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Category Archives: EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND VICTIM BLAMING

By Terry Loving

Domestic-Violence

New American Standard Bible (©1995)

“You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

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“Unlike other victims of violent crime, battered women are often viewed by the police, the prosecutor, judges, jurors and probation/parole staff as responsible for the crimes committed against them; responsible either because battered women are believed to “provoke” the perpetrator into violence or because they are believed to have the power to avoid the criminal assault through accommodating the perpetrator’s demands. Other victims of violent crime are not seen as culpable for the crimes inflicted upon them, but battered women frequently report that criminal justice system personnel appear to consider them “unworthy victims” who are clogging up the courts with unimportant family matters.”  Read more here.

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Victim blaming did not originate with the murder of Kassandra Perkins, nor will it end when another woman loses her life to domestic violence. There are many speculations concerning Kassandra’s death such as, “She stayed out too late after attending a concert.” Kassandra was a gold-digger.” “She was the catalyst in her own murder.” “She was leaving the relationship, and planned to get as much money as possible.” “She took their daughter to a relative’s home without his (Jovan’s) consent.” “Kassandra was lazy.” And so on and so on.

“Belcher telling Perkins, “You can’t talk to me like that!

The next sound was gunfire as Belcher repeatedly shot the mother of their daughter. He shot her “9 times.”

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It is all your fault

Let us assume the negative talk about Kassandra Perkins was true. So where is the justification for murder? There was no mention of a physical altercation where Jovan had no choice but to defend him-self. In fact, she was no physical threat to him at all. This was not a case of an excusable homicide, and Jovan would have served prison time, maybe not as much as he deserved, but he would have if he had not killed himself as well.

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If I had my way, this murder would be classified as premeditated, for Jovan stated in a text message that he would shoot Kassandra if she did not leave him alone.”

Correct me if I am wrong, but shooting someone “9 times” indicates that you want to make sure this person dies. Where was the love his friends said he had for her?  Did Jovan hate the sight of Kassandra so much so that he wanted her dead, and gone from his life, especially since he had a new woman that he desired to be with? Say what you will, but there is no way  this murder is the victim’s fault.

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Too many times the victims of domestic violence are not believed when they seek help, and they are blamed when relationships turn violent. A woman who threatens to leave abuse has every right to get away from the violence, especially if she has children. It is the insecurity and controlling behaviors of abusers that will not tolerate separation, not the woman’s choice to leave that is the excuse for murder.  It is a well-documented fact that women who try to leave, or have left abuse are in more danger of losing their lives.

YOU GOT OUT OF LIN

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Also, some of the news comments are very disheartening such as the following – (unedited):

Both parties are too blame, women are not always best, but we pretend we are. I am not blaming her, but I’m sure she played her part and he played his like a good soap opera.

OK, how can “both parties” share “blame” for her death? And this other statement: … “Women are not always best, but we pretend we are.” What is the world is that supposed to mean?”  – Victim blaming again.

Oh not that she lied about who the father was. I am sorry for the child, but maybe the child will be better off. A man can be driven to do stuff, and she drove him there.

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 First of all, commentators assumed a little too much. And how is the child “better off?” She is an orphan left with an awful legacy. When she grows up, she will have to deal with people saying awful things to her about what happened to her parents. Especially when she goes to school, and we know how cruel children can be at times – they learn from their parents. To say a man “can be driven to do stuff, and she drove him there,” is another victim blaming statement.

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WHY DO YOU MAKE ME HIT YOU

“She pushed my buttons!”

We hear this excuse all the time. Our children can sometimes make us very angry – do we murder them? Couples learn much about one another after spending quality time together. We learn the soft spots and the subjects that bring about anger, hurt, and tears – do we murder our spouses because they touch a nerve – accidentally, or on purpose? Training a new puppy is often frustrating, costly and time-consuming – do we kill the puppy? Do we take out a gun and shoot the old woman for driving too slow? In America, these situations happen every day – whether we hear about them or not – people killing just because they can.

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There has been a rash of murder-suicides in the news lately. And there are many people who are scratching their heads and wondering why this is happening. God already warned us these types of atrocities would come upon us:

“But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

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YOU ARE SO STUPID

 Today, life is all about “Me!” People in general lack self-discipline over their emotions. Abusers have no self-control, and act impulsively – then expect understanding for their ugly behaviors. Victim blaming is an easy scapegoat  for allowing violence to be the solution for domestic issues. If self-control were not possible, God would not command it to be exercised.

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Like a city that is broken into and without walls Is a man who has no control over his spirit.”

He that hath no rule over his own spirit,…. His affections and passions, puts no restraint, unto them, as the word signifies; no guard against them, no fence about them, to curb his curiosity, to check his pride and vanity, to restrain his wrath and anger and revenge, and keep within due bounds his ambition and itch of vainglory; is like a city that broken down and without walls; into which they may go with pleasure, and which is exposed to the rapine and violence of everyone; and so a man that has no command of himself and passions, but gives the reins to them, is exposed to the enemy of souls, Satan and is liable to every sin, snare and temptation. Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.”

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THIS IS MY HOUSE

 Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

16:27,28. Ungodly men bestow more pains to do mischief than would be needful to do good. The whisperer separates friends: what a hateful, but how common a character! 29,30. Some do all the mischief they can by force and violence, and are blind to the result. 31. Old people especially should be found in the way of religion and godliness. 32. To overcome our own passions, requires more steady management, than obtaining victory over an enemy. 33. All the disposal of Providence concerning our affairs, we must look upon to be the determining what we referred to God; and we must be reconciled to them accordingly. Blessed are those that give themselves up to the will of God; for he knows what is good for them.

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Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Sin, if it receives any check, becomes cowardly. 24. It is better to be alone, than to be joined to one who is a hinderance to the comfort of life.

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YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY

James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

Proverbs 14:29  “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.”

Proverbs 19:11  “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Ecclesiastes 7:8  “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.”

Psalm 12:8  “The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men.”

Proverbs 29:11  “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

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Victim blaming will not stand in the Day of Judgment. All of the flimsy excuses for abuse and murder will be judged.

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 There is absolutely nothing that Kassandra Perkins was accused of that warranted her murder. NOTHING! She is a victim, Jovan Belcher is a murderer and solely to blame for both their deaths.

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YOU CANT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT

2 Peter 1:3  “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”

Matthew 5:21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)

AND IF IT IS WITH DIFFICULTY THAT THE RIGHTEOUS IS SAVED, WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE GODLESS MAN AND THE SINNER?

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A SIN PROBLEM!

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Types of victim blaming

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Avoiding Victim Blaming

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Rethinking ‘Don’t Blame the Victim’:
The Psychology of Victimhood

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Blaming the Victim

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Delhi anger on streets after rape victim dies

In the wake of the attack, much of the country’s fury has been directed towards a police force seen as apathetic, corrupt and misogynist, and a political class that often seems uncaring. Senior police are regularly quoted in the Indian press as saying women who are raped are to blame for their attacks – for being out at night, for talking to men, or for wearing jeans.

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http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

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5 Comments

Posted by on December 26, 2012 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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WHEN DADDY KILLS MOMMY

By Terry Loving

American Standard Version
Thou shalt not kill.”

Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

Kasandra Perkins and baby

Kasandra Perkins and her daughter Zoey

….. or, when mommy kills daddy – it is the children left behind who suffer the most.

Murder-suicide is nothing new, however, we hear more about these types of tragedies in the news lately. The most recent – highlighted due to the murderer being a football star, overshadows the domestic murder-suicides that we do not hear about – or, their stories get very little attention. Case in point, Friday night – the day before Kasandra Perkins was murdered, 53-year old Peter Jones shot and killed his wife, 38-year old Elsie “because she was leaving him.” This couple also had a history of arguments, and the selfish murdering father left his 8-year old son an orphan. The next day, another set of parents are dead.

chemist2n-1-web

“Elsie and Peter Jones on their wedding day. Peter Jones killed his wife, then himself.”

