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MOVIES ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

By Terry Loving

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power,

and the glory, for ever. Amen”. (Matthew 6:13)

hotlineOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Another foundation that shares the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – both causes are equally important.

The first awareness month was in Oct. 1987, which is the same year the national toll-free hotline began. The month was created out of the first Day of Unity observed in Oct. 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The Day of Unity grew into a week of activities to spread awareness of domestic violence.

This year (2014), I will be listing movies about abuse and domestic violence. Please be mindful that this is Hollywood, and many of the movies will be rated “R”. Even so, there are many truths that are spoken and displayed throughout many of the movies.

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SLING BLADE

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“25 Years after committing an unthinkable crime, a quiet man named Karl (Thornton) finally returns home. Once there, he’s befriended by a fatherless boy and his mother. But when his new-found peace is shattered by the mother’s abusive boyfriend, Karl is suddenly placed on a collision course with his past!”

This movie possibly answers many questions concerning abused women such as, “Why does she stay?” “Why won’t she leave?” Linda is a woman like many others who stay for the “good times.” Known as the “honeymoon stage,” this is a period of calm and false security in abusive relationships. On the other hand, Linda feels trapped by the threat of death if she leaves her boyfriend Doyle Hargraves. She convinces her traumatized son that it is best to “bide our time,” thus hoping for a day when it is safe to get away from Doyle. In addition, Linda is hoping that perhaps her abuser will tire of her and leave on his own. Unfortunately, that never happened as Doyle dug his heels in deeper by pledging to move in with Linda and her son and be the “head” of the household.

Linda’s son Frank Wheatley – “I ain’t never gonna be happy now!”

Karl Childers – “You will be happy.”

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THE UNSPOKEN TRUTH

The Unspoken Truth

 “Made for television, The Unspoken Truth is the factual story of Brianne Hawkins (Lea Thompson), who after enduring a lifetime of abuse at the hands of her family marries the even more abusive Clay Hawkins (James Marshall). Given to beating his wife at the slightest provocation, Clay finally goes completely over the edge when he shoots and kills a man who had the temerity to speak to Brianne without Clay’s permission. Thinking quickly for a change, Clay persuades Brianne to take the rap for the killing, whereupon she complicity (if not willingly) concocts an elaborate story as to how she shot the man accidentally. Not only do the authorities refuse to swallow this fabrication, but they end up sending both Clay and Brianne to prison for life! Only when the future of her daughter, Lily (Karis Paige Bryant), is jeopardized does the long-suffering Brianne finally work up the courage to fight for her freedom and her long-denied fundamental rights as a human being. A shocking mid-film revelation elevates this story from the usual battered-wife TV-movie syndrome. Filmed on location in Austin, TX, The Unspoken Truth originally aired September 24, 1995, on NBC. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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THE COLOR PURPLE

The Color Purple

“Based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Alice Walker, The Color Purple spans the years 1909 to 1949, relating the life of Celie (Whoopi Goldberg), a Southern black woman virtually sold into a life of servitude to her brutal husband, sharecropper Albert (Danny Glover). Celie pours out her innermost thoughts in letter form to her sister Nettie (Akousa Busia), but Albert has been hiding the letters Nettie writes back, allowing Celie to assume that Nettie is dead. Finally, Celie finds a champion in the don’t-take-no-guff Sofia (Oprah Winfrey), the wife of Glover’s son from a previous marriage. Alas, Sofia is “humbled” when she is beaten into submission by angry whites. Later, Celie is able to forge a strong friendship with Albert’s mistress Shug (Margaret Avery). Emboldened by this, Celie begins rifling through her husband’s belongings and finds Nettie’s letters. Able at last to stand up to her husband, Celie leaves him to search for a new life on her own. A major box-office hit, The Color Purple was nominated for eleven Oscars. The film was co-produced by Quincy Jones, who also wrote the score. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Whats Love Got To Do With It

“What’s Love Got to Do With It? is the filmed biography of R&B/pop singer Tina Turner (Angela Bassett), documenting her efforts to break away from her abusive husband Ike (Laurence Fishburne). After a few scenes detailing Tina’s life as a young singer in Nutbush, TN, she’s discovered by Ike Turner, an already established songwriter, guitarist, and record producer. Ike takes Tina under his wing and makes her a star, but her fame makes him jealous and abusive, and she has to struggle to break free of his domination. ~ Stephen Thomas Erlewine, Rovi”

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THE ABDUCTION

The Abduction

“While their marriage may have started off happily, Kate now finds that her police officer husband Paul has grown more unstable and abusive with each passing year. At long last, she leaves him and tries to start a new life for herself. Paul, however, has become obsessed with the thought of getting Kate back, and starts stalking her. Matters come to a head when he takes her hostage and threatens to kill her. Will she get out of this alive, or will it end in tragedy?”

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THE BURNING BED

The Burning Bed

“An abused battered wife has had enough of husband beating up on her. Everywhere she turns for help, there’s not much anyone will do. After he rapes her one night, she sets the bed on fire with him in it asleep.”

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TAKE MY EYES

Take my eyes

“Spanish actress/author/filmmaker Icíar Bollaín writes and directs the family drama Te Doy Mis Ojos (Take My Eyes), co-written by Alicia Luna. Pilar (Laia Marull) leaves her abusive husband, Antonio (Luis Tosar), during the middle of winter in Toledo, Spain. She and her son, Juan (Nicolás Fernández Luna), go to live with her sister Ana (Candela Peña). While supportive, Ana doesn’t fully understand Pilar’s situation. Pilar’s mother, Aurora (Rosa María Sardà), refuses to acknowledge the problem. Antonio is desperate to win back Pilar. He sends her constant presents and even attends therapy sessions in order to work through his anger. Meanwhile, Pilar gets a job at an art museum and tries to restart her life. Take My Eyes won several awards at the San Sebastian Film Festival before making its U.S. premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in 2004. ~ Andrea LeVasseur, Rovi”

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A Cry for Help The Tracey Thurman Story

A cry for help

“Tracy Thurman was married to a man who abused her. But he continues to harass her after she gets a restraining order, and the police do little to help. When he brutally beats her and slashes her throat in front of police, she sues the city and the police department for failing to protect her.”

