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WHEN DADDY KILLS MOMMY

04 Dec

By Terry Loving

American Standard Version
Thou shalt not kill.”

Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

Kasandra Perkins and baby

Kasandra Perkins and her daughter Zoey

….. or, when mommy kills daddy – it is the children left behind who suffer the most.

Murder-suicide is nothing new, however, we hear more about these types of tragedies in the news lately. The most recent – highlighted due to the murderer being a football star, overshadows the domestic murder-suicides that we do not hear about – or, their stories get very little attention. Case in point, Friday night – the day before Kasandra Perkins was murdered, 53-year old Peter Jones shot and killed his wife, 38-year old Elsie “because she was leaving him.” This couple also had a history of arguments, and the selfish murdering father left his 8-year old son an orphan. The next day, another set of parents are dead.

chemist2n-1-web

“Elsie and Peter Jones on their wedding day. Peter Jones killed his wife, then himself.”

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Kasandra Perkins and Jovan Belcher’s newborn is now an orphan as well – too young to know anything about what happened to her parents. Granted, her family will probably do all they can to keep sordid details about her parents lives from her, but this child will always wonder – “Why?” It is a question many are asking today, “Why did this happen?” Some claim “There were no signs.” And “they were a happy couple.” Still others say the couple “Argued like other couples do.” Still others claim the birth of their daughter put a strain on an already rocky relationship. No matter what new details submerge, the question will always be, “Why?”

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Let me clear up something before I go on. Countless abused women both physically and verbally keep their suffering to themselves. They are too embarrassed to let friends and family know they are going through domestic abuse, and they put on a front that all is well. I am not saying this is the case with Ms. Perkins, but it could very well be. She moved to another state to be with Jovan, and recently gave birth to his child. She changed her whole life for this relationship, and who is to say that she did not receive advice to rethink her decision. If this is the case, she like many abused women would not want to admit a mistake. And let us not forget, many abused women do not realize they are being abused in some way.

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What happened to Kasandra Perkins can be filed under the heading of “Domestic Violence.” Even with the absence of prior knowledge of abuse, no police emergency calls, or physical evidence of battering, this tragedy is still a case of domestic violence/murder. It is not about a popular sports hero who had a moment of weakness, and killed himself because of guilt. I read comments that stated Jovan killed himself to “avoid prosecution and jail time” – that may be true. And since he tried to hide from a police officer at the stadium, most likely this is the case. Also,  I wish people would stop excusing his actions as a possible “concussion,” “steroid use,” and possible “brain damage” from the contact sport of football. He murdered two people – Kasandra and himself. He is a murderer no matter what accomplishments he achieved.

Kasandra Perkins on floor

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 On that note, if football and other contact sports are contributing factors to murder and suicide, then they should be banned immediately! But of course, we know this will not happen. Jovan Belcher was in his right mind to thank his coach and general manager for all they had done for him. He had the presence of mind to drive to the stadium:

“Belcher then drove about five miles to Arrowhead Stadium. There, he was met by general manager Scott Pioli and coach Romeo Crennel, and Belcher thanked them for all they’d done for him.”

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 Jovan also had the presence of mind to hide from the police:

“As they approached, a subject later identified as Jovan Belcher, observed their presence and moved to an area behind a vehicle,” the report said. “From that position Belcher shot himself one time in the head.”

There was no memory loss here, and certainly he knew what he had done was very wrong. Or else, why did he hide? Why did he kill himself? More so, why did he kill the mother of an infant, his and Kasandra’s infant?

Jovan Belcher

Jovan Belcher

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Various news sources also mention that Jovan was taking pain pills and drinking alcohol – “A LOT!” “Every day.”  Well, those familiar with domestic violence know that drugs and alcohol are often involved in domestic situations. Add a troubled relationship in the mix and there is bound to be violence and abuse of some sort at any given time. According to Kasandra’s family:

Tension between Belcher and Perkins, 22, escalated after the birth of their daughter three months ago, family and friends said.

It wasn’t a healthy thing that was going on,” Angela U. Perkins, 32, of Round Rock, Texas, said of the relationship between Belcher and the cousin she knew as Kasi.

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kasandra-perkins-the-girlfriend-of-kansas-city-chiefs-linebacker-jovan-belcher-and-their-daughter-zoey

Children who witness domestic violence are scarred for life. When a parent is killed in the home by the other parent, this sets in motion life-long confusion, pain, heartache, anger, trauma, and a host of other mental and emotional challenges. For sure these children need counseling, and much understanding. The same holds true for witnessing domestic violence and both parents live.

