RSS

Category Archives: SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

OCTOBER – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH ACTIVITIES

By Terry Loving

Domestic-Violence-Awareness2013

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Another foundation that shares the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – both causes are equally important.

The first awareness month was in Oct. 1987, which is the same year the national toll-free hotline began. The month was created out of the first Day of Unity observed in Oct. 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The Day of Unity grew into a week of activities to spread awareness of domestic violence.

This post is dedicated to listing events and links that highlight activities going on this month. For the most part, the events happen yearly. If there is an important event that you would like to add to this post, please feel free to do so in the comment section. The list will be updated when I find more useful links.

……………………….

REMEMBER AND ACT!

Click here to submit a name for the Remember My Name project electronically.

THE REMEMBER AND ACT VIRTUAL MEMORIAL: 1996-2008

NCADV honors those who have lost their lives to domestic violence. Please click here to enter the memorial.

……………………….

GRU, SafeHomes kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month

“It’s so often that (domestic violence victims) leave everything behind,” she said. “We don’t want to just house them and put them back out there.”

“We want to give them the tools and the things they need to be independent and self-sufficient.”

……………………….

Save lives and help the environment–donate your unwanted cell phones and digital electronics to NCADV.

Accepted Items:
• Any cell phone in any condition and their accessories (most wanted: Iphones and Blackberries, but we will take what you have!)
• Laptops
• Mp3 Players
• Digital Cameras
• Video Game Systems

……………………….

october20is20domestic20violence20awareness20month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Kicks Off At LOVE Park

“City Council Members were presented with an award for their successful efforts to open another shelter to help the thousands in this situation. That 100 bed shelter is set to open in the spring. Verizon has donated equipment and funds over the years.”

……………………….

Domestic Violence Awareness Project Events

A listing of events in different areas of the US.

……………………….

Futures Without ViolenceMonth Events

……………………….

Good and bad news in Jacksonville area as Domestic Violence Awareness Month launches

Dan Scanlan: (904) 359-4549

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH EVENTS AND INFORMATION:

Here are some of the October events in the area to promote Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

■ A “Take Back the Night” March and Candlelight Vigil was Tuesday at the University of North Florida.

■ 19th annual Barbara Ann Campbell Memorial Breakfast, 7:30 to 9 a.m. Thursday, Hyatt Regency Jacksonville Riverfront Hotel, www.hubbardhouse.org.

Thrill the World, 9 p.m. Oct. 26, an attempt to break the record for zombies dancing to “Thriller,” www.thrilltheworld.com.

■ Quigley House Purple Ribbon Golf Tournament, 1 p.m. Oct. 17, Fleming Island Golf Club, 2260 Town Center Blvd., www.quigleyhouse.org.

■ Micah’s Place Appreciation and Awareness Breakfast, 7:30 a.m. Wednesday, Fernandina Beach Golf Course, 2800 Bill Melton Road, www.micahsplace.org.

■ Betty Griffin House Candlelight Vigil, 7 p.m. Thursday, St. Augustine’s Plaza de la Constitucion

■ Betty Griffin House Runway to Safety Fashion Show, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Oct. 29, Marriott Sawgrass, 1000 PGA Tour Blvd., Ponte Vedra Beach, www.bettygriffinhouse.org.

……………………….
It-Takes-A-Village
……………………….

Women In Distress of Broward County, INC

  • Clerk of Courts“Be Aware” event 11:30am – 1:00pm Topic: “Stalking” to be held in the Jury Room at  201 SE 6th St. for more information & RSVP please contact Tgreen@browardclerk.org.
  • Florida Bar Association – “Domestic Violence CLE” 8:15am – 4:45pm on Wednesday, October 9th at the Hyatt Pier 66 in Ft. Lauderdale. For more information contact the Florida Bar Association. Click here.
  • Jewish Federation of Broward – Luncheon & Fashion Show – Sunday, October 20th, 2013 for the 8th Annual KOLOT Luncheon & Fashion Show at the Signature Grand, Davie. Click here for more information.
  • NOVA University – Documentary Screening and Q&A titled “No Way Out But One” from 2:00 pm- 4:00 pm & 5:30 pm-7:30 pm on Wednesday, October 23rd in Knight Auditorium located in the DeSantis Building.  Click here for more information.
  • General Federation of Women’s Clubs – “United Against Domestic Violence” A Taste of Italy Event” to be held at Gino’s Italian Market, Friday, October 25th at 7:00 pm- 5729 Johnson Street, Hollywood, FL. Mozzarella making demo, pasta stations, wine tasting, and more. Click here for more Information.

……………………….

Events planned for Domestic Violence Awareness month

……………………….

Mecklenburg County  NC Women’s Commission

……………………….

VIGIL

The Annual Candlelight Vigil will be held 6:15p, Thurs., Oct. 24th, 2013 at John Dam Plaza in Richland, WA.

……………………….

VIGIL EVENTS

Candlelight Vigil  – Melrose Alliance Against Violence

……………………….

The Children’s Advocacy Center

……………………….

october-is-domestic-violence-awareness-month……………………….

YWCA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH ACTIVITIES

……………………….

Domestic Violence Vigil Set for October 8

……………………….

Empowerment Weekend Offers Domestic Violence Victims ‘SAFE’ Events This Month

……………………….

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Official Walk Event Calendar

……………………….

Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence

……………………….

Upcoming Trainings, Webinars and Events Around the Country

Walk for the cure left footThis image © BritLivie-Handcrafted-Jewels 2013

……………………….

Shelter organizes domestic violence awareness events

……………………….

South Carolina Department of Social Services

APPROVED BATTERER INTERVENTION PROGRAMS

……………………….

WOMEN AGAINST ABUSE – Advocacy In Action

……………………….

MEN-CAN © Rally hosted by Lutheran Settlement House

October 05, 2013 at 10:30 am – Freedom Christian Bible Fellowship Church at 6100 West Columbia Ave. Phila. PA, 19151

……………………….

SAFE HOMES of Orange County

……………………….

A SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUEThis image © BritLivie-Handcrafted-Jewels 2013

……………………….

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org. – 2013

All rights reserved.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on October 2, 2013 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND PORNOGRAPHY

By Terry Loving

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.”

…………………………

More women requesting help are reporting that their abuser views pornography, according to officials who work with abused women.

Five years ago pornography wasn’t something we talked about,” said Kay Card, director of Safe Harbor, a women’s shelter in Davis County.

The pornography is a “cancer,” she said.

Women can’t compete with the Internet, Card said.

They report their abuse starts with put-downs, progresses to physical abuse, sexual insults, sexual abuse and rape. 1

…………………………

I watched the movie “FIREPROOF” twice, and the end of the movie moved my heart each time. However, I realize that this is just a movie, but I  truly wish that the end results were a reality, especially in the case of domestic violence and abuse. Nonetheless, God is awesome, and He does answer prayers – those which are according to His will and purpose in our lives. Selfish prayers go unanswered.

…………………………….

Caleb was selfish. He possessed the King of the castle mentality, and expected to be exalted with unending adoration from his wife. True, he worked a profession that could take his life at any time, and faced danger saving both lives and property. However, Caleb thought that his heroics outside of his home were worthy of respect from his wife, and her job was to lift him up emotionally with praise. When he did not get the attention he thought he deserved, he was angry.