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Kasandra Perkins and Jovan Belcher’s newborn is now an orphan as well – too young to know anything about what happened to her parents. Granted, her family will probably do all they can to keep sordid details about her parents lives from her, but this child will always wonder – “Why?” It is a question many are asking today, “Why did this happen?” Some claim “There were no signs.” And “they were a happy couple.” Still others say the couple “Argued like other couples do.” Still others claim the birth of their daughter put a strain on an already rocky relationship. No matter what new details submerge, the question will always be, “Why?”

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Let me clear up something before I go on. Countless abused women both physically and verbally keep their suffering to themselves. They are too embarrassed to let friends and family know they are going through domestic abuse, and they put on a front that all is well. I am not saying this is the case with Ms. Perkins, but it could very well be. She moved to another state to be with Jovan, and recently gave birth to his child. She changed her whole life for this relationship, and who is to say that she did not receive advice to rethink her decision. If this is the case, she like many abused women would not want to admit a mistake. And let us not forget, many abused women do not realize they are being abused in some way.

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What happened to Kasandra Perkins can be filed under the heading of “Domestic Violence.” Even with the absence of prior knowledge of abuse, no police emergency calls, or physical evidence of battering, this tragedy is still a case of domestic violence/murder. It is not about a popular sports hero who had a moment of weakness, and killed himself because of guilt. I read comments that stated Jovan killed himself to “avoid prosecution and jail time” – that may be true. And since he tried to hide from a police officer at the stadium, most likely this is the case. Also,  I wish people would stop excusing his actions as a possible “concussion,” “steroid use,” and possible “brain damage” from the contact sport of football. He murdered two people – Kasandra and himself. He is a murderer no matter what accomplishments he achieved.

Kasandra Perkins on floor

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 On that note, if football and other contact sports are contributing factors to murder and suicide, then they should be banned immediately! But of course, we know this will not happen. Jovan Belcher was in his right mind to thank his coach and general manager for all they had done for him. He had the presence of mind to drive to the stadium:

“Belcher then drove about five miles to Arrowhead Stadium. There, he was met by general manager Scott Pioli and coach Romeo Crennel, and Belcher thanked them for all they’d done for him.”

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 Jovan also had the presence of mind to hide from the police:

“As they approached, a subject later identified as Jovan Belcher, observed their presence and moved to an area behind a vehicle,” the report said. “From that position Belcher shot himself one time in the head.”

There was no memory loss here, and certainly he knew what he had done was very wrong. Or else, why did he hide? Why did he kill himself? More so, why did he kill the mother of an infant, his and Kasandra’s infant?

Jovan Belcher

Jovan Belcher

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Various news sources also mention that Jovan was taking pain pills and drinking alcohol – “A LOT!” “Every day.”  Well, those familiar with domestic violence know that drugs and alcohol are often involved in domestic situations. Add a troubled relationship in the mix and there is bound to be violence and abuse of some sort at any given time. According to Kasandra’s family:

Tension between Belcher and Perkins, 22, escalated after the birth of their daughter three months ago, family and friends said.

It wasn’t a healthy thing that was going on,” Angela U. Perkins, 32, of Round Rock, Texas, said of the relationship between Belcher and the cousin she knew as Kasi.

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kasandra-perkins-the-girlfriend-of-kansas-city-chiefs-linebacker-jovan-belcher-and-their-daughter-zoey

Children who witness domestic violence are scarred for life. When a parent is killed in the home by the other parent, this sets in motion life-long confusion, pain, heartache, anger, trauma, and a host of other mental and emotional challenges. For sure these children need counseling, and much understanding. The same holds true for witnessing domestic violence and both parents live.

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 Also, children who witness violence between adults in their homes are only the most recent victims to become visible. These children have been called the “silent,” “forgotten,” and “unintended” victims of adult-to-adult domestic violence.  1

 “Julie, a 4-year-old girl, was the only witness to her divorced mother’s fatal stabbing. Several months earlier, at the time of the divorce, Julie’s father had publicly threatened to kill his ex-wife…Although the father lacked an alibi for the night of the crime, there was no physical evidence linking him to the homicide…In describing the event, she (Julie) consistently placed her father at the scene, described significant portions of the central action, and recounted her father’s efforts to clean up prior to leaving…Only after the district attorney saw Julie stabbing a pillow, crying “Daddy pushed mommy down,” did he become convinced that the father indeed was the murderer. (p100)”

Kasandra and Jovan

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 “Most children do not witness murder of a parent.”

 In the case of Zoey Michelle Belcher, she is an infant and does not know anything about anything right now. She was spared seeing either of her parents die from gunshot wounds, and cringing at the sounds of domestic violence. Once she grows up and her family explains the absence of her parents, she will have much sadness and many questions. However, she was spared the gory eyewitness account of their deaths.

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 My brothers and I not only were eyewitnesses to the brutal attacks on my mother, we also heard the disturbing sounds of violence. Even without actually seeing what was going on, the sounds alone let you know that something really bad is happening to your mother. You never forget the sounds of breaking glass, body slamming, screaming, shouting, and breaking furniture – just God awful memories for a child to carry for a lifetime.

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 I did witness my mother bleeding all over the kitchen floor. Although she was bleeding, her abuser kept hitting her with a hammer. I later discovered that the blood came from a deep cut near her knee which required stitches. Many times I was the only one investigating the violence – hoping I could stop it somehow. My brothers stayed in their room – until they grew older. Sometimes I just put the covers over my head when the body slamming was too intense. I would just hug my doll and cry until I fell asleep. The sounds of domestic violence are just as traumatizing as witnessing the actually violence itself.  You never forget it.

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Kasandra Perkins and baby2

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 Friends say Belcher was upset because Perkins, 22, had gone out the night before to a Trey Songz concert and he didn’t want her going out with the newborn at home. A cousin told Newsday that the stress of having a new baby had put a strain on their relationship and the fact that Belcher was away at games or practicing wasn’t helping the relationship.

“There was just a lot going on. She was stressed. He was stressed,” cousin Angela Perkins said. “It just started to go bad, but they had the child, and they were trying to make it work.” 2

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 We the public and the families of Kasandra and Jovan may never know the whole truth of this tragedy. But one thing is clearly known, another child will grow up without parents due to domestic violence. It has been said as well that Jovan “does not fit the profile” of a domestic abuser. Well, he does now – sad but true. He exhibited power, control and anger issues – isn’t that the foundation of domestic violence?

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Kasandra Perkins

 I can understand his family and team members mourning his death – but let us not forget what Jovan Belcher did on Saturday morning (December 1, 2012) – he committed murder, and suicide. – He killed two people, devastated two families, and left his child an orphan.

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 It really upsets me that people are hoping to find out that he has some sort of brain trauma that caused him to murder and kill himself.  Victim blaming has also been noted in many news comments. Speculations range from Kasandra cheating to being a gold digger, and threatening to leave and take their baby away from Jovan. We all have our opinions, but we do not know the truth of what really happened. This we do know, domestic violence is very real, and very prevalent within the black community.  Black woman suffer higher rates of domestic abuse than any other race. Why?

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 In conclusion, this sorrowful event is a great teaching moment. But like all other opportunities, this one will be lost as well. While the spotlight is shining brightly upon this evil, the black community especially should open up and talk about this monster. And where should we begin? I say, within our churches. I pray.

May God bless the children who are traumatized by domestic violence with inner peace.

Terry

1http://markwynn.net/children/children-witnessing-of-adult-domestic-violence.pdf

2 http://www.bet.com/news/sports/2012/12/03/family-friends-grieve-over-jovan-belcher-murder-suicide.html

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120312-sports-KASANDRA-PERKINS-jovan-belcher-murder-suicide

 New American Standard Bible (©1995)
For He who said, “DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” also said, “DO NOT COMMIT MURDER.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. (James 2:11)

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American Standard Version
Ye have heard that it was said to them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:

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1 John 3:15

“Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.”

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Then he said to Him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER; YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY; YOU SHALL NOT STEAL; YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS;

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Galatians 5:16-24

16But I say, walk by the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are contrary the one to the other; that ye may not do the things that ye would. 18But if ye are led by the Spirit, ye are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these : fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties, 21envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23meekness, self-control; against such there is no law. 24And they that are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the passions and the lusts thereof.

