Tag Archives: verbal abuse


The Crown of Thorns by Matthias Stom.

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By Terry Loving

I am writing a booklet to give away concerning Verbal Abuse. It is entitled, “Verbal Abuse Is Meant To Wound!”

As I was writing today, the thought came to me to share a small portion of the booklet with you ahead of time. Please feel free to comment, and most of all, please think about the questions that are asked at the end.


Jesus gave His back to those who would strike Him; His cheeks to those who plucked out His beard, and He did not cover His face from humiliation and spitting, (Isaiah 50:6). In all, He took up our infirmities (Matthew 8:7); He carried our sorrows; was pierced for our transgressions; Punishment that brought us peace was upon Him; By His wounds, we are healed, (Isaiah 53:4-5). “He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right…” (1 Peter 2:24)

Countless Christian’s believe that violence and abuse in their homes is identifying with the sufferings of Christ. Abused women – and men – have been brainwashed to accept abuse as their duty as followers of Jesus. Please note that Jesus suffered unto death not for any sins of His own, but for our sins, past, present and future.

Now think about this for a moment – Jesus suffered, bled, and died for sinful mankind – who are you suffering, bleeding and dying for? With each slap, punch, driven nail, Jesus was fulfilling prophecy – the Redeemer of our souls. (Isaiah 59:20)

Whose soul will be redeemed by your death when your abuser kills you? Was it prophesied that YOU should die for the sins of the world? Is your blood a “redeeming blood?” Will enduring verbal abuse bring your soul closer to heaven? Or shall depression, pain, shame and the like be your reward?”

Please be patient, the rest is coming very soon.

May you keep your hand in God’s Hand – and never let go!

God is NOT the author of your confusion.

1 Corinthians 14:33

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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
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Posted by on October 12, 2010 in Home


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Communication And Domestic Violence


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The more I read the comments on Message Boards, the more I understand that Americans lack vital communication skills. This could probably be said of any country today, but I am an American, a member of the richest country on earth – and I am starting with home first.

There is a distinct pattern of communication displayed by lay commentators that I have noticed. Or should I say – the lack of communication. First, hardly anyone sticks to the main topic, or speak their minds on the news article – only. The comments become debates, and often times they border on the ugly side, and become very personal. Granted, there are some news items that may stir up your emotions, good, bad, or indifferent. However, what does an article about the struggles of a charity and its overpaid CEO has to do with slavery, discrimination or the KKK?


One commentator bashed parents whose children attend this organization, portraying them as “lazy,” and if they did their jobs as parents, well – there would be no need for this article. For, there would be no need for “Community Boys and Girls clubs.” Others stated that this type of greed is exactly why they don’t contribute to charities – period! And that is what this article is about, greed! The greedy CEO’s of America should answer for their questionable salaries and expensive travel that may or may not have anything to do with the organization itself. Did these “lazy” parents have a say in the salaries of this CEO – or of any company? Did these “lazy” parents build this organization in the first place? Does the commentators know these “lazy” parents personally?


Now I understand more and more why our relationships  suffer so many breakdowns. Communication is paramount, and when people cannot focus on the issues at hand, the conversations go haywire. Here’s an example: A wife complains that her husband doesn’t spend much time with her. Her chief complaint is; she desires more one on one attention from her beloved. When he cannot reason a logical defense for his lack of attention to his spouse, his response may be off the wall: “Your mother is a B****!  She is always sticking her nose in our business! Or, “Why do those kids make so much blasted noise!”


The wife’s concerns have nothing to do with her mother or the kids. She simply requested more attention from her husband. And now, the conversation diverts from a simple request, to an all out assault. “You called my mother a B****! “They are just kids, what do they have to do with this?” The request for attention and intimacy is lost, and has taken on a whole new dimension. Do you see where I am going with this?

While God’s creation struggles to live in peace with one another, there is a very real adversary that instigates, and causes confusion amongst people:

“The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Then Satan answered the LORD and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” (Job 2:2)

The adversary’s mission is what?

Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” And how should we who understand spiritual matters respond? We should “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert,” (1 Peter 5:8).