…………………………….

…………………………….

His wife Catherine was angry as well. Her discontent led to seeking a divorce for many reasons. The most damaging reason for Catherine wanting out of the marriage was pornography – Caleb’s insatiable desire to satisfy his sexual fantasies through strangers online. One day she confronted Caleb as she entered their home. He quickly tried to shut down the porn site he was visiting – but Catherine caught him. As the saying goes, he was “busted.”

…………………………….

Catherine: “Did you clear your history?”

Caleb: “What?”

Catherine: “Did you wipe the web sites off so nobody can see where you’ve been?”

This led to an argument, and Caleb lashing out:

“You never assume I’d do anything worthy of respect; anything honorable!”

Catherine: “Honorable?” What were you just looking at Caleb? What was on that computer screen? Is that honorable?”

…………………………….

She told her husband that his “sweet” gestures to change his ways “mean nothing.” In reference to his porn watching – “That’s the kind of man you’ve become when you are alone. That’s what you default to, and there is nothing honorable about that!”

Catherine confiding in her mom: “You don’t know what I’ve been competing with. He makes me feel so humiliated. And he doesn’t even know it.”

“When did I stop being good enough for him?”

…………………………….

In my opinion, the main problems within this marriage were selfishness (Caleb) – and resentment (Catherine). Caleb’s father challenged him to complete a “Love Dare” within “40-days” – giving their broken marriage a chance to heal. Even his best efforts to show change were rejected, for Caleb had not dealt with the issue of pornography which made Catherine feel competitive with the harlots in cyber space, and obviously damaged intimacy between them.

…………………………….

Caleb’s choosing to gain intimate satisfaction through pornography made his wife feel inferior to strange women on a computer screen. Pornography is a form of cheating on your spouse. Many men leave their bedrooms in the middle of the night to embrace the devil’s lure to illicit cyber-sex. The internet makes it easy for porn lovers to watch this filth in the comfort of their own homes. Unfortunately, children are forced to participate in this evil for the sick pleasures of warped minded adults.

…………………………….

The father’s “Love Dare” mentioned “parasites” which are anything that infiltrates the home and destroys relationships.  A few examples are alcoholism, violence, drug addiction, and of course pornography.  When Caleb reached “Day 23” and the challenge to rid his life of the “parasites” that “promise pleasure” but “steal away loyalty from your partner and destroy your marriage” he struggled. “Parasites” not only destroy our homes and relationships, but ultimately us. Caleb asked out loud as he struggled with ridding his life of porn, “Why is this so hard?”

…………………………….

Caleb and Catherine were not Christians in the beginning of the movie. However, Caleb struggled nonetheless with a spiritual stronghold. Meaning, Satan’s grip on Caleb’s soul through cyber-sex had tightened to the point that release involved an inner struggle. He overcame, but not without help from God. I don’t want to spoil the movie by telling you everything that happened. So, I will just say that these two souls ultimately let Christ into their hearts and their marriage was saved, as well as their souls. You will have to watch the movie to see how God moved in their lives.

…………………………….

Pornography destroys the beautiful intimacy God created and intended between husband and wife.  It brings the intimacy down to a level of degradation and filthiness. Not only are holy women of God sickened by their porn watching husband’s sexual requests – women who are non-Christians also experience humiliation.

…………………………….

Wherefore – In view of the fact that God has begotten us for his own service; in view of the fact that excited feeling tends only to wrong, let us lay aside all that is evil, and submit ourselves wholly to the influence of truth.

Lay apart all filthiness – The word here rendered filthiness, occurs nowhere else in the New Testament, It means properly filth; and then is applied to evil conduct considered as disgusting or offensive. Sin may be contemplated as a wrong thing; as a violation of law; as evil in its nature and tendency, and therefore to be avoided; or it may be contemplated as disgusting, offensive, loathsome. To a pure mind, this is one of its most odious characteristics; for, to such a mind, sin in any form is more loathsome than the most offensive object can be to any of the senses. Barnes’ Notes on the Bible                     James 1:21 

…………………………….

“This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you from now on walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over to lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But you have not so learned Christ; If so be that you have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That you put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that you put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Ephesians 4:14-24

…………………………….

Lascivious

Adj.1.lascivious – driven by lust; preoccupied with or exhibiting lustful desires; “libidinous orgies”  libidinous, lustful, lewd sexy – marked by or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest; “feeling sexy”; “sexy clothes”; “sexy poses”; “a sexy book”; “sexy jokes” (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/lascivious)

…………………………….

“Men, including boys ages 12 to 17, account for the majority of porn consum­ers. For example, 82 percent of Playboy magazine consumers, and 77 percent of visitors to pornographic web sites are men. But pornography is a growing prob­lem among women as well. According to Nielsen NetRatings, nearly one in three visitors to “adult” web sites is female.” 2

…………………………….

1 Corinthians 6:9 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders.”

…………………………….

“It is not surprising that many psychologists call internet pornography the new “crack cocaine” when you note the combination of the power of pornography with the ready, 24/7 availability of pornography on any computer, much of it free, accessible in the privacy and anonymity of the home.”

“Pornographic depictions of the sexuality of women and children distort the truth about desires of women and children, and legitimize men’s sense of entitlement, and use of force, violence, and degrading acts by the male actors.”

“Some of the messages of pornography teach beliefs and behaviors. Some of these behaviors are pathological, illegal, or both. The illegal behaviors are rape, child molestation, pedophilia, prostitution, domestic violence, sexual harassment, and some paraphilias (e.g., sexual deviances such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and bestiality). Some of pornography’s messages about relationships, sexuality, and women may be damaging, even if the pornography is not illegal or pathological.”  

…………………………….

Summary

The large body of research on pornography reveals that it functions as a teacher of, a permission-giver for, and a trigger of many negative behaviors and attitudes that can severely damage not only the users but many others, including strangers. The damage is seen in men, women, and children, and in both married and single adults. It involves pathological behaviors, illegal behaviors, and some behaviors that are both illegal and pathological. Pornography is an equal opportunity and very lethal toxin.

 Pornography and Violence: A New Look at Research

…………………………….

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
“(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)”

1 Peter 4:3 “For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do–living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.”

…………………………….

Question: “Spiritual strongholds – what is the Biblical view?”

…………………………….

Pornography and Sexual Violence

“As pornography has become more acceptable, both legally and culturally, the level of brutality toward, and degradation of, women has intensified (Jensen, 2004).”

…………………………….

How Big Is Porn?

…………………………….

CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

…………………………….

 Sexual Degradation

How Pornography Destroys the Family

By Alysse M. ElHage

“Men and women need each other, and society needs men and women to come together to form strong families based on mutual love, respect, trust and commit­ment in order to raise the next genera­tion, who will be tomorrowʼs husbands and wives, and fathers and mothers. By exploiting the natural sexual attraction between males and females, pornography chips away at these values and attacks the family in the place where it is the most vulnerable. There is nothing harmless about pornography in any form, and state and national lawmakers have a public duty to do all they can to protect families from the destructive effects of an industry that profits from the sexual exploitation of human beings.”