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jovan-belcher1

Belcher case makes clear it’s hard to fully illumine the human heart

According to a law enforcement official close to the investigation — and contrary to published reports — Belcher spent Friday night “partying” with another woman at the Power and Light District, a bar area in downtown K.C. He returned home between 6:30 and 7 a.m., at which point he and Perkins argued. Then, with his own mother in the house, Belcher used a handgun to shoot the mother of his baby girl nine times. He then drove to the Chiefs’ practice facility in a Bentley so new it had temporary plates.

At the facility, Belcher jumped out of the car holding a different handgun and encountered general manager Scott Pioli, who was heading into the building. Belcher thanked Pioli for giving him a chance as an undrafted player. He then confessed that he had shot his girlfriend and insisted that he was not going to jail. He asked to have head coach Romeo Crennel sent out. Crennel emerged, and Belcher thanked him too.

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Kasandra Perkins Did Not Have to Die

Relationships do not go from healthy, happy and functional to murder-suicide overnight. It never happens. There is almost always a history and there is always a pattern. Over time it will be clear that friends, family, and colleagues knew things and saw things and did not take action.

Reports indicate that Kasi was leaving or had left Belcher with their daughter. Women are most likely to be killed by their abusive partners when they try to leave—in fact, victims who leave an abusive relationship have a 75 percent higher risk of being murdered. Pregnancy and chilbirth excacerabte violent relationships and young black women are eleven times more likely than white women to be murdered while they are pregnant or in the year after childbirth.

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Kasandra Perkins funeral set for Thursday in Texas

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According to the Turrentine Jackson Morrow funeral home, services will be held at 1 p.m. at the Ridgeview Family Fellowship Church in Blue Ridge, Texas. You can read the funeral home’s obituary here: http://bit.ly/Vyz9LC

She is survived by her 3-month-old daughter Zoey Michelle Belcher, her mother Becky Gonzalez of Fort Worth, her father Darryl Perkins of Austin and several other family members.

0_Perkins, Kasandra
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Responding officers found Belcher asleep in his new $122,000 Bentley — and asked him to step out and show them identification, which police said he did.

The officers said Belcher was intoxicated, according to Kansas City police spokesman Darrin Sapp.

“They said they could tell he’d been drinking,” Sapp said.

Police said Belcher told officers he was waiting for his “girlfriend” — not Perkins, but another woman — who lives in the building. 

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Belcher spent night with a gal pal before killing

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BLACK WOMEN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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Invisible Woman: Black Women and Domestic Violence

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND COHABITATION

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Witnessing Domestic Violence: The Effect on Children

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When Children Witness Domestic Violence: Expert Opinion

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Jovan Belcher reportedly apologized to his mother

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ZOEY MICHELLE BELCHER WILL BE PROVIDED FOR

UPDATE: According to the Collective Bargaining Agreement, Belcher’s daughter will be financially taken care of, NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport reports. Belcher’s death benefit breaks down in the following ways:

» For the next four years, Zoe or her guardian (or estate) will receive $9,000 per month or $108,000 per year.
»For one year, she’ll receive $48,000.
»Until she’s 18 or 23 (depending on if she goes to college), she’ll receive $52,000 per year.

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NFL linebacker’s mother screams as his baby cries in 911 tapes

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N.C. Murder-Suicide: Holly Springs couple found shot to death identified, officials say

“My husband has a gun and a bad temper,” she reportedly told the dispatcher.”

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Lendene Dendy

Dendy deaths ruled result of murder/suicide

COVINGTON — Authorities have announced that the deaths of Robert and Lendene Dendy were the result of a murder/suicide. The manner and cause were determined to be gunshot wounds from a 9mm handgun.

The bodies of Robert Dendy, 44, and Lendene Dendy, 39, were found by a family member at 265 Stone Ridge Way around 7:45 a.m. Monday and law enforcement was notified.

Davis said the time line for the time of the deaths was sometime between the early morning hours Sunday, when the last known people talked to them and the time they were found on Monday.

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A BLOODY WEEKEND!

FRIDAY – 11/30/12 – Peter Jones shot and killed his wife, killed himself

SATURDAY – 12/1/12 – Jovan Belcher murders his girlfriend, kills himself

SUNDAY – 12/2/12 – Robert Dendy murders his wife, kills himself

All three murder-suicide cases orphaned children, their children.

COME LORD JESUS!

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Jovan Belcher: Charles Barkley, James Harrison say guns aren’t to blame

“I think, especially in the black culture, it’s a crime culture,” Barkley said in tonight’s episode of “Costas Tonight” on the NBC Sports Network. “We, as black people, and I always say we, we don’t have respect for each other. We got more black men in prison than we do in college, and crime in our neighborhoods is running rampant. I know everybody reacts when something like the Belcher thing happens, but being black, this is something you deal with all the time, and it’s just sad. I’m a guy and I carry a gun. I carry a gun.”

Let’s not make this thing about guns. Let’s make this about mistreating women. That’s unacceptable.”

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Let’s Talk About Kasandra Perkins for a Change

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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5 Comments

Posted by on December 4, 2012 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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HE BEATS ME – BUT HE IS A GOOD MAN!

By Terry Loving

New International Version (©1984)
“The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates.”

You have probably heard the saying that “a good man is hard to find.” Ask any woman who is seeking a mate, and she will tell you one of the qualities required is the man must be a “good” man. I wonder though, would most women know a “good” man if they did find him? What does a “good” man look like? How does he carry himself? Is there some sort of standard by which a man’s character can be measured?

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I have read several posts where the abused women claimed their abusers are “good” men. Here is an un-edited example:

“i’de like to know if a man will stop abuse and i am scared. i am not physically strong and i don’t shout back. i just keep quiet. its happened 3 times now, first in december with a shove, then over easter in the car, he pushed me against the window and wanted to drive us into a wall, i asked him if i could drive, he got out and walked into the bush. we communicated via our phones. when he came back i had to drive slowly, as he wanted to jump out the car, and over bridges. he swore at me in the car all the way home, calling me a bitch and a whore and no man will ever accept me. saturday night he beat me and kicked me for 6 hours. continually….. he is a good man…. we love each other, but i am afraid!

Comment #8 (Posted by Lynette Hoy)”

http://www.counselcareconnection.org/articles/45/1/How-Do-I-Stop-Abusing-My-Wife/Page1.html

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A “good” man would not treat anyone this way – especially a woman he claims to love. Beating and kicking her for “6 hours” proves that this man is evil. Because this woman is afraid of her abuser, she chooses to “keep quiet” which gives the abuser the sense that his actions are allowed. In some warped way, he probably concludes that this woman “likes” how he treats her, or she would do something about it instead of suffering in silence.

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She states that she is “afraid” and “scared” – she should be. This man will only progress to worst abuse, perhaps even kill her one day. She may love him, but he surely does not love her. The problem with this situation is that neither party has any concept of real love. If they did, she would not be suffering abuse, and he would not be dishing it out.

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The main objective of this post is to show from a Biblical stand point what a “good” man should represent. Mind you, everyone has their little quirks, habits, preferences and the like. Not every couple will agree with each other all the time. When blending two backgrounds into a relationship, differences may sometimes clash and cause friction in the home. However, spiritual maturity in both partners will ultimately level out disagreements and restore peace.

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If a man is a “good” man, he will understand and practice Biblical principles that will keep his home in spiritual balance. He will exercise leadership with love, patience, wisdom, and godly direction. Otherwise, he will rule with tyranny and abuse those whom God has blessed him with to be a part of his life and family.

So what is a “good” man? Let us seek the Word of God.

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Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

“A good man, out of the good treasure of the heart,…. “A good man”, is a regenerated man, one that is renewed by the Spirit of God, a believer in Christ, a sincere lover of him, and one that follows him, wheresoever he goes, and who has the grace of God implanted in him: for “the good treasure the heart”, is not what he is naturally possessed of, but what is put into him: and is no other than the superabundant grace of God, or that grace for grace, which he has received out of Christ’s fullness, and the rich experience of it he is blessed with:”

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New International Version (©1984)
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.”