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PROVOKED: A TRUE STORY

Provoked

“It’s the true story of a Punjabi woman named Kiranjit Ahluwalia who leaves India to marry a London-based guy, only to be badly abused. She ends up in prison for murdering her abusive husband.”

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MEN DON’T TELL (1993)

Men_Don't_Tell_1993_Film_Advert_CBS

“This movie shows another side to spousal abuse that not too many people thought is possible–the husband being abused and the wife the abuser.”

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BLACK and BLUE

Black and blue

“After a woman’s husband beats and abuses her, she and her son join the witness protection program and move away secretly.”

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UNFORGIVABLE 1996

Unforgivable 1996

“John Ritter plays a family man who puts his wife through domestic violence and his children through emotional torture. After leaving his family and almost killing his new girlfriend in one of his rages, he is ordered to seek professional help through an innovative therapy program or go to jail.”

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Cries Unheard: The Donna Yaklich Story (1994)

Cries Unheard The Donna Yaklich Story 1994

“Donna Yaklich meets Dennis the policeman and thinks she might have found a good relationship. But Dennis is obsessed with weight-lifting and uses steroids, which make him aggressive and abusive. Getting out of the relationship isn’t easy as Dennis isn’t willing to let her go, and Donna’s options are narrowed down to one remaining alternative.”

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SHATTERED DREAMS

Shattered Dreams

“Charlotte marries John. Things seem ok; John has a good job and he’s going up in the world, working for the government. But every so often he loses his temper and Charlotte gets the brunt of his anger. During the 18 year course of their marriage, there are at least 8 incidents of physical abuse and countless of mental. Charlotte’s family and friends tell her to leave John but she keeps going back, most likely because he has convinced her that she would be nothing without him. It finally explodes in a big divorce battle balancing on the cases of abuse.”

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LIES OF THE HEART

Lies of the heart“This is the fact-based made-for-TV movie of Laurie Kellog, who was accused of the murder of her husband Bruce in May 1992, told in flashbacks while she’s waiting for her judgment. When she was 16 she met the 15 years older Bruce Kellog, a charming guy, and moved in with him shortly after. What she didn’t know was that he “bought” her from her stepfather for 500 bucks. First she’s happy to serve him, but not long and Bruce shows his real face.”

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DANGEROUS INTENTIONS

Dangerous Intentions

“A man stalks his wife and child when they leave for an abused women’s shelter.”

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SLEEPING with the DEVIL

sleeping_with_the_devil-1370357961

“Professional nurse Rebecca Dubrovich (Shannen Doherty) is swept off her feet by charming millionaire Dick Strang (Tim Matheson), and the two begin a passionate romance. Only when it is too late does Rebecca discover that Strang has, to put it mildly, a dark side: He’s a bigamist, a control freak, a pathological liar, and a vicious sadist. Breaking off the relationship, Rebecca is subsequently stalked by the obsessive Strang, who ultimately injures her so severely that she is confined to a wheelchair. During her painful recovery period, Rebecca falls in love with orthopedic surgeon Jerrold Petrofsky (David Bowe), and ultimately dedicates her life to helping other victims of abusive relationships. Based on a true story previously dramatized on the television anthology Unsolved Mysteries and then released in book form, the made-for-TV Sleeping with the Devil originally aired April 22, 1997 on CBS. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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ENOUGH

ENOUGH“Working class waitress Slim finds her life transformed when she marries wealthy contractor Mitch. She settles into an idyllic suburban life and seems to have everything she wants: loving husband, beautiful home, and Gracie, an adorable 5-year-old daughter. Her dream is shattered when she discovers her husband is anything but perfect. His abusive behavior forces her to go on the run, eluding an increasingly obsessive Mitch and his lethal henchmen. When, despite Slim’s efforts to make a new life, Mitch finds her and threatens her again, she puts Gracie in safe keeping, toughens herself mentally and physically and sets out to prove to Mitch she’s had enough.”

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FAMILY of STRANGERS

FAMILY OF STRANGERS

“Julie must disclose her family’s medical history before undergoing major surgery, but when she questions her family, she discovers that she was adopted and later, that her conception was the product of a rape.”

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NO ONE WOULD TELL

NO ONE WOULD TELL

“Shy sixteen-year-old Stacy Collins can’t believe that the most popular guy in school, an attractive athlete named Bobby Tennison, is interested in her. At first she is flattered by his constant attention, but then he becomes possessive and jealous-telling her who she can speak to and what she can wear. Threats escalate into violence when Bobby thinks Stacy has stepped out of line. Soon she is walking on egg shells and living in fear. Having seen the tell-tale bruises, Stacy’s best friend convinces her to break things off with Bobby-but in a moment of weakness, Stacy goes to meet him.”

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ONCE WERE WARRIORS

ONCE WERE WARRIORS

“A family descended from Maori warriors is bedeviled by a violent father and the societal problems of being treated as outcasts.”

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SIN by SILENCE

Sin_by_Silence_film_poster

“Inside the California Institution for Women, the first inmate initiated and led group in U.S. prison history, shatters the misconceptions of domestic violence.

Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA) was created in 1989 to help women inside prison break the silence about abuse and learn more about what they needed to do to help others stop the cycle of violence.

Instead of fighting a system that does not fully comprehend the complexities of abuse, the women of CWAA led an initiative to help educate the system. Through careful orchestration of letter writing campaigns, media coverage, and senate hearings a movement was born and laws for battered women were changed. And for the founder of CWAA, the flicker of hope begins to grow as her possible freedom, after 26 years in prison, lies moments away.”

