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MOVIES ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

By Terry Loving

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power,

and the glory, for ever. Amen”. (Matthew 6:13)

hotlineOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Another foundation that shares the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – both causes are equally important.

The first awareness month was in Oct. 1987, which is the same year the national toll-free hotline began. The month was created out of the first Day of Unity observed in Oct. 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The Day of Unity grew into a week of activities to spread awareness of domestic violence.

This year (2014), I will be listing movies about abuse and domestic violence. Please be mindful that this is Hollywood, and many of the movies will be rated “R”. Even so, there are many truths that are spoken and displayed throughout many of the movies.

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SLING BLADE

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“25 Years after committing an unthinkable crime, a quiet man named Karl (Thornton) finally returns home. Once there, he’s befriended by a fatherless boy and his mother. But when his new-found peace is shattered by the mother’s abusive boyfriend, Karl is suddenly placed on a collision course with his past!”

This movie possibly answers many questions concerning abused women such as, “Why does she stay?” “Why won’t she leave?” Linda is a woman like many others who stay for the “good times.” Known as the “honeymoon stage,” this is a period of calm and false security in abusive relationships. On the other hand, Linda feels trapped by the threat of death if she leaves her boyfriend Doyle Hargraves. She convinces her traumatized son that it is best to “bide our time,” thus hoping for a day when it is safe to get away from Doyle. In addition, Linda is hoping that perhaps her abuser will tire of her and leave on his own. Unfortunately, that never happened as Doyle dug his heels in deeper by pledging to move in with Linda and her son and be the “head” of the household.

Linda’s son Frank Wheatley – “I ain’t never gonna be happy now!”

Karl Childers – “You will be happy.”

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THE UNSPOKEN TRUTH

The Unspoken Truth

 “Made for television, The Unspoken Truth is the factual story of Brianne Hawkins (Lea Thompson), who after enduring a lifetime of abuse at the hands of her family marries the even more abusive Clay Hawkins (James Marshall). Given to beating his wife at the slightest provocation, Clay finally goes completely over the edge when he shoots and kills a man who had the temerity to speak to Brianne without Clay’s permission. Thinking quickly for a change, Clay persuades Brianne to take the rap for the killing, whereupon she complicity (if not willingly) concocts an elaborate story as to how she shot the man accidentally. Not only do the authorities refuse to swallow this fabrication, but they end up sending both Clay and Brianne to prison for life! Only when the future of her daughter, Lily (Karis Paige Bryant), is jeopardized does the long-suffering Brianne finally work up the courage to fight for her freedom and her long-denied fundamental rights as a human being. A shocking mid-film revelation elevates this story from the usual battered-wife TV-movie syndrome. Filmed on location in Austin, TX, The Unspoken Truth originally aired September 24, 1995, on NBC. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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THE COLOR PURPLE

The Color Purple

“Based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Alice Walker, The Color Purple spans the years 1909 to 1949, relating the life of Celie (Whoopi Goldberg), a Southern black woman virtually sold into a life of servitude to her brutal husband, sharecropper Albert (Danny Glover). Celie pours out her innermost thoughts in letter form to her sister Nettie (Akousa Busia), but Albert has been hiding the letters Nettie writes back, allowing Celie to assume that Nettie is dead. Finally, Celie finds a champion in the don’t-take-no-guff Sofia (Oprah Winfrey), the wife of Glover’s son from a previous marriage. Alas, Sofia is “humbled” when she is beaten into submission by angry whites. Later, Celie is able to forge a strong friendship with Albert’s mistress Shug (Margaret Avery). Emboldened by this, Celie begins rifling through her husband’s belongings and finds Nettie’s letters. Able at last to stand up to her husband, Celie leaves him to search for a new life on her own. A major box-office hit, The Color Purple was nominated for eleven Oscars. The film was co-produced by Quincy Jones, who also wrote the score. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Whats Love Got To Do With It

“What’s Love Got to Do With It? is the filmed biography of R&B/pop singer Tina Turner (Angela Bassett), documenting her efforts to break away from her abusive husband Ike (Laurence Fishburne). After a few scenes detailing Tina’s life as a young singer in Nutbush, TN, she’s discovered by Ike Turner, an already established songwriter, guitarist, and record producer. Ike takes Tina under his wing and makes her a star, but her fame makes him jealous and abusive, and she has to struggle to break free of his domination. ~ Stephen Thomas Erlewine, Rovi”

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THE ABDUCTION

The Abduction

“While their marriage may have started off happily, Kate now finds that her police officer husband Paul has grown more unstable and abusive with each passing year. At long last, she leaves him and tries to start a new life for herself. Paul, however, has become obsessed with the thought of getting Kate back, and starts stalking her. Matters come to a head when he takes her hostage and threatens to kill her. Will she get out of this alive, or will it end in tragedy?”

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THE BURNING BED

The Burning Bed

“An abused battered wife has had enough of husband beating up on her. Everywhere she turns for help, there’s not much anyone will do. After he rapes her one night, she sets the bed on fire with him in it asleep.”

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TAKE MY EYES

Take my eyes

“Spanish actress/author/filmmaker Icíar Bollaín writes and directs the family drama Te Doy Mis Ojos (Take My Eyes), co-written by Alicia Luna. Pilar (Laia Marull) leaves her abusive husband, Antonio (Luis Tosar), during the middle of winter in Toledo, Spain. She and her son, Juan (Nicolás Fernández Luna), go to live with her sister Ana (Candela Peña). While supportive, Ana doesn’t fully understand Pilar’s situation. Pilar’s mother, Aurora (Rosa María Sardà), refuses to acknowledge the problem. Antonio is desperate to win back Pilar. He sends her constant presents and even attends therapy sessions in order to work through his anger. Meanwhile, Pilar gets a job at an art museum and tries to restart her life. Take My Eyes won several awards at the San Sebastian Film Festival before making its U.S. premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in 2004. ~ Andrea LeVasseur, Rovi”

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A Cry for Help The Tracey Thurman Story

A cry for help

“Tracy Thurman was married to a man who abused her. But he continues to harass her after she gets a restraining order, and the police do little to help. When he brutally beats her and slashes her throat in front of police, she sues the city and the police department for failing to protect her.”

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PROVOKED: A TRUE STORY

Provoked

“It’s the true story of a Punjabi woman named Kiranjit Ahluwalia who leaves India to marry a London-based guy, only to be badly abused. She ends up in prison for murdering her abusive husband.”

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MEN DON’T TELL (1993)

Men_Don't_Tell_1993_Film_Advert_CBS

“This movie shows another side to spousal abuse that not too many people thought is possible–the husband being abused and the wife the abuser.”

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BLACK and BLUE

Black and blue

“After a woman’s husband beats and abuses her, she and her son join the witness protection program and move away secretly.”

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UNFORGIVABLE 1996

Unforgivable 1996

“John Ritter plays a family man who puts his wife through domestic violence and his children through emotional torture. After leaving his family and almost killing his new girlfriend in one of his rages, he is ordered to seek professional help through an innovative therapy program or go to jail.”

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Cries Unheard: The Donna Yaklich Story (1994)

Cries Unheard The Donna Yaklich Story 1994

“Donna Yaklich meets Dennis the policeman and thinks she might have found a good relationship. But Dennis is obsessed with weight-lifting and uses steroids, which make him aggressive and abusive. Getting out of the relationship isn’t easy as Dennis isn’t willing to let her go, and Donna’s options are narrowed down to one remaining alternative.”

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SHATTERED DREAMS

Shattered Dreams

“Charlotte marries John. Things seem ok; John has a good job and he’s going up in the world, working for the government. But every so often he loses his temper and Charlotte gets the brunt of his anger. During the 18 year course of their marriage, there are at least 8 incidents of physical abuse and countless of mental. Charlotte’s family and friends tell her to leave John but she keeps going back, most likely because he has convinced her that she would be nothing without him. It finally explodes in a big divorce battle balancing on the cases of abuse.”

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LIES OF THE HEART

Lies of the heart“This is the fact-based made-for-TV movie of Laurie Kellog, who was accused of the murder of her husband Bruce in May 1992, told in flashbacks while she’s waiting for her judgment. When she was 16 she met the 15 years older Bruce Kellog, a charming guy, and moved in with him shortly after. What she didn’t know was that he “bought” her from her stepfather for 500 bucks. First she’s happy to serve him, but not long and Bruce shows his real face.”

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DANGEROUS INTENTIONS

Dangerous Intentions

“A man stalks his wife and child when they leave for an abused women’s shelter.”

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SLEEPING with the DEVIL

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“Professional nurse Rebecca Dubrovich (Shannen Doherty) is swept off her feet by charming millionaire Dick Strang (Tim Matheson), and the two begin a passionate romance. Only when it is too late does Rebecca discover that Strang has, to put it mildly, a dark side: He’s a bigamist, a control freak, a pathological liar, and a vicious sadist. Breaking off the relationship, Rebecca is subsequently stalked by the obsessive Strang, who ultimately injures her so severely that she is confined to a wheelchair. During her painful recovery period, Rebecca falls in love with orthopedic surgeon Jerrold Petrofsky (David Bowe), and ultimately dedicates her life to helping other victims of abusive relationships. Based on a true story previously dramatized on the television anthology Unsolved Mysteries and then released in book form, the made-for-TV Sleeping with the Devil originally aired April 22, 1997 on CBS. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi”

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ENOUGH

ENOUGH“Working class waitress Slim finds her life transformed when she marries wealthy contractor Mitch. She settles into an idyllic suburban life and seems to have everything she wants: loving husband, beautiful home, and Gracie, an adorable 5-year-old daughter. Her dream is shattered when she discovers her husband is anything but perfect. His abusive behavior forces her to go on the run, eluding an increasingly obsessive Mitch and his lethal henchmen. When, despite Slim’s efforts to make a new life, Mitch finds her and threatens her again, she puts Gracie in safe keeping, toughens herself mentally and physically and sets out to prove to Mitch she’s had enough.”

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FAMILY of STRANGERS

FAMILY OF STRANGERS

“Julie must disclose her family’s medical history before undergoing major surgery, but when she questions her family, she discovers that she was adopted and later, that her conception was the product of a rape.”