33“A tree is identified by its fruit. If a tree is good, its fruit will be good. If a tree is bad, its fruit will be bad. 34You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. 35A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. 36And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. 37The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.”

http://nlt.scripturetext.com/matthew/12.htm

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“An evil man has an evil treasure in his heart, and out of it brings forth evil things. Lusts and corruptions, dwelling and reigning in the heart, are an evil treasure, out of which the sinner brings forth bad words and actions, to dishonour God, and hurt others. Let us keep constant watch over ourselves, that we may speak words agreeable to the Christian character.”Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Dictionary definition of “good”:

adjective

1. morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious: a good man.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/good

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In light of the above definition and scriptures, there is no way a violent abuser can be considered a “good” man. If his character does not match up to what you have read thus far, then abusers are the opposite of “good,” which means they are “evil” men who practice evil. They practice sin, and criminal behaviors that justify both earthly and heavenly consequences.

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Most likely, it is during the “honeymoon stage” that abused women fool themselves believing their abusers are otherwise “good” men. Anyone can put on a good act, but that does not mean they are “good” people. What is in your heart will eventually come out – good or evil. Apologies for abuse and flowers do not make a “good” man.

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Also, many women erroneously conclude that if they can get their abusers to stop abusing, then they would have a “good” man. Not necessarily so. Many immoral men do not physically abuse women, but they commit sinful acts in other ways such as deceiving, cheating, lying and stealing etc.

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A “good” man will not verbally abuse you, and call you ugly names.

Proverbs 10:20  “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.”

Proverbs 10:21  “The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.”

His conversation will be full of grace, and seasoned with salt. A “good” man will provide for his family. Otherwise, he is worse than an infidel. He should be like Barnabas:

New Living Translation (©2007)
“Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. And many people were brought to the Lord.”

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
“Barnabas was a dependable man….”

“For he was a good man – This is given as a reason why he was so eminently successful. It is not said that he was a man of distinguished talents or learning; that he was a splendid or an imposing preacher; but simply that he was a man of an amiable, kind, and benevolent disposition – a pious, humble man of God. We should not undervalue talent, eloquence, or learning in the ministry, but we may remark that humble piety will often do more in the conversion of souls than the most splendid talents. No endowments can be a substitute for this.”   Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

Most of all, a “good” man will strive to be Christ-like. He will endeavor to please the Father in all things. He will care when others are hurting, as Jesus wept over the condition of mankind:

Luke 19:41 “As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it.”

A “good” man will possess compassion:

John 11:33 “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”

A “good” man will love his wife as he is instructed to do so:

New International Version (©1984)
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Ephesians 5:28 “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”  (Would a man stomp and kick his own body for “6 hours?”)

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Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

New Living Translation (©2007)
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

“Giving honor unto the wife – It was an important advance made in society when the Christian religion gave such a direction as this, for everywhere among the pagan, and under all false systems of religion, woman has been regarded as worthy of little honor or respect. She has been considered as a slave, or as a mere instrument to gratify the passions of man. It is one of the elementary doctrines of Christianity, however, that woman is to be treated with respect; and one of the first and most marked effects of religion on society is to elevate the wife to a condition in which she will be worthy of esteem. The particular reasons for the honor which husbands are directed to show to their wives, here specified, are two: she is to be treated with special kindness as being more feeble than man, and as having a claim therefore to delicate attention; and she is to be honored as the equal heir of the grace of life.”

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Ladies, a “good” man is not one who temporarily refrains from abusing you. During the “honeymoon stage” you may witness endearing qualities that cause you to fall in love with your abuser all over again. However, this brief period of calm will eventually give way to higher and more damaging degrees of violence and abuse. “Do not be deceived.”

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There is much more that can be said concerning this matter. The conclusion is, no “good” man beats, berates, abuses his mate, or anyone. A “good” man isn’t a perfect man, for no man can match the perfection of Jesus Christ. However, a “good” man will strive for spiritual excellence just the same.

New International Version (©1984)
“Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from men of violence who plan to trip my feet.”

Is there some sort of standard by which a man’s character can be measured? YES – the Word of God.

If he beats you – abuses you – cheats, lies, deceives, he is not a good man.

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http://fvpfstore.stores.yahoo.net/healthposters.html

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The Excellence of Love

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

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Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

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Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

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Men tell Oprah why they beat the women they love

“When he was in a rage and beating Christy, Sir says he did want her to die. “I had every intention to take her life. I felt like I had power and control over something in my life,” Sir says. “It made me feel invincible.”

“Luckily, Christy survived the abuse.”

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Domestic violence – why men abuse women

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ABUSERS – ARE THEY EVIL?

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NOTE: It is very difficult to recognize a “good” man if you never had an example of a “good” man in your life. One of the mistakes we make is to rush into relationships. A warning sign that you are headed for trouble is a man rushing you into a relationship. When we grow up with bad examples of manhood, we tend to date men who mimic what we saw at home. It is erroneously assumed that all men will treat women this way, and many women accept the abuse as “normal.”

Another mistake is – we do not take time to know ourselves. If we have unresolved baggage from the past, we carry the pain into relationships. Unfortunately, we subconsciously expect our mates to “heal” us, and that is impossible. This applies to both men and women.

Because many of us grew up with dysfunction in our homes, we tend to feel empty in relationships if there is no drama. Therefore, we create it – or recreate what we witnessed at home as children. Men know when a woman is “needy,” and if he has evil intentions you will suffer.

Sadly, some women grow up with godly fathers, and witness what a “good” man should be like – and they gravitate towards “bad boys.” Yes, “bad boys” have been labeled “exciting.” But too often, the excitement is drama in disguise. Unfortunately, many “good” guys are labeled as “nerdy” or “boring.” They usually work hard, own homes, and live stable lives. “Bad boys” often live off their women, prostitute them, beat them, and make life miserable.

Take time to know him or her. If something is for you, you will have it.

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My husband loves me a lot but he’s abusive

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MY HUSBAND HITS ME ALL THE TIME?

“i know all of you guys are saying leave him but its not easy!!
i cant just leave him i want to help him if i just leave him how will he ever change i am his wife and want him to be a better person, can anyone just understand that?”

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My Husband Hits Me

“What do I do if my husband hits me just because he is anger, but I can’t leave him because I love him very much.

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 MAN IS DEFILED FROM WITHIN

“And He was saying, ‘That which proceeds out of the man that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man” (verses 20-23). To this list we can add violence, physical and verbal abuse, mistreatment of others.

The person who commits murder is acting out what is in his heart. Adultery is in the heart. Deceit is in the heart. Pride is in the heart. Evil is in the heart. Domestic violence and abuse are in the hearts of those who are defiled from within.

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“This grim made-for-TV domestic drama examines the terrible effects caused by spousal abuse. The story centers on the mental and physical battering endured by a wife at the hands of her troubled husband.”

Regular visits to their home from the police, three broken ribs, hospitalization and many beatings wasn’t enough for her to leave. It wasn’t until her abusive husband threw their young son across the room that she finally started to see the light. This is a woman who thought she had a “good” man, and kept making excuses for his abusing her. She blamed herself, as much as he blamed her for everything that went wrong. A MUST SEE!

https://signup.netflix.com/Movie/Intimate-Strangers/70147041?country=1&rdirfdc=true

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CLICK HERE FOR SAFE HORIZON LINK TO TAKE ACTION

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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Domestic Violence Against Women: How to Spot Abusive Men when Dating

Is Your Date an Abuser? Learn the Signs Before It’s Too Late

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Why Men Abuse Women

“Tony says it felt like he “blacked out” during the abuse. “You don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “I completely own up to [what I did], but in that rage, it’s like your brain wires, they aren’t clicking.”