In other words, the devil knows what buttons to push, for he has studied us individually since the day we were born. He knows when we slip into a mindset of weakness, and loosely monitor our sobriety. In this sense, I am not speaking of being “sober” concerning the consuming of alcoholic beverages. I am referring to the soberness of mind here. The American Heritage Dictionary describes “sober” as being, “habitually temperate,” “quiet,” “showing self-control,” “sane,” “rational: a sober solution to the problem.” 1

Noah Webster Dictionary defines “sober “as, “Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary, or heated with passion; exercising cool, dispassionate reason; self-controlled; self-possessed.” 2


The lack of “sober” communication is the fuel of domestic violence. It is not the job loss, stress factors, disappointments and the like in life that strain relationships. It is the inability to view these life occurrences from a “sober” frame of mind that is only available to those who seek, and are trained by the Wisdom of God.  By this I mean, those who strive to live by Biblical principles, not from a legalistic standpoint, but of love and a sound mind.

Here is the main point of this post, while Satan sows his seeds of confusion amongst mankind, evil deeds slip by unnoticed – until they touch the lives of the unsuspecting. Isn’t that exactly what is happening in our country today? The sin of greed didn’t bring our country down over night. It has been happening all along, and we as Americans have allowed the devil to shift our focus on the wrong things – backbiting and bickering – all manner of ungodliness.


Don’t you think it strange that we will tear one another down, but we won’t ban together and protest – the greed that has our country in bad shape? Ordinary American citizens are like sheep heading for the slaughter. And as long as the devil can keep the nonsense going, the more he can slip into our lives and wreak havoc. What our world is presently experiencing is more spiritual in nature than we realize – or care to acknowledge.

Whether you accept this or not, Jesus is coming back! And when He does, do you really want Him to find you still bickering about things you cannot do anything about? Will He find you still controlling your household through fear, intimidation and violence? Will He still hear the verbal abuse spewing out of your unholy mouth? Or will He find you feeding His sheep – winning souls for the Kingdom – working out your own soul salvation?

Satan is building up his arsenal of warriors – although he loses the war in the end. In light of this, I leave you with this question, “Whose side are you on?”


Key point – effective and ineffective communication touches all our relationships: children/parents – employer/employee – husbands/wives, etc. – (The article, if you care to read it).


“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18


1 “sober.” The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 12 Mar. 2010. <>.

“… 1 Peter 4:7 – “But the end of all things is drawn nigh: be sober therefore, and be
watchful unto prayers; (DBY). 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober and self-controlled. …” – 11k2 sober….


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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.


Posted by on March 12, 2010 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE


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Many of the topics posted on blogs, news, and entertainment sites are of great interest to readers; otherwise people would not bother to comment at all. Once in a while I may post my opinion, but mostly I would read what others have to say. There is one common denominator that I have noticed no matter what the topic, or the site, people tend to disagree – horribly. Instead of agreeing to disagree, many posters attack one another, and end up saying some very hurtful things.

I believe the Holy Spirit is guiding me today concerning communication – it is an art. My understanding of communication is – someone talks, someone listens, and they both try to understand where the other is coming from. Simple right? It should seem so, however, I truly believe many wars have started in our homes because we haven’t learned the dynamics of communication. There are many non-verbal forms of communication, however, I am referring to verbal communication in this post.

When people are discussing topics such as domestic violence, the conversation can and does often become very heated. Even a non-threatening topic on relationships can produce verbal attacks that are not warranted. For instance, I was reading a blog about “Why Women Financially Support Men.” Many reasons and excuses were offered, and the subject matter was very engaging until the verbal attacks started. Women were accusing men of being lazy, and men were accusing women of being non-supportive – and guilty of financially depending on men as well. The well -thought-out responses provided the most valuable insights on this topic, and diffused the more intense reactions.

When I think about domestic violence, I am convinced that a lack of affective communication is one of the problems that fuel abuse in the home. We can certainly see its adverse affects within our society, so why not the home? Why can’t a wife express an opinion without her husband attacking her personally, instead of responding to the issue at hand? And why isn’t this same courtesy extended to the husband? Many of the online posts go from intelligent dialogue, to downright cutting, biting remarks and name-calling. I often wonder why the moderators allow such hateful conversations to go on and on. Of course, there are some sites where comments are not monitored, but many are.