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 Also, children who witness violence between adults in their homes are only the most recent victims to become visible. These children have been called the “silent,” “forgotten,” and “unintended” victims of adult-to-adult domestic violence.  1

 “Julie, a 4-year-old girl, was the only witness to her divorced mother’s fatal stabbing. Several months earlier, at the time of the divorce, Julie’s father had publicly threatened to kill his ex-wife…Although the father lacked an alibi for the night of the crime, there was no physical evidence linking him to the homicide…In describing the event, she (Julie) consistently placed her father at the scene, described significant portions of the central action, and recounted her father’s efforts to clean up prior to leaving…Only after the district attorney saw Julie stabbing a pillow, crying “Daddy pushed mommy down,” did he become convinced that the father indeed was the murderer. (p100)”

Kasandra and Jovan

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 “Most children do not witness murder of a parent.”

 In the case of Zoey Michelle Belcher, she is an infant and does not know anything about anything right now. She was spared seeing either of her parents die from gunshot wounds, and cringing at the sounds of domestic violence. Once she grows up and her family explains the absence of her parents, she will have much sadness and many questions. However, she was spared the gory eyewitness account of their deaths.

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 My brothers and I not only were eyewitnesses to the brutal attacks on my mother, we also heard the disturbing sounds of violence. Even without actually seeing what was going on, the sounds alone let you know that something really bad is happening to your mother. You never forget the sounds of breaking glass, body slamming, screaming, shouting, and breaking furniture – just God awful memories for a child to carry for a lifetime.

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 I did witness my mother bleeding all over the kitchen floor. Although she was bleeding, her abuser kept hitting her with a hammer. I later discovered that the blood came from a deep cut near her knee which required stitches. Many times I was the only one investigating the violence – hoping I could stop it somehow. My brothers stayed in their room – until they grew older. Sometimes I just put the covers over my head when the body slamming was too intense. I would just hug my doll and cry until I fell asleep. The sounds of domestic violence are just as traumatizing as witnessing the actually violence itself.  You never forget it.

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Kasandra Perkins and baby2

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 Friends say Belcher was upset because Perkins, 22, had gone out the night before to a Trey Songz concert and he didn’t want her going out with the newborn at home. A cousin told Newsday that the stress of having a new baby had put a strain on their relationship and the fact that Belcher was away at games or practicing wasn’t helping the relationship.

“There was just a lot going on. She was stressed. He was stressed,” cousin Angela Perkins said. “It just started to go bad, but they had the child, and they were trying to make it work.” 2

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 We the public and the families of Kasandra and Jovan may never know the whole truth of this tragedy. But one thing is clearly known, another child will grow up without parents due to domestic violence. It has been said as well that Jovan “does not fit the profile” of a domestic abuser. Well, he does now – sad but true. He exhibited power, control and anger issues – isn’t that the foundation of domestic violence?

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Kasandra Perkins

 I can understand his family and team members mourning his death – but let us not forget what Jovan Belcher did on Saturday morning (December 1, 2012) – he committed murder, and suicide. – He killed two people, devastated two families, and left his child an orphan.

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 It really upsets me that people are hoping to find out that he has some sort of brain trauma that caused him to murder and kill himself.  Victim blaming has also been noted in many news comments. Speculations range from Kasandra cheating to being a gold digger, and threatening to leave and take their baby away from Jovan. We all have our opinions, but we do not know the truth of what really happened. This we do know, domestic violence is very real, and very prevalent within the black community.  Black woman suffer higher rates of domestic abuse than any other race. Why?

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 In conclusion, this sorrowful event is a great teaching moment. But like all other opportunities, this one will be lost as well. While the spotlight is shining brightly upon this evil, the black community especially should open up and talk about this monster. And where should we begin? I say, within our churches. I pray.

May God bless the children who are traumatized by domestic violence with inner peace.

Terry

1http://markwynn.net/children/children-witnessing-of-adult-domestic-violence.pdf

2 http://www.bet.com/news/sports/2012/12/03/family-friends-grieve-over-jovan-belcher-murder-suicide.html

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120312-sports-KASANDRA-PERKINS-jovan-belcher-murder-suicide

 New American Standard Bible (©1995)
For He who said, “DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” also said, “DO NOT COMMIT MURDER.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. (James 2:11)

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American Standard Version
Ye have heard that it was said to them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:

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1 John 3:15

“Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.”

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Then he said to Him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER; YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY; YOU SHALL NOT STEAL; YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS;

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Galatians 5:16-24

16But I say, walk by the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are contrary the one to the other; that ye may not do the things that ye would. 18But if ye are led by the Spirit, ye are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these : fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties, 21envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23meekness, self-control; against such there is no law. 24And they that are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the passions and the lusts thereof.