“He says being in an abusive relationship is like being in a drug addiction. “It becomes like your bond in the sense that the woman is like cocaine inside of that relationship. That’s the only connection you have, because there’s no real love,” he says. “In order to overcome it, it’s almost like you have to separate, go to rehab, move out of the dope house and never come back.”

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10 Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 20092012
All rights reserved.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2012 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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“Is It Possible To Not Be An Abuser If You Hit Once?”

By Terry Loving

Titus 2:6  “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.”

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Psalm 37:8 “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil.”

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Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

“Husbands, love your wives. Be not bitter against them – Wherever bitterness is, there love is wanting. And where love is wanting in the married life, there is hell upon earth.”

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The title of this post is a search term used to reach my site. It is a very good question, and I will try to tackle it in an honest and Biblical manner. You only hit her once, and now you wonder if that makes you an abuser. Well, first of all, we will define the words “abuse” and “abuser” to answer this question.

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Abuse

2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way:

3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.

4. to commit sexual assault upon. 1

a·buser n.

Synonyms: abuse, misuse, mistreat, ill-treat, maltreat
These verbs mean to treat wrongfully or harmfully. Abuse applies to injurious or improper treatment:

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Noun1.abuser – someone who abuses

maltreater, offender, wrongdoer – a person who transgresses moral or civil law 2

 maltreat  (mælˈtriːt)   — vb ( tr ) to treat badly, cruelly, or inconsiderately  3

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Think about this for a moment. If you are sick and your doctor prescribes medication, and you take it only as directed, you are not abusing your meds. However, if you take more than prescribed, and decide to use the drugs as a means of getting high instead of getting well – you are abusing your prescription medication – especially if you drink alcohol to enhance the high.

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What you are doing in this case is going beyond the boundaries of what is prescribed. The boundaries are there for your protection, and your well-being. The operative word here is “boundaries.” When you physically assault someone – even if it is the first time – you have trespassed “boundaries.” The abused may or may not have expressed “boundaries” early in the relationship such as, no hitting, no cheating, no neglect and the like. However, even unspoken “boundaries” can be trespassed by way of human mistreatment – that is frowned upon by our supposed civilized society.

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 In light of the above definitions, ask yourself if you treated someone in a “harmful, injurious, or offensive way.” Did you “speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about” this person? Did you “commit sexual assault upon?” Did you “revile” (berate, insult) or “malign” (do evil) to someone who did not deserve such treatment? If you are an honest person, by now you should have the answer to the question as to whether or not you abused someone.

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Most abusers are noted for habitual mistreatment of others, and over time their injustice increases. Most abusers will not submit to therapy, God or repent for their evil deeds. Most abusers feel justified in their anger, and view their mates especially as their “property” – to treat them as they see fit. Most abusers falsely believe that God gave them the authoritative right to treat their mates with harshness, if they don’t “do what they are told.” Which are you?

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Hitting someone in anger is never justified. You stumbled, but still chose to use violence as a means of settling a dispute. Whether you will be known as an abuser, or someone who made a terrible mistake is up to you. If you fail to practice self-control, and neglect seeking the cause of your anger – and dealing with it effectively – then yes, you will become a habitual abuser. You can stop it now, or you can allow Satan to convince you that you are justified in your actions, and continue to hurt the one you claim to love.

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Whether you will be known as an abuser, live a life as an abuser – is totally a decision you will have to make – starting right now! If you hit someone once – that is not a good thing – and you can seek help before you ruin lives – including your own. Every human being possesses the ability to become angry, it is how you handle anger that makes the difference. Some things are not worth getting angry over, and it is never cool to hit.

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So, “Is it possible to not be an abuser if you hit once?” It is possible to not continue living this way. However, you did abuse someone, and you must own that. People tend to think that if you did not bloody a nose, break bones, or black eyes – you did not abuse. Wrong! Abuse is exhibited in many forms including verbal, economic, spiritual and emotional. You abused someone, even if you hit them only once. Repent to God, and the abused. Strive for self-control:

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2Peter 1:5-11

“Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.”

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 If you need help, do not be afraid to seek it. Falling on your knees and repenting is the first step. Acknowledge your wrong-doing, and seek godly ways to never commit this sin again. Abusing others places you in the position of transgressing a moral law, as well as God’s law. Ask yourself this, do you want your legacy to be tainted with abuse of innocent persons? When you stand before God in the Judgment, how will you plead – innocent or guilty? What possible justifications will you offer your Creator?

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What excuses will you offer the abused? Remember this, abuse is a choice. Will you choose to stop it now, or continue on this destructive path? Is abusing someone the way you choose to get love, when you are actually destroying what your heart desires? No one loves an abuser, they are just afraid – and eventually will find a way to get away from you. Is this what you want? Only you, the one who hit once can make a character choice in the right direction. Only you are to blame for how you treat other human beings, made in the image of Almighty God. Only you can make the choice today to never hit again – what do you choose?

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Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“A man of violence entices his neighbor And leads him in a way that is not good.”

Psalm 9:12 “For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)

“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

Colossians 3:8 “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary

19. (Eph 5:22-33.)

…”be not bitter-ill-tempered and provoking. Many who are polite abroad, are rude and bitter at home because they are not afraid to be so there.”

Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

Husbands, love your wives,…. See Gill on Ephesians 5:25.

“and be not bitter against them; turning love into hatred of their persons; ruling with rigour, and in a tyrannical manner; behaving towards them in a morose, churlish, and ill natured way; giving them either bitter words, or blows, and denying them their affection, care, provision, protection, and assistance, but using them as servants, or worse. All which is barbarous, brutish, and unchristian, and utterly unbecoming the Gospel.”

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I Said I Was Sorry

by Mark Gungor on October 5th, 2009

“I hear tales all the time of men who have done hurtful things—huge things like having an affair or smaller things like saying something very mean and spiteful—and then they say, “I’m sorry” and expect it all to go away. When it doesn’t these guys get upset and throw it back on their wives because his wife “can’t get over it”. It just doesn’t work that way for women. Men need to learn that pushing her to “move on” isn’t the answer. The answer is for you to own the problem that you created.”

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 21, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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THE HOLIDAYS JUST GET TO HIM

By Terry Loving

Hebrews 2:9 “But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.”

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In times past I was big on holidays, but not anymore – too commercialized. I performed all the traditional rituals my family passed down, until one day I decided, “Enough!” As I studied the Bible and learned the truth about Christmas and pagan holidays, I was set free from the stressful rituals, and spending money I could not afford to spend.

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Thanksgiving Day I will cook a meal and break bread with family. Giving thanks is something that we should do all year long; even in the midst of trials we can name our blessings. Because most family members are off from work, this is a good day to get together.

No doubt, the holidays can either be pleasant or stressful. In the case of domestic violence, many people dread this time of the year. The abuse takes place throughout the year, but somehow the holidays add fuel to the fire. Personally, I believe that many abusers use the stress of the holidays to excuse their violence. On the other hand, commercialization and the present economy will raise the incidents of violence in American homes.

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For numerous households, plenty and abundance is a memory. Agencies that feed the homeless and less fortunate are experiencing massive increases of people who are in dire situations. Many children will not have Christmas as times past; for mom, dad or both have been laid off from their jobs. The stress level in volatile homes has risen, and domestic violence shelters are filled, or filling to their capacity. Violence is on the rise in America, especially in our homes.

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Also during the holidays, much alcohol and other mind altering substances are abused. Unfortunately, too many abused women will excuse their beatings as, “The holidays just get to him.” The financial stress and strain may be a reality, but the violence is still a choice. The children may have to do without this Christmas; however, this is no reason for explosive tempers and abuse. Having a family discussion about the reality of your situation is much better than lashing out in pride. Men especially have a difficult time when they cannot provide for their families. They feel less than men, and feel that they let their families down. Drinking alcohol will not dissolve those feelings. They will resurface, and any little irritant will be an excuse to exhale with violence and abuse.