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Bastard out of Carolina on AllMovie

BASTARD OUT OF CAROLINA

“Bastard out of Carolina was the first novel published by author Dorothy Allison. The book, which is semi-autobiographical in nature, is set in Allison’s hometown of Greenville, South Carolina. Narrated by Ruth Anne “Bone” Boatwright, the primary conflict occurs between Bone and her mother’s husband, Glen.

The novel examines the expectations of gender and mother–child relationships, and explores the roles of these characters in the future. Conditions of class, race, sexuality and gender play out in Bone’s life and her relationships with others.

The book was adapted into a film in 1996.”

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Site that lists pages of movies with domestic abuse themes.
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Let us continue to pray for those who suffer the evil of domestic violence and abuse, and assist when and where we can.
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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2014
All rights reserved.

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2014 in Domestic Violence Awareness

 

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IS A HUMBLE MAN A WEAK MAN?

By Terry Loving

“Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. “But the greatest among you shall be your servant. “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.”

Matthew 23:10-12

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“He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

(Michah 6:8)

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“Ultimately, societies must challenge the impossible-to-achieve demands of manhood and the patriarchal structures that underpin these demands.  We need to redefine notions of manhood and find alternative masculine identities that are not destructive to women and men alike.  This is a long-term prospect but it starts by changing the way we – both women and men – raise boys to be men.” 1

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While researching information as to why many men and young males put so much effort into acquiring a tough persona, I came across the following question:

What is the difference between a “bad boy” and a “thug?”

One commenter stated that the difference was “a misdemeanor” verses “a felony.” Meaning, the “bad boy” would most likely commit crimes that amounted to misdemeanors such as tagging a wall; disorderly conduct; reckless driving and public intoxication. Of course this would depend on the jurisdiction in which these crimes were committed.

Califa+Thugs+DSC01145

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 The “thug” is more likely to commit a felony such as murder, assault, battery, and false imprisonment, etc. A felony charge is a more serious charge that usually results in longer jail time, and in many cases, the death penalty.  Again, this depends on the jurisdiction. Another commenter defined ex-President Bill Clinton as a “bad boy” siting his involvement with Monica Lewinsky. It was noted that “bad boys” cheat on their mates, but thugs likewise – right?

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 It is also said that, “Women are drawn to “bad boys” like a moth to a flame? Why?

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 To confuse this issue further, another Author penned an article explaining The Difference Between A Thug And A Gangster.

“Where gangsters were gentleman criminals, a thug was a negative term used for murderers, rapists and thieves. To be a thug meant you carried the stigma of being shady, ruthless and dangerously criminal. A gang of thugs are not gangsters, they are a gang. Unlike gangster, thug is not romanticized in the English language no matter how much these rappers try to tell you different. Some women have adapted the word as almost a term of endearment for the “bad boys” that they pursue. I guess being referred to as a thug feels a bit better than being called a “bad boy” but let’s be real here, it’s the exact same thing. Thugs are not gangsters, thugs are bad boys – ie: they are guys playing “dress-up” to look the part of a thug. Real thugs will shoot you, rob you, rape you and they do get locked up. Turn on the show Gangland, or Gang Nation and you will see true thugs. Most of these women claiming to “like thugs” could not handle a real thug. They like bad boys, so let’s stop with the facade.”

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Bad_boys_1983

 Is it any wonder that men are confused concerning their masculinity? They don’t know whether to choose to imitate Al Capone (a gangster), a thug like those in the movie Goodfellas, or the bad boys in the movie Bad Boys starring Sean Penn. On the other hand, men and young males who exhibit any sort of humility are accused of being “soft,” “momma’s boys,” “weak.” “sissified,” and just plain cowardly. Our society raises boys to not show their emotions, especially crying. They are taught to “man-up” at a young age, and are expected as adults to be the bread winners, macho in their homes, and never to back down from a fight with another male.

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“Violence against women is closely linked to the rigid norms that define what it is to be a man.  Worldwide there is a dominant model of manhood; men are taught to aspire to and judge themselves based on this ideal. Men are expected to be financially independent, become husbands and fathers, be the primary income earner for the family, be achievers in the eyes of peers, and be in control and exert authority.  These salient norms of manhood are perpetuated by societies, communities, peers, families and women themselves – and take on more extreme forms in some cultures.”

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DeeboDEEBO – Neighborhood thug in the movie “Friday”

“But for most men, particularly poor men, there is a huge gap between these expectations and what they can achieve. In the face of chronic poverty, inequality, exclusion, jobless economies, many men feel they don’t measure up.  How then, do these men prove themselves as men?  All too often it is through the use of force and violence – and female partners are easy targets.  Such behavior is often the only way for many men to wield power in societies where they are made to feel powerless and useless.  This is the hard reality that remains unacknowledged or misunderstood in much of the discussion on gender violence today.” 2

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I love bad boys

Men may feel “they don’t measure up” in many situations, but how does violence prove manhood? How does forcing women to be under their control make a man feel powerful? Why does a man have to wear a label such as “Alpha-Male,” “macho,” “thug,” “bad boy,” or “gangster” to prove he is a man? Chronic poverty, inequality, exclusion, and jobless economies no doubt have a negative impact on any culture, but why beat the woman who is standing by your side? Is she not suffering the effects as well? Why rape your children, especially little girls and justify this behavior as a way of exhibiting so-called manhood? If a man feels that violence and abuse raises the bar of his manhood, he deceives only himself.

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“In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself…For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.”Benjamin Franklin

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“When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

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Chicago+Gangsters

If a male lacks vision and guidance as to what a “real” man is, he should look to Jesus Christ as the ultimate example of true manhood. Jesus was the humblest man who ever walked the earth. And yet, the most powerful!

