Tag Archives: domestic violence survivor


Book Review

From the moment I started reading this book, I could not put it down. I read it entirely, cover to cover in one sitting. When I finished, all I could say was, “Wow!” It captured my senses as though I was living that nightmare with Ivette. I felt every pain, hit, punch, kick, frustration, and incidence of betrayal – especially from her mother.  I cried when her little one died, and hurt for her daughter Victoria as though I was witnessing my own mother’s abuse through her eyes. God is truly with Ivette, and saved her for “such a time as this” – to speak out against domestic violence and abuse.

If you are raising a teenage daughter – or son – counseling teens about abuse, or a teen hiding the abuse from your family and friends, this book is for you. Ivette’s true story is powerful, engaging, and needful for those who do not truly understand the dynamics of domestic violence – it is often complicated. After reading this book, never again will you ask, “Why doesn’t she leave?”


Ivette Attaud, a Harlem, New York native and former Fort Bragg army wife, has been a survivor of domestic violence and abuse for over twenty years. Having survived an abusive dating relationship and marriage to a Staff Sergeant in the Army, she managed to break the chains of her abuser. After years of extreme violence, abuse, a suicide attempt, a violent physical assault while pregnant with twins that resulted in the death of one of her daughters and a broken shoulder, Ivette left with her two surviving daughters and returned to New York.


 It is rare that I will read a book in one day. I read Ivette’s book in a matter of hours. Even when I stopped to fix dinner, I had to bring it to the dinner table and read more of her life’s journey of violence and abuse. Not often will a book, besides the Bible – engage my mind so that I lose track of time. The experience was like watching a nail biting movie – I was rooting for the main character, Ivette – while wishing the antagonist, her husband, Victor – would fall off the face of the earth. Not that I wish bad things to happen to people – I just wanted him to go away and leave her alone – he made her life a miserable hell.


 If I were raising a young teen today, male or female – especially female – we would read this book together and discuss it. It isn’t enough to educate your teenage daughters. This book will prove that parents need to reach their young sons as well before they start dating. Unfortunately, both Victor and Ivette had mothers who condoned his negative and abusive behavior, which led him to believe that he was right in his wrong-doing.

For those of you who are in abusive relationships, you will benefit from Ivette’s experience as well. Allow her pain to be the catalyst the will strengthen you to find a way out of your abusive relationship.

There is no catch to this review. I don’t have an affiliate link, nor shall I gain monetarily in any way by promoting MY LIFE, MY SOUL. It was powerful enough to touch my soul, and it is my hope, that you will allow this magnificent experience move you to help set the captive free.


Ivette Attaud Book Trailer

To download a free preview of the book:





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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.


Posted by on May 24, 2011 in SURVIVING DOMESTIC ABUSE


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By Terry Loving

“Silence is golden, as her father used to say when she used to fly into tempers and wanted to say nasty things to everybody within range.” [1923 A. Huxley Antic Hay xx.] 1

Oh, don’t it hurt deep inside
To see someone do something’ to her?
Oh, don’t it pain to see someone cry?
Oh especially when someone is her

Silence is golden
But my eyes’ still see
Silence is golden, golden
But my eyes still see

A talkin’ is cheap, people follow like sheep
Even though there is nowhere to go
How could she tell he deceived her so well
Pity she’ll be the last one to know

Silence is golden
But my eyes’ still see
Silence is golden, golden
But my eyes still see

How many times did she fall for his line?
Should I tell her or should I keep cool?
And if I tried I know she’ll say I lied
Mind your business, don’t hurt her, you fool

Silence is golden
But my eyes’ still see
Silence is golden, golden
But my eyes still see

But my eyes still see 2

There is an old adage – saying, proverb, motto – that “Silence is golden.” It basically means that there are times in which silence has its merit, and should be exercised wisely. Ecclesiastes 3:7 states there is, “A time to be silent and a time to speak.” Where domestic violence is concerned, silence IS NOT golden. The abused – the church – society – and our own families have been silent much too long. It is time to SPEAK!





“It starts with screams and must never end in silence.”

“I experienced real fear – the type where you shake from head to foot for fear of dying, being disfigured for life or being disabled. And yet we had separated and I had reported him to the police. If he isn’t supervised, I wonder what offenses he will commit next and who his next victim will be. These keys symbolise the flat where I can sleep safely now and have been able to start a new life.”

“He left me for dead like a piece of rubbish. I want him to be punished. Not prosecuting them only encourages them to carry on. Despite everything, I loved my husband and that made me suffer.”

“Today I am waiting for the trial so that he can be judged and imprisoned. He says he is sorry and wants me to come back. There is no way that is going to happen.”

“I need to feel safe from predators. Sometimes I feel scared… lost… so tired and weary. But I know I need a new love, kindness, affection, sharing, being happy again.”

“After the divorce and after he had been sentenced for violence and death threats, I turned the page and put it all behind me. I have been able to rebuild a trusting relationship with a man I had known for a long time – he was the one for me. There is always hope. There is a life after this hell.”

“For six years, day after day, he would hit me. He split my head open, broke my nose, burnt my arm with a cigarette. I ran away to Spain with only my daughter under my arm and my papers.”