This post isn’t about online posts per se. I am shedding light on an old problem, the refusal to master communication – when it is so simple. You talk – I listen, and we both try to understand. Simple. Unfortunately, men and women do not understand where the other is coming from. Thus, conflict arises – people get hurt – physically abused and verbally cut to the core.

So what is part of the solution? And I say, “Part,” for many other factors cause disharmonies as well.  Before effective communication can bring about positive accord, we must rid ourselves of selfishness. When the conversation is “Me” centered, the recipient will most likely tune out, and lose interest in what the speaker desires. Every human is selfish to some degree, and we learn to demand from the cradle. Mom just fell asleep, too bad! “Waaaah, wake up and change me!” When humanity becomes more  “other” centered, and less “me” focused perhaps we will begin to experience true love as God meant it to be.

James 1:19 – (NAS)

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

Proverbs 10:19 – (NAS)

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Proverbs 17:27 – (NAS)

“He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

Proverbs 15:4

“A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit.”

“A man may show himself to be a wise man, by the good temper of his mind, and by the good government of his tongue. He is careful when he does speak, to speak to the purpose. God knows his heart, and the folly that is bound there; therefore he cannot be deceived in his judgment as men may be.”

NOTE: Scripture references include women as well-all mankind.

Final thought: Say what you mean, and mean what you say!

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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
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Posted by on October 22, 2009 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE


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“Trying to hide your thunder thighs and balloon belly is no day at the beach,” says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. “PETA has a free ‘Vegetarian Starter Kit’ for people who want to lose pounds while eating as much as they like.”

I can see it now, an already suffering-abused woman being shown this ad, and subjected to more humiliation. There are countless women being told, “No one wants you because you are fat!” One woman I know personally- was told, “No one wants your fat @#&* but me!” Can you imagine the triggers; this tasteless advertisement has brought to light for many people in general? There is a story about a woman named “Victoria” in the link to this post. She decided against a day at the beach with her family after seeing this billboard.  Victoria is overweight. She was hurt and humiliated by the ad, and wrote a letter to PETA.


Even the comment from PETA’s Vice President, Tracy Reiman was offensive – “Trying to hide your thunder thighs and balloon belly is no day at the beach…”

Granted, obesity is a major health issue in America. Being overweight causes early deaths, and numerous health concerns such as heart attacks and diabetes. However, one size does not fit all, and you can’t help someone by insulting them. And there are no guarantees that becoming a vegetarian is a cure for obesity. I worked with a co-worker that claimed to be a vegetarian. Well guess what? She is visibly overweight.  She claimed not to be a meat eater, but she consumed a lot of pasta, bread, and the fattening carbohydrates that eventually turned into sugar. Oh, and the sweets, well she didn’t skimp on those either. So where is the proof that being a vegetarian is much healthier?


I am sure PETA could have found another way to promote their point. I too find this ad offensive. And what about the people who have been injured and cannot work out? You can try not to eat the bad stuff, but it happens.

Calling people names, and describing issues they struggle with offensively doesn’t help. Children with weight problems suffer at school, on the playground, or where ever skinny kids may be. I love my country, but I despise the attitudes and foul treatment we exhibit towards one another. Advertisers and the media have many people killing themselves for they don’t measure up to worldly standards-at least not within their own minds.


I can also imagine, that many overweight-abused women believe the lies they have been told. We live in a world full of lies and deception. Satan, the “Father of lies” knows just what buttons to push to keep people off-balanced. I am sure this billboard was by design, satanic design that is. He is a master of thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. And this ad in my opinion, was fueled by our Adversary:

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

“By his business: He walks about, seeking whom he may devour; his whole design is to devour and destroy souls. To this end he is unwearied and restless in his malicious endeavours;  for he always, night and day, goes about studying and contriving whom he may ensnare to their eternal ruin.” 1


My final thoughts on the matter- don’t allow this garbage to seep into your souls. Come Judgment Day, Jesus will not be interested in your clothing size. Keep your hearts right with God, for this is all that will matter in the end. Here is something to ponder:

“Finally, brethren (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

“Save the Whales. Lose the Blubber: Go Vegetarian. PETA.”

And you represent “Ethical Treatment of Animals PETA?”

Really! I am surprised you could spell “Ethical!”

PETA, you are being used by the devil!


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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
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Posted by on August 19, 2009 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE


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