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  Matthew ll:29

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It is said of Jesus Christ:

… “he humbled himself: by becoming man, and by various outward actions in his life; as subjection to his parents, working at the trade of a carpenter, conversing with the meanest of men, washing his disciples’ feet, &c. and the whole of his deportment both to God and man, his compliance with his Father’s will, though disagreeable to flesh and blood, his behaviour towards his enemies, and his forbearance of his disciples, showed him to be of a meek and humble spirit; he humbled himself both to God and man:”

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gangsters

… “and became obedient unto death, or “until death”; for he was obedient from the cradle to the cross, to God, to men, to his earthly parents, and to magistrates; he was obedient to the ceremonial law, to circumcision, the passover, &c. to the moral law, to all the precepts of it, which he punctually fulfilled; and to the penalty of it, death, which he voluntarily and cheerfully bore, in the room and stead of his people:”   Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” James 4:10

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“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord,…. Which is done, when men, before the Lord, and from their hearts, and in the sincerity of their souls, acknowledge their meanness and unworthiness, their vileness, sinfulness, and wretchedness, and implore the grace and mercy of God in Christ, as did Abraham, Jacob, Job, Isaiah, Paul, and the publican; and when they walk humbly with God, acknowledging they can do nothing without him; owning their dependence on his grace, and ascribing all they have, and are, unto it:

and he shall lift you up; this is God’s usual way to lift up the meek, and exalt those that humble themselves; he lifts them from the dunghill, to set them among princes; he gives them a place, and a name in his house, better than sons and daughters; he adorns them with his grace; he clothes them with the righteousness of his Son, he grants them nearness to himself; and at last will introduce them into his kingdom and glory.” Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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gangsters-paradise

The power and control men desire is of the world, limited and self-projected. Gangs who claim neighborhoods as if they built them themselves have limited control over their freedom for they dare not venture onto enemy turf. The thugs function within a small radius compared to the rest of the world, and most likely depend upon drug sales for a living. They sell death to each other, and kill for little to no reason. In the sense of the word “freedom,” they are not free.

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“So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

“Christ spoke of spiritual liberty; but carnal hearts feel no other grievances than those that molest the body, and distress their worldly affairs. Talk to them of their liberty and property, tell them of waste committed upon their lands, or damage done to their houses, and they understand you very well; but speak of the bondage of sin, captivity to Satan, and liberty by Christ; tell of wrong done to their precious souls, and the hazard of their eternal welfare, then you bring strange things to their ears. Jesus plainly reminded them, that the man who practised any sin, was, in fact, a slave to that sin, which was the case with most of them. Christ in the gospel offers us freedom, he has power to do this, and those whom Christ makes free are really so.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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black-gangs

The violent are slaves to violence. Abusers are slaves to abuse. True freedom begins with humility. A humble man is not a weak man. Jesus Christ was not a weak man A weak man will beat a woman, but cower down to another man. Weak men have no honor. Only the humble man is truly a strong man, especially one in Christ Jesus.

“And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.”

Matthew 28:18

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“The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.”

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Man seeks honor from his deeds whether good or evil. Our society celebrates those who live ungodly lives, and commit all manner of sin. How in the world George Zimmerman achieved celebrity status is beyond me. This person has not one ounce of humility even after taking the life of another. I guess he feels more like a man after being arrested for crimes against others and recklessness. “ Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”

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a-realman-is-humble-568

Some people, especially the rich and famous give to charities and sometimes help individuals. That is a good thing. Sadly, they often desire the praise of the world, instead of humbly doing good deeds in silence.

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“Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 6:1

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The lack of humility and dishonor of her God is the ruin of a nation.

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“Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, I know that it will go better with those who fear God, who are reverent before him.” Ecclesiastes 8:12

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For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the L
ORD, they will inherit the land.

10Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;
And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there.

11But the humble will inherit the land
And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.

Psalm 37:9-11

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la-me-1113-spiderman-fun 162180.ME.1112.spiderman-funeralToo often, this is how the quest for power ends.

“For My hand made all these things, Thus all these things came into being,” declares the LORD. “But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.” Isaiah 66:2

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1 Peter 5:5

“You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.”

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quote-the-doctrines-of-grace-humble-man-without-degrading-him-and-exalt-him-without-inflating-him-charles-hodge-237789

 1http://www.worldbank.org/en/news/opinion/2013/11/25/missing-men-violence-against-women

2 http://www.worldbank.org/en/news/opinion/2013/11/25/missing-men-violence-against-women

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Become a Better Man: Humility is a Strength and Trait of A Real Man

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Humility: The Quiet Trait That Everyone Will Notice

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The Truest Expression of a Man. What Validates You?

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How To Be A Man – 8 Traits Of Real Men

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Honor God, Honor Others and Honor Yourself

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What is Manliness?

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DALLAS MEN AGAINST ABUSE

What It Takes to Be A Man

A man never hits a woman.
A man speaks out against domestic abuse.
A man teaches his daughter how men should treat her and that she should never allow herself to be abused. Not once.
A man teaches his sons to respect women.

TESTIMONIALS

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Respect for women

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2014
All rights reserved.

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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HE BEATS ME – BUT HE IS A GOOD MAN!

By Terry Loving

New International Version (©1984)
“The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates.”

You have probably heard the saying that “a good man is hard to find.” Ask any woman who is seeking a mate, and she will tell you one of the qualities required is the man must be a “good” man. I wonder though, would most women know a “good” man if they did find him? What does a “good” man look like? How does he carry himself? Is there some sort of standard by which a man’s character can be measured?

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I have read several posts where the abused women claimed their abusers are “good” men. Here is an un-edited example:

“i’de like to know if a man will stop abuse and i am scared. i am not physically strong and i don’t shout back. i just keep quiet. its happened 3 times now, first in december with a shove, then over easter in the car, he pushed me against the window and wanted to drive us into a wall, i asked him if i could drive, he got out and walked into the bush. we communicated via our phones. when he came back i had to drive slowly, as he wanted to jump out the car, and over bridges. he swore at me in the car all the way home, calling me a bitch and a whore and no man will ever accept me. saturday night he beat me and kicked me for 6 hours. continually….. he is a good man…. we love each other, but i am afraid!