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NO ONE WOULD TELL

NO ONE WOULD TELL

“Shy sixteen-year-old Stacy Collins can’t believe that the most popular guy in school, an attractive athlete named Bobby Tennison, is interested in her. At first she is flattered by his constant attention, but then he becomes possessive and jealous-telling her who she can speak to and what she can wear. Threats escalate into violence when Bobby thinks Stacy has stepped out of line. Soon she is walking on egg shells and living in fear. Having seen the tell-tale bruises, Stacy’s best friend convinces her to break things off with Bobby-but in a moment of weakness, Stacy goes to meet him.”

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ONCE WERE WARRIORS

ONCE WERE WARRIORS

“A family descended from Maori warriors is bedeviled by a violent father and the societal problems of being treated as outcasts.”

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SIN by SILENCE

Sin_by_Silence_film_poster

“Inside the California Institution for Women, the first inmate initiated and led group in U.S. prison history, shatters the misconceptions of domestic violence.

Convicted Women Against Abuse (CWAA) was created in 1989 to help women inside prison break the silence about abuse and learn more about what they needed to do to help others stop the cycle of violence.

Instead of fighting a system that does not fully comprehend the complexities of abuse, the women of CWAA led an initiative to help educate the system. Through careful orchestration of letter writing campaigns, media coverage, and senate hearings a movement was born and laws for battered women were changed. And for the founder of CWAA, the flicker of hope begins to grow as her possible freedom, after 26 years in prison, lies moments away.”

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Bastard out of Carolina on AllMovie

BASTARD OUT OF CAROLINA

“Bastard out of Carolina was the first novel published by author Dorothy Allison. The book, which is semi-autobiographical in nature, is set in Allison’s hometown of Greenville, South Carolina. Narrated by Ruth Anne “Bone” Boatwright, the primary conflict occurs between Bone and her mother’s husband, Glen.

The novel examines the expectations of gender and mother–child relationships, and explores the roles of these characters in the future. Conditions of class, race, sexuality and gender play out in Bone’s life and her relationships with others.

The book was adapted into a film in 1996.”

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Site that lists pages of movies with domestic abuse themes.
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Let us continue to pray for those who suffer the evil of domestic violence and abuse, and assist when and where we can.
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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2014
All rights reserved.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 3, 2014 in Domestic Violence Awareness

 

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“I CAN’T CALL THE POLICE – HE IS THE POLICE!”

By Terry Loving

“‘You shall not murder.   (Deuteronomy 5:17)

yX5yV.AuSt.5On April 26, 2003 Tacoma Police Chief David Brame fatally wounded his wife, Crystal, and then killed himself.”

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“…when a woman calls police to report domestic violence, her chances are at least two out of five that the officer who responds has recently beaten his own partner . . . and gotten away with it! It is in part this dynamic that has created “unequal justice” for domestic violence victims everywhere.”

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No other crime victim is so utterly trapped as the police officer’s domestic partner. She is threatened with death if she reports; dismissed as crazy in internal “investigations” that are little more than a closing of the ranks around the offender; and laughed off by district attorneys when asked when charges will be filed. For the rare woman who does break free, she finds herself hunted from house to house and state to state, afraid she will be arrested on a trumped-up crime, then “battered” again in family court, often to lose her children to the violent spouse. Some of these women have lived underground for years rather than risk almost certain death if her batterer finds her.”

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Abused women are encouraged to contact agencies that assist them during their crisis. When in immediate danger, they are advised to dial “911” and seek help from local law enforcement. When the police arrive at the scene in many cases, abusers are arrested especially when the abused shows visible signs of injury. The laws are changing for the most part where domestic abusers are arrested and prosecuted in spite of the protests of the abused.

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 Usually, the abused who seeks a domestic violence restraining order is granted one in a matter of minutes. But what happens when the abuser is a police officer himself? The wife of Milwaukee Police Officer Mark T. Lelinski experienced just how difficult it can be for abused wives to seek and win protection orders against their abusive husbands who work in a system that is designed to protect its citizens – regardless of who they are.

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“Every year, hundreds of domestic violence restraining orders are granted in Milwaukee County’s courts. In many cases, the hearings take 5 or 10 minutes. In the case against Milwaukee Police Officer Mark T. Lelinski, hearings stretched over more than eight hours on four different days.”

It is not uncommon for the responding officers to only speak with the officer accused of battery. Police officers are part of a “Brotherhood” that protects its own. In too many cases, no reports are written and the officers have a pow-wow on the front lawn, laughing and dismissing the severity of why the abused called for help in the first place. The abused is accused of being “crazy” or “hysterical” and having “blown things out of proportion.” The responding officers leave and the abused is left in an increasing dangerous situation.

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It is well documented that proving a case of domestic violence against a police officer is very difficult. The challenges are “unique” and abuse victims feel that the system fails them because their abusers are a part of that system they should be able to turn to for help. Mrs. Lelinski discovered to her dismay that the system was more concerned with the officer’s reputation, and the good of the department rather than the injustice she suffered at home.

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 Although the responding officers “did nothing,” and refused to testify against their fellow officer; the victim was first denied a protection order; a city attorney fought to keep the evidence out of court, Mrs. Lelinski was finally granted a two-year protection order for the sake the couple’s son. Because officer Lelinski was not convicted of a felony in Milwaukee, he was allowed to keep his job and his gun.

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brames_042803

On April 26, 2003 – David Brame shot his estranged wife Crystal in the parking lot of a Gig Harbor shopping plaza. Not only did Brame shoot himself in the head, he psychologically damaged their two children – they witnessed the shootings. At the time of this tragedy, 44 year-old David Brame was the Chief of Police in western Washington. Brame died 2-1/2 hours after his self-inflicted gunshot wound. The 45 caliber Glock semiautomatic was possibly his service weapon. Crystal Brame held on for seven days, and finally succumbed to a fatal wound to her head. Two more children were orphaned by domestic violence.

crystaljudson………………………………………

 Their turbulent divorce had become public knowledge, and Crystal Brame “alleged spousal abuse and claimed Chief Brame pointed a gun at her and threatened to kill her.” On April 26, 2003, David Brame turned his threats into a harsh reality.

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 An alleged rape in the 80’s, and a recommendation that Brame not be hired as a result of a psychological evaluation in 1981 did not impede his rise to power. There were “other incidents” throughout Barme’s career that were red flags, but they were ignored. Asterisks surrounded his 1981 hiring; Brame took three psychological evaluations before he was deemed eligible. Few knew or noticed.

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 “He had a brother on the police force. He had a father on the police force. It’s the good old boy system. It’s the buddy system. It’s the blue code,” says John Hathaway, who grew up in East Tacoma, near Brame’s family.

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megan-graham beaten by copsHandicapped Woman Calls 911 During Brutal Beating by Cops

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Ray Corpuz, Tacoma’s city manager allegedly suppressed the rape charges against Chief Brame. The “cover up” by Corpuz protected Brame and Corpuz. Ray and his wife were involved in an insurance scam concerning a burglary at their home. Corpuz and Brame knew damaging information about one another, and they made a pact to keep silent.

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In the case of “Ross Mirkarimi, the San Francisco sheriff who was charged with three misdemeanor counts connected with accusations that he abused his wife” – fear spread far and wide.

“Advocates for battered women are reluctant to dive into domestic violence cases involving police for fear of alienating the agencies they rely upon for help in other abuse cases. Several local advocates declined to be interviewed for this article because of that concern, although more than a dozen publicly called Thursday for Mirkarimi to step aside temporarily while the case against him is resolved.”

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“The biggest problem for a woman reporting that she’s been abused by her police officer husband or boyfriend is that nobody believes you,” said Diane Wetendorf of Chicago, who wrote a nationally used victim handbook, “Police Domestic Violence.”

“If you do speak up, the police are very good at turning the accusations around,” Wetendorf said. “The women get terrified, too, so the crime is very under-reported. There is a legitimate fear of retaliation.”

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There are many good cops that strive to do the right thing on and off the job. On the other hand, power and control hungry men often pursue a career in law enforcement to satisfy their need for dominance. The use of and misuse of authority, the badge and the gun are more important to such men rather than the heart to help people in need.

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NYPD-Officer-Larry-DePrimo-a-standard-all-cops-should-strive-forhttp://christopherdiarmani.com/8811/police/great-police-officers/shocking-true-good-cops-exist/

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Several studies, according to Gandy and Wetendorf, indicate that women suffer domestic abuse in at least 40 percent of police officer families. For American women overall, the figure is 25 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”

“She said officers who abuse their wives or partners often are perverting the ‘continuum of force’ used in policing.”

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“They start out with command presence and voice to gain and maintain control, and if that doesn’t work, they go up the scale with an increasing amount of force until they get compliance,” Wetendorf said. “Unfortunately, these guys use the same technique with their wives and girlfriends. And some of them go from 0 to 60 right away.”

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“A big part of police culture is the code of silence,” she said. “The prosecutors depend on police for their cases, the police depend on each other – it’s a very insulated system.”

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Officer Mirkarimi stated that what happened in his home was “a family matter.” Fortunately, the laws are changing – slowly – but changing to view domestic violence as much more than a family squabble.

“San Francisco police spokesman Officer Albie Esparza said his department is as intolerant of domestic violence as anyone in the city.”

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“When you are sworn to protect and serve, you are held to a higher standard than the general public,” Esparza said. “If you are accused of domestic violence, you not only get your case in court, but you get an internal affairs investigation.”

“Whether it involves an officer from our agency or another agency, we take these accusations very seriously,” Esparza said. “You cannot change the way you do your job just because it’s another officer.”

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  Calculated Behavior

“Most victims ask if the abuser knows what he’s doing. The answer is “yes.” The police abuser, even more than a civilian abuser, knows exactly what he wants to accomplish and how to do it.”

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Training makes him dangerous

“A police officer’s training and professional status add extra levels of sophistication to his style of psychological and physical battering. It may be helpful for you to step back and see how his training and status intensify his abusive behavior in your relationship.”

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THE POLICE ARE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!

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The Police Are Still Out of Control

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In America, fear is growing that the police are getting out of control

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“And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.”