…………………………….

Men as Victims

Mark Kastleman

In my last article, I discussed how pornography’s scourge scorches the soul of the innocent-the children and teens. Theirs is the most tragic situation of all because they suffer needlessly as a result of the lust, greed and selfishness of others.

But what about the men who get sucked into porn’s cauldron of lust? I certainly would never suggest that their suffering is anything like that of innocent women and children who lay in the wake of pornography addiction. Nor am I suggesting that their actions should be excused or justified. But I do submit that the suffering and misery experienced by men who get pulled into the pornography trap are real and excruciating.

…………………………….

How women made porn fashionable

Using sex for money and fame, women have found a new way to feel powerful and secure without a man or even necessarily a family – Octomom has openly become a porn actress and stripper.

Mothers, too, are now sexualizing their daughters and dressing them up as sexual candy for the world.

…………………………….

American King James Version
“But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

…………………………….

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.”

…………………………….

Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;”

…………………………….

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

…………………………….

Matthew 6:23 “But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”

…………………………….

The Heart of Man

15Peter said to Him, “Explain the parable to us.” 16Jesus said, “Are you still lacking in understanding also? 17“Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? 18“But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. 19“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. 20“These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.”

…………………………….

People’s New Testament

4:19 Who being past feeling. Having trampled conscience under foot until it is calloused. Having silenced its admonitions, they give themselves over to lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. To licentiousness and evil.

…………………………….

THE CONSEQUENCE

… “given themselves over-In Ro 1:24 it is, “God gave them up to uncleanness.” Their giving themselves to it was punished in kind, God giving them up to it by withdrawing His preventing grace; their sin thus was made their punishment. They gave themselves up of their own accord to the slavery of their lust, to do all its pleasure, as captives who have ceased to strive with the foe. God gave them up to it, but not against their will; for they give themselves up to it” [Zanchius].

…………………………….

Psalm 81:12 “So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.”

…………………………….

American King James Version
“And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall mourn many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.”

…………………………….

Romans 6:13 “Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.”

…………………………….

Romans 8:13” For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, …”

…………………………….

Is “Fireproof” Helpful for Abusive Marriages?

…………………………….

Ron Jeremy and Anti-Porn XXXchurch Pastor, America’s Ultimate Odd Couple

“XXXchurch has a simple message: Jesus loves you, even if you are a porn star.”

“XXXchurch.com is an online Christian-based church whose sole mission is to help people leave the porn industry and to counsel people suffering from sexual addiction towards recovery.”

…………………………….

Stay Away from the Edge

by Mark Gungor on November 2nd, 2010

“Since then he had gone on to be a born-again believer, who loves God and is doing all he can to live for Jesus. He wrote to me explaining that he and his wonderful wife of ten years were having some issues. He was still struggling with the desires and “pictures” in his head after all this time and wanted to recreate those things of the past to make their sex life more interesting. That is the power of sexual imprinting.”

Pornography has turned men into selfish pigs who have lost the art of making love to a woman. People who struggle with this can be changed through prayer and with God’s help, but they must be very deliberate.  The bible tells us we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We need to change the way we think so that sex isn’t about being selfish and your spouse isn’t there just for you to be satisfied.”

…………………………….

Parasites of Marriage: Pornography-Part 1

“Pornography has an addictive nature that acts like a narcotic in a person: the individual needs a bigger and bigger dose to get the same buzz.”

…………………………….

Statistics on Pornography, Sexual Addiction, and Online Perpetrators

Christians, Pastors and Church Pornography Statistics

A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.

51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).

Over half of evangelical pastors admits viewing pornography last year.

Roger Charman of Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20 percent of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.

In a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.

29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group).

57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005).

…………………………….

Is It Rape When Your Husband Does It?

…………………………….

Pornography problems at work harm companies, coworkers

“With the explosion of smartphones, tablets, iPods and iPads, a growing number of employees find they can’t stay away from salacious sites and images, pulling up X-rated pages on their lunch hour, bathroom breaks and even in the middle of monitoring life-saving surgical equipment.”

“In her work as a psychotherapist, Layden said the erroneous statement she hears most often from perpetrators of sexual violence is that “women exist only to arouse me.”

“That belief is a core belief that fuels sexual violence,” she said. “It’s fueled by all this pornography that is completely pervasive and inundating on the Internet. It is damaging at every level. Every level of business is damaged by this message and by the use of that material on the job.”

…………………………….

1Pornography at root of more and more domestic violence incidents

2 http://www.ncfpc.org/PolicyPapers/Findings%200407-SexualDegrad.pdf

…………………………….

NEED HELP BREAKING FREE???

Castimonia is here to help.

Castimonia is a Christ-centered 12-Step Support and Recovery program for sexual impurity or sexual addiction with the goal to achieve a Biblically-based sexual purity. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other so that we may achieve sexual purity and help others overcome sexual impurity or compulsive sexual behaviors.

Although we believe Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, Christianity is not a requirement for attending meetings or working the 12-step program. We are open to any group or denomination. The only requirement for attendance and participation is the desire to stop compulsive sexual behavior and reach sexual purity.

Therefore, this group is open to any man who struggles with any type of sexual impurity.

There is no cost to attend Castimonia.

Castimonia is a ministry of Merimnao Ministry at The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch

Contact Castimonia

NOTE: SSOFDV is not associated with “Castimonia.” Just passing along information that may help someone who needs it.

…………………………….

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 2, 2012 in SEX AND THE BATTERED WOMAN

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why Do Victims Start To Mirror Their Abuser’s Behavior?

By Terry Loving

Image

“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man you shall not go: Lest you learn his ways, and get a snare to your soul.”

Proverbs 22:24-25

………………………….

The title of this post is a search term used to find my site. As other questions I have endeavored to answer – Scripturally – this question begs an answer as well. I will start by quoting a friend who lived a life of domestic abuse for many years. Betty told me that her doctor informed her, “You stayed too long.” Prior to her death from cancer several years ago, Betty confided in me that she should have left her husband, but could not bring herself to do so – she loved him.

…………………………………

Theirs was a volatile relationship where Betty took the abuse for a long time, and one day began to fight back. Both Betty and her husband were alcoholics; however they each held a decent paying job. They owned a home, and their kids were grown – so it had to be dysfunctional love that kept them together. When they were sober, they seemed like a “normal” couple laughing and enjoying each other’s company. They would take vacations together, and stood up for one another, living in peace – until they drank alcohol.

…………………………………

I will never understand this type of relationship, even though I have witnessed it many times over. The women eventually became just as violent and abusive – swearing – throwing objects – drawing blood – and making use of weapons to defend themselves. One thing I do understand is this, alcohol consumption makes many people act out some of the vilest behaviors on earth. Although substance abuse changes personalities, they who partake are still responsible for their ungodly behaviors. Getting high or drunk is a matter of choice – with the exception of those who are forced to partake under dire and involuntary circumstances.