Comment #8 (Posted by Lynette Hoy)”

http://www.counselcareconnection.org/articles/45/1/How-Do-I-Stop-Abusing-My-Wife/Page1.html

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A “good” man would not treat anyone this way – especially a woman he claims to love. Beating and kicking her for “6 hours” proves that this man is evil. Because this woman is afraid of her abuser, she chooses to “keep quiet” which gives the abuser the sense that his actions are allowed. In some warped way, he probably concludes that this woman “likes” how he treats her, or she would do something about it instead of suffering in silence.

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She states that she is “afraid” and “scared” – she should be. This man will only progress to worst abuse, perhaps even kill her one day. She may love him, but he surely does not love her. The problem with this situation is that neither party has any concept of real love. If they did, she would not be suffering abuse, and he would not be dishing it out.

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The main objective of this post is to show from a Biblical stand point what a “good” man should represent. Mind you, everyone has their little quirks, habits, preferences and the like. Not every couple will agree with each other all the time. When blending two backgrounds into a relationship, differences may sometimes clash and cause friction in the home. However, spiritual maturity in both partners will ultimately level out disagreements and restore peace.

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If a man is a “good” man, he will understand and practice Biblical principles that will keep his home in spiritual balance. He will exercise leadership with love, patience, wisdom, and godly direction. Otherwise, he will rule with tyranny and abuse those whom God has blessed him with to be a part of his life and family.

So what is a “good” man? Let us seek the Word of God.

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Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

“A good man, out of the good treasure of the heart,…. “A good man”, is a regenerated man, one that is renewed by the Spirit of God, a believer in Christ, a sincere lover of him, and one that follows him, wheresoever he goes, and who has the grace of God implanted in him: for “the good treasure the heart”, is not what he is naturally possessed of, but what is put into him: and is no other than the superabundant grace of God, or that grace for grace, which he has received out of Christ’s fullness, and the rich experience of it he is blessed with:”

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New International Version (©1984)
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.”

33“A tree is identified by its fruit. If a tree is good, its fruit will be good. If a tree is bad, its fruit will be bad. 34You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. 35A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. 36And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. 37The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.”

http://nlt.scripturetext.com/matthew/12.htm

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“An evil man has an evil treasure in his heart, and out of it brings forth evil things. Lusts and corruptions, dwelling and reigning in the heart, are an evil treasure, out of which the sinner brings forth bad words and actions, to dishonour God, and hurt others. Let us keep constant watch over ourselves, that we may speak words agreeable to the Christian character.”Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Dictionary definition of “good”:

adjective

1. morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious: a good man.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/good

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In light of the above definition and scriptures, there is no way a violent abuser can be considered a “good” man. If his character does not match up to what you have read thus far, then abusers are the opposite of “good,” which means they are “evil” men who practice evil. They practice sin, and criminal behaviors that justify both earthly and heavenly consequences.

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Most likely, it is during the “honeymoon stage” that abused women fool themselves believing their abusers are otherwise “good” men. Anyone can put on a good act, but that does not mean they are “good” people. What is in your heart will eventually come out – good or evil. Apologies for abuse and flowers do not make a “good” man.

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Also, many women erroneously conclude that if they can get their abusers to stop abusing, then they would have a “good” man. Not necessarily so. Many immoral men do not physically abuse women, but they commit sinful acts in other ways such as deceiving, cheating, lying and stealing etc.

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A “good” man will not verbally abuse you, and call you ugly names.

Proverbs 10:20  “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.”

Proverbs 10:21  “The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.”

His conversation will be full of grace, and seasoned with salt. A “good” man will provide for his family. Otherwise, he is worse than an infidel. He should be like Barnabas:

New Living Translation (©2007)
“Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. And many people were brought to the Lord.”

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
“Barnabas was a dependable man….”

“For he was a good man – This is given as a reason why he was so eminently successful. It is not said that he was a man of distinguished talents or learning; that he was a splendid or an imposing preacher; but simply that he was a man of an amiable, kind, and benevolent disposition – a pious, humble man of God. We should not undervalue talent, eloquence, or learning in the ministry, but we may remark that humble piety will often do more in the conversion of souls than the most splendid talents. No endowments can be a substitute for this.”   Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

Most of all, a “good” man will strive to be Christ-like. He will endeavor to please the Father in all things. He will care when others are hurting, as Jesus wept over the condition of mankind:

Luke 19:41 “As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it.”

A “good” man will possess compassion:

John 11:33 “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”

A “good” man will love his wife as he is instructed to do so:

New International Version (©1984)
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Ephesians 5:28 “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”  (Would a man stomp and kick his own body for “6 hours?”)

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Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

“Giving honor unto the wife – It was an important advance made in society when the Christian religion gave such a direction as this, for everywhere among the pagan, and under all false systems of religion, woman has been regarded as worthy of little honor or respect. She has been considered as a slave, or as a mere instrument to gratify the passions of man. It is one of the elementary doctrines of Christianity, however, that woman is to be treated with respect; and one of the first and most marked effects of religion on society is to elevate the wife to a condition in which she will be worthy of esteem. The particular reasons for the honor which husbands are directed to show to their wives, here specified, are two: she is to be treated with special kindness as being more feeble than man, and as having a claim therefore to delicate attention; and she is to be honored as the equal heir of the grace of life.”

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Ladies, a “good” man is not one who temporarily refrains from abusing you. During the “honeymoon stage” you may witness endearing qualities that cause you to fall in love with your abuser all over again. However, this brief period of calm will eventually give way to higher and more damaging degrees of violence and abuse. “Do not be deceived.”