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The only “tip” that is a sure bet to avoid violence during the holidays is to not be around the abuser. Whether this means leaving abuse, or agreeing to have separate holidays, there aren’t many ways around it. If the track record of his behavior dictates that he gets more violent during the holidays, you can bet this holiday will be no different. And most times, what “gets to him” are usually things that are minor or stupid. Anything for release – abusers are not choosey. Accepting the abusers apology the next day is easier than leaving in most cases. And the “stress of the holidays” will be another excuse to abuse and ruin what could be a warm family gathering.

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America has commercialized holidays to the point of dire consequences. In relationships, we tend to push each other to “Do more!” To erase the sadness on the children’s faces, a mother may push the father to “find a way” to get presents for their offspring. A father may spend what little the family has on booze and drugs. Afterwards he may feel guilty; however, the family’s disappointment fuels his excuse to be violent and abusive. After all, the alcoholic feels that his family should understand that he “has a problem.”

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There are numerous scenarios that plague many homes during the holidays. I remember many a Christmas when our home was wrecked by violence. Alcohol was always present in our home, and more so during the holidays. It is a horrible nightmare for a child to witness violence in the home – especially on a day they wait for all year for joy and presents.

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I know many of my readers will disagree, but hey, I am all about truth. December 25th was never proven Biblically that this is the day of our Lord’s birth. There is an ongoing disagreement as to the time of year Jesus Christ was born, and under what conditions. Most of all, the Bible does not endorse December 25th as a Holy day, or a day to be celebrated or acknowledged. I will never understand why we give gifts to one another on this day. It isn’t our birthday, and what gifts do we give to Christ? Is He acknowledged in most homes – I think not.

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Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

“For unto you is born this day,…. Day is here put for a natural day, consisting both of night and day; for it was night when Christ was born, and the angels brought the tidings of it to the shepherds. The particular day, and it may be, month and year, in which Christ was born, cannot be certainly known; but this we may be sure of, it was in the fulness of time, and at the exact, season fixed upon between God and Christ in the council and covenant of peace; and that he was born, not unto, or for the good of angels; for the good angels stand in no need of his incarnation, sufferings, and death, having never fell; and as for the evil angels, a Saviour was never designed and provided for them; nor did Christ take on him their nature, nor suffer in their stead: wherefore the angel does not say, “unto us”, but “unto you”, unto you men; for he means not merely, and only the shepherds, or the Jews only, but the Gentiles also; all the children, all the spiritual seed of Abraham, all elect men; for their sakes, and on their account, and for their good, he assumed human nature; see Isaiah 9:6.”

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Technically, if at all acknowledged, Christmas should be a day of atonement:

“The characters of this new born child follow, and which prove the tidings of his birth to be good, and matter of joy:

a Saviour; whom God had provided and appointed from all eternity; and had been long promised and much expected as such in time, even from the beginning of the world; and is a great one, being God as well as man, and so able to work out a great salvation for great sinners, which he has done; and he is as willing to save as he is able, and is a complete Saviour, and an only, and an everlasting one: hence his name is called Jesus, because he saves from sin, from Satan, from the law, from the world, from death, and hell, and wrath to come, and from every enemy…”

A “Savior” was born to redeem the souls of sinful mankind, and establish an eternal relationship with God the Father. The day that Christ was born was not a day of an exchange of gifts. The gifts that were “presented” were given to the baby Jesus:

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THE VISIT OF THE MAGI

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then, opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”

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Where do we get the idea that we are to go in debt, to give sometimes – useless gifts to one another? What gifts do we offer Christ on this day? What sacrifices? What honor? Sadly, we do not honor ourselves or others that Christ died for. Homes are wrecked on this day by violence, and one of the excuses is financial poverty. Parents are stressed to the max because they cannot buy gifts for their children; children are sad because they have no tree, nor gifts to open on Christmas day.

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If celebrating Christmas is your thing, I am not knocking you. I am telling it like it really is. The truth hurts sometimes, but it must be told just the same. We would have fewer things to fight about in our homes if we separated our lives from the world. When we buy into the hype that we should live a certain way, possess an abundance of things, and try to keep up with our neighbors, we are headed for trouble.  Satan is the god of this world, and he has done a magnificent job duping mankind through greed and materialism. The marketing world seduces our children, and they plead for material things that parents cannot afford. We go into debt to buy things that cannot satisfy, and we can hardly pay the light bill. The Bible says that “godliness with contentment is great gain,” – what a beautiful, peaceful lesson to be learned. Here is another way of looking at this truth:

Proverbs 15:16 “Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil.”

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Not only does violence in the home increase during the holidays, but within our shopping malls. People do some crazy things like camping outside of stores to be the first in line for bargains. When the doors finally open, supposed civilized human beings trample one another, and literally fight over toys and other merchandise they set their sights on. Shopping rages cause harm to innocent people, such as the case with the woman who pepper sprayed other customers at a Walmart.

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What in the world are we teaching our children? Our Lord said, “It is more blessed to give than receive.”

It is more blessed to give than to receive: it seems they were words often used to his disciples. The opinion of the children of this world, is contrary to this; they are afraid of giving, unless in hope of getting. Clear gain, is with them the most blessed thing that can be; but Christ tell us what is more blessed, more excellent. It makes us more like to God, who gives to all, and receives from none; and to the Lord Jesus, who went about doing good. This mind was in Christ Jesus, may it be in us also.”

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If the holidays “set him off,” – or her – perhaps it is time to rethink the holidays.  There is no excuse for abuse, and holiday pressures can only add to volatile situations, if they are allowed to.  Leaving abuse may not be an option, and avoiding the violence may be impossible if the abuser has not repented, and changed his ways.

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In addition to the holidays, the cold weather brings everyone indoors, and there is more family interaction.  Sometimes this is a good thing, and other times this is a match waiting to be struck – with flickering flames that escalate to violence and abuse. Not everyone can tolerate too much family togetherness.  During the holidays the kids are home, bickering and getting on each others nerves; Dad wants peace and quiet when he comes home from work, and mom is plain wore out. And let us not forget the family members that don’t get along with your spouse, or girlfriend – another source of tension.

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I do not have any tips to avoid violence during the holidays – except leave if possible.

However, I will offer some suggestions that may help. If the whole family is onboard, that makes it all the better.

  1. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, nursing home, soup kitchen or anywhere your assistance will be welcomed.
  2. Make home-made gifts if you cannot afford to buy them. (They are treasured more).
  3. Play board games as a family
  4. Get out the cook book and try new recipes
  5. Avoid friends and family that spark tense feelings
  6. Find outdoor activities to do as a family – even in the cold – for a little while
  7. Remind each other of how blessed you are for what you have (make it a game and the winner with the longest list gets a prize) – this way as your list grows, your family will become more aware of how blessed you really are compared to others.
  8. If you lost your job or your home, beating up family members will not bring them back. You will lose much more – their respect.
  9. Sell some of your unwanted possessions to bring in money
  10. Last but not least, draw closer to God.

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If possible, get back to what is important, love and family.  If this list is too simplistic for your situation, by all means make a safety plan. Teach your children to dial 911, and be prepared to leave for a place of safety. Program your phone to speed dial the police, a friend or family members for help. Even if you cannot stay on the phone, if you dial 911 and hang up, the police will most likely call you back, and come to your home. Leave the phone off the hook if possible. Here is a link to a woman who successfully left abuse. She lists many ways to prepare for your exit from a violent home. Click here for more.

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I will never add to this list of suggestions to walk on eggshells. You do that enough throughout the year. You are not to blame for the outbursts and the violence.  Your abuser may use the holidays as more ammunition to exhibit abuse, but the blame rests with the abuser completely.  Stay safe.

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1 Peter 4:7 “The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

Police say domestic violence increases during holiday season

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Domestic Abuse Escalates with Holiday Season

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Studies Show Domestic Violence Decreases During Holiday Season

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Holiday Stress Brings Anxiety and Abuse

“SAD, or seasonal affective disorder, also afflicts some individuals during this time of year. SAD is a type of depression associated with the low light conditions experienced during long, dark winter months.”      (No excuse for abuse)

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North American Domestic Violence Shelter Locations

Undisclosed locations to protect the abused.