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jovan-belcher1

Belcher case makes clear it’s hard to fully illumine the human heart

According to a law enforcement official close to the investigation — and contrary to published reports — Belcher spent Friday night “partying” with another woman at the Power and Light District, a bar area in downtown K.C. He returned home between 6:30 and 7 a.m., at which point he and Perkins argued. Then, with his own mother in the house, Belcher used a handgun to shoot the mother of his baby girl nine times. He then drove to the Chiefs’ practice facility in a Bentley so new it had temporary plates.

At the facility, Belcher jumped out of the car holding a different handgun and encountered general manager Scott Pioli, who was heading into the building. Belcher thanked Pioli for giving him a chance as an undrafted player. He then confessed that he had shot his girlfriend and insisted that he was not going to jail. He asked to have head coach Romeo Crennel sent out. Crennel emerged, and Belcher thanked him too.

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Kasandra Perkins Did Not Have to Die

Relationships do not go from healthy, happy and functional to murder-suicide overnight. It never happens. There is almost always a history and there is always a pattern. Over time it will be clear that friends, family, and colleagues knew things and saw things and did not take action.

Reports indicate that Kasi was leaving or had left Belcher with their daughter. Women are most likely to be killed by their abusive partners when they try to leave—in fact, victims who leave an abusive relationship have a 75 percent higher risk of being murdered. Pregnancy and chilbirth excacerabte violent relationships and young black women are eleven times more likely than white women to be murdered while they are pregnant or in the year after childbirth.

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Kasandra Perkins funeral set for Thursday in Texas

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According to the Turrentine Jackson Morrow funeral home, services will be held at 1 p.m. at the Ridgeview Family Fellowship Church in Blue Ridge, Texas. You can read the funeral home’s obituary here: http://bit.ly/Vyz9LC

She is survived by her 3-month-old daughter Zoey Michelle Belcher, her mother Becky Gonzalez of Fort Worth, her father Darryl Perkins of Austin and several other family members.

0_Perkins, Kasandra
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Responding officers found Belcher asleep in his new $122,000 Bentley — and asked him to step out and show them identification, which police said he did.

The officers said Belcher was intoxicated, according to Kansas City police spokesman Darrin Sapp.

“They said they could tell he’d been drinking,” Sapp said.

Police said Belcher told officers he was waiting for his “girlfriend” — not Perkins, but another woman — who lives in the building. 

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Belcher spent night with a gal pal before killing

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BLACK WOMEN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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Invisible Woman: Black Women and Domestic Violence

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND COHABITATION

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Witnessing Domestic Violence: The Effect on Children

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When Children Witness Domestic Violence: Expert Opinion

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Jovan Belcher reportedly apologized to his mother

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ZOEY MICHELLE BELCHER WILL BE PROVIDED FOR

UPDATE: According to the Collective Bargaining Agreement, Belcher’s daughter will be financially taken care of, NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport reports. Belcher’s death benefit breaks down in the following ways:

» For the next four years, Zoe or her guardian (or estate) will receive $9,000 per month or $108,000 per year.
»For one year, she’ll receive $48,000.
»Until she’s 18 or 23 (depending on if she goes to college), she’ll receive $52,000 per year.

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NFL linebacker’s mother screams as his baby cries in 911 tapes

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N.C. Murder-Suicide: Holly Springs couple found shot to death identified, officials say

“My husband has a gun and a bad temper,” she reportedly told the dispatcher.”

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Lendene Dendy

Dendy deaths ruled result of murder/suicide

COVINGTON — Authorities have announced that the deaths of Robert and Lendene Dendy were the result of a murder/suicide. The manner and cause were determined to be gunshot wounds from a 9mm handgun.

The bodies of Robert Dendy, 44, and Lendene Dendy, 39, were found by a family member at 265 Stone Ridge Way around 7:45 a.m. Monday and law enforcement was notified.

Davis said the time line for the time of the deaths was sometime between the early morning hours Sunday, when the last known people talked to them and the time they were found on Monday.

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A BLOODY WEEKEND!

FRIDAY – 11/30/12 – Peter Jones shot and killed his wife, killed himself

SATURDAY – 12/1/12 – Jovan Belcher murders his girlfriend, kills himself

SUNDAY – 12/2/12 – Robert Dendy murders his wife, kills himself

All three murder-suicide cases orphaned children, their children.

COME LORD JESUS!