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There is much more that can be said concerning this matter. The conclusion is, no “good” man beats, berates, abuses his mate, or anyone. A “good” man isn’t a perfect man, for no man can match the perfection of Jesus Christ. However, a “good” man will strive for spiritual excellence just the same.

New International Version (©1984)
“Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from men of violence who plan to trip my feet.”

Is there some sort of standard by which a man’s character can be measured? YES – the Word of God.

If he beats you – abuses you – cheats, lies, deceives, he is not a good man.

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http://fvpfstore.stores.yahoo.net/healthposters.html

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The Excellence of Love

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

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Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

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Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

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Men tell Oprah why they beat the women they love

“When he was in a rage and beating Christy, Sir says he did want her to die. “I had every intention to take her life. I felt like I had power and control over something in my life,” Sir says. “It made me feel invincible.”

“Luckily, Christy survived the abuse.”

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Domestic violence – why men abuse women

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ABUSERS – ARE THEY EVIL?

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NOTE: It is very difficult to recognize a “good” man if you never had an example of a “good” man in your life. One of the mistakes we make is to rush into relationships. A warning sign that you are headed for trouble is a man rushing you into a relationship. When we grow up with bad examples of manhood, we tend to date men who mimic what we saw at home. It is erroneously assumed that all men will treat women this way, and many women accept the abuse as “normal.”

Another mistake is – we do not take time to know ourselves. If we have unresolved baggage from the past, we carry the pain into relationships. Unfortunately, we subconsciously expect our mates to “heal” us, and that is impossible. This applies to both men and women.

Because many of us grew up with dysfunction in our homes, we tend to feel empty in relationships if there is no drama. Therefore, we create it – or recreate what we witnessed at home as children. Men know when a woman is “needy,” and if he has evil intentions you will suffer.

Sadly, some women grow up with godly fathers, and witness what a “good” man should be like – and they gravitate towards “bad boys.” Yes, “bad boys” have been labeled “exciting.” But too often, the excitement is drama in disguise. Unfortunately, many “good” guys are labeled as “nerdy” or “boring.” They usually work hard, own homes, and live stable lives. “Bad boys” often live off their women, prostitute them, beat them, and make life miserable.

Take time to know him or her. If something is for you, you will have it.

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My husband loves me a lot but he’s abusive

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MY HUSBAND HITS ME ALL THE TIME?

“i know all of you guys are saying leave him but its not easy!!
i cant just leave him i want to help him if i just leave him how will he ever change i am his wife and want him to be a better person, can anyone just understand that?”

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My Husband Hits Me

“What do I do if my husband hits me just because he is anger, but I can’t leave him because I love him very much.

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 MAN IS DEFILED FROM WITHIN

“And He was saying, ‘That which proceeds out of the man that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man” (verses 20-23). To this list we can add violence, physical and verbal abuse, mistreatment of others.

The person who commits murder is acting out what is in his heart. Adultery is in the heart. Deceit is in the heart. Pride is in the heart. Evil is in the heart. Domestic violence and abuse are in the hearts of those who are defiled from within.

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“This grim made-for-TV domestic drama examines the terrible effects caused by spousal abuse. The story centers on the mental and physical battering endured by a wife at the hands of her troubled husband.”

Regular visits to their home from the police, three broken ribs, hospitalization and many beatings wasn’t enough for her to leave. It wasn’t until her abusive husband threw their young son across the room that she finally started to see the light. This is a woman who thought she had a “good” man, and kept making excuses for his abusing her. She blamed herself, as much as he blamed her for everything that went wrong. A MUST SEE!

https://signup.netflix.com/Movie/Intimate-Strangers/70147041?country=1&rdirfdc=true

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CLICK HERE FOR SAFE HORIZON LINK TO TAKE ACTION

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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Domestic Violence Against Women: How to Spot Abusive Men when Dating

Is Your Date an Abuser? Learn the Signs Before It’s Too Late

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Why Men Abuse Women

“Tony says it felt like he “blacked out” during the abuse. “You don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “I completely own up to [what I did], but in that rage, it’s like your brain wires, they aren’t clicking.”

“He says being in an abusive relationship is like being in a drug addiction. “It becomes like your bond in the sense that the woman is like cocaine inside of that relationship. That’s the only connection you have, because there’s no real love,” he says. “In order to overcome it, it’s almost like you have to separate, go to rehab, move out of the dope house and never come back.”

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10 Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 20092012
All rights reserved.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2012 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – A WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC

By Terry Loving

When you are going through the pain of domestic abuse, you feel all alone. Because you can only focus on your pain at the time, you often feel that you are suffering while other women live in happy homes. It is difficult to see past your street address, but I assure you that many cry out in desperation along with you.

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I am writing this post at 8:20 am – could not sleep – on December 30th, 2011. Before I went to bed, I was thinking deeply about the stats on my FLAG COUNTER – 50 flags collected, which represents the different countries that visited my site. The numbers did not impress me, but saddened me. Mostly, I have been writing with the United States in mind as far as domestic violence goes. But last night, I envisioned violence in households all over the world and sighed – “My God.” No one can convince me that Satan – the god of this world is not influencing the violence, and destruction of our homes. I will write more about that in another post.

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My fellow Americans – I am writing this post, so that you will understand that this epidemic is not just a problem that exists at your address only.  This information will not make you feel better, but you will or should begin to see a bigger picture – evil is at work in the world in many ways. Hopefully, you will consider the fact that you are not to blame for what is happening to you. The abusers seem to belong to the same club – POWER AND CONTROL. Their motto is, “Conquer and Subdue the Weak.” Let’s take a look at what is going on around the world.

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Domestic violence in Vietnam

Fewer beatings thanks to group sessions

Domestic violence is prevalent in Vietnam, with poverty, alcoholism and gender role stereotypes considered to be the main causes. Now an SDC-sponsored project has produced encouraging results by or-ganising group sessions for both abusers and victims.