(Luke 21:16 – KJV)

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10 years later: Looking back at former Tacoma Police Chief David Brame

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  I Am Divorcing An Abusive Police Officer

“Mine started off as the dream guy. The most supported and loving man I had ever met. I told my family “I’m going to marry this guy”. As I am now in my 4th year of this relationship, it’s a complete nightmare. He doesn’t ke me visit my family, call them, or spend holidays or birthdays with them. I own the house we live in and he refuses to leave even though I’ve asked him to leave several times. When I say I’m going to call the cops he just laughs because they are all his buddies and won’t do anything to help me.”

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“My first lawyer told me to face the facts, my soon to be ex is a cop and he is going to win.”

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 “Last night was pretty much the last straw. A friend of his (another cop) hit me in the face joking around but I was so offended and caught off guard that I got upset and started crying. Well he flipped and told me I was being stupid and the argument between us was our fault because I chose to take the smack to the face the wrong way.”

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THE BROTHERHOOD

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Code of Silence

When an officer is in trouble on the job or in trouble with his wife or girlfriend at home, he counts on his buddies to cover for him. He gives them a story that explains why he “had to do” whatever he did. Whether or not they personally condone his behavior, they may rationalize his behavior, saying he was stressed out, under a lot of pressure, or quite simply, that he’s only human. They repeat his version of the story and they stick to that version. They put themselves on the line with their fellow officer. Whether testifying in court or smoothing things out at home, the rules are simple for them:

  • Say as little as possible.
  • Answer only the question asked.
  • Don’t give details.
  • Deny all accusations.
  • Say “I don’t remember, I didn’t see that, or I don’t know.”

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Seattle cops get free ride on domestic violence

“Cops who abuse their wives rarely pay the price.”

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Officer-Involved Domestic Violence

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How to Combat Officer-Involved Domestic Violence

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What can a woman do when her abuser IS the police?

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Muncie steps up fight against domestic violence

“One of the complaints that we had always heard was, ‘Well, I don’t have anywhere to go. I can’t get out of the house. My kids are there,'” Arnold said. “Now you can run to a fire station — you can drive to a fire station — and you’re going to be safe, you’re going to be warm.”

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YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ (even the MSM cannot deny it anymore)

YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’

YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ (even the MSM cannot deny it anymore)

– See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf

brutal_american_policehttp://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html

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http://www.lanejudson.com/2_Domestic_violence_bill_now_law.htm

New Washington State Law mandates that each law enforcement agency in the state must have an officer-involved domestic violence policy

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We can spread the word far and wide about the anguish Crystal suffered. We can convey the message to those who are still suffering in silence that they are not alone. And we can help prevent this tragedy from ever happening again. That would be Crystal’s greatest legacy.”

http://www.lanejudson.com/

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Officer-Involved Domestic Fatalities – LaneJudson.com

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YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ – See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf
YAHOO NEWS: The American Police State is the ‘New Normal’ – See more at: http://szaboservices.blogspot.com/2011/06/yahoo-news-american-police-state-is-new.html#sthash.UxNKSEja.dpuf

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org. – 2014
All rights reserved.

………………………………………Read more here: http://www.thenewstribune.com/david-brame/#storylink=cpy
 
4 Comments

Posted by on April 16, 2014 in Sociopaths And Psycopaths

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – NO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”

By Terry Loving

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“For he flatters himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity is found to be hateful.

(I wrote this post a while back for my website – the message is worthy of repeating)

I can remember stories, those things my mother said
She told me fairy tales before I went to bed
She spoke of happy endings then tucked me in real tight
She turned my night light on and kissed my face good night

My mind would fill with visions of perfect paradise
She told me everything, she said he’d be so nice
He’d ride up on his horse and take me away one night
I’d be so happy with him, we’d ride clean out of sight
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
She never said that maybe, someday he’d say goodbye

The story ends, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
Of fairy tales, no

She spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this
She said he’d slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince
She said he’d come to save me, swim through the stormy seas
I’d understand the story, it would be good for me
You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold

My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, yes

I don’t look for pie up in the sky, baby
Need reality, now, said I Don’t feel the need to be pacified, don’t cha try
Honey, I know you lied

You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold
I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly
I found the poison apple, my destiny to die
No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin
My fantasy is over, my life must now begin

My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, hey, hey
Oh, Lord

Read more: ANITA BAKER – FAIRY TALES LYRICS

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I grew up reading Dick and Jane, Cinderella, and all the books that young girls cherished about love and romance and happiness at home with loving parents. I lived in a row home in Philadelphia, but that did not stop me from envisioning my Prince riding down my street, coming to rescue me. Our row home did not have a white picket fence, no matter. Someday my Prince and I would have a white picket fence of our own.

One day he would ride boldly to my mother’s house, and demand to take me away from the madness; the fury of domestic violence. No more would I suffer neglect and the damaging effects of the violence, for my Prince would take me away in a flash. While riding on the back of his beautiful stallion, I would wave goodbye to my mother’s dysfunctional household, leaving all the pain and misery behind.

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There would be no need to pack the rags that I was accustomed to wearing. My Prince would provide any and everything that I could possibly need. There would be no more hunger, for I would feast on the delicacies prepared by staff in his far away castle. My mind would only know peace, no more war. No more waking up in the middle of the night, crying, frightened, and bewildered.

I would stay at home like “Mother” in Dick and Jane – waving goodbye every morning from the edge of our white picket fence. I would be beautiful, at peace, and know only love and deep affection. My Prince would come home faithfully to me, and only have eyes for me and me alone. Like Cinderella, my Prince would reject all others, and we would live happily ever after. Oh dear mother, someday, I will leave your madness, and fly away.

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I dreamed of my Prince back in the 60’s, and here it is 2012, and women are still waiting for a Knight in shining armor. A new generation is envisioning the same white picket fence that I prayed for years ago. It seems that no one has bothered to tell them the truth, what a shame!

Before I move on, I am not some kind of Prophetess of doom. I am a realist, and life has taught me to be one over and over again – especially in the area of personal relationships and marriage. Anita Baker says it best in her song-Fairy Tales, “Reality steps into view.”

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Now there is nothing wrong with young girls reading Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and books of this sort. However, those who place these books in their hands should inform them that these books are for “entertainment only.” Better yet, the books should come with a warning, “This is not real life!”

Children find their own way to cope with violence and neglect while growing up.  My coping mechanism was reading, and my imagination. I was a dreamer, and dreaming was my escape. My books were the gateway to another world, one that did not know domestic violence, abuse, or neglect.

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On the other hand, perhaps there are mothers’ who read these stories to their young daughters, and they live in homes not filled with violence. Everyone loves a love story with a happy ending, and caring mothers try hard to present the good in the world to their children. Loving parents try to avoid planting seeds of paranoia concerning dysfunctional people in the world, so sometimes fantasy is a good thing.

If I were raising a little girl today that loved to read fairy tales, I would read them with her. I would not take away the part of her that dreams of having a good marriage someday. But I would definitely let her know that real life isn’t how we fantasize it to be. She could keep her fantasies, but she would also be armed with reality.

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HAPPY ENDINGS

Movie goers love a happy ending. After all the drama, pitfalls, obstacles, and antagonism, we all root for our heroes to win the struggle. When our hero dies, we are disappointed. When love dies, we are devastated. Most, if not all couples anticipate happiness in their marriage. Unfortunately, the divorce rate shrinks the percentage. As we read about the divorce rate in our country, we know that not many people have found what makes for longevity, and happiness in a marriage.

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The only “perfect paradise” that I believe exists is the one spoken of in the Bible. Jesus told the thief on the cross that was condemned to die alongside of Him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43). Adam and Eve experienced paradise on earth, and they blew it, Genesis chapter 3. We are living in a fallen, sin-filled world where nothing and no flesh is perfect.

You may meet a “nice” man, and he may seem to be the answer to your prayers. But with the absence of a good Christian father, and correct Biblical teaching, you may not know what to look for in choosing the right man for you. Or, allowing the right man to choose you. “Nice” could be a cover-up for many negative characteristics that will come out later. So, what can you do? Listen to our heavenly Father’s guidance:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God…”  (1 John 4:1).

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Although the above scripture is referring to false prophets, the same advice should apply to Mr. “Nice.” The Greek work for “spirit” is PNEUMA. It can be used in reference to “the breath”

(2 Thessalonians 2:8). And “the immaterial, invisible part of man,” (Luke 8:55). PNEUMA also refers to the “sentient element in man, that by which he perceives, reflects, feels, desires,” (Matthew 26:41), and in Romans 7:22, “the inner man.”

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So when we “test” the spirits of others, we are searching for the qualities that one who claims to serve God should possess. Is Mr. “Nice” humble in spirit? God was able to use Moses because he was “very humble-more than any man who was on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3). Your Mr. “Nice” may not be on the same spiritual level as Moses, but possessing humility will bring him God’s grace. Here is an example of a check list that you can use to “test the spirit” of your new love, or the man you have doubts about.

(James 4:6-10; Job 5:11; Matthew 23:12)

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” Does he humble himself in the presence of our Lord? Does Mr. “Nice” treat you and others with disrespect, or does he humble himself in front of your family and friends? How does he treat you in private? When no one else is around, does he still exhibit Christ-like qualities? Or does he change into a tyrant?

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Proverbs 16:32; 15:29; Proverbs 15:2)

Is he able to rule his spirit?  Is he quick or even tempered? Does Mr. “Nice” have a problem with verbal abuse? Are there signs of anger? When he speaks, does he speak words of wisdom, or does his mouth bring forth folly? Has he ever threatened violence or acted on it? Does he throw things when upset, or frighten you with his anger?

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(Ecclesiastes 7:8; Ephesians 4:32)

Is your Knight patient in spirit, or does he exhibit haughtiness of spirit? Does he walk in the Spirit of God? And possess the fruits of the Spirit? And they are:

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Does he easily forgive others their trespasses?

(1 John 3:4-10; Ephesians 5:3)

Does Mr. “Nice” lead you into sin when you want to do what is right? Do you find yourself compromising your salvation to have this man in your life? Does he often say things like “God understands” when he continually sins and entices you to do so?