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Jovan Belcher: Charles Barkley, James Harrison say guns aren’t to blame

“I think, especially in the black culture, it’s a crime culture,” Barkley said in tonight’s episode of “Costas Tonight” on the NBC Sports Network. “We, as black people, and I always say we, we don’t have respect for each other. We got more black men in prison than we do in college, and crime in our neighborhoods is running rampant. I know everybody reacts when something like the Belcher thing happens, but being black, this is something you deal with all the time, and it’s just sad. I’m a guy and I carry a gun. I carry a gun.”

Let’s not make this thing about guns. Let’s make this about mistreating women. That’s unacceptable.”

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Let’s Talk About Kasandra Perkins for a Change

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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5 Comments

Posted by on December 4, 2012 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 responses to “WHEN DADDY KILLS MOMMY

  1. wildninja

    December 4, 2012 at 1:15 am

    Yes, I’m with you. I’m amazed that the brain trauma discussion is getting as much air time as it is. I’m so very sickened that this baby is now without both parents and wish the focus were on her family, not on potential excuses for the murderer’s behavior. Yes, those issues have to be discussed, but his celebrity status and occupation seem to be far more popular talking points than what the victims of this tragedy are going through.

     
    • ssofdv

      December 4, 2012 at 1:29 am

      Hello “wildninja,”

      I am indeed “sickened” as well that Zoey is another orphan due to domestic violence.

      I am not surprised that this situation is slanted towards vindication for a murderer. It happens quite a bit in domestic violence situations. The main reason being, women and children are not valued as much as men in this world. According to many warped minds, it is always the woman “pushing buttons” that sets the abuser off. Rarely is it about the abusers being hell-bent on control to the point of violence and murder.

      It is my hope that America, especially our churches – and the black community will wake up soon. Yes, violence happens to other races as well, but not as much as in our communities. I pray that preachers will develop a backbone to stand up and denounce this madness.

      Thank you for stopping by and your comment.

      Peace

       
  2. wildninja

    December 4, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    You’re spot on– abuse is about power and control. I’ve lived it, used my M.A. to become an expert on domestic violence by cop (which I’ve been through more than once), lost a friend to DV homicide… (the list goes on). It’s amazing how it can affect nearly every aspect of our lives and yet so many people overlook the power and control dynamic.

    The church needs to do more to stop domestic violence, pure and simple. I’ve seen too many Christians blaming the victim for the abuse they’re suffering and laying the “if you’d just do this, this, and this he would settle down” crap. The entity that should be doing more than anyone or anything else in this world to stop DV is, in my opinion, largely responsible for allowing it to exist. So I’m on the same page as you on this one, and it’s refreshing to hear someone else say what you’ve said. If you’re familiar with Jeff Crippen’s blog, he blogs about DV and the church a lot.

     
    • ssofdv

      December 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

      Hello “wildninja,”

      … “abuse is about power and control…” exactly!

      I can relate to losing friends and loved ones through domestic violence. And yes, the dynamics of the loss changed my life and my family’s lives. People who crave power and control over others will stop at nothing to acquire it. Somehow, it fills up a void in their own lives – perhaps having felt powerless as a child.

      The foundation of domestic violence is often overlooked because the dynamics of this evil has many branches. For the abused, the main things they are thinking about during the madness are what did they do to make the abuse happen? Instead of viewing the situation from an outward perspective, abuse victims turn inward and erroneously assume they are at fault somehow – “I should have cooked better.” “I must learn to keep silent and not talk back.” “He is tired and I pushed him too hard.” Rarely do the abused think, “Wow – this man is trying to control every aspect of my life!” “He even tells me what to wear, and what not to wear.”

      As far as the body of Christ goes, well that is another sad story all together. The problem with the responses you have listed is this: telling the abused that they should have done or not done a thing makes them responsible for the actions of the abusers. In a backwards kind of way, it signifies that the abused have some sort of power and control over the abusers as well. Cooking a meal without burning it will not change an abusers violent ways. Better or more sex will not erase his angry attitudes, and bring about calm within his soul. These are false notions that those who do not understand domestic violence place upon the shoulders of the abused.

      This wrong advice also gives the perception that men are more important than women. Our world revolves around women bending over backwards to please men, and doing so from a position of lowliness. God is not a respecter of persons. Men have distorted the Word of God to exhibit tyranny whenever they so choose. The guilty parties especially are those in the pulpit. Yes, the church as a whole can do more. But it will take a LOUD crying out from those who oppose abuse, and the abused to stand up and take it no more!

      And yes, I am familiar with Jeff Crippen’s work. I am happy to know that there is at least one preacher who isn’t afraid to speak out against the evil of domestic violence. Judgment will surely begin with the Household of God.

      Thank you for stopping by.
      Peace

       

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