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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – NO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”

26 Nov

By Terry Loving

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“For he flatters himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity is found to be hateful.

(I wrote this post a while back for my website – the message is worthy of repeating)

I can remember stories, those things my mother said
She told me fairy tales before I went to bed
She spoke of happy endings then tucked me in real tight
She turned my night light on and kissed my face good night

My mind would fill with visions of perfect paradise
She told me everything, she said he’d be so nice
He’d ride up on his horse and take me away one night
I’d be so happy with him, we’d ride clean out of sight
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
She never said that maybe, someday he’d say goodbye

The story ends, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
Of fairy tales, no

She spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this
She said he’d slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince
She said he’d come to save me, swim through the stormy seas
I’d understand the story, it would be good for me
You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold

My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, yes

I don’t look for pie up in the sky, baby
Need reality, now, said I Don’t feel the need to be pacified, don’t cha try
Honey, I know you lied

You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold
I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly
I found the poison apple, my destiny to die
No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin
My fantasy is over, my life must now begin

My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, hey, hey
Oh, Lord

Read more: ANITA BAKER – FAIRY TALES LYRICS

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I grew up reading Dick and Jane, Cinderella, and all the books that young girls cherished about love and romance and happiness at home with loving parents. I lived in a row home in Philadelphia, but that did not stop me from envisioning my Prince riding down my street, coming to rescue me. Our row home did not have a white picket fence, no matter. Someday my Prince and I would have a white picket fence of our own.

One day he would ride boldly to my mother’s house, and demand to take me away from the madness; the fury of domestic violence. No more would I suffer neglect and the damaging effects of the violence, for my Prince would take me away in a flash. While riding on the back of his beautiful stallion, I would wave goodbye to my mother’s dysfunctional household, leaving all the pain and misery behind.

……………………………………….

There would be no need to pack the rags that I was accustomed to wearing. My Prince would provide any and everything that I could possibly need. There would be no more hunger, for I would feast on the delicacies prepared by staff in his far away castle. My mind would only know peace, no more war. No more waking up in the middle of the night, crying, frightened, and bewildered.

I would stay at home like “Mother” in Dick and Jane – waving goodbye every morning from the edge of our white picket fence. I would be beautiful, at peace, and know only love and deep affection. My Prince would come home faithfully to me, and only have eyes for me and me alone. Like Cinderella, my Prince would reject all others, and we would live happily ever after. Oh dear mother, someday, I will leave your madness, and fly away.

……………………………………….

I dreamed of my Prince back in the 60’s, and here it is 2012, and women are still waiting for a Knight in shining armor. A new generation is envisioning the same white picket fence that I prayed for years ago. It seems that no one has bothered to tell them the truth, what a shame!

Before I move on, I am not some kind of Prophetess of doom. I am a realist, and life has taught me to be one over and over again – especially in the area of personal relationships and marriage. Anita Baker says it best in her song-Fairy Tales, “Reality steps into view.”

……………………………………….

Now there is nothing wrong with young girls reading Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and books of this sort. However, those who place these books in their hands should inform them that these books are for “entertainment only.” Better yet, the books should come with a warning, “This is not real life!”

Children find their own way to cope with violence and neglect while growing up.  My coping mechanism was reading, and my imagination. I was a dreamer, and dreaming was my escape. My books were the gateway to another world, one that did not know domestic violence, abuse, or neglect.

……………………………………….

On the other hand, perhaps there are mothers’ who read these stories to their young daughters, and they live in homes not filled with violence. Everyone loves a love story with a happy ending, and caring mothers try hard to present the good in the world to their children. Loving parents try to avoid planting seeds of paranoia concerning dysfunctional people in the world, so sometimes fantasy is a good thing.

If I were raising a little girl today that loved to read fairy tales, I would read them with her. I would not take away the part of her that dreams of having a good marriage someday. But I would definitely let her know that real life isn’t how we fantasize it to be. She could keep her fantasies, but she would also be armed with reality.

……………………………………….

HAPPY ENDINGS

Movie goers love a happy ending. After all the drama, pitfalls, obstacles, and antagonism, we all root for our heroes to win the struggle. When our hero dies, we are disappointed. When love dies, we are devastated. Most, if not all couples anticipate happiness in their marriage. Unfortunately, the divorce rate shrinks the percentage. As we read about the divorce rate in our country, we know that not many people have found what makes for longevity, and happiness in a marriage.

……………………………………….

The only “perfect paradise” that I believe exists is the one spoken of in the Bible. Jesus told the thief on the cross that was condemned to die alongside of Him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43). Adam and Eve experienced paradise on earth, and they blew it, Genesis chapter 3. We are living in a fallen, sin-filled world where nothing and no flesh is perfect.