(Colossians 3:9; Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 19:22; John 8:44; Psalm 52:1-4)

Has your Knight ever lied to you? Does Mr. “Nice” make a habit of lying to you or others? Have you found his words and actions to be unreliable? Does he say one thing, and do another? Does he lack integrity?

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(1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 1:1-19)

Does Mr. “Nice” keep good company? Have you ever met his family and friends? What are they like? Does he try to isolate you from your family and friends? Have you ever been told that he is all that you need, and you do not need your family and friends anymore? Be very careful with isolation, abusers plot to get you alone and away from support of family and friends.

(Psalm 53:1; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Psalm 10:4)

Most importantly, does your Mr. “Nice” believe in God, worship God, fear God, acknowledge God, and encourage others to serve God? Does he pray to the God of heaven? Does he trust God? Does he hinder you from worshiping God? Does he manipulate your religious beliefs? Make fun of them? Put you down because you are a believer?

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Certainly this list could go on and on. However, I have laid a foundation upon which you could and should assess your future or current mate – especially if you are experiencing violence, abuse or threats of any kind. This list is not meant to frighten you in any way. Nor is it meant to eliminate the wonders or courtship, or cause you to become fearful of others. It simply serves as a guide to the kind of man that will treat you with respect, and love you as God demands that you should be loved.

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In order to form relationships with other human beings, there has to be some level of trust. However, when we operate with blind faith, we often set ourselves up for situations that may be difficult to get out of. Domestic violence and abuse are very good examples of harmful situations that may not entirely be avoided, but you won’t miss the signs if you allow yourself to recognize the handwriting on the wall.

When you find yourself being wooed and courted with flattery, hopefully this list and others will be embedded within your heart for future references. Otherwise, you may assume that over-flattering behavior is normal. If you are in a new relationship, be careful if your admirer is: A. Obsessed with you. B. In a hurry to form a more mature relationship. C. Adores you and barely knows you. Usually, these signs are huge red flags that should not be ignored. They often mean that a messed up person is trying to intimately connect with you before their inner demons rear their ugly heads, and you see him or her for what, and who they really are.

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NOTE: Satan’s most effective tool is deception. Even if the abused miss the warning signs, the violent and abusive behaviors are still the responsibility of the abusers.

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“REALITY”

Abusers are no better than brute beasts!

Unfortunately, many women live with beastly behavior everyday, sad.

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It is not your destiny to die at the hands of abusers.

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WHEN FAIRY TALES DON’T COME TRUE 

Domestic Violence The Story of Power and Control (PDF)

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8th Century Domestic Violence

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Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

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Fairy Tale Malarkey

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Soul Mates and Selfishness

Mixing Myth and Faith

The view that there is a predestined one-and-only out there for each of us has permeated even the Christian view of courtship and marriage.  We have spiritualized it.  We teach, “God has made one special person just for you.”

Really?

If that is not the epitome of self-centered, narcissistic thinking, I do not know what is.  God did not create another human being just to satisfy your needs or to make you feel complete.

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http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 20092012
All rights reserved.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on November 26, 2012 in LIES AND DECEPTION

 

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Why Do Victims Start To Mirror Their Abuser’s Behavior?

By Terry Loving

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“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man you shall not go: Lest you learn his ways, and get a snare to your soul.”

Proverbs 22:24-25

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The title of this post is a search term used to find my site. As other questions I have endeavored to answer – Scripturally – this question begs an answer as well. I will start by quoting a friend who lived a life of domestic abuse for many years. Betty told me that her doctor informed her, “You stayed too long.” Prior to her death from cancer several years ago, Betty confided in me that she should have left her husband, but could not bring herself to do so – she loved him.

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Theirs was a volatile relationship where Betty took the abuse for a long time, and one day began to fight back. Both Betty and her husband were alcoholics; however they each held a decent paying job. They owned a home, and their kids were grown – so it had to be dysfunctional love that kept them together. When they were sober, they seemed like a “normal” couple laughing and enjoying each other’s company. They would take vacations together, and stood up for one another, living in peace – until they drank alcohol.

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I will never understand this type of relationship, even though I have witnessed it many times over. The women eventually became just as violent and abusive – swearing – throwing objects – drawing blood – and making use of weapons to defend themselves. One thing I do understand is this, alcohol consumption makes many people act out some of the vilest behaviors on earth. Although substance abuse changes personalities, they who partake are still responsible for their ungodly behaviors. Getting high or drunk is a matter of choice – with the exception of those who are forced to partake under dire and involuntary circumstances.

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The following commentary makes very valid points – one in particular:

“22:17-21. To these words, to this knowledge, the ear must be bowed down, and the heart applied by faith and love. To live a life of delight in God and dependence on him, is the foundation of all practical religion. The way to know the certainty of the word of truth, is to make conscience of our duty. 22, 23. He that robs and oppresses the poor, does so at his peril. And if men will not appear for them, God will. 24,25. Our corrupt hearts have so much tinder in them, that it is dangerous to have to do with those that throw about the sparks of their passion.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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One line stood out after reading the above commentary – “Our corrupt hearts have so much tinder in them, that it is dangerous to have to do with those that throw about the sparks of their passion.”

From my personal understanding, this means that abusers cannot make the abused mimic their ways. However, because of the inclination of the heart of mankind in general to lean towards evil – it doesn’t take much for our hearts to adopt the ways of Cain. When pushed to the brink of insanity, the human brain resorts to the “fight for flight” stage. In the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It, Tina Turner’s character – (Angela Basset) gives a good example of what I am referring to. In the back of a limo, she chose to fight back, and flight was her next decision when Ike – (Lawrence Fishburn) fell asleep at the hotel.

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Genesis 6:5 states: “The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” New International Version (©1984)

“God sees all the wickedness that is among the children of men; it cannot be hid from him now; and if it be not repented of, it shall be made known by him shortly. The wickedness of a people is great indeed, when noted sinners are men renowned among them. Very much sin was committed in all places, by all sorts of people. Any one might see that the wickedness of man was great: but God saw that every imagination, or purpose, of the thoughts of man’s heart, was only evil continually.

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“This was the bitter root, the corrupt spring. The heart was deceitful and desperately wicked; the principles were corrupt; the habits and dispositions evil. Their designs and devices were wicked. They did evil deliberately, contriving how to do mischief. There was no good among them. God saw man’s wickedness as one injured and wronged by it. He saw it as a tender father sees the folly and stubbornness of a rebellious and disobedient child, which grieves him, and makes him wish he had been childless.”

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

New International Version (©1984)
As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; (Romans 3:10)

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The “tinder” spoken of relates to the “kindling,” “firewood,” “brushwood,” “sticks,” and “twigs” that lie deep within our hearts. In other words, it may take being cussed out for the fifth time for the abused to start cussing back at her abuser. She may be a Christian woman who never cussed in her life, but as the Bible states, “… Bad company corrupts good character.” “Do not be misled,” “Do not be deceived,” “Don’t let anyone deceive you,” “Do not deceive yourselves,” “Do not be led astray”:

“Bad company ruins good morals.”

“Bad company corrupts good character.”

Evil communications corrupt good manners.”

Wicked friends lead to evil ends.”

“Evil discourse corrupts pleasant minds.”

“Associating with bad people will ruin decent people.”

“Evil companions corrupt good morals.”

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“Bad company good morals doth corrupt. There is a proverb much like this among the rabbins:”

“There were two dry logs of wood, and one green log; but the dry logs burnt up the green log.”

“There is no difficulty in this saying; he who frequents the company of bad or corrupt men will soon be as they are. He may be sound in the faith, and have the life and power of godliness, and at first frequent their company only for the sake of their pleasing conversation, or their literary accomplishments: and he may think his faith proof against their infidelity; but he will soon find, by means of their glozing speeches, his faith weakened; and when once he gets under the empire of doubt, unbelief will soon prevail; his bad company will corrupt his morals; and the two dry logs will soon burn up the green one.”

Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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In abusive situations, hurt and pain often turns into anger, and many abused persons when they reach their limit frequently take on the persona of the abusers. This is the way many defend themselves, and hope to put an end to the abuse. However, what happens in many cases, the abusers become excited that they now have a sparring partner. I know, this sounds sick, and it really is – but to an abuser this is an opportunity to inflict more damage for now they can accuse the abused of being violent as well.

And what this does is it takes away the spotlight from the abuser, and the light shines on the violence of both parties. In many states, both the abuser and the abused are arrested for domestic violence. Fighting back often weakens the defense of the abused in court, and the children now witness two parents desiring to hurt one another.

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“Let us not be joined with ungodly men; but warn all around us, especially children and young persons, to shun them as a pestilence. Let us awake to righteousness, and not sin.”

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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GUARD YOUR HEART

“Keep thy heart with all diligence,…. The mind from vanity, the understanding from error, the will from perverseness, the conscience clear of guilt, the affections from being inordinate and set on evil objects, the thoughts from being employed on bad subjects; and the whole from falling into the hands of the enemy, or being the possession of Satan: great diligence had need be used in keeping it, since it is naturally so deceitful and treacherous; a strict eye is to be kept upon it; all the avenues to it to be watched, that nothing hurtful enters, or evil comes out; it is to be kept by all manner of means that can be thought of, by prayer, hearing, reading, meditation; and, above all, by applying to Christ for his grace and Spirit to sanctify, preserve, and keep it. Or, “above all keeping, keep thine heart” (b); though other things are to be kept, and care taken of them, as kingdoms and cities, and towns and families, and treasures and riches; yet the heart above all:

for out of it are the issues of life; of natural life: it is the seat of it, from whence all actions of life are derived; it is, as philosophers say, the first that lives, and the last that dies; and it is the seat of spiritual life the principle of it is formed in it; from whence all spiritual and vital actions flow, and which lead unto and issue in eternal life: as is a man’s heart, such is his state now, and will be hereafter; if the heart is quickened and sanctified by the grace of God, the man will live a life of faith and holiness here, and enjoy everlasting life hereafter: and if the heart is right, so will the actions of men be; they are regulated and denominated by it; they will then spring from right principles, and be directed to right ends, and performed with right views; great care therefore should be taken of the heart, since so much depends upon it, and it is so well known to God the searcher of it.”