SAMPLE SAFETY PLAN – TO LEAVE ABUSE

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Why Abusive, High-Conflict, Personality-Disordered Women Frequently Ruin Christmas

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UNNECESSARY AGGRESSION DURING THE HOLIDAYS – SAD

Police pepper spray rowdy shoe shoppers in Seattle

“SEATTLE (AP) — Police used pepper spray to break up fights among pushing and shoving customers waiting outside a Seattle area mall to buy the first Nike retro Air Jordan basketball shoes that went on sale early Friday.”

“Across the country, at least four people were arrested at a suburban Atlanta mall after a crowd of customers broke down a door before a store selling the Air Jordans opened.”

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Ga. police: 4 arrested in mad dash for Air Jordans

“Officers said they had to break a car window to get two toddlers out after a woman went in after the shoes. They said she was taken into custody when she returned to the car.”

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.”

1 Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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HE CONTROLS HIS TEMPER WHEN HE WANTS TO

By Terry Loving

Weymouth New Testament
“For a man’s anger does not lead to action which God regards as righteous.”

Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

Have you ever noticed, that abusers who are sent to court mandated anger management classes – already know how to control their anger? Think about it, most abusers if not all, possess seething inner rage acquired either through childhood, or some unkind act of another adult. Then again, jealousy, selfishness, and anger due to underachievement and a lack of success also produces anger in some people. Many angry people have a very good idea why they are angry deep inside. On the other hand, there are others who are angry and unable to verbally express what they are feeling. Perhaps as children they were molested, and never found the words to express how they felt about the horror. Or, they could have spoken out, but no one believed them – so they became angry adults. They pick and choose when and with whom they will express their rage.

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Anger is not necessarily a “bad” emotion. However, when anger is out of control and misdirected it can destroy lives, even kill. There are times when we should, and justifiably so – become angry.  I get angry when I hear of another child being molested, mistreated or murdered. My anger then turns to sadness, and propels me to be an instrument of change. I have no desire to go out and hurt someone because someone hurt me. I allow myself to feel whatever feelings I have concerning a hurtful issue, process what I can, and let people go if necessary.  What I don’t understand, I will seek professional answers, and leave the rest in God’s hands.

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My soul carries a burden I don’t wish on anyone. Child molestation stays with you for life. You are never free of the horrible memories, and the anger that the vile acts produce. But you can learn to move on with your life without taking your anger out on innocent people. If you were sinned against, this does not give you the right to sin against others – especially innocent children.

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Anger management begins with possessing empathy for other human beings. If your heart is selfish, and only your feelings are paramount, you will have a difficult time defusing your angry outbursts. Uncontrolled anger always seeks an outlet no matter the cost. And yet, there is an element of control – to a degree – that many angry people exercise consciously.

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For example – Tom was cut off by a crazed driver on the way home. The maniac almost caused Tom to have a very serious accident. When Tom pulled up beside the other driver at the light, he swallowed all that he thought he would verbalize once they were face to face. The road raging fiend was intimidating, and looked like he could chew nails with no problem.  Tom swallowed his anger, and carried it home. A marital argument was just the release mechanism his angry soul needed – he punched his wife in the face.

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I am a witness that most abusive men will not fight other men. They will beat the snot out of women and children, but not other men – they become cowards, and their inner beast is at last tamed at the hands of one who is their equal – brute for brute. Becoming the coward instead of the abuser is another way of exercising control over abusive behaviors.

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For the most part, abusers will bring their negative life experiences home with them, and release the pressure by violently abusing their loved ones. Not all abusers will go “postal” when they experience bad times at work – they save the anger until they get home – where they can safely release behind closed doors. At home, they are “king,” and the little woman and her whining subjects better do as the “king” says – or else. At home you can “flip the script.” Meaning, you were the door mat at work, and now your family is tipping quietly around the house trying not to provoke your anger genie.

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And what about the guy who waits until family and friends have left the holiday party? All night he is giving his girlfriend funny looks. He is the only one at the party pretending to enjoy the festivities. Finally, when the last guest has gone, the door is shut – he shoves his girlfriend’s head into a wall. If he was that angry, why did he wait to beat her up? Why didn’t he just deck her when they had company?

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He likes your cooking today, and hates it tomorrow – hence – a black eye. Why didn’t he hit you yesterday whether he liked the food or not? Well, he wasn’t ticked off, or feeling out of control yesterday – so you were safe. The next night, your cooking was an excuse to blow off steam. The point is, his anger was under control the previous night – but he chose to let it rip the next night. What is the difference between those two nights? What internal signals gave the abuser permission to batter an innocent person? What causes an abuser to place limitations on whom they hit? And where the violence should take place?

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If your abuser slams his employer’s head into a wall, he will face some very serious consequences. If he treats his friends – if he has any – the way he treats you – the abused, he would have no friends. When he beats you behind closed doors, most times he gets away with it. After the first slap, the first punch, the first toss down the stairs, the first head slam, the first cussing out – it gets easier the next time. When they want to, abusers can and do “manage” to control their anger tantrums. When a child sees mom coming with the belt, they usually stop rolling around on the floor, kicking – screaming and acting like they are losing their minds. Just like children will try you, push buttons and see what they can get away with – so will emotionally immature adults.  Where there is no empathy, there is no respect. If violence happens once, it will happen again.

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If it were not possible for an angry person to control their anger, our Maker – God – would not have given us instructions to do so. Listen to the Word of God and take heed:

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil.

New International Version (©1984)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Ephesians 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;

Colossians 3:8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Bible in Basic English
Let all bitter, sharp and angry feeling, and noise, and evil words, be put away from you, with all unkind acts;

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The Bible has much to say about “anger” and how destructive “unbridled” anger can be. The above verses show us that we have a part in changing our negative behaviors. To “put off,” “rid yourselves,”  “put away” and the like tells us to DO SOMETHING! Anger doesn’t dissipate into thin air, we must find out why we are angry, and do something about it. Even if you cannot afford earthly counseling, heavenly counseling is always available, and it is free.

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If you are an angry person, and you are sincere about not wanting to cause others pain any longer – seek God’s help. If you don’t have a Bible, buy one. Go into a private place, alone with your Creator and talk to Him. He already knows that you are struggling with issues you cannot get under control. Ask Him to not only forgive you, but show you the way out of your pain, and how to cease causing pain when you really are crying out for love.

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Read all of the scriptures concerning anger and own them. Pray those particular scriptures daily. When you do that, you are in agreement with God, for you are saying what He has said. God looks at the heart. When he chose David to be king, it wasn’t his outward appearance He was interested in:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

God knows what is in our hearts. We can hide from other human beings what we are really feeling, but God knows what is really going on inside of us. Don’t allow the voice of your father to ring aloud in your head anymore. He may have taught you that women are second class citizens, and not worthy of respect. But remember this, Jesus died for everyone – including the one you are abusing. Don’t allow feminism to cause your heart to become hardened against men, and the vulnerable placed within your care. Why wait until the courts mandate that you take anger management classes? Start seeking out the real cause of your anger before it is too late.

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Take a good look around – people are dying by the bucket loads these days. And someday it will be my turn – your turn – your neighbors turn – your momma’s turn – your – well, you get my drift. Life is short. Do you want to spend all of your life on earth abusing and misusing innocent people? Is that the reputation you desire to follow you throughout eternity? When you finally stand before God at the Judgment, how will you defend yourself? Will you blame your angry violence on your messed up childhood? – Your daddy? – Your momma? – Your wife that could not cook a lick? God gave everyone a purpose for being alive. How will your plead your case that you stole the life of another, and interfered with the God-given plans meant for that person, the one you claim to love?

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When I think of all the abused, I feel sad. When I think of all the abusers, I shake my head and ask, “Why?”

Jesus wept. We all should weep over this atrocity – especially those who claim to be Christians.

1 Chronicles 28:9 “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.”

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YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR ANGER WHEN IT SUITS YOU –

why not allow the Holy Spirit to help you get rid of unproductive anger?

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT ANGER?

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ONLINE ANGER SURVEY

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Quick Tips for Managing Anger Podcasts

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“CHRISTIAN SUFFERING – IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GOD’S WILL?”