…………………………………

The following commentary makes very valid points – one in particular:

“22:17-21. To these words, to this knowledge, the ear must be bowed down, and the heart applied by faith and love. To live a life of delight in God and dependence on him, is the foundation of all practical religion. The way to know the certainty of the word of truth, is to make conscience of our duty. 22, 23. He that robs and oppresses the poor, does so at his peril. And if men will not appear for them, God will. 24,25. Our corrupt hearts have so much tinder in them, that it is dangerous to have to do with those that throw about the sparks of their passion.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

…………………………………

One line stood out after reading the above commentary – “Our corrupt hearts have so much tinder in them, that it is dangerous to have to do with those that throw about the sparks of their passion.”

From my personal understanding, this means that abusers cannot make the abused mimic their ways. However, because of the inclination of the heart of mankind in general to lean towards evil – it doesn’t take much for our hearts to adopt the ways of Cain. When pushed to the brink of insanity, the human brain resorts to the “fight for flight” stage. In the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It, Tina Turner’s character – (Angela Basset) gives a good example of what I am referring to. In the back of a limo, she chose to fight back, and flight was her next decision when Ike – (Lawrence Fishburn) fell asleep at the hotel.

…………………………………

Genesis 6:5 states: “The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” New International Version (©1984)

“God sees all the wickedness that is among the children of men; it cannot be hid from him now; and if it be not repented of, it shall be made known by him shortly. The wickedness of a people is great indeed, when noted sinners are men renowned among them. Very much sin was committed in all places, by all sorts of people. Any one might see that the wickedness of man was great: but God saw that every imagination, or purpose, of the thoughts of man’s heart, was only evil continually.

…………………………………

“This was the bitter root, the corrupt spring. The heart was deceitful and desperately wicked; the principles were corrupt; the habits and dispositions evil. Their designs and devices were wicked. They did evil deliberately, contriving how to do mischief. There was no good among them. God saw man’s wickedness as one injured and wronged by it. He saw it as a tender father sees the folly and stubbornness of a rebellious and disobedient child, which grieves him, and makes him wish he had been childless.”

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

New International Version (©1984)
As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; (Romans 3:10)

…………………………………

The “tinder” spoken of relates to the “kindling,” “firewood,” “brushwood,” “sticks,” and “twigs” that lie deep within our hearts. In other words, it may take being cussed out for the fifth time for the abused to start cussing back at her abuser. She may be a Christian woman who never cussed in her life, but as the Bible states, “… Bad company corrupts good character.” “Do not be misled,” “Do not be deceived,” “Don’t let anyone deceive you,” “Do not deceive yourselves,” “Do not be led astray”:

“Bad company ruins good morals.”

“Bad company corrupts good character.”

Evil communications corrupt good manners.”

Wicked friends lead to evil ends.”

“Evil discourse corrupts pleasant minds.”

“Associating with bad people will ruin decent people.”

“Evil companions corrupt good morals.”

…………………………………

“Bad company good morals doth corrupt. There is a proverb much like this among the rabbins:”

“There were two dry logs of wood, and one green log; but the dry logs burnt up the green log.”

“There is no difficulty in this saying; he who frequents the company of bad or corrupt men will soon be as they are. He may be sound in the faith, and have the life and power of godliness, and at first frequent their company only for the sake of their pleasing conversation, or their literary accomplishments: and he may think his faith proof against their infidelity; but he will soon find, by means of their glozing speeches, his faith weakened; and when once he gets under the empire of doubt, unbelief will soon prevail; his bad company will corrupt his morals; and the two dry logs will soon burn up the green one.”

Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

…………………………………

In abusive situations, hurt and pain often turns into anger, and many abused persons when they reach their limit frequently take on the persona of the abusers. This is the way many defend themselves, and hope to put an end to the abuse. However, what happens in many cases, the abusers become excited that they now have a sparring partner. I know, this sounds sick, and it really is – but to an abuser this is an opportunity to inflict more damage for now they can accuse the abused of being violent as well.

And what this does is it takes away the spotlight from the abuser, and the light shines on the violence of both parties. In many states, both the abuser and the abused are arrested for domestic violence. Fighting back often weakens the defense of the abused in court, and the children now witness two parents desiring to hurt one another.

…………………………………

“Let us not be joined with ungodly men; but warn all around us, especially children and young persons, to shun them as a pestilence. Let us awake to righteousness, and not sin.”

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

…………………………………

GUARD YOUR HEART

“Keep thy heart with all diligence,…. The mind from vanity, the understanding from error, the will from perverseness, the conscience clear of guilt, the affections from being inordinate and set on evil objects, the thoughts from being employed on bad subjects; and the whole from falling into the hands of the enemy, or being the possession of Satan: great diligence had need be used in keeping it, since it is naturally so deceitful and treacherous; a strict eye is to be kept upon it; all the avenues to it to be watched, that nothing hurtful enters, or evil comes out; it is to be kept by all manner of means that can be thought of, by prayer, hearing, reading, meditation; and, above all, by applying to Christ for his grace and Spirit to sanctify, preserve, and keep it. Or, “above all keeping, keep thine heart” (b); though other things are to be kept, and care taken of them, as kingdoms and cities, and towns and families, and treasures and riches; yet the heart above all:

for out of it are the issues of life; of natural life: it is the seat of it, from whence all actions of life are derived; it is, as philosophers say, the first that lives, and the last that dies; and it is the seat of spiritual life the principle of it is formed in it; from whence all spiritual and vital actions flow, and which lead unto and issue in eternal life: as is a man’s heart, such is his state now, and will be hereafter; if the heart is quickened and sanctified by the grace of God, the man will live a life of faith and holiness here, and enjoy everlasting life hereafter: and if the heart is right, so will the actions of men be; they are regulated and denominated by it; they will then spring from right principles, and be directed to right ends, and performed with right views; great care therefore should be taken of the heart, since so much depends upon it, and it is so well known to God the searcher of it.”

…………………………………

“Make no friendship with an angry man – Spirit has a wonderful and unaccountable influence upon spirit. From those with whom we associate we acquire habits, and learn their ways, imbibe their spirit, show their tempers and walk in their steps. We cannot be too choice of our company, for we may soon learn ways that will be a snare to our soul.”   Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

…………………………………

THE HIDDEN HEART OF MAN

The Greek word for heart is “kardia.” 1

“The heart in Scripture is variously used, sometimes for the mind and understanding, sometimes for the will, sometimes for the affections, sometimes for the conscience, sometimes for the whole soul. Generally, it denotes the whole soul of man and all the facilities of it, not absolutely, but as they are all one principle of moral operations, as they all concur in our doing of good and evil.”

1– Orr, James, M.A., D.D. General Editor. “Entry for “HEART”. “International Standard Bible Encyclopedia.” http://www.studylight.org/enc/isb/view.cgi?number=T4199. 1915

…………………………………

“Make no friendship with an angry man,…. Do not associate with him; contract not a familiarity with him; make him not a companion; take him not into an intimacy, or use him as a particular friend and acquaintance: a man should be courteous, and carry it civilly to all men; but he should take care whom he admits as his bosom friend; he should be cautious in his choice of a familiar friend, and not receive any; and, among the rest, avoid an angry and passionate man, one who is much given to passion himself, and stirs it up in others; for there can be no lasting peace and pleasure in such a man’s company and conversation;

and with a furious man thou shall not go: not take a walk with him, much less a journey; or shall not be frequently together. It may be rendered, “unto a man of wraths”, or of great wrath and “fury, thou shall not come”; not enter into his house, nor seek his company, and court his conversation, which rather should be shunned.”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

…………………………………

<< Proverbs 2 >>
New International Version 1984

20Thus you will walk in the ways of good men

and keep to the paths of the righteous.