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“Make no friendship with an angry man – Spirit has a wonderful and unaccountable influence upon spirit. From those with whom we associate we acquire habits, and learn their ways, imbibe their spirit, show their tempers and walk in their steps. We cannot be too choice of our company, for we may soon learn ways that will be a snare to our soul.”   Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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THE HIDDEN HEART OF MAN

The Greek word for heart is “kardia.” 1

“The heart in Scripture is variously used, sometimes for the mind and understanding, sometimes for the will, sometimes for the affections, sometimes for the conscience, sometimes for the whole soul. Generally, it denotes the whole soul of man and all the facilities of it, not absolutely, but as they are all one principle of moral operations, as they all concur in our doing of good and evil.”

1– Orr, James, M.A., D.D. General Editor. “Entry for “HEART”. “International Standard Bible Encyclopedia.” http://www.studylight.org/enc/isb/view.cgi?number=T4199. 1915

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“Make no friendship with an angry man,…. Do not associate with him; contract not a familiarity with him; make him not a companion; take him not into an intimacy, or use him as a particular friend and acquaintance: a man should be courteous, and carry it civilly to all men; but he should take care whom he admits as his bosom friend; he should be cautious in his choice of a familiar friend, and not receive any; and, among the rest, avoid an angry and passionate man, one who is much given to passion himself, and stirs it up in others; for there can be no lasting peace and pleasure in such a man’s company and conversation;

and with a furious man thou shall not go: not take a walk with him, much less a journey; or shall not be frequently together. It may be rendered, “unto a man of wraths”, or of great wrath and “fury, thou shall not come”; not enter into his house, nor seek his company, and court his conversation, which rather should be shunned.”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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<< Proverbs 2 >>
New International Version 1984

20Thus you will walk in the ways of good men

and keep to the paths of the righteous.

21For the upright will live in the land,

and the blameless will remain in it;

22but the wicked will be cut off from the land,

and the unfaithful will be torn from it.

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Sometimes, you can stay much too long.

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MAN IS DEFILED FROM WITHIN

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WHEN BATTERED WOMEN USE VIOLENCE: HUSBAND-ABUSE OR SELF-DEFENSE?

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Dispelling the Myths About the “Battered
Woman’s Defense:” Towards a New
Understanding

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The “Battered Woman’s Defense” Its History and Future

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3 Comments

Posted by on May 10, 2012 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

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LESSONS FROM WHITNEY HOUSTON’S DEATH

By Terry Loving

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And the devil said to Him, “I will give You all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish.”

OK, before you start banging out cuss words on your keyboard, hit the delete button for I will not entertain such responses. And for those who question, “Who does she think she is?” Let me answer that for you. I am a child of God that is blessed with the gift of writing, with its intended use to honor God, and contribute to the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. When the Holy Spirit prompts – even wakes me up like this morning – I write what I am instructed to write. So, there is no self-righteousness here, just humble obedience.

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I am also blessed with a worldwide ministry, and that is no accident. God has graced me with the opportunity to reach millions of lost souls, and spiritually weak Christians that need a dose of spiritual truth. False preachers and teachers don’t care if you go to hell, Christ does. There is no time to be “politically correct” when Christians should be more concerned with spiritual correctness. When we die, we will not stand before the world and be judged by them, we will stand before a Righteous Judge and His faithful followers – to hear either, “Well done,” or “Depart from Me.” I don’t know about you, but I am striving to hear “Well done.” Please do not think that I am this heartless, self-righteous Christian spewing unkindness – not so.

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I did not plan to watch Whitney’s funeral, but I felt compelled to do so. It was emotional for me, especially when they hoisted her coffin on their shoulders and carried her away. They played a song that I can directly link to a broken relationship many years ago. I became overwhelmed at the end of her funeral for I was thinking, “Satan destroyed another one.” And I am sure that he is extra proud especially since his handiwork was displayed before the whole world.

With that said, here we go.

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Whitney Houston was a gifted singer, who set a singing standard that will remain unchallenged. Yes, she opened doors for other Black female singers, and made substantial contributions to the music industry. She sang songs that uplifted the soul, or words that fit a situation that you may have been going through. In spite of all of her earthly achievements and awards, we must acknowledge the truth. The music and film industries do not exist to promote the things of God, but the whims of the devil. Her contributions did not advance the Kingdom of God, but that of Satan – in film and onstage.

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Like so many other Black music artists, Whitney started out singing for God, and then started singing for the world. I saw this t-shirt quote that said something like, “Work for God – The Pay Isn’t Much, But the Retirement Plan Is out of This World.” It has been said that you can make more money singing for the world than singing Gospel music. Many are allured to this fact, and get caught up prostituting their gift for the kingdom of Satan. Has it ever occurred to anyone that perhaps God meant for former gospel singers to use their gift to sing songs about Jesus and salvation, and not about adultery, fornication and the like? God is a jealous God. Many commentators’ have stated that “Whitney is in heaven because God wanted to hear her sing.” Could not an all-powerful, Omnipresent, Omnipotent God have heard her sing from His heavenly throne?”

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And here is another thought, did you notice that many entertainers lives are eventually destroyed? The entertainment industries have led many souls to destruction. Yes, numerous artists were willing participants; however, vanity’s grip becomes a stronghold that is not easily shaken. Our gifts from God are to be used to glorify God – especially if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
“Each of you as a good manager must use the gift that God has given you to serve others.”

“Stewards of the manifold grace – Whatever gifts or endowments any man may possess, they are properly speaking, not his own; they are the Lord’s property, and to be employed in his work, and to promote his glory.”   Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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“Manifold and various are the graces of the Spirit of God, and the rich experiences communicated to men, which are not only for themselves, but for the good of others also: gifts for public usefulness are different one from another; one man has one gift, and another has another; or the same gift is not alike in all, in some greater, and in others less; and all are but stewards: they are accountable for them, and the use of them, to their great Lord and master:”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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Although Whitney Houston is an example in this post, what is said applies to everyone in the household of God. She is not the only gospel singer that chose to sing in nightclubs, or on Satan’s many stages throughout the world. So, I am not picking on Whitney. This is a spiritual teaching opportunity while the world is so focused on her life and her death. By the way, no one on earth can confirm Whitney Houston’s final destination, heaven or hell. So stop wasting your time looking for a definitive response on the internet. That conclusion is between Whitney and our Creator, no one else.

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Covetousness is the foundation of mostly all desires to become a star. Some child stars are forced by their parents to become famous, and others reach for stardom to create wealth to care for their parents – as in the case of Whitney. She told her mother that she “wanted to be a star” so that she could provide for her – so that Cissy Houston would “never have to work again.” This was a big dream that had many traps waiting for this unsuspecting young woman.

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My next comments are not to judge Whitney’s heart and soul concerning her love for the Lord – just speaking the truth. Many have stated that Whitney “loved the Lord.” The only way to confirm this is with the Word of God:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”

John 14:21 “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”

John 14:23 “Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

John 15:10  “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.”

1 John 2:3 “We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.”

1 John 5:3 “This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,”

2 John 1:6 “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.”

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People’s New Testament

“14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments. Keeping the commandments will be the result if we love him. The Revised Version gives the true idea: If ye love me, ye will keep my commandments. Obedience is the fruit of love.”

Geneva Study Bible

“{6} If ye love me, keep my commandments.”

“(6) He loves Christ rightly who obeys his commandment: and because obedience to Christ is accompanied with an infinite type and amount of miseries, although he is absent in body, yet he comforts his own with the present power of the Holy Spirit, whom the world despises, because it does not know him.”

“keep my commandments: Christ is Lord over his people, as he is the Creator and Redeemer of them, and as he is an head and husband to them, and as such he has a right to issue out his commands, and enjoin a regard unto them;” Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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This is what Satan does when he no longer has use for you. Don’t hide it – face it!

“Keep my commandments – This is the only proper evidence of love to Jesus, for mere profession is no proof of love; but that love for him which leads us to do all his will, to love each other, to deny ourselves, to take up our cross, and to follow him through evil report and through good report, is true attachment. The evidence which we have that a child loves its parents is when that child is willing, without hesitation, gainsaying, or complaining, to do all that the parent requires him to do. So the disciples of Christ are required to show that they are attached to him supremely by yielding to all his requirements, and by patiently doing his will in the face of ridicule and opposition,” 1 John 5:2-3.

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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What happens to Christians who start out in devotion to our Lord, and choose the world instead is this:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”

“Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee – The clause should be read, according to the Greek, thus: But I have against thee that thou hast left thy first love. They did not retain that strong and ardent affection for God and sacred things which they had when first brought to the knowledge of the truth, and justified by faith in Christ.”  Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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I don’t know if this is Whitney’s house or not, but it does capture drug use accurately.

This happens to many believers who are gifted with song. They become attracted to the financial rewards of singing for the world, and leave behind the ministry of song to the lost, and encouragement to the saved. Satan set it up this way being the “god of this world.” Satan was granted rule over the world by God. He is on a leash, and cannot do any and every thing he so desires, but he does have control over more than we realize. During the temptation of Christ, he tried to tempt our Lord to come over to his side:

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And the devil said to Him, “I will give You all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish.”

International Standard Version (©2008)
He said to Jesus, “I will give you all this authority, along with their glory, because it has been given to me, and I give it to anyone I please.

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“All Satan’s promises are deceitful; and if he is permitted to have any influence in disposing of the kingdoms of the world and the glory of them, he uses them as baits to ensnare men to destruction. We should reject at once and with abhorrence, every opportunity of sinful gain or advancement, as a price offered for our souls; we should seek riches, honours, and happiness in the worship and service of God only. Christ will not worship Satan; nor, when he has the kingdoms of the world delivered to him by his Father, will he suffer any remains of the worship of the devil to continue in them.”

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“Satan also tempted Jesus to be his own murderer, by unfitting confidence in his Father’s protection, such as he had no warrant for. Let not any abuse of Scripture by Satan or by men abate our esteem, or cause us to abandon its use; but let us study it still, seek to know it, and seek our defense from it in all kinds of assaults. Let this word dwell richly in us, for it is our life. Our victorious Redeemer conquered, not for himself only, but for us also. The devil ended all the temptation. Christ let him try all his force, and defeated him. Satan saw it was to no purpose to attack Christ, who had nothing in him for his fiery darts to fasten upon.”

