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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE-When She Hits Him First

By Terry Loving

The recent murder of Bobby Tilman shed light on a subject – in my mind – that is often overlooked – females striking males. Tilman attended a house party where a “fight broke out between two females and two males…one of the females hit a male.”1 If the male who was “slapped” had not allowed his inner rage to kill a man, his perceived self-control may have been commendable. If he pats himself on the back and says, “At least I didn’t hit a woman,” his self-praise is worthless.

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I have personally known women who struck the first blow, sometimes involving knives, bricks, and anything that was close by. Some of the women were just as tough as their men, and fought like men who bled, and lived to fight another day. These women would bleed from busted lips, cuts on their faces and body, but they stayed in these destructive relationships until death took one or the other – due to ill-health or violence. One woman was told by her doctor, “You should have left a long time ago.”

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The news articles that I have read didn’t mention why the female at the party slapped the male. Perhaps the public will be enlightened as the trial of the four accused murderers commences. At this point it can only be assumed that something was said to offend the female, or her body was touched purposely – or accidentally in a manner that displeased her. We will have to wait and see.

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(DID SHE REALLY THINK SHE COULD BEAT THIS MAN? And who are they representing – certainly not God!)

AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!!!

In either case, women have been slapping men for centuries. Usually when a male is slapped, he offended the female in such a way that she felt her honor was attacked. One thing for sure in the case of Bobby Tilman’s murder is this – the slap triggered anger – the anger needed an outlet – and “…the next man that walked by…” was the scapegoat.

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It is my hope that we all learn a valuable lesson concerning what happened in Douglasville – violence solves nothing. When a female hits first, she is contributing to the violence in our society as much as the male who hits her back. And what are we teaching our children? When daddy says something wrong, “slap him?” When mommy makes a mistake – “beat her?” When you go to a party, take a gun – “just in case?” If someone looks at you wrong, “kill them?”

“The LORD tests the righteous and the wicked, And the one who loves violence His soul hates.”   (Psalm 11:5- NASB)

1 THE SENSELESS MURDER OF BOBBY TILMAN

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WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T SPEAK OUT

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10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife is an Emotional Bully

by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

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ABUSIVE WOMEN

(Click link for more)

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Getting Past Justifying Abuse

HEART 2 HEART – SUPPORT NETWORK AND SELF-HELP DATABASE FOR MEN

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

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VIOLENCE BEGETS VIOLENCE

Amber Portwood with boyfriend Gary Shirley

“‘TEEN MOM’ star charged with domestic violence felonies.”

“According to police documents, on August 14, 2009, Portwood shoved Shirley against a wall, slapped him on the face and choked him,” Carroll said. “The incident was witnessed by the couple’s 1-year-old child who sat in a child seat on a nearby bed.”


http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/11/18/teen.mom.charged/index.html?hpt=T2

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TEEN MOM COULD LOSE HER DAUGHTER

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Working with Violent Women

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“THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”

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Mom slaps referee during daughter’s soccer game in Forsyth County

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Forgetting birthday gift gets man slapped and woman put in jail

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Controversial app lets you beat up your boyfriend

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boyfriend-trainer-top630

THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES NO MATTER WHO DOES THE HITTING.

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

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Posted by on November 17, 2010 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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BLACK ON BLACK VIOLENCE-WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?

By Terry Loving

“Mother, mother

There’s too many of you crying.”

“Brother, brother, brother, there’s far too many of you dying.

“You know we’ve got to find a way to bring some lovin’ here today, yeah!”

“Father, father we don’t need to escalate

You see, war is not the answer, for only love can conquer hate

You know we’ve got to find a way to bring some lovin’ here today.” 1

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Can we? Can we “find a way to bring some lovin” within the Black community? Can we really put aside our differences, and embrace a common goal, lifting one another up? Can the light-skinned make peace with the dark-skinned – and the male with the female? Can we set aside our selfish desires to pay more attention to our children? Can we lay down our weapons and talk, just listen to one another – really listen?

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Can we stop blaming slavery, the White man, the economy and anything else we choose to use as an excuse to hate and kill one another? Can we stop killing our young men over a glance? Over “territory” we don’t really own? Can we teach our boys to be men?  Can we stop fathering kids we don’t intend to love? Can we stop using our women and young girls as tools of the flesh? Disrespecting the elderly?

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Can we stop domestic violence in our homes? Can we stop raping and abusing our own flesh and blood? Can we rid ourselves of anger and rage – unfounded and misdirected? Can we turn back to our true source of hope – God? Can we find it within ourselves to repent and change our ways?