You may meet a “nice” man, and he may seem to be the answer to your prayers. But with the absence of a good Christian father, and correct Biblical teaching, you may not know what to look for in choosing the right man for you. Or, allowing the right man to choose you. “Nice” could be a cover-up for many negative characteristics that will come out later. So, what can you do? Listen to our heavenly Father’s guidance:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God…”  (1 John 4:1).

……………………………………….

Although the above scripture is referring to false prophets, the same advice should apply to Mr. “Nice.” The Greek work for “spirit” is PNEUMA. It can be used in reference to “the breath”

(2 Thessalonians 2:8). And “the immaterial, invisible part of man,” (Luke 8:55). PNEUMA also refers to the “sentient element in man, that by which he perceives, reflects, feels, desires,” (Matthew 26:41), and in Romans 7:22, “the inner man.”

……………………………………….

So when we “test” the spirits of others, we are searching for the qualities that one who claims to serve God should possess. Is Mr. “Nice” humble in spirit? God was able to use Moses because he was “very humble-more than any man who was on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3). Your Mr. “Nice” may not be on the same spiritual level as Moses, but possessing humility will bring him God’s grace. Here is an example of a check list that you can use to “test the spirit” of your new love, or the man you have doubts about.

(James 4:6-10; Job 5:11; Matthew 23:12)

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” Does he humble himself in the presence of our Lord? Does Mr. “Nice” treat you and others with disrespect, or does he humble himself in front of your family and friends? How does he treat you in private? When no one else is around, does he still exhibit Christ-like qualities? Or does he change into a tyrant?

……………………………………….

Proverbs 16:32; 15:29; Proverbs 15:2)

Is he able to rule his spirit?  Is he quick or even tempered? Does Mr. “Nice” have a problem with verbal abuse? Are there signs of anger? When he speaks, does he speak words of wisdom, or does his mouth bring forth folly? Has he ever threatened violence or acted on it? Does he throw things when upset, or frighten you with his anger?

……………………………………….

(Ecclesiastes 7:8; Ephesians 4:32)

Is your Knight patient in spirit, or does he exhibit haughtiness of spirit? Does he walk in the Spirit of God? And possess the fruits of the Spirit? And they are:

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Does he easily forgive others their trespasses?

(1 John 3:4-10; Ephesians 5:3)

Does Mr. “Nice” lead you into sin when you want to do what is right? Do you find yourself compromising your salvation to have this man in your life? Does he often say things like “God understands” when he continually sins and entices you to do so?

(Colossians 3:9; Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 19:22; John 8:44; Psalm 52:1-4)

Has your Knight ever lied to you? Does Mr. “Nice” make a habit of lying to you or others? Have you found his words and actions to be unreliable? Does he say one thing, and do another? Does he lack integrity?

…………………………..

(1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 1:1-19)

Does Mr. “Nice” keep good company? Have you ever met his family and friends? What are they like? Does he try to isolate you from your family and friends? Have you ever been told that he is all that you need, and you do not need your family and friends anymore? Be very careful with isolation, abusers plot to get you alone and away from support of family and friends.

(Psalm 53:1; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Psalm 10:4)

Most importantly, does your Mr. “Nice” believe in God, worship God, fear God, acknowledge God, and encourage others to serve God? Does he pray to the God of heaven? Does he trust God? Does he hinder you from worshiping God? Does he manipulate your religious beliefs? Make fun of them? Put you down because you are a believer?

…………………………..

Certainly this list could go on and on. However, I have laid a foundation upon which you could and should assess your future or current mate – especially if you are experiencing violence, abuse or threats of any kind. This list is not meant to frighten you in any way. Nor is it meant to eliminate the wonders or courtship, or cause you to become fearful of others. It simply serves as a guide to the kind of man that will treat you with respect, and love you as God demands that you should be loved.

…………………………..

In order to form relationships with other human beings, there has to be some level of trust. However, when we operate with blind faith, we often set ourselves up for situations that may be difficult to get out of. Domestic violence and abuse are very good examples of harmful situations that may not entirely be avoided, but you won’t miss the signs if you allow yourself to recognize the handwriting on the wall.

When you find yourself being wooed and courted with flattery, hopefully this list and others will be embedded within your heart for future references. Otherwise, you may assume that over-flattering behavior is normal. If you are in a new relationship, be careful if your admirer is: A. Obsessed with you. B. In a hurry to form a more mature relationship. C. Adores you and barely knows you. Usually, these signs are huge red flags that should not be ignored. They often mean that a messed up person is trying to intimately connect with you before their inner demons rear their ugly heads, and you see him or her for what, and who they really are.

…………………………..

NOTE: Satan’s most effective tool is deception. Even if the abused miss the warning signs, the violent and abusive behaviors are still the