21For the upright will live in the land,

and the blameless will remain in it;

22but the wicked will be cut off from the land,

and the unfaithful will be torn from it.

…………………………………

Sometimes, you can stay much too long.

…………………………………

MAN IS DEFILED FROM WITHIN

…………………………………

WHEN BATTERED WOMEN USE VIOLENCE: HUSBAND-ABUSE OR SELF-DEFENSE?

…………………………………

Dispelling the Myths About the “Battered
Woman’s Defense:” Towards a New
Understanding

…………………………………

The “Battered Woman’s Defense” Its History and Future

…………………………………

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 10, 2012 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – A WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC

By Terry Loving

When you are going through the pain of domestic abuse, you feel all alone. Because you can only focus on your pain at the time, you often feel that you are suffering while other women live in happy homes. It is difficult to see past your street address, but I assure you that many cry out in desperation along with you.

…………………………………..

I am writing this post at 8:20 am – could not sleep – on December 30th, 2011. Before I went to bed, I was thinking deeply about the stats on my FLAG COUNTER – 50 flags collected, which represents the different countries that visited my site. The numbers did not impress me, but saddened me. Mostly, I have been writing with the United States in mind as far as domestic violence goes. But last night, I envisioned violence in households all over the world and sighed – “My God.” No one can convince me that Satan – the god of this world is not influencing the violence, and destruction of our homes. I will write more about that in another post.

…………………………………..

My fellow Americans – I am writing this post, so that you will understand that this epidemic is not just a problem that exists at your address only.  This information will not make you feel better, but you will or should begin to see a bigger picture – evil is at work in the world in many ways. Hopefully, you will consider the fact that you are not to blame for what is happening to you. The abusers seem to belong to the same club – POWER AND CONTROL. Their motto is, “Conquer and Subdue the Weak.” Let’s take a look at what is going on around the world.

…………………………………..

Domestic violence in Vietnam

Fewer beatings thanks to group sessions

Domestic violence is prevalent in Vietnam, with poverty, alcoholism and gender role stereotypes considered to be the main causes. Now an SDC-sponsored project has produced encouraging results by or-ganising group sessions for both abusers and victims.

According to local newspaper reports, a woman dies from domestic violence every three days in Vietnam.

http://www.sdc.admin.ch/en/Home/Projects/Domestic_violence_in_Vietnam

Sources report that from 50 to 70 percent of divorces throughout Vietnam have been linked to domestic violence (US 25 Feb. 2009, Sec. 5; DED n.d.; Than Nien 21 Sept. 2008).

…………………………………..

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN UNITED KINGDOM

“On average, two women a week in England and Wales are killed by a violent partner or ex-partner. This constitutes nearly 40% of all female homicide victims.”

“Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria, according to World Bank data.”

“Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners.”

http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/Resources/violence_against_women

http://www.ncdv.org.uk/   – UNITED CENTERE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

…………………………………..

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN INDIA

“According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from domestic violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states.”

Women in India also admit to hitting or beating because of their suspicion about the husband’s sexual involvement with other women.

http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2010/02/domestic-violence-in-india-causes-consequences-and-remedies-2/

…………………………………..

“Domestic Violence A Silent Crisis In Russia

“Domestic violence is one of Russia’s darkest secrets. The government estimates that 14,000 women die each year at the hands of their husbands or male partners. But Russian police don’t even classify domestic abuse as a crime. It’s a social problem few Russians ever mention.”

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92621334

…………………………………..

Turkey‘s shocking domestic viol­ence statistics”

“ISTANBUL — A woman in the studio audience stands up and, with the spotlight highlighting her covered head, announces to the crowd that her husband abuses her but that she doesn’t know how to react and still be a good Muslim.

The host of this popular Turkish TV show, “Islam in Our Life,” Professor Faruk Beser, is — from his trimmed mustache to his tailored suit — the image of a modern, successful Turkish man. But as he approaches the woman, his answer is far from progressive.

Looking her in the eye, Beser urges the woman to “carry this pain within you and keep living with your husband,” prescribing constant prayer over divorce, and reminding the woman of the rewards she will receive in heaven for her suffering.”

Four out of 10 women in Turkey are beaten by their husbands, according to the recent study entitled “Domestic Violence against Women in Turkey,” which has collected the first official statistics on this topic in Turkey. Even more disturbing, the study reveals that a significant number of abused women, almost 90 percent, do not seek help from any organization.”

“This is such a silent problem that most people don’t believe you when you give them the numbers…”

…………………………………..

Domestic violence in the Netherlands

The Domestic Violence in the Netherlands investigation revealed that more than 200.000 individuals in the Netherlands fall victim to domestic violence every year.

The investigation was performed by the Research and Documentation Centre and the INTERVICT Institute 13 years after the first one and reveals that:
 Most perpetrators of domestic violence are men (83%).
 Most victims of serious domestic violence are women (60%).
 25% of the victims have attempted suicide.
 30% of perpetrators often commit other crimes within two years.

http://www.iamexpat.nl/read-and-discuss/expat-page/news/domestic-violence-in-the-netherlands

…………………………………..

Domestic Violence in Africa

According to POWA 1 in every 6 women who die in Gauteng are killed by an intimate partner.

The Institute of Security Studies did a research project in 1999. They found that:

90% of the women interviewed had experienced emotional abuse: being humiliated in front of others was most commonly reported.

90% had also experienced physical abuse: being pushed or shoved and being slapped or hit were highlighted.

71% had experienced sexual abuse: attempts to kiss or touch followed by forced sexual intercourse occurred most often.

58% experienced economic abuse: money taken without consent was most common.

42.5% of women had experienced all forms of abuse.

60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/566160.stm

http://www.womeninaction.co.za/social-affairs/statistics-on-domestic-violence-in-south-africa/

…………………………………..

Report: Domestic violence on the rise – Israel

Disturbing statistics. The last five years saw an increase of 55 percent in the number of teenage girls seeking help on matters of domestic violence, a report of the Teenage Girls Service at the Ministry of Social Affairs relayed to Ynet Thursday reveals.

The data also indicated a sharp increase of 60 percent in the number of violent incidents reported in the haredi sector, and of 37 percent in the Arabic public, this in comparison with statistics from the year 1999.

According to the ministry’s statistics, the most significant rise in girls’ distress was expressed in the number of reports on sexual abuse, an increase of 21 percent in the last five years, and of domestic violence – an increase of 55.5 percent during the same period.

…………………………………..

The above countries are just a few which share the atrocities of domestic violence. Each time you scream, a woman in another country is screaming also. When your children run and hide, children on the other side of the world are hiding in closets – trembling in fear as well. The abusers view the women the same – “property,” “worthless,” “slaves,” “sex objects,” “inferior” and the like. The common motivation abusers possess is a misplaced desire for power and control. American women may enjoy more “freedom” than women in other countries. However, how they are treated by abusers amounts to imprisonment in many areas – no different from women suffering in other countries.

…………………………………..