YES WE CAN!

Change the way you think and act!”

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…Through the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. There is no other hope for mankind.

“For I have no pleasure in: the death of anyone who dies,” declares the Lord GOD. “Therefore, repent and live.” (Ezekiel 18:32 – NASB)

“I don’t want anyone to die,” declares the Almighty LORD. “Change the way you think and act!”” (NIV)

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“The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”  (2 Peter 3:9- NASB)”

“For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay.” (Hebrews 10:37)

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“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)

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1http://www.bing.com/music/lyrics/detail?q=Marvin+Gaye+What%27s+Going+On&songID=55510A00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&lyricsID=T++3185497&albumID=53510A00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&FORM=DTPMUL

SIGN OF THE TIMES – “Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. (Matthew 24:12)

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2010 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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BOBBY TILMAN – A BRUTAL MURDER

By Terry Loving

My son, if sinners entice you,
Do not consent. If they say, “Come with us,
Let us lie in wait for blood, Let us ambush the innocent without cause; Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, Even whole, as those who go down to the pit…My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path, For their feet run to evil
And they hasten to shed blood.”

Proverbs Chapter One


Today, 11/13/10 – a grieving mother buried her only son – her “best friend.” Although his mother vowed that her son’s death would not be “in vain,” Bobby Tilman’s death was senseless, avoidable, and too common among African-American youth. He was ruthlessly murdered by four young males who premeditated his demise – beating, punching, and stomping him to death. If not for the chest bone that pierced his heart, Bobby may have survived the unprovoked and vicious attack.

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First of all, these young men (if they can be called such), have no fear of Jehovah – they “despise wisdom and instruction.” We know that one of the murderers was determined to vent his anger on “the next male who came along,” – but what of the other three? Only one of the murderers was “slapped,” so how is it that the other three felt justified in taking part in the beating of an innocent man? Some may extend kudo’s to the guy that refused to hit a female, but instead, he beat the life out of someone who had nothing to do with the confrontation.

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The main aggressor was angry, embarrassed, and called himself proving that he was a “man.” I suppose he expects kudos for not retaliating against the female, who “slapped” him, but given his violent temper – it is only a matter of time. Unchecked rage sought an outlet, but I personally believe that it was more than that – JEALOUSY! The four accused didn’t have to know Bobby Tilman personally. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they carry themselves, their attire, and the company they keep. If you don’t think that jealousy exists among African-Americans, it is because you haven’t lived our lives.

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Here is an example. One of my uncle’s former girlfriends hated me without cause. She didn’t know me or anything about me, except that I was light-skinned, and she was dark skinned. I was fairly attractive, and had a nice body, long hair, and she, well – there was a noticeable difference. I wasn’t an alcoholic like she was, and I carried myself in a way that said, “I want to be somebody.”

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The visible scowl on her face made me uncomfortable whenever I visited my uncle. I always felt that I had to watch my back. Fortunately, in time Lucille got to know me, and she stopped hating me. I didn’t ask to be born, and certainly had no control over my looks, choice of parents, or anything about my life. I guess she finally realized and accepted that fact – no human being asked to be born.

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When I look at the pictures of the four accused of murdering Bobby, I see jealousy. Black people are like “crabs in a barrel” when jealousy and envy abound. Not all of us are that way. But those who are make life miserable for honest, hardworking, decent Blacks who try to live productive lives.

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I don’t know when or how or why we began hating one another, but we do.  I can only imagine that Bobby witnessed that same disapproving look that I experienced when the devil whispered, “Look at em’!” “Don’t you just hate those pretty boys?” “He thinks he is something – sick em’!” It didn’t take much for the brutal beating to begin.  Destructive seeds of envy were planted a long time ago, and the confrontation at the party was the watering that blossomed into violence – all it took was a glance in the wrong direction – hence, a fatality.

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“My son, walk not thou in the way with them; Refrain thy foot from their path: For their feet run to evil, And they make haste to shed blood.

For in vain is the net spread In the sight of any bird: And these lay wait for their own blood; They lurk privily for their own lives.”

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As Forrest Gump said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” How can you follow someone to commit such a horrible crime? Where is the justification? Where is the so-called right? What were they thinking while stomping this person to death? Sin caused the death of an innocent Bobby Tilman, and other sinners were enticed to “swallow” him up.