“Today I drift from shelter to shelter while he sits comfortably at home.”

“I decided to take my life into my own hands and with the help of doctors, social workers, lawyers and the shelter for women, where I was in very good company, I regained my self-confidence. Now I express my feelings through my painting.”

“Even in desperate situations, the child’s interests must be safeguarded. It is important to guarantee the right of the child to a normal school-life.”

“We got married because we were in love. Some time later, he started locking me in the house and hitting me. He raped me and forced me to have sexual relations which I did not agree to.”








Performed by: The Tremeloes
Written by: B Crewe; B Gaudio

Credits: Crewe, B (Songwriter); Gaudio, B (Songwriter); SONGS OF WINDSWEPT PACIFIC (Publisher)


“Domestic violence cases are a priority for prosecutors because they know where abuse can lead…”

“It’s not domestic violence prosecution, it’s homicide prevention…”


The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.



No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

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Posted by on February 28, 2011 in SILENCING THE ABUSED


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The first words I heard my eldest grand-daughter speak were, “Stink-stink all gone!” I had just changed her pamper, and she repeated what I had said to her. Needless to say, I marveled at those cute words coming from her precious lips.

While cleaning my house one day, I thought about those words and how they may relate to the pain of life that we often experience. When we are going through heavy trials and tribulations, it doesn’t feel good, and we want them all gone – get to the other side – and feel good again. We want the  “Stink-stink all gone” – NOW! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could wrap the stink of our lives in a soiled pamper and discard it forever? It would be nice to put our stinky troubles behind us that easily – but would we really learn anything from our mistakes?


The stink of violence, abuse, molestation, murder, and many other social ills plague our minds and hearts daily; causing many to despair of life itself. A woman enduring domestic violence and abuse lives with the stink of dominance and control – day after day. If she is fortunate to survive and free herself from the violence, the painful stink will be a part of her life forever.

Since we cannot run away from our memories, and the triggers that remind us of the stink we desire to forget, how do we move on? How do the abused get on with life, and put the abuse behind them? Is it easy to feel good about yourself ever again – if you ever did in the first place? Is it possible for children who witnessed domestic violence to live “normal” lives? By the way, what exactly is “normal?”


As a survivor of domestic violence, spiritual abuse, economic injustice and growing up with violent drunks, I can honestly admit, the road to recovery isn’t an easy one. By the Grace of God, each day I strive to learn more about myself and my feelings, and try to put the stink behind me. I have also concluded that the stink of child molestation will never leave me, however, I believe that God can transform the “stink-stink” of my past, and trade me beauty for ashes:

“He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.” (Isaiah 61:2 – New Living Translation)

”To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:1 – King James Version)

And what is the key? “Blessed is the man [or woman] who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.” (Jeremiah 17:7 – New American Standard Bible)


The only way to the other side of the stink is by trusting God. But know this; you can’t trust the God of heaven if you don’t know anything about Him. By reading His Word – the Holy Bible, this is where we learn His true heart; and His desire for an intimate relationship with each and every one of us. Start with the Psalms, and see how King David learned to lean on and trust Almighty God:

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” (Psalm 91:2 – KJV)

It took me a while to learn to trust God. Growing up in my mother’s house, I could trust no one – not even the woman who gave birth to me – she betrayed me for alcohol. My trust in God led me to search online for a place where I could pour out my heart, and receive the healing that my heavenly Father was offering to me. Adult children of alcoholics, abused, neglected and betrayed adult children need a safe place to heal – a place where they can speak of the horrible things that happened to them without judgment. I have found such a place, ACOA.


In my safe place, I am allowed to wallow in the ashes of mourning for as long as I need to. The pain is very deep, and it won’t be overnight that it will heal. And yet, I can taste the “beauty” that is replacing the “ashes”. I can honestly say that I am experiencing God’s Divine favor; I leave my enemies to His care. By forgiving them, I open the door to my own forgiveness, and ability to move on. And let me just say this, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to continue to deal with those who hurt you. You can love from a distance. But we must ask forgiveness for any pain we may have caused as well.

It is God’s desire that we experience “the oil of joy.” We live in a fallen world, but even so, we can experience the joy of the Lord. I don’t believe this pertains to shouting, singing, dancing and jumping over church house pews. No, this joy is a joy that is deep within our souls – a joy that testifies with our spirits that “it is well” with our souls. This is a joy that reminds our souls that a better day is coming. And that we have so much to look forward to on the other side of life.


We can trade in “the spirit of heaviness,” knowing that “the garment of praise” testifies inwardly that we have come to know our Redeemer. It is through the blood of Christ that God plants “trees of righteousness” for His glory. Our inner healing may seem a long way off, but know that our heavenly Father is faithful.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4 – New American Standard Version)

Whatever the source of our “stink-stink,” God is in control. He isn’t the cause of the violence and abuse, or other sufferings, however, He can heal our wounds and set our feet on higher ground. We can’t change the hearts or actions of other people; we can only change our own course in life. And what better Guide down the dark avenues of this world than our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Why not give Him your stink today, and allow Him to make something beautiful of your life? All things are possible, but you must believe!

God bless you.

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

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Posted by on July 31, 2010 in Uncategorized


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