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IS THERE A SOCIOPATH IN YOUR LIFE?

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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Why Do Some People Enjoy Hurting Others?

By Terry Loving

“I have found only this: God made people decent, but they looked for many ways [to avoid being decent]. Whatever evil may be now found among men and women, it is not of God; for God made them all upright.”

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)

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“If I ain’t gonna have my kid neither will anyone else, the hell with them,” he said.

“He says that night he’d gone to see his son but he wasn’t home. Angry, seeing red, he said, “I wanted to destroy a human…cause pain make them feel that.” Why Zina, he was asked, “She was just there,” he said, “I can grab her and do what I want.”

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On July 4th, 2007, 42-year-old Terapon Adhahn did exactly what he “wanted to do.” He was angry that his son wasn’t at home when he visited, and he made good on his inner threat to “destroy a human.” That “human” was 12-year old Zina Linnik – her body was found three days later. The “Thai immigrant and convicted sex offender, was charged with aggravated first degree murder, first degree kidnapping and first degree rape in Linnik’s death.”

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“Adhahn says he accidentally killed her by pulling a zip-tie around her throat within minutes after she was taken. Zina’s family disputes that timeline, and blames sloppy and sleepy police work.”

This case also involves a delayed response in an Amber alert for Zina, which could possibly have saved her life. However, the main point of this post is the fact that Adhahn proves that anger can go too far. Not unlike abusers, Terapon needed to vent his selfish anger, and he didn’t care who would be the object of his wrath. Some people drink and drug away their frustrations; others cause physical, emotional, and psychological damage – by any means necessary.

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Anger is akin to boiling water in tea kettles. The heated water gradually gets hot – hotter – and eventually gives off steam and the whistle blows. More than likely Terapon felt good about the opportunity to see his son. But slowly became enraged when this didn’t happen. Little Zina had nothing to do with his anger, or the fact that he didn’t get to see his son. She was the recipient of the fury that boiled within his soul. Tearapon was like the devil, “seeking to devour.” Unfortunately, he came across an innocent child – and unleashed his rage. Selfishness is the key ingredient that caused Zina’s death. Terapon could not have his way, so he had a temper tantrum – a deadly fit of anger.

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So, do people really “enjoy” hurting others? I personally believe they “enjoy” the so-called power they feel as a result of dishing out pain and abuse. MentalHelp.net concurs:

Why Do People Abuse?

The first question, “Why do people abuse other people?” has multiple answers. Some abusers learned to abuse from their parents. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.). As a consequence, abuse is the normal condition of life for these people. Such people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of “abuser” and “victim”. They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser. As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the “abuser” side of the relationship dynamic they have learned. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. That they hurt others in the process may go unregistered or only occur as a dim part of their awareness. 1

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Adhahn was “allegedly raped repeatedly by an older sibling,” and “physically abused” by his father. If it is true that the pain he caused didn’t register in his mind, and he only has a “dim part of awareness,” should there not be a way to bring his horrible deeds to the forefront of his mind – and show Adhahn and abusers, rapists, murderers just how much devastation they are causing in the lives of others? Do you think this is possible? Or will those who commit dastardly deeds continue to “enjoy” the power?

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Think about this, how many abusers you know beat their loved ones in front of others? How many men rape women on a crowded street? How many men proudly proclaim, “Yeah, I beat the hell out of her” when the cops knock on the door? Do you think Terapon Adhahn would have kidnapped Zina in front of her siblings when she had reached them? – Most likely not. How many women will physically or verbally abuse their husbands in front of witnesses? And most children are abused behind closed doors, by in-control abusers. Secrecy is very important to those who do evil. Abusers are able to “discern” between good and evil – they choose to abuse.

The final point I will make is this, abuse is deliberate, selfish, and a choice. Since you are the closest to your abuser when he or she angrily blows, you will be the recipient of the fall out. As with Zina, you don’t have to do or say anything to bring on the violence and mistreatment. Abusers search for ways to make themselves feel better. It would be nice if they would just kick a few trees, or run around the block a few times to bring down the level of their anger. But these simplistic endeavors do not cure selfishness.

Terapon wanted Zina to feel his pain. It didn’t matter that it was Zina, it could have been anyone. In his sick mind, he thought that by unleashing his fury onto her, the suffering and pain that he was feeling inside would be transferred to her, and he would be released from his demons once and for all – at least for that night. It doesn’t work that way.

Like women survivors, what may be most common among men who were abused as children is that they feel like they are unfit human beings:
“Filled with shame, they experience themselves as profoundly defective and horribly toxic. Often they have internalized the scourges hurled at them in childhood…Frequently told by abusers they provoked and wanted the sexual attacks, survivors see themselves as malevolently powerful.”  These men may engage in violent enactments or manipulate destructive sexual encounters, masochistically picking up with themselves where their perpetrators left off.” 3

Violence and abuse are often complicated evils. However, they still boil down to power and control. When the abused understand more of what causes people to hurt others, perhaps they will stop blaming themselves. When they understand that these “causes” of anger often released through violence and abuse are also EXCUSES to hurt others selfishly – they will stop blaming themselves. The hurt that we feel when we are sinned against, should be every reason not to hurt others. Why should we make others feel what we don’t want to feel? Selfishness – plain and simple – yet often complex.

The next time your abuser throws you across the room, remember the words of Terapon Adhahn:

I wanted to destroy a human…cause pain make them feel that.”

“She was just there.”

“I can grab her and do what I want.”

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Child killer: ‘I wanted to destroy a human’ (TNT)

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Displaced rage drove Zina’s killer

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1http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8482&cn=2

2 http://bible.cc/ecclesiastes/7-29.htm

3http://www.yesican.org/articles/icanjj.html

EVIL IS – AS EVIL DOES

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WHERE DID IT ALL BEGIN?

THE FALL OF MAN

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THE FIRST MURDER

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.”

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Anger With Denial Yields Violence

“Violent transference may become misdirected at anyone, and at any scale, from a scapegoted spouse or co-worker to a famous public figure, through larger scale organizations such as corporations, and beyond to social ethnic or religious groups. At the largest scale, violent transference reactions may fuel political assassination, ‘hate’ based terrorism, terrorism against whole governments, and war itself.”

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Sadistic Personality Disorder

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Discover the characteristics of Sadistic Personality Disorder and the sadist. Plus the different types of sadists and why people become sadists.

“Sadists like to inflict pain because they find suffering, both corporeal and psychological, amusing. They torture animals and people because, to them, the sights and sounds of a creature writhing in agony are hilarious and pleasurable. Sadists go to great lengths to hurt others: they lie, deceive, commit crimes, and even make personal sacrifices merely so as to enjoy the cathartic moment of witnessing someone else’s misery.” (read more)

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IS THERE A SOCIOPATH IN YOUR LIFE?

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NARCISSISM 101

“Half the harm that is done in this world
Is due to people who want to feel important
They don’t mean to do harm ­
But the harm does not interest them.
Or they do not see it, or they justify it
Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle To think well of themselves.”

T. S. Eliot

http://www.narcissism101.com/

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Narcissus

In Ovid’s tale, Narcissus is the handsome and proud son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. The nymph, Echo, falls in love with him but is rejected and withdraws into a lonely spot and fades away, leaving behind her voice. The goddess Nemesis hears her prayers for vengeance and makes Narcissus fall in love with his own reflection, which he cannot embrace. He sits by the pool, watching it until he dies and turns into the narcissus flower.

Narcissist characteristics

Narcissists interact socially with others, but do not form relational social bonds with others. In order to avoid being ‘owned’ by others, the narcissist reduces them to non-human objects.

http://changingminds.org/disciplines/psychoanalysis/concepts/narcissism.htm

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold.

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CHRISTIAN SUFFERING-IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GOD’S WILL?

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“THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”

Culture and collective violence:

How good people, usually men, do bad things
“Little by little, we were taught all these things.
We grew into them.”
Adolf Eichmann

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12 Hours of Terror: Conn. Woman Held Hostage by Arsonist Ex

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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