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And now that they have experienced incarceration, “Tracen Lamar Franklin, 19, Horace Damon Coleman, 19, and Emanuel Benjamin Boykins, 18, all admit to being at the party but deny stomping Tillman to death.” A fourth suspect, Quantez Damon Mallory declined to be interviewed.”1

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God didn’t take Bobby Tilman’s life – the devil and his followers murdered him. Jesus died a horrible death on the cross that so that we would have life abundantly, and salvation, (John 10:10). He is the Bridge between sinful humanity and a Holy God – The ONLY God! (John 14:16)

Satan took this young man’s life because he is a destroyer, a liar, and a murderer – since the beginning of time. (John 8:44)

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On the other hand, I believe God uses situations to bring about good and necessary changes. He works things together for good (Romans 8:28). He doesn’t cause heartache, and promise to make good on the pain. No, only the devil would think such a way. So please, stop saying that God took his life. He will see to it that Bobby didn’t die in vain, but He was not the author of the violence.

To those who witnessed this horrible crime and did nothing to stop it – SHAME ON YOU!

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To the NAACP – your organization claims to “fight for social justice for all Americans.” Wasn’t Bobby Tilman an “American?” He deserves “social justice” – does he not? If you need to do something about this situation, then fight to preserve the lives and welfare of our youth.

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To the Prosecutors – PROSECUTE to the fullest extent of the law!

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To the Tilman family – I feel your pain. My brother was murdered at the age of 27. Several friends were murdered in their 20’s as well. A sweet 5-year old that I knew was raped and beaten to death. A mother and her son were shot to death due to domestic violence. I loved them all. Justice will prevail!

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To the churches in the Bible Belt – what good are you? What good is prosperity in a society bent on destruction? You can do more to change the world, but you don’t care. People are dying in record numbers – or haven’t you noticed? Oh, I forgot – you are too busy planning your pot luck dinners, and the next Bingo game. Shame on you too!

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To the parents of wayward children – RAISE YOUR KIDS! No one wins when they destroy the lives of others. For they are destroyed as well.

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To Bobby Tilman – no one can ever hurt you again. I don’t know you, but I feel kindred to you by the violence. I cried for you – but now, there is much work to be done in your honor.

R.I.P


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1 http://wsbradio.com/localnews/2010/11/vigil-honors-bobby-tillman-sus.html

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

“Black Thug wrote:
that punk deserves it Why did he come to a hood party?? He shoudnt be acting all white and stuff. Let tha be a leson to any Black acting White. Also the Hoes who date WM are goint to get it too. My hommies are wating to catch one and they both goin to get it. The other day we chase some lol”
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“Free our Brother Horace Damon Coleman”

“Yo bytches Lil’ Rey Rey here. Below is a photo of my main home boy Horace Damon Coleman who be in jail because the po po be out to get this brother unjustly. He may have kilt that Punk @ss Tillman kid but so what Tillman was acting white. All’s Horace and his posse be doing was “keeping it real” and “keeping the brand alive”.

Peace out Lil’ Rey Rey be gone for now. “

http://www.topix.com/forum/afam/TFML9UMDBCLJUI6OB

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NOTE: The above site is a really trashy site to quote from. However, it is vital to understand the mentality of our Black youth today. Really sad isn’t it?

UPDATE – 06/07/11:

TEEN TO PLEAD GUILTY IN THE DEATH OF BOBBY TILMAN

“The District Attorney has offered all of the defendants the same deal: plead guilty and the state will seek a sentence of life, without parole or plead not guilty and the state will seek the death penalty.”

We can call “life without parole,” and the “death penalty” JUSTICE – but truth is, to a grieving parent, there is no justice, for they will never see their loved one again – until eternity.

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UPDATE 06/09/11

“Douglas County DA to seek death penalty against three accused of murdering Bobby Tillman”

“There was only one taker to Douglas County District Attorney David McDade’s offered to abandon plans to seek the death penalty in the stomping death of Bobby Tillman so the prosecutor will move ahead with his plans for a capital case against the three remaining defendants.”

UPDATE 7/14/11

“DOUGLASVILLE: DA to seek death penalty in beating death”

DOUGLASVILLE, Ga. — Douglas County’s District Attorney says he plans to seek the death penalty for four teens charged in the beating death of 18-year-old Bobby Tillman.

Emanuel Boykins planned to plead guilty in June but ended up not entering a plea, in light of what his attorney called “new developments”.

UPDATE 08/14/11

Emotions still raw in Tillman beating
Nearly a year after fatal attack, assailants may face same fate as victim.