Don’t close your eyes to what the devil can do. Are Whitney and Bobby bowing to a false God as well? They were involved with a cult.

“It was the aforementioned Prince Asiel who visited Whitney Houston at the Miraval Resort in Arizona a couple of years ago when she was trying to detoxify. The Prince — Warren Brown — presented her with a plan that the Black Hebrews could cure her of her addictions.” Whitney sought help from a known CULT called the Black Hebrew Israelites.

NOTE: This cult information is from archives, however, it is important for Christians to be reminded that Jesus Christ is our Healer not man. She relied on the wrong source to get well. Read more…

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“And if we resist the devil, he will flee from us. Yet he departed but till the season when he was again to be let loose upon Jesus, not as a tempter, to draw him to sin, and so to strike at his head, at which he now aimed and was wholly defeated in; but as a persecutor, to bring Christ to suffer, and so to bruise his heel, which it was told him, he should have to do, and would do, though it would be the breaking of his own head, Ge 3:15. Though Satan depart for a season, we shall never be out of his reach till removed from this present evil world.”   Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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Whitney came from a family of gospel singers, including a godmother – Aretha Franklin – that chose to sing for the world instead of honoring God with their gifts. Dionne Warwick, the late Dee Dee Warwick ( her cousins) – and Cissy Houston started out singing gospel music, and defected. Cissy Houston, Whitney’s mother was instrumental in introducing Whitney to Satan’s playground via the nightclub scene. And remember this; they were Christians singing for God at one time.

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When Christian’s decide that working for the Lord isn’t as lucrative as serving the devil, they cross over – but sadly – may not get a chance to repent and turn back to their “first love.” In the case of Dionne Warwick, she crossed the line even deeper by getting involved with the occult – representing the Psychic Friends Network. She also had in common with Whitney a drug issue, even at the age of “61.”  Whitney’s influence to go down the wrong road started at home. Her father was in the entertainment business as well.

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

“A man may do some service to two masters, but he can devote himself to the service of no more than one. God requires the whole heart, and will not share it with the world. When two masters oppose each other, no man can serve both. He who holds to the world and loves it, must despise God; he who loves God, must give up the friendship of the world.”   Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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“two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other-Even if the two masters be of one character and have but one object, the servant must take law from one or the other: though he may do what is agreeable to both, he cannot, in the nature of the thing, be servant to more than one. Much less if, as in the present case, their interests are quite different, and even conflicting. In this case, if our affections be in the service of the one-if we “love the one”-we must of necessity “hate the other”; if we determine resolutely to “hold to the one,” we must at the same time disregard, and (if he insist on his claims upon us) even “despise the other.”

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary

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2 Peter 2:20  “If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning.”

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Geneva Study Bible

“{9} For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.”

“(9) It is better to have never known the way of righteousness, than to turn back from it to the old filthiness: and men that do so, are compared to dogs and swine.”

“… persons may be outwardly righteous before men, have a form of godliness and a name to live, and yet be dead in trespasses and sins; all which they may have…”

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“For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world – This does not necessarily mean that they had been true Christians, and had fallen from grace. People may outwardly reform, and escape from the open corruptions which prevail around them, or which they had themselves practiced, and still have no true grace at heart.”

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“Through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ – Neither does This imply that they were true Christians, or that they had ever had any saving knowledge of the Redeemer. There is a knowledge of the doctrines and duties of religion which may lead sinners to abandon their outward vices, which has no connection with saving grace. They may profess religion, and may know enough of religion to understand that it requires them to abandon their vicious habits, and still never be true Christians.”

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“They are again entangled therein and overcome – The word rendered “entangled,” (ἐμπλέκω emplekō,) from which is derived our word “implicate,” means to braid in, to interweave; then to involve in, to entangle. It means here that they become implicated in those vices like an animal that is entangled in a net.”

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“The latter end is worse with them than the beginning – This is usually the case. Apostates become worse than they were before their professed conversion. “Reformed” drunkards, if they go back to their “cups” again, become more abandoned than ever. Thus, it is with those who have been addicted to any habits of vice, and who profess to become religious, and then fall away. The “reasons” for this may be:

(1) that they are willing now to show to others that they are no longer under the restraints by which they had professedly bound themselves;

(2) that God gives them up to indulgence with fewer restraints than formerly; and,

(3) their old companions in sin may be at special pains to court their society, and to lead them into temptation, in order to obtain a triumph over virtue and religion.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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Wesley’s Notes

“2:20 For if after they – Who are thus ensnared. Have escaped the pollutions of the world – The sins which pollute all who know not God. Through the knowledge of Christ – That is, through faith in him, 2Peter 1:3. They are again entangled therein, and overcome, their last state is worse than the first – More inexcusable, and causing a greater damnation.”

People’s New Testament

“2:20 The latter end is worse with them than the beginning. If one who has been converted is enticed back again into his sins, his state is worse than before. That this is possible is taught in many places.”

… “such persons are more extravagant in sinning; are like raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; and are seldom, or ever, recovered; and by their light, knowledge, and profession, their punishment will be more aggravated, and become intolerable.”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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New International Version (©1984)
“If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”

Deuteronomy 4:24 “For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act; For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

Romans 6:16 “Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey–whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?”

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There are many more lessons to be learned from this tragedy. Please allow what has been said thus far be a lesson within itself. And for those who are dogging Whitney’s daughter Bobbi Kristina – please stop. Unless you have walked a mile in her shoes, grew up with domestic violence, alcohol and drug addiction, you have no clue what this child was exposed to, and is suffering today. I have been there, and the effects last a life time. Instead of shooting her down – “She is going to be a druggie just like her mom,” pray for her. Help some other teen struggling with drug addiction, and worldly allurements.

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Most of all, please read the Word for yourself. True Christians understand that this world is not our true home, and we are just passing through. There are many snares and dangers we will encounter as we navigate our earthly pathway, but it is Jesus who overcame the world so that we would gain the victory in the end. If we reject the blood of Christ, we have no hope.

In this world, what is evil is called “good.” And what is good is called “evil.”

New International Version (©1984)
“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” Pray for discernment so that you will know the difference.

At the end of the day, we must ask ourselves – “How many souls did Whitney Houston win for Christ?” Michael Jackson? Amy Winehouse? Elvis Presley? The world idolizes these souls incorrectly, and give honor to lives that were not living for God. Why? Because they could sing? Act? What contributions have they made to the Kingdom of Christ? Only these things will be honored by God and everlasting.

And one more thing, Black folks and the Black church – please stop believing that we will get a free pass from God because we sing so well. Stop being deceived. Not everyone that says, “Lord, Lord” is going to heaven. God is Holy, and He will not allow anything that has to do with the flesh in His Holy presence. Read the Bible!

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.”

Peace

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SATAN STOLE EVERYTHING FROM WHITNEY – BUT SHE WAS A WILLING PARTICIPANT

“Another fan said: ‘I’d been looking forward to it for months but when Whitney came on stage she was a shadow of her former self and just couldn’t hit the notes. It’s clear the drug abuse has taken its toll and I don’t think she’ll ever be the same again.”

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Where Was the Love When Whitney Needed It The Most?Where was the love when Whitney needed it the most?

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

 http://nasb.scripturetext.com/1_corinthians/6.htm

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“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

http://nasb.scripturetext.com/galatians/5.htm

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New Living Translation (©2007)
“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”

May God be merciful.

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CAN YOU LIVE ANY WAY YOU WANT TO?

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WHY PRAY FOR THE DEAD?

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Where Are All the Gospel Singers?

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You Can’t Serve God And Mammon

“I know that it’s hard to get by on the Gospel circuit, but part of ministry is sacrifice. If you want to make money, don’t get into gospel music. For those of you in gospel music, don’t be fooled by the “success” of secular artists and writers, for their success is temporary. I don’t think that God wants us to be beggars, but it’s important to remember exactly what the gospel is for – not to make a quick buck, but to reach a lost and dying world.”

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Slippery Slope: Fred Hammond goes secular with his upcoming “Love” album

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Are You Living For God or The Gospel Music Industry?

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Whitney’s devastated chauffeur tells of superstar’s wild life and spiral into drug addiction

“He watched helplessly as Whitney and husband Bobby Brown became wasted in the back almost daily, set fire to his car and enjoyed a wild threesome with an A-list soul singer.”

“Al also recalls driving Whitney into rundown ghettos in Los Angeles to meet shady drug dealers so the star could score more drugs.”

“But most shockingly, the star’s drug abuse became so severe that she openly smoked crack in front of her young daughter Bobbi Kristina.”

“Whitney would just say, ‘Baby, Mommy and Daddy are doing adult things’, it wasn’t anything major to her.”

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John Burri, Father of Fallen Soldier, Burns NJ Flag to Protest Whitney Houston Tribute

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Report: Prescription drug, alcohol combo killed Whitney Houston

“Whitney had taken Valium, Xanax, and alcohol, which led to her death. The coroner is waiting on final toxicology results to determine which one of the three was the major contributing factor of her demise,” an insider told the celebrity news Web site.”

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Whitney Houston and the Silent Shame of Addiction

“Remember: Jesus has a message for anyone struggling with drugs: “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28, NASB).”

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Did The Whighams Funeral Home Sell Photo’s Of Whitney Houston In Casket?

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Tina Brown about Whitney Houston: “We did crack together”

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Celine Dion ‘Scared of Show Business’ After Whitney Houston’s Death

“It’s just really unfortunate that drugs, bad people, bad influences took over her dreams, her motherhood,” Celine said of Whitney. “When you think about Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson . . . To get into drugs like that for whatever reason–because of stress, bad influence, whatever.”

“What happens when you have everything? Love, support, motherhood…Something happens that I don’t understand. That’s why I’m scared of show business, of drugs and hanging out. That’s why I don’t go to parties!” she added.”

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Why do we always blame ‘toxic’ men for the downfall of female stars?

“To her credit, that wasn’t the legacy Whitney wanted. She had endlessly protested that Bobby Brown was not responsible for  her choices.”