According to local newspaper reports, a woman dies from domestic violence every three days in Vietnam.

http://www.sdc.admin.ch/en/Home/Projects/Domestic_violence_in_Vietnam

Sources report that from 50 to 70 percent of divorces throughout Vietnam have been linked to domestic violence (US 25 Feb. 2009, Sec. 5; DED n.d.; Than Nien 21 Sept. 2008).

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN UNITED KINGDOM

“On average, two women a week in England and Wales are killed by a violent partner or ex-partner. This constitutes nearly 40% of all female homicide victims.”

“Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria, according to World Bank data.”

“Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners.”

http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/Resources/violence_against_women

http://www.ncdv.org.uk/   – UNITED CENTERE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN INDIA

“According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from domestic violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states.”

Women in India also admit to hitting or beating because of their suspicion about the husband’s sexual involvement with other women.

http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2010/02/domestic-violence-in-india-causes-consequences-and-remedies-2/

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“Domestic Violence A Silent Crisis In Russia

“Domestic violence is one of Russia’s darkest secrets. The government estimates that 14,000 women die each year at the hands of their husbands or male partners. But Russian police don’t even classify domestic abuse as a crime. It’s a social problem few Russians ever mention.”

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92621334

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Turkey‘s shocking domestic viol­ence statistics”

“ISTANBUL — A woman in the studio audience stands up and, with the spotlight highlighting her covered head, announces to the crowd that her husband abuses her but that she doesn’t know how to react and still be a good Muslim.

The host of this popular Turkish TV show, “Islam in Our Life,” Professor Faruk Beser, is — from his trimmed mustache to his tailored suit — the image of a modern, successful Turkish man. But as he approaches the woman, his answer is far from progressive.

Looking her in the eye, Beser urges the woman to “carry this pain within you and keep living with your husband,” prescribing constant prayer over divorce, and reminding the woman of the rewards she will receive in heaven for her suffering.”

Four out of 10 women in Turkey are beaten by their husbands, according to the recent study entitled “Domestic Violence against Women in Turkey,” which has collected the first official statistics on this topic in Turkey. Even more disturbing, the study reveals that a significant number of abused women, almost 90 percent, do not seek help from any organization.”

“This is such a silent problem that most people don’t believe you when you give them the numbers…”

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Domestic violence in the Netherlands

The Domestic Violence in the Netherlands investigation revealed that more than 200.000 individuals in the Netherlands fall victim to domestic violence every year.

The investigation was performed by the Research and Documentation Centre and the INTERVICT Institute 13 years after the first one and reveals that:
 Most perpetrators of domestic violence are men (83%).
 Most victims of serious domestic violence are women (60%).
 25% of the victims have attempted suicide.
 30% of perpetrators often commit other crimes within two years.

http://www.iamexpat.nl/read-and-discuss/expat-page/news/domestic-violence-in-the-netherlands

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Domestic Violence in Africa

According to POWA 1 in every 6 women who die in Gauteng are killed by an intimate partner.

The Institute of Security Studies did a research project in 1999. They found that:

90% of the women interviewed had experienced emotional abuse: being humiliated in front of others was most commonly reported.

90% had also experienced physical abuse: being pushed or shoved and being slapped or hit were highlighted.

71% had experienced sexual abuse: attempts to kiss or touch followed by forced sexual intercourse occurred most often.

58% experienced economic abuse: money taken without consent was most common.

42.5% of women had experienced all forms of abuse.

60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/566160.stm

http://www.womeninaction.co.za/social-affairs/statistics-on-domestic-violence-in-south-africa/

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Report: Domestic violence on the rise – Israel

Disturbing statistics. The last five years saw an increase of 55 percent in the number of teenage girls seeking help on matters of domestic violence, a report of the Teenage Girls Service at the Ministry of Social Affairs relayed to Ynet Thursday reveals.

The data also indicated a sharp increase of 60 percent in the number of violent incidents reported in the haredi sector, and of 37 percent in the Arabic public, this in comparison with statistics from the year 1999.

According to the ministry’s statistics, the most significant rise in girls’ distress was expressed in the number of reports on sexual abuse, an increase of 21 percent in the last five years, and of domestic violence – an increase of 55.5 percent during the same period.

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The above countries are just a few which share the atrocities of domestic violence. Each time you scream, a woman in another country is screaming also. When your children run and hide, children on the other side of the world are hiding in closets – trembling in fear as well. The abusers view the women the same – “property,” “worthless,” “slaves,” “sex objects,” “inferior” and the like. The common motivation abusers possess is a misplaced desire for power and control. American women may enjoy more “freedom” than women in other countries. However, how they are treated by abusers amounts to imprisonment in many areas – no different from women suffering in other countries.

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SISTERS IN PAIN

You are far away, on a shore I may never see

A land my feet may never touch

We are different in many ways, and yet the same

Sisters in pain

When you cry, I cry

When you hurt, I hurt

Our hearts together long for relief

And yet, it never comes for we are

Sisters in pain

Someday, oh yes – someday

Like an eagle spreading her wings

We shall soar, fly away

Ascending above the lies and deceit

Smiles will be ours to own once again

We will embrace, shedding tears of joy

No longer will sorrow be our comforter

My sisters, stand strong – it won’t be long

We are united in pain,

And we shall no longer be in agony,

For we shall at last taste the sweet flavor of victory

© Terry Loving, 2011

Revelation 7:17 “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Isaiah 1:27 “Zion will be redeemed with justice, her penitent ones with righteousness.”

Isaiah 25:8 “he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.”

Isaiah 30:19 “O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.”

Isaiah 41:14 “Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”

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The silent global epidemic: domestic violence against women

Rumana Monzur

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS WOMAN IS BEYOND RAGE – IT IS EVIL!  DEMONIC!  SATANIC!