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UPDATE 04/28/12

Teen sentenced to life in prison for role in Bobby Tillman’s fatal beating

“Four teenagers have been charged in the killing. One of those teens, Emmanuel Boykins, had previously said he was innocent. Tuesday afternoon Boykins changed his mind, pleaded guilty and told Rivarde he was sorry.”

“I lost my son, my whole world came to an end,” Rivarde said during a sentencing hearing for one of four teens accused in the beating death of her son, Bobby Tillman. “Bobby was a good, innocent 18-year-old boy, full of fun and love. It was stolen from him by cowards.”

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Trial begins for one of Bobby Tillman’s accused killers

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UPDATE 9/13/12

Tracen Franklin was found guilty of murdering 19-year-old Bobby Tillman on Wednesday

“I did throw a punch or two, maybe three,” he said. “Did I kick him? Yes, I did. Maybe once.”

One of the other four defendants has already pleaded guilty in order to escape the death penalty, and the other two are also not expected to face death.

Franklin could be the only one of the four executed for the murder.

Franklin admitted in a videotaped interview that he attacked Tillman. And the detective asked what Tillman had done to cause the attack.

“He didn’t do nothing,” Franklin said in the video that was played for the jury. “He didn’t have to do nothing. He was just there.”

http://www.ajc.com/news/news/franklin-guilty-of-murder-in-tillman-death/nR9Bd/

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Witness describes savage attack that killed Bobby Tillman

“I seen them him punch Bobby in the face,” Alexis Thompson testified. “That was the first thing I seen. Then I saw more of them coming and doing the same thing. They kept hitting him and punching him and kicking him, beating him. They was beating him like he’d just killed somebody’s mom or something.”

“The medical examiner said the beating was so severe, it tore a hole in Tillman’s heart.”

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Jury hears last message Bobby Tillman left for his mother

“Mom, I’m on my way to work. I couldn’t text you because I’m driving. I’m running a little late, but I will still be there on time. Just call back if you want to, but I’m about to go to work. OK? I love you, bye.”

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“My life is miserable and lonely without my son. A mother is not supposed to bury her child,” said Monique Rivarde, Tillman’s mother.

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09/28/12 UPDATE

Death penalty off the table for Bobby Tillman’s killer

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9/29/12 UPDATE

Tillman killer sentenced to life without parole

“Tracen Franklin is going to die in prison, and the mother and grandmother of the young man he murdered believe justice will be served.”

“Afterward, Rivarde said of the no-parole sentence, “It gave my son justice but I will always be in pain because my son was murdered.”

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Tracen Lamarr Franklin was born in prison and Douglas County Superior Court Judge William “Beau” McClain ruled that the convicted killer will also die there.

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10/01/2012 UPDATE

Juror in Bobby Tillman murder trial visits defendant in jail

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The defendants

Emanuel Boykins, 20 — pleaded guilty to murder, sentenced to life with parole possible after 30 years.

Tracen Franklin, 20 — convicted of murder, sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.

Quantez Devonta Mallory, 20 — charged with murder, case pending.

Horace Damon Coleman, 21 — charged with murder, case pending.

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Final 2 Men Convicted Today in Bobby Tillman Murder

Two men were found guilty for their parts in the random killing of 18-year-old Bobby Tillman after a Douglasville house party in November of 2010.

Horace Coleman

Horace Coleman

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Douglas County jury finds last 2 men guilty in Bobby Tillman case

Late Friday, a Douglas County jury found Horace Damon Coleman and Quantez Devonta Mallory guilty of malice murder for their part in the November 2010 death of the 18-year-old Tillman.

Douglas County District Attorney David McDade confirmed the verdict. He said the two are scheduled to be sentenced Feb. 4

Quantez Mallory

Quantez Devonta Mallory

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Last Two Defendants In Bobby Tillman Death Sentenced To Life

Horace Damon Coleman and Quantez Devonta Mallory will spend the rest of their lives in prison. Two other defendants, Tracen Franklin and Emanuel Boykins also received life sentences for their part in Tillman’s death. Boykins pleaded guilty last April to throwing the first punch that started the attack on Nov. 7, 2010 and he was sentenced to life in but may be released after he has served at least 30 years.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

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Bobby tillman's mother

“Tillman’s mother Monique Rivarde  said that the sentencing of the teens has provided some closure for her but will never take away the pain of losing her son whom she described as being her best friend.”

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City Council Passes Party Resolution

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2010 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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