“We were partners,’ she said. ‘The biggest devil is me. I’m either my best friend or my worst enemy.”

“It was an admirable insight. So it’s even more of a pity that no sooner did she die than the rent-a-quote mob insisted upon casting her, like all the rest, as a ‘victim’. Because what I think Whitney knew, and what I think she was trying to say — albeit through self-induced brain damage — is that we have no equality worth the name until we recognise a woman’s equal right to be held to account for her own choices. And for her own mistakes.”

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Rumor Has It: Oprah Offers Bobbi Kristina $1 Million Dollar Job?

“Oprah will be the first to interview Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina, well now we’ve learned she may have offered Bobbi Kristina a job at her network OWN. The $1 million dollar job offer comes with strings. We’re told Bobbi Kristina can “earn the money over time if she stays off drugs and focuses on hard work,” a personal close to the family told The Enquirer.”

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Houston died from drowning, coroner says

“LOS ANGELES (AP) — Whitney Houston was a chronic cocaine user who had the drug in her system when she drowned in a hotel bathtub, coroner’s officials said Thursday after releasing autopsy findings that also noted heart disease contributed to her death.”

“Coroner’s Chief of Operations Craig Harvey said cocaine and its byproducts were found in Houston’s system, and the drug was listed as a contributing factor in her death. He said the results indicated Houston was a chronic cocaine user.”

“Toxicology results also showed Houston had marijuana, Xanax, the muscle relaxant Flexeril, and the allergy medication Benadryl in her system.”

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Cocaine Triggers Heart Attacks
Within One Hour

” During the first hour after using cocaine, the user’s risk of heart attack increases nearly 24 times, according to the first large study of the long-suspected relationship between cocaine and heart disease.”

“As the public learns more about the huge risk involved in using cocaine, we hope fewer people will want to experiment with this truly dangerous drug,” says Mittleman. “In addition, we hope that drug education campaigns may use this information about the magnitude of the heart-disease risk associated with cocaine use to prevent individuals from becoming first-time users.” Co-authors are David Mintzer; Malcolm Maclure, Sc.D.; Goeffrey Tofler, M.B.; Jane Sherwood, R. N.; and James Muller, M.D. “

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Cocaine heart attack

“Cocaine heart attack is the one of the commonest cause of death of the young people in the united states of America.”

“The cause of cocaine  induced heart attack is due to severe blood vessels constriction due to the administration of cocaine. Cocaine narrows all the blood vessels of the body including the coronary arteries those supply blood to the heart. Because of the narrowing of the coronary arteries causes loss of blood supply to the heart muscle, severe chest pain and sudden death.”

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Whitney Houston drowned, but how?

Drowning likely wasn’t the true cause of death, says pathologist Michael Fishbein of the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center: “Cocaine is known to cause sudden cardiac death.”

“It can trigger heart disease as well, he adds, making heart rhythm failures more likely. “The fact that she was in a tub when she died may have been coincidental. She likely would have died just walking around.”

“The coroner’s report suggests Houston had some water in her lungs, Fishbein says, leading to the verdict of drowning. But that may have been the result of gasping breaths she took while under water, long after her heart had stopped and organ death had started.”

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WHITNEY HOUSTON’S FAMILY HISTORY OF DRUG ADDICTION

Michael Houston – Whitney Houston’s Brother Arrested – Monday August 13, 2001 05:05 PM EDT

Michael Houston, brother of singer Whitney Houston, was arrested Wednesday and charged for possessing cocaine, marijuana, drug paraphernalia and being under the influence of drugs after he was pulled over by Fort Lee, N.J., police officers, it has since been reported by the Bergen Record. Authorities reportedly stopped Houston, 39, for failing to yield to traffic while exiting a Holiday Inn parking lot. Upon noticing Houston’s apparent condition (which included bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils), officers searched his car and found 14 partially smoked marijuana cigarettes, a bag of marijuana and some cocaine, according to the Record.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,622428,00.html

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Gary Garland Houston (Brother) – Arrested for felonious possession of crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, and resisting arrest. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1454&dat=19960308&id=jFZIAAAAIBAJ&sjid=ORUEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6859,2651823

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Dionne Warwick – Cousin

Singer Dionne Warwick got busted yesterday (5/12) when Miami airport cops discovered 11 joints stashed in her luggage, according to this police incident report. The 61-year-old Warwick, who had her pot tastefully hidden in a “small silver case,” was released after signing an affidavit promising to appear at a court hearing. Since the pot possession charge was only a misdemeanor, Warwick avoided handcuffs and a mug shot.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/dionne-warwick-pot-bust

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Dee Dee Warwick – Cousin

Dee Dee Warwick struggled with narcotics addiction for many years and was in failing health for some time. Her sister was with her, when she died on October 18, 2008 in a nursing home in Essex County, New Jersey, aged 66.

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Whitney Houston’s Daughter Arrested For Drinking, Fighting And Gun Possession

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Whitney Houston And Bobby Brown’s Daughter Caught Snorting Cocaine On Camera

http://www.judiciaryreport.com/lawyer_offering_bobbi_kristina_brown_secret_drug_video_for_sale.htm

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Bobby Brown facing year in jail for DUI incident, report says

LOS ANGELES –  Singer Bobby Brown, the ex-husband of the late Whitney Houston, faces a year in jail after being charged Wednesday with driving under the influence while his license was suspended.

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Bobbi Kristina Brown to guest star in Tyler Perry TV series

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Houston death report details drug signs, last day

“LOS ANGELES (AP) — The hotel room where Whitney Houston died bore the hallmarks of a traveler — suitcases and room-service food and drinks. But it also contained something tragically familiar for the singer: signs of cocaine and its paraphernalia.”

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Autopsy: White residue on spoon in Houston’s room

“LOS ANGELES (AP) — Whitney Houston was found face-down in a bathtub with cocaine in her system and drug paraphernalia on the bathroom counter nearby, investigators revealed in the singer’s final autopsy report released Wednesday.”

“The report provides a sad footnote to Houston’s life, revealing the toll the singer’s drug use took on her body.”

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Newark Residents Miffed Over Bill from Whitney Houston’s Funeral

“Newark residents are being left to pick up the bill for Whitney Houston’s funeral, and, surprisingly, they aren’t happy about it. The demands of the high-profile funeral attendees have left the city of Newark with a $187,000 bill for police overtime.”

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Don’t blame me for Whitney’s death, Bobby Brown says

“I’m not the one that got Whitney on drugs, at all,” Brown said in an interview to be aired this week on the “Today” show on U.S. television network NBC.

“I’m not the reason she’s gone,” he added.

“I was hurt … because, you know, me being off of narcotics for the last seven years – I felt that she was, you know, I didn’t know she was struggling with it still. But at the same time, you know – listen, it’s a hard fight,” he said.

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Seemingly Intoxicated on Reality TV, Bobbi-Kristina Brown Is Her Mother’s Daughter

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Bobbi Kristina Brown Dies at 22

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EXCLUSIVE: Bobbi Kristina Brown Will Be Buried Next to Her Mother, Whitney Houston: Source

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bobbi-brown-1024b

Bobbi Kristina Brown’s Family Members Gather to Say Goodbye at Funeral

1435183592_whitney-houston-bobbi-brown-article

Whitney and Bobbi

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Posted by on February 21, 2012 in LOVE NOT THE WORLD

 

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WILL GOD PUNISH MY ABUSER?

By Terry Loving

Psalm 55:19 “God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them–Selah men who never change their ways and have no fear of God.”

One of my readers submitted a comment via my website, and graciously allowed me to post a public response. I am grateful. Thank you!

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Comment: I have been wondering far too often now if God will punish my abuser? I know it doesn’t make the past go away nor does it take away the pain yet I need some small comfort to know that he will be punished for hurting me, my kid and his child. Yet as I am suffering he is living a happy life. How is that right or fair and why is God not helping me and punishing him? I would like a reply please, thank you and God Bless.”

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It is not uncommon to wonder if God will exercise Divine retribution on our behalf. When we are wronged, in the case of domestic violence and abuse for instance – it is only natural to desire revenge, even if it only comes from God Himself. We may not have the physical capacity to inflict pain upon those who abused us, but we often imagine someone else doing the job for us. And in numerous cases, the abused have male family members and friends that make sure the abuser is punished the same way he hurt their loved one.

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Somehow we imagine that the suffering of former abusers will satisfy our souls. Seeing them with new loves and seemingly living happy lives infuriate us to the core – we think it unfair! Our thoughts continually are on the abusers, and awaiting the news that some tragedy has befallen them for the horrible things they did to us. Many abused persons keep in touch with friends and family of the abusers when the relationship ends. They may treasure those connections, however, they serve as a source of information – perhaps you were told the abuser fell down the stairs and broke his neck – “good!”

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Speaking from personal experience, when my ex verbal abuser was stricken with cancer, I felt sorry for him. We had no contact for quite a while, and I certainly had no desire to rekindle any type of friendship. I was with a mutual friend when our paths crossed one day. As I moved on I learned to stop hating him, and focused on my kids and our future. When I saw him in person that day, it was plain to see how cancer was eating him alive. Funny though, I felt no need to rejoice, but hoped that he had repented for all the wrong that he had done. I wish hell on no one – it is forever.

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While it is natural to feel anger for the abuse, we must not wallow too long on the negative. For our own sakes, both in the natural and the spiritual, we should acknowledge how we feel, get help if needed, and ask God to help us to heal and move on. Never should we seek revenge or try our hand at revenge for vengeance belongs to God alone:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.”

Deuteronomy 32:35  ”It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”

Proverbs 20:22 “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.”

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There are many more scriptures that speak to Gods’ wrath and vengeance – we must heed them for our own good. But know this, even when we think those thoughts in our hearts, we are displeasing to God. When God pays back, there is no jail time, no punishment from the law or getting sued. He knows what can happen to us, and that is why His vengeance is best – who can refute it?

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When we assume that our abusers are living better lives, and are happy while we are miserable, this may not be the case at all. Of course they are going to put on a front for you. They are too proud to admit to making a mistake. That is why abusers come back many times. They cheat on you while beating you, but find that the other woman isn’t half the woman you are and they want to come back. Unfortunately, the abuse returns along with them.