“Her husband, Syeed Hasan Sumon, who is nearly blind from a degenerative disease, pulled his wife’s hair, throwing her to the bed and pinning her arms down with his legs, she says. Then, in an account that is bone-chilling, she says her husband pressed his fingers into her eyes, gouging them out. According to Monzur, he gnawed at her cheek, lips, and nose, biting off bits of flesh, blood spilling throughout the room as Monzur flailed. Her daughter, Anusheh, stood in a corner of the room, screaming, as two household servants struggled to open the locked door. A neighbor took her to the hospital, where her parents soon arrived. The diagnosis: blindness. “I lost my eyes,” says Monzur. “I don’t want anyone to suffer like I am suffering. It is horrible.”

Rumana Monzur asks for prayers as she returns to Vancouver
UBC grad student plans to finish her PhD

“Monzur, speaking softly through tears, says she still has hope doctors in Canada will be able to treat her eyes and she may one day see again.”

Bangladesh wife-mauling suspect Sumon found dead

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Violence Against Women is Epidemic in Guatemala

“Parts of Guatemala have the highest murder rates in the world, according to the United Nations, especially along drug trafficking routes that lead from South America into the United States.  The culture of violence has resulted in an epidemic of domestic violence, sexual abuse and rape, sex trafficking and femicide – the murder of women. In Guatemala, on average two women are killed every day.”

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It’s An Epidemic: Domestic Violence

“Sexually transmitted infections are also related to abuse victims; with 40% of the women of abuse having at least one sexually transmitted infection, vs 18% for the women who were not in abusive situations.”

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Domestic Violence an ‘Epidemic’ Researchers Report

“This is an epidemic,” said Robert S. Thompson, MD, senior investigator, lead author of one paper. “But it flies under the radar, because of the stigma and shame associated with it — as well as the fear that many health care providers have of opening what some call a ‘Pandora’s Box’ of difficult problems that they are unsure how to address.”

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Domestic violence epidemic in Kern County

“A Bakersfield family had its world turned upside down this summer when Tabasha Criado and her four children were murdered in Medford, Oregon. “Her husband killed her, stabbed her, stabbed the children and then set the house on fire, and then tried to kill himself as well, but was not successful,” said Evelyn Young, Criado’s Great Aunt.”

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Violence Against Women: A Hidden Pandemic (Part II)

“Domestic violence is a threat to equality and justice that no civilized society should allow to exist.”

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Domestic Violence: The Silent Killer of Women Worldwide

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Abused American Women Living Abroad: How We Can Help

“Just for one moment, imagine you are an American woman, married and living in a foreign country with three very young children. When you met your husband in college, he was charming, polite and loving. You were young, naïve, and in love. You dropped out of college and moved overseas because your husband convinced you that life would be better there. Now you find, once you are here, he becomes a stranger-unpredictable, moody, controlling and increasingly violent. After the most violent of episodes, he apologizes, but he won’t let you go back home.”

Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center

Offers live chat!

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“Maria was born in the Dominican Republic. She married a United States citizen, immigrated to this country, and obtained “conditional” resident immigration status, which enabled her to remain legally in the United States provided that she stay wedded to her spouse. Soon afterward, her husband began to brutalize her physically. “One time I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs…. He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened.” Afraid of the risk of deportation, Maria endured her husband’s treatment for months. After she finally fled, her spouse demanded that she return to his apartment for her immigration documents. At first, she told him, “No, you’re going to hit me.” But then she realized that she had to go because she needed the papers. She described the consequences: “He beat me on the head. He sat on my stomach. He put a knife to my throat and raped me. Then he threw me naked on the street.”

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“Saving Face”: Horrific Acid Attacks Target Women in Pakistan

“According to filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, who just won the Academy Award for the short form documentary “Saving Face”, “If a man wants to take on a second wife but his first wife doesn’t want him to, he says, right I’ll just throw acid on her face and get rid of her, so she’ll spend the rest of her life in and out of hospitals.”

Jail may await Afghan women fleeing abuse, rape: HRW

AFGHANISTAN – WHY DOES AMERICA SUPPORT A COUNTRY THAT TREATS WOMEN IN THIS EVIL MANNER?

“KABUL (Reuters) – For Afghan women, the act of fleeing domestic abuse, forced prostitution or even being stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver by an abusive husband, may land them in jail while their abusers walk free, Human Rights Watch said.”

“Running away is considered a “moral crime” for women in Afghanistan while some rape victims are also imprisoned, because sex outside marriage – even when the woman is forced – is considered adultery, another “moral crime”.

“The plight of a woman called Nilofar illustrates the problem. She was stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver in the head, chest, and arms by her husband who accused her of adultery for inviting a man into the house, the rights group said.”

But afterwards, she was arrested, he was not.

“The way he beat her wasn’t bad enough to keep him in jail. She wasn’t near death, so he didn’t need to be in prison,” the prosecutor of the case told Human Rights Watch.”

“HE WILL KILL ME”

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“The 33-year-old former dancing girl — who was allegedly attacked by her then-husband, an ex-lawmaker and son of a political powerhouse — jumped from the sixth floor of a building in Rome, where she had been living and receiving treatment.”
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HOT PEACH PAGES – INTERNATIONAL DIRECTORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGENCIES

(Please click on link above to view the directory)
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Click on the above link to access the world map, and then click on each country that you are interested in  to find help.
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Domestic Violence Against Women: How to Spot Abusive Men when Dating

Is Your Date an Abuser? Learn the Signs Before It’s Too Late

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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Pakistani women turn to once-taboo divorce to escape abuse

US woman becomes hero for battered wives in China

“You control everything in my life,” she complained.

“Shut up,” he warned.

“I will not shut up,” she responded.

He stood up. “I said, ‘shut up.'”

She got to her feet also. “I will NOT shut up,” she said.

Then came the beating that finally drove her out. When he let go, she grabbed Lydia and walked to the police station. She hesitated at the door, then thought of her daughter, took a deep breath and walked in.

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Saudi Arabia passes kingdom’s first domestic abuse law

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

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