soul mourned over his sins. Deep inside, his soul acknowledged he was a sinner, had sinned, confessed it, and repented.

2 Corinthians 7:10  “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

David’s heart was contrite and his prayer of repentance was honored by God.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

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“The good work wrought in every true penitent, is a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, and sorrow for sin. It is a heart that is tender, and pliable to God’s word. Oh that there were such a heart in every one of us! God is graciously pleased to accept this; it is instead of all burnt-offering and sacrifice. The broken heart is acceptable to God only through Jesus Christ; there is no true repentance without faith in him. Men despise that which is broken, but God will not.”   Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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praying prostrate1

You cannot be a Christian and an abuser as well.The words “Christian” and “abuser” are not synonymous. They do not belong together, and there is no such thing. There are “Christians” and there are those who abuse while claiming to serve Jesus Christ. If you are an abuser, you are not a true Christian.

Domestic violence and abuse amount to sin, and un-confessed sin separates us from God’s grace and hinders prayers:

Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;

Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him.”

Proverbs 15:29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Isaiah 1:15 – “When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood;”

the clay

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Those of you who are married:

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7

Christians are not exempt from wrong-doing and committing evil even as the world does. Unfortunately, Christians have a tendency to see the world as “us” and “them,” “saints” and “sinner,” – however, believers can fall as well. We judge the sins of non-believers as if we never sinned ourselves:

“Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:11

womanPraying

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“You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, be on your guard so that you are not carried away by the error of unprincipled men and fall from your own steadfastness,” New American Standard Bible (©1995)

1 Corinthians 10:12 “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”

2 Peter 1:10 “Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall…”

Abusers in the body of Christ do not love God, and they are not of God.  In fact, their whole idea of “love” is distorted and worldly. Love should not abuse. Love should not hurt.

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Preaching repentance from the pulpit may not be popular or draw crowds, but there is no other way to forgiveness. One may confess to accept Jesus Christ, but without true repentance and a heart change, the confession is mere words – worthless.

Abusers in the body of Christ are yet “carnal” and have “a form of godliness.”

Having a form of godliness – will apply well to those who have all their religion in their creed, confession of faith, catechism, bodies of divinity, etc., while destitute of the life of God in their souls; and are not only destitute of this life, but deny that such life or power is here to be experienced or known. They have religion in their creed, but none in their hearts. Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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Fear of God pic

“When men do not fear God, they will not regard man. When children are disobedient to their parents, that makes the times perilous. Men are unholy and without the fear of God, because unthankful for the mercies of God. We abuse God’s gifts, if we make them the food and fuel of our lusts. Times are perilous also, when parents are without natural affection to children. And when men have no rule over their own spirits, but despise that which is good and to be honoured. God is to be loved above all; but a carnal mind, full of enmity against him, prefers any thing before him, especially carnal pleasure.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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But denying the power thereof – Opposing the real power of religion; not allowing it to exert any influence in their lives. It imposes no restraint on their passions and carnal propensities, but in all respects, except in the form of religion, they live as if they had None. This has been common in the world. From such turn away – Have no contact with them as if they were Christians; show no countenance to their religion; do not associate with them; compare 2 John 1:10-11; see the notes at 2 Corinthians 6:17.   Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES.”

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Family-Praying1

“There is no fear of God – Psalm 36:1. The word “fear” here denotes “reverence, awe, veneration.” There is no such regard or reverence for the character, authority, and honor of God as to restrain them from crime. Their conduct shows that they are not withheld from the commission of iniquity by any regard to the fear or favor of God. The only thing that will be effectual in restraining people from sin, will be a regard to the honor and Law of God.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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Many people ask, “When will domestic violence end?” The only way this evil will end is those who abuse must first hear the pure undiluted Word of God. The power is not in the preaching per se, but in the Word itself:

“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

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“The idea here is, that what “God had said” is suited to detect hypocrisy and to lay open the true nature of the feelings of the soul, so that there can be no escape for the guilty. His “truth” is adapted to bring out the real feelings, and to show man exactly what he is. Truth always has this power – whether preached, or read, or communicated by conversation, or impressed upon the memory and conscience by the Holy Spirit. There can be no escape from the penetrating, searching application of the Word of God. That truth has power to show what man is, and is like a penetrating sword that lays open the whole man; compare Isaiah 49:2. The phrase “the Word of God” here may be applied, therefore, to the “truth” of God, however made known to the mind. In some way it will bring out the real feelings, and show what man is.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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“When I say to a wicked man, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.” Ezekiel 3:18

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“Repent” is not a dirty word – it holds the key to spiritual regeneration, and leads the lost and erring to the One who saves. It opens the door of stony hearts to receive guidance from God’s loving kindness and long suffering for our sakes. Feel good sermons won’t change hearts, nor will prosperity preaching – teaching disciples to place their trust in riches. Repentance cleanses the soul and gives us another chance to be in right standing with God.

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If you are an abuser who claims to know God, you are lying to yourself. You who are in the pulpit and abusing your loved ones are worst off, and you will be subject to a higher scrutiny in the Judgment. There should be no shame in confessing your faults to save your souls. If not, why bother getting up on Sunday morning and walking through the church house doors? What is the point? God is not listening to you.

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Except-Ye-Repent

Lastly, King David acknowledged that his sins and his sins alone were the cause of his misery. Abusers blame their loved ones when things go wrong in their lives, but David says:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For I confess my iniquity; I am full of anxiety because of my sin.”

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Abusers possess an uneasy spirit – a fretfulness that does not allow them to be at peace with themselves. In public, they put on a front that all is well until they reach home. When those who could witness their false sense of self are not present, they unleash their unjust fury upon those who they claim to love.

Abusers why not put pride aside and do as David did before it is too late? Domestic violence and abuse is wrong, sinful, and you alone are to blame for the turmoil within your household. You may lead the beautiful songs on Sunday morning, preach earth shaking sermons, and serve within your congregation seven days a week – but your un-repentant sins will soon find you out.

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“For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light.”  Mark 4:22

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.”

3 John 1:11 “Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.”

Proverbs 14:16 “A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'”

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.”

What is “lawlessness” and “iniquity?” – SIN!

What is domestic violence? – SIN!

What is abuse? – SIN!

Set the captives free

REPENT!

 “Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.” Proverbs 28:14

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.” Matthew 7:13

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How to Recognize True (and false) Contrition — by Dr. George Simon, Jr.

“A person’s character deficiencies inevitably spawn a host of irresponsible behavior patterns – bad habits that can become easily ingrained and, once rooted, extremely hard to break.  Often, these dysfunctional patterns involve forms of mental, emotional, and even physical abuse within relationships.  And while many of the character-impaired individuals I’ve worked with experienced periods of profound unhappiness and even a degree of regret over their actions, only a handful made truly significant changes in their once destructive behaviors.”

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“Kevin says faith has also helped him, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. “What oftentimes happens is that people will think because they’re at a church or a synagogue or a mosque or whatever their particular faith is that they’re okay. No. Are you really dealing with where this emotional hurt came from?” he says. “Mental development has to happen, emotional development.”

“Kevin says healing doesn’t only happen when talking to a therapist or pastor. It also happens through support groups or advocacy organizations. “Part of this is that we have got to make a commitment to becoming allies in speaking out against this,” he says. “Are you willing for the rest of your life to commit verbally, emotionally, spiritually to challenging any forms of violence toward women and girls?” he says. “That’s the kind of work we need to get to.”

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Why Men Abuse Women

“Tony says it felt like he “blacked out” during the abuse. “You don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “I completely own up to [what I did], but in that rage, it’s like your brain wires, they aren’t clicking.”

“He says being in an abusive relationship is like being in a drug addiction. “It becomes like your bond in the sense that the woman is like cocaine inside of that relationship. That’s the only connection you have, because there’s no real love,” he says. “In order to overcome it, it’s almost like you have to separate, go to rehab, move out of the dope house and never come back.”

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Domestic Violence and Claims of Change: Is It Possible?

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Danger of Rationalizing Sin

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How to tell if he’s changing

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How to tell if he’s not changing

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DOMESTIC ABUSE – DOES IT EVER STOP?

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