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It-Takes-A-VillageClick here to see more embroidered patches

It is natural also to want abusers to suffer, especially if you are suffering – financially and in every way imaginable. It isn’t unheard of that an abused woman flees from her home and stays in a shelter while the abuser remains comfortably in the house they once shared. I would be angry as well. How could that be “fair,” for the woman and her child or children to be homeless and the abuser’s comfort zone has not changed – it happens.

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When all we experience is anger and bitterness, we cannot see God and His Divine hand leading us. We can be so full of anger that He says “Go left,” and we go right. When we are consumed with God punishing the abuser for his evil, our minds are clouded, and we are not listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We are on the mental frequency of hell, allowing Satan to fill our hearts and minds with thoughts of revenge. Therefore, we miss opportunities to move forward, and make better lives for ourselves and our children. It may be difficult, but staying in abuse in much worst. Millions of abused women have found new lives and new love by the Grace of God. But how can He work miracles in our lives when our hearts are stony and we keep looking back when He bids us to seek Him and look forward.

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Rest assured that all abusers will pay for their wrong in some way. But also know that all human beings will stand before a Righteous Judge someday and give an account for the things that we have done on earth:

Matthew 12:36 “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”

Ecclesiastes 12:14 “For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.”

Jeremiah 16:17 “My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes.”

Matthew 12:37 “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Romans 14:12 “So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.”

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We must not consume ourselves with anger and resentment, and learn to focus on Jesus Christ. He is our Hope in this dark world, and without Him, we can do nothing. God is a God of justice – He will set things right with the world in His own time:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.”

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“Comment: I have been wondering far too often now if God will punish my abuser?”

Please leave this matter in the hands of God, and learn to trust Him. God is not a respecter of persons. He hates the sin, but he still loves the sinner. The sun shines on the just and the unjust alike:

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“That you may be the children of your Father who is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”

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“Comment: I know it doesn’t make the past go away nor does it take away the pain yet I need some small comfort to know that he will be punished for hurting me, my kid and his child.”

Rest assured that in some way, your abuser will pay for what he has done, especially to the children. Your “comfort” should rest in knowing and trusting God. Let go of these thoughts so that you can hear His voice to help guide and direct your life. It is more important to know that you and your children are safe, and on the road to healing. Life will be a challenge for a while, but you will miss your miracle by clouding your mind with these thoughts. Let them go please. Surrender them to the Righteous Judge:

American King James Version
“God judges the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

You may not see or experience this now, but you will – just keep trusting, serving and loving God with all of your might.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 “The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

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“Comment: Yet as I am suffering he is living a happy life.”

You really do not know if “he is living a happy life.” You will only see what he wants you to see. And his new love, well, it is just a matter of time before she will experience what you have. Don’t be fooled by what you think you see. Focus on your own life, and rejoice that you are free. Work on freeing your mind, and you will experience life as you have never before. It does get better, and it is always “darkest before dawn.”

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“Comment: How is that right or fair and why is God not helping me and punishing him?”

Unfortunately, nothing in this life is “right” or “fair.” Life has uneven ways that boggles the mind, and often crushes the spirit. However, with Christ “all things are possible.” Do you believe? We have to desire the things that God desires in order to have true peace in this world.

New International Version (©1984)
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

International Standard Version (©2008)
“Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you.”

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
“Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you.”

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:31 “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?”

Matthew 6:27 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Matthew 6:28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.”

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?”

Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”

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Forgiveness is on my list of topics to write about soon. For now, know that forgiveness is more for your sake, and not the offender. Also, forgiveness does not mean that you have to interact with those who have hurt you. It releases the shackles on your soul so that you can move forward – you can forgive through prayer. You can learn to love from a distance. But I will get back to this topic. In the meantime, I sincerely hope this helps.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”

A WORD OF CAUTION:

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

Or the LORD will see it and be displeased,
And turn His anger away from him.

Proverbs 24:17,18

Peace

No amount of love will ever stop the abuse.

“The punishment of the wicked is often delayed to a future world, and in this life they have almost uninterrupted prosperity, but in the end it will be certain. See Psalm 73:1-19. The punishment will come in the end. It cannot be evaded. Sooner or later justice requires that the wicked should be visited with the expressions of divine displeasure on account of sin, and in the future world there will be ample time for the infliction of all the punishment which they deserve”.  Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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“FORGIVE AND FORGET” – IS IT POSSIBLE?

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Why Men Abuse Women

“Tony says it felt like he “blacked out” during the abuse. “You don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “I completely own up to [what I did], but in that rage, it’s like your brain wires, they aren’t clicking.”

“He says being in an abusive relationship is like being in a drug addiction. “It becomes like your bond in the sense that the woman is like cocaine inside of that relationship. That’s the only connection you have, because there’s no real love,” he says. “In order to overcome it, it’s almost like you have to separate, go to rehab, move out of the dope house and never come back.”

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Praying for God’s Justice – by Jeff Crippen

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When People Hurt You How to Respond When People Hurt You

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ABUSERS – GOD IS NOT LISTENING TO YOU!

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The Abuser’s Evil Demands for Forgiveness – by Jeff Crippen and Anna Wood

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12 Hours of Terror: Conn. Woman Held Hostage by Arsonist Ex

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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The End of the Wicked Contrasted with That of the Righteous.

A Psalm of Asaph.

Surely God is good to Israel,
            To those who are pure in heart!

      But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling,
            My steps had almost slipped.

      For I was envious of the arrogant
            As I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

      For there are no pains in their death,
            And their body is fat.

      They are not in trouble as other men,
            Nor are they plagued like mankind.

      Therefore pride is their necklace;
            The garment of violence covers them.

      Their eye bulges from fatness;
            The imaginations of their heart run riot.

      They mock and wickedly speak of oppression;
            They speak from on high.

      They have set their mouth against the heavens,
            And their tongue parades through the earth.

      Therefore his people return to this place,
            And waters of abundance are drunk by them.

      They say, “How does God know?
            And is there knowledge with the Most High?”

      Behold, these are the wicked;
            And always at ease, they have increased in wealth.

      Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
            And washed my hands in innocence;

      For I have been stricken all day long
            And chastened every morning.

      If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
            Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children.

      When I pondered to understand this,
            It was troublesome in my sight

      Until I came into the sanctuary of God;
            Then I perceived their end.

      Surely You set them in slippery places;
            You cast them down to destruction.

      How they are destroyed in a moment!
            They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!

      Like a dream when one awakes,
            O Lord, when aroused, You will despise their form.

      When my heart was embittered
            And I was pierced within,

      Then I was senseless and ignorant;
            I was like a beast before You.

      Nevertheless I am continually with You;
            You have taken hold of my right hand.

      With Your counsel You will guide me,
            And afterward receive me to glory.

      Whom have I in heaven but You?
            And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

      My flesh and my heart may fail,
            But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

      For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
            You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

      But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
            I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
            That I may tell of all Your works.

 PSALM 73

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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2012 in LEAVING ABUSE

 

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WE ARE ON OUR HONEYMOON – AGAIN

By Terry Loving

As the young couple pour over the brightly colored brochures, they are filled with excitement – they are planning their honeymoon. After their wedding, they planned to get away – alone – and enjoy the bliss of holy matrimony. They finally decided on the beach, where they could build sand castles, and swim in the clear blue ocean – play as little children – reliving unabashed joy, setting aside the cares of the world – if only for a little while.

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They cherished every moment alone – asked strangers to take their picture as they walked along the shore, and clung to each other for dear life. Soon they would leave their paradise and return to the clamor of life – employment – setting up a home – and getting to know their new extended families. As the children come, they may not be able to afford another get-a-way like this for quite some time.

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But oh, the memories of their honeymoon will last a lifetime. They will watch the video over and over again, savoring every moment that was theirs and theirs alone. They vowed to make the beach where they stayed their favorite place – one where they will go to recapture that special place in time. They are in love – happy – and inseparable.

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Something happened – something changed – something went terribly wrong. Tension replaced bliss; trust became fear; smiles turned to frowns; yelling replaced sweet whispers; hugs gave way to choking; gentle caresses became pounding fists; sparkling eyes now fill with tears; the violence has begun – it is intense – monstrous – love turns to hate. He apologized.

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We are on our honeymoon – again – in our minds.  There is no beach, no pictures, no building sand castles, and no blue ocean. As she watches the video of a happier time, she contemplates the situation, desperately trying to figure out where she went wrong. “What mistakes have I made?” “How can I fix this?” “How can we get back to that blissful time – a time where he said he “loved me”? She does all she can to soothe him, but he is angry – and she cannot figure out why – so she blames herself.

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She no longer watches the video. Watching strangers enjoy her happy place is painful.  A new honeymoon has taken its place. It’s never ending, and no longer joyful. It is now a duty – to smile when she wants to cry. He demands that she fix herself up – black eyes are unflattering – he doesn’t care to see them when he rapes her – “Do something about it!” She complies.

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As he beats her unmercifully; she tries not to cry out. It is no use anyway – he doesn’t hear her anymore. He doesn’t see the woman he married anymore – she has become a shell – no longer pretty in his eyes. He is filled with disgust, rage, and verbal tirades – and still – she cannot figure out why. “I must be the blame” – she concludes again. She packs away the video, she has a new reality – new memories. She must find a way to endure – until the next honeymoon – she gets a reprieve – but only for a while.

He beat her – brought her flowers – she survived – this time.

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CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

“The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the ‘honeymoon’ stages disappear.”

http://www.wccpenang.org/domestic-violence/cycle-of-violence/

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DOMESTIC ABUSE – DOES IT EVER STOP?

https://ssofdv.wordpress.com/2011/02/21/domestic-abuse-does-it-ever-stop/

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“Wife tormented for 8 years before calling 911, prosecutors say”

“According to the Superior Court documents, the abuse began about 10 days after the couple’s honeymoon, when Glass allegedly slammed his wife’s head into a door and injured her eye. The woman, who has a master’s degree and is a nurse, sought medical treatment but did not report the abuse, court documents say.”

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.


 
2 Comments

Posted by on March 7, 2011 in CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

 

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