SISTERS IN PAIN

You are far away, on a shore I may never see

A land my feet may never touch

We are different in many ways, and yet the same

Sisters in pain

When you cry, I cry

When you hurt, I hurt

Our hearts together long for relief

And yet, it never comes for we are

Sisters in pain

Someday, oh yes – someday

Like an eagle spreading her wings

We shall soar, fly away

Ascending above the lies and deceit

Smiles will be ours to own once again

We will embrace, shedding tears of joy

No longer will sorrow be our comforter

My sisters, stand strong – it won’t be long

We are united in pain,

And we shall no longer be in agony,

For we shall at last taste the sweet flavor of victory

© Terry Loving, 2011

Revelation 7:17 “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Isaiah 1:27 “Zion will be redeemed with justice, her penitent ones with righteousness.”

Isaiah 25:8 “he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.”

Isaiah 30:19 “O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.”

Isaiah 41:14 “Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”

…………………………………

The silent global epidemic: domestic violence against women

Rumana Monzur

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS WOMAN IS BEYOND RAGE – IT IS EVIL!  DEMONIC!  SATANIC!

“Her husband, Syeed Hasan Sumon, who is nearly blind from a degenerative disease, pulled his wife’s hair, throwing her to the bed and pinning her arms down with his legs, she says. Then, in an account that is bone-chilling, she says her husband pressed his fingers into her eyes, gouging them out. According to Monzur, he gnawed at her cheek, lips, and nose, biting off bits of flesh, blood spilling throughout the room as Monzur flailed. Her daughter, Anusheh, stood in a corner of the room, screaming, as two household servants struggled to open the locked door. A neighbor took her to the hospital, where her parents soon arrived. The diagnosis: blindness. “I lost my eyes,” says Monzur. “I don’t want anyone to suffer like I am suffering. It is horrible.”

Rumana Monzur asks for prayers as she returns to Vancouver
UBC grad student plans to finish her PhD

“Monzur, speaking softly through tears, says she still has hope doctors in Canada will be able to treat her eyes and she may one day see again.”

Bangladesh wife-mauling suspect Sumon found dead

…………………………………

Violence Against Women is Epidemic in Guatemala

“Parts of Guatemala have the highest murder rates in the world, according to the United Nations, especially along drug trafficking routes that lead from South America into the United States.  The culture of violence has resulted in an epidemic of domestic violence, sexual abuse and rape, sex trafficking and femicide – the murder of women. In Guatemala, on average two women are killed every day.”

…………………………………

It’s An Epidemic: Domestic Violence

“Sexually transmitted infections are also related to abuse victims; with 40% of the women of abuse having at least one sexually transmitted infection, vs 18% for the women who were not in abusive situations.”

…………………………………

Domestic Violence an ‘Epidemic’ Researchers Report

“This is an epidemic,” said Robert S. Thompson, MD, senior investigator, lead author of one paper. “But it flies under the radar, because of the stigma and shame associated with it — as well as the fear that many health care providers have of opening what some call a ‘Pandora’s Box’ of difficult problems that they are unsure how to address.”

…………………………………

Domestic violence epidemic in Kern County

“A Bakersfield family had its world turned upside down this summer when Tabasha Criado and her four children were murdered in Medford, Oregon. “Her husband killed her, stabbed her, stabbed the children and then set the house on fire, and then tried to kill himself as well, but was not successful,” said Evelyn Young, Criado’s Great Aunt.”

…………………………………

Violence Against Women: A Hidden Pandemic (Part II)

“Domestic violence is a threat to equality and justice that no civilized society should allow to exist.”

…………………………………

Domestic Violence: The Silent Killer of Women Worldwide

…………………………………

Abused American Women Living Abroad: How We Can Help

“Just for one moment, imagine you are an American woman, married and living in a foreign country with three very young children. When you met your husband in college, he was charming, polite and loving. You were young, naïve, and in love. You dropped out of college and moved overseas because your husband convinced you that life would be better there. Now you find, once you are here, he becomes a stranger-unpredictable, moody, controlling and increasingly violent. After the most violent of episodes, he apologizes, but he won’t let you go back home.”

Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center

Offers live chat!

…………………………………

“Maria was born in the Dominican Republic. She married a United States citizen, immigrated to this country, and obtained “conditional” resident immigration status, which enabled her to remain legally in the United States provided that she stay wedded to her spouse. Soon afterward, her husband began to brutalize her physically. “One time I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs…. He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened.” Afraid of the risk of deportation, Maria endured her husband’s treatment for months. After she finally fled, her spouse demanded that she return to his apartment for her immigration documents. At first, she told him, “No, you’re going to hit me.” But then she realized that she had to go because she needed the papers. She described the consequences: “He beat me on the head. He sat on my stomach. He put a knife to my throat and raped me. Then he threw me naked on the street.”

…………………………………

“Saving Face”: Horrific Acid Attacks Target Women in Pakistan

“According to filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, who just won the Academy Award for the short form documentary “Saving Face”, “If a man wants to take on a second wife but his first wife doesn’t want him to, he says, right I’ll just throw acid on her face and get rid of her, so she’ll spend the rest of her life in and out of hospitals.”

Jail may await Afghan women fleeing abuse, rape: HRW

AFGHANISTAN – WHY DOES AMERICA SUPPORT A COUNTRY THAT TREATS WOMEN IN THIS EVIL MANNER?

“KABUL (Reuters) – For Afghan women, the act of fleeing domestic abuse, forced prostitution or even being stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver by an abusive husband, may land them in jail while their abusers walk free, Human Rights Watch said.”

“Running away is considered a “moral crime” for women in Afghanistan while some rape victims are also imprisoned, because sex outside marriage – even when the woman is forced – is considered adultery, another “moral crime”.

“The plight of a woman called Nilofar illustrates the problem. She was stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver in the head, chest, and arms by her husband who accused her of adultery for inviting a man into the house, the rights group said.”

But afterwards, she was arrested, he was not.

“The way he beat her wasn’t bad enough to keep him in jail. She wasn’t near death, so he didn’t need to be in prison,” the prosecutor of the case told Human Rights Watch.”

“HE WILL KILL ME”

…………………………………
“The 33-year-old former dancing girl — who was allegedly attacked by her then-husband, an ex-lawmaker and son of a political powerhouse — jumped from the sixth floor of a building in Rome, where she had been living and receiving treatment.”
………………………………………..

HOT PEACH PAGES – INTERNATIONAL DIRECTORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGENCIES

(Please click on link above to view the directory)
………………………………………..
Click on the above link to access the world map, and then click on each country that you are interested in  to find help.
…………………………………

Domestic Violence Against Women: How to Spot Abusive Men when Dating

Is Your Date an Abuser? Learn the Signs Before It’s Too Late

…………………………………

The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

…………………………………

Pakistani women turn to once-taboo divorce to escape abuse

US woman becomes hero for battered wives in China

“You control everything in my life,” she complained.

“Shut up,” he warned.

“I will not shut up,” she responded.

He stood up. “I said, ‘shut up.'”

She got to her feet also. “I will NOT shut up,” she said.

Then came the beating that finally drove her out. When he let go, she grabbed Lydia and walked to the police station. She hesitated at the door, then thought of her daughter, took a deep breath and walked in.

…………………………………

Saudi Arabia passes kingdom’s first domestic abuse law

…………………………………

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on December 30, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WITNESSING ABUSE – WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

By Terry Loving

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
“Save [us] with your powerful hand, and answer us so that those who are dear to you may be rescued.”

If you saw someone being abused, would you help them?

The ABC television show “What Would You Do? – stages scenarios to record the reactions of people watching drama unfold. The unsuspecting witnesses to the scenes may or may not get involved. For those who choose to get involved in staged couples violence, what would cause them to do so?

Could it be that their convictions concerning violence against women stirs up courage to help the abused woman? In the case of a man being hit by a girlfriend, do most people feel that “he must have done something to deserve it? Therefore, they keep walking without a word – is this a case of violence bias?

…………………………………….

If a poll was taken concerning this subject, responses would vary – “Yes, I would get involved.” “In a heartbeat!” “Without a doubt.” “No, it is not my business.” “I would be afraid to get involved.”

In many instances, reluctance to get involved would stem from the appearance of the abuser. Meaning, if the abuser was tough looking, thuggish, or crazed, many people would not feel comfortable getting involved. Some may call the police once at a safe distance, and others would just talk about it with friends like they just saw a violent movie.

…………………………………….

What if the abused was not a stranger? What if you heard your neighbor being beaten, screaming for help behind closed doors? Would you knock on her door? Call the police? Or turn up the volume on your TV and pretend that all is well? How would you feel the next day seeing the abused battered and bruised? Would you feel guilty for not trying to help her in any way? Would you find a time when she is alone and have a chat with her – give her the Domestic Violence Hotline number? Would you wave to the abuser as you have always done – trying to not show your displeasure?

…………………………………….

If the abused is a family member – daughter, mother, son, father, sister, brother – any relation – what would you do? Would you step to the abuser and try to stop the violence? Would you try to get your loved one safely away from the abuse? And what if the abused does not feel comfortable in leaving at that time? What would you do?

…………………………………….

We can ponder these questions within our minds; however, what we would actually do remains to be seen. In many cultures, family members stand by idly and watch the violence take place. Because a wife is considered her husbands “property,” loved ones feel it is not their place to step in. They may counsel the abused woman to “be a better wife” when the beating is over. But in essence, they stood by and allowed a crime to unfold.

Now I ask this question – “What would you desire others to do on your behalf?” What would you want family members to do to help you? Would you expect strangers, or neighbors to be there for you? If you screamed loud enough for your neighbors to hear you, would you at least expect them to call the police? If your family stepped in to help you, would you accept their assistance?

As you watch the following videos, point out the person that would most likely respond the way you would have. Even if you call the police on behalf of the abused, that is better than doing nothing.

…………………………………….

Teen Couple Fights: Would You Intervene?

…………………………………….

Woman Beats Boyfriend: What Would You Do?

Will people stop a woman abusing a man? “Primetime” hired actors to find out.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

…………………………………….

CHRISTIAN SUFFERING-IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GOD’S WILL?

…………………………………………….

OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

 “DO SOMETHING!”

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 11, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T SPEAK OUT

By Terry Loving

Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 21:19 “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”

New International Version (©1984)
“A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

Proverbs 27:15 “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;”

………………………………….

It is widely documented that more women than men suffer abuse. Perhaps this is the reason why more shelters are geared towards assisting woman and their children, rather than shelters for men.  During my research on this topic, I have discovered that men who suffer abuse do not readily report their plight to authorities. Why? Because our society has differentiated gender roles to imply – women are dainty and delicate, while men are rough, tough, and masculine. Therefore, if there is an issue of domestic violence and abuse, society tends to side with the women – after all, how could it be possible that a “dainty” woman can successfully abuse a much stronger male?

……………………………………..

It happens.

Not because the female aggressor is physically stronger than the man that she is abusing, but because he won’t hit her back. Many men are raised to never strike a female, regardless of what she does. Some men may view this mentality as absurd, and look upon the male victim as a “wuss.” The abused man is chided, ridiculed, and laughed at when he seeks help from authorities, and our court system does not place much value upon his complaints. In many cases, the tables are turned when an abused man calls the police. He may have held his aggressive mate by the arms to keep her from striking him further, but often times the police arrest him as the aggressor in the matter. Too often abused men find no relief through our court system, and they are left to feel the same shame that abused women often experience.

……………………………………..

Even though this blog has many posts that refer to the abuse of women and children, men can be, and are often abused by women as well. In order to eradicate the evil of domestic violence and abuse, both sides of the equation must be acknowledged. If we are to establish peace in our homes, we must shine a light on all components of domestic violence. Acknowledging the fact that men are abused is not a taking of sides, feminist verses chauvinist. It is a matter of justice for all. Isn’t that one of the privileges of being an American, “Liberty and justice for all?”

……………………………………..

As long as male verses female, strong verses weak, evil verses good, rich verses poor exist – we will never experience harmony in our world. We will continue to raise our children to view others based on skin color, gender, economic status, religious differences, and everything but “made in the image of God.” Women who verbally and physically abuse their mates are no different from men who do the same. Children are taught family dysfunction no matter who does the hitting – mommy or daddy.

……………………………………..

Why abused men don’t speak out? Because they are not believed when they reach out for help, it is the same frustration that abused women feel. Men are laughed at, women are told to “stop pushing his buttons.” Many “macho” guys feel that if a woman is big enough to hit, she is big enough to get hit back. It has been said that some women strike first because they “want to get hit.” Due to low self-esteem and abuse she suffered growing up, she may feel that getting beaten is all that she deserves. Really, she needs counseling and much help with her beliefs.

……………………………………..

The Effects of Husband Abuse

“Men who experience domestic violence can experience serious, long-term effects on their mental health. Emotional abuse can take a serious toll on a man’s psyche, resulting in depression or low self-esteem.”

“Male domestic abuse doesn’t go away if it’s ignored. Sometimes abused husbands stay in the marriage because they think it won’t happen again – similar to abused wives.”

“We know that many women may have trouble leaving abusive relationships, especially if they’re caring for young children and not working outside the home,” said Dr. Reid. “We were surprised to find that most men in abusive relationships also stay, through multiple episodes, for years.”1

……………………………………..

Regardless of who commits acts of violence and abuse in the home, the children will see, listen, and learn negative behaviors from both parents. If only people were more like Jesus, servants to one another, we would have less abuse in our homes. If we placed more emphasis on out doing one another in serving one another, we would eliminate the selfishness which is the foundation of domestic violence. Also, statistics may determine that violence against women is more prevalent and brutal – however, all violence is sinful. Violent and abusive homes produce more victims and perpetrators for the next generation.

……………………………………..

The true Cycle of Violence involves training our children to hit and abuse innocent people that they will come in contact with. It is no longer just a concern that they will grow up to be violent, young children today are angry and violent – shooting and killing – and guess where they learned such behaviors? – At home.

Until proven otherwise, every complaint of abuse should be taken seriously. No one should have to live this way.

……………………………………..

GALATIANS 5:19-21

“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

……………………………………..

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.”

……………………………………..

HELP FOR MEN WHO SUFFER ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

When Men Are the Victims of Abuse

“Don’t believe it happens? Let Ron Mattocks tell you how his wife mentally abused him and how it ruined his social life, his career, and left him ready to commit suicide. Then find out how he turned things around.”

……………………………………..

RESOURCE LIST – SAFE FOR ALL.ORG

……………………………………..

FREE ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

……………………………………..

Android Phone Angry Wife Game App: Women Abusing Men as Sport

……………………………………..

SHRINK4MEN

……………………………………..

Why do we stay?

“Understanding why men stay in abusive relationships or remain silent…”

……………………………………..

A.A.R.D.V.A.R.C.
An Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

……………………………………..

Battered Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence

……………………………………..

MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

……………………………………..

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSIVE WOMEN

……………………………………..

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE-When She Hits Him First

……………………………………..

Erin Pizzey

……………………………………..

WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T TELL

……………………………………..

Sexual Violence Against Men – Still a Taboo Subject

……………………………………..

WomenAbusingMen.org

……………………………………..

DadsRights.org

1Read more at Suite101: Husband Abuse: Men Experience Domestic Violence: How Domestic Violence Affects a Man’s Health & Self-Image | Suite101.com http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/emotional-physical-husband-abuse-a55472#ixzz1Zm0tCUuB

Colin Henderson's winning design will be displ...

Image via Wikipedia

……………………………………..

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

……………………………………..

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 3, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ARE YOU WALKING ON EGGSHELLS?

By Terry Loving

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS – the life of the abused revolves around the abuser. Always careful of what is said and done to not upset him or her.

What mood will he be in today? Who knows, it is always a guessing game. You’ve gotten good at reading his facial expressions and overall demeanor. If he is in a foul mood, the anger distorts his handsome face to that of a stranger. You still haven’t figured out who this stranger is – for he isn’t the man that you love – but he shows up at any time – un-announced.

……………………………………………….

You are very careful of what you say, how you respond, your facial expressions, and even how you dress. Whatever you do is done to please him – everything! Your happiness and peace depends on his moods, and how he feels about any and everything. Lately, you find yourself adopting his views just to keep the peace. You may not agree with much of what he says at times, but it’s better than a slap across the face. Really, your life isn’t your own; you thought it was – until you met your Knight in shining darkness.

……………………………………………….

You tiptoe around him, slowly losing yourself – dying inside – bit by bit. Treading lightly in his presence is killing the person that God meant for you to be. You are tired, weary, lost, and confused. “What is happening to me? – You wonder. As his key turns the lock, your heart pounds, your palms are sweaty, and you are not sure how you feel, for you haven’t had an honest feeling in quite some time. Some days upon his arrival you suffer a terrible beating, and other days you breathe a sigh of relief. Yet in all, you continue to “walk on eggshells,” carefully orchestrating your moods to synchronize with your abuser’s ever changing persona. This is no way to live.

……………………………………………….

The idiom walking on eggshells generally describes a situation in which people must tread lightly around a sensitive topic, or make every effort not to offend a volatile or hypersensitive person. Literally walking on eggshells would require exceptional caution and self-control, similar to the feeling of avoiding conflict with an easily disturbed friend, relative or employer. Family members of active alcoholics or rageaholics often describe their careful avoidance of conflict as “walking on eggshells.” 1

The Cycle of Violence produces the “walking on eggshells” effect – for after the “honeymoon” stage, only the abuser will have inkling when the violence will begin again. You the abused will constantly have your fingers crossed, and walk around your abuser as lightly as you can. Is that living – really living? Isn’t this really about losing yourself, becoming invisible, smaller, and less important in the eyes of your abuser? As a Christian wife, you are joint heir with your husband – which means spiritual equality in the matter of the blessings and grace of God. It cannot mean that you are less of a person in the sight of God and heaven. Only hell would circulate such a lie.

……………………………………………….

Let me ask you this – does your abuser do the same – “walk on eggshells” – tiptoe around you to not set you off and cause you to exhibit violence and abuse? I think not. Why should he or she? They are in control of your moods and actions, not the other way around. You have become a human robot – an empty shell – doing the bidding of another – even without verbal dialogue.

……………………………………………….

When you find yourself “walking on eggshells,” this means that you have given up complete control of yourself. And yes, conflict should be avoided in the home, especially among God’s people. But this does not mean that the feelings of one person should be paramount over the other. We are commanded to “love one another.” The love, honor, and respect should be mutual – not a one-way street.

……………………………………………….

Sit back, close your eyes and imagine a person tiptoeing around another. Imagine you, always struggling to find the right words to say – or trying to match wits with a person prone to violence and abuse. Does it make you emotionally and mentally tired? Does it remind you of tipping quietly in a room where your sleeping baby lies, and you need something from the other side of the room? You hope your feet don’t find the squeaky floor board and awaken a screaming baby demanding attention. Walking on eggshells is akin to surrendering your life to another for all the wrong reasons.

……………………………………………….

Domestic Violence Awareness Embroidered Patch
(click on patch to see more)

Conflict serves no good purpose, and should be avoided – but not to the degree where one person shines, and the life of another is snuffed out.

It is my prayer that you will be enlightened, and finally see the truth.

……………………………………………….

EVER LYRICS CHRISTINA AGUILERA

What you gave me I know you gave me

You remind me all the time

And how you hurt me and you don’t see it

Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me

I can’t feel it and I’m afraid to let you down

It’s all or nothing, I fear that something’s wrong

I’m tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail

And in order to please you I’ve abandoned myself

And though it used to hurt me when you push me away

I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you, you suffered less too

It tears us both apart

And it’s not pretty the way you criticize me

And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me (though you tell me)

That you love me (that you love me)

I can’t feel it (I can’t feel it)

And I’m afraid to let you down

It’s all or nothing, (it’s all or nothing)

I fear that something’s wrong

I’m tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail

And in order to please you I’ve abandoned myself

And though it used to hurt me when you push me away

I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you knew, how much I need you

I feel like running but I can’t abandon you

You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days

You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted

What more can I do?

I’m tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail

(So tired of walking on, don’t want to fail)

And in order to please you I’ve abandoned myself

And though it used to hurt me when you push me away

I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way

I’m tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail

And in order to please you I’ve abandoned myself

(In order to please you, I’ve abandoned myself)

And though it used to hurt me when you push me away

I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way, oh

LyricsBay | STRONGER THAN EVER LYRICS CHRISTINA AGUILERA

……………………………………………….

“Emotional Pollution in the Home: Walking on Eggshells”

“Most people want their relationships to go well; they want to prevent criticism, cold shoulders, angry outbursts, or the silent treatment – all common effects of emotional pollution. They go through psychological contortions, second-guessing themselves, editing what they say, worrying if they’re doing things well enough, trying hard not to set him or her off. When you do this over a period of time, you lose a sense of who you are. You either internalize blame for your partner’s resentment, anger, even abusive tendencies, or you take them on and become resentful, angry, or abusive yourself. In either case, you don’t like the person you’ve become.”

……………………………………………….

ARE YOU WALKING ON EGGSHELLS? –  QUIZ

……………………………………………….

The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

……………………………………………….

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on April 19, 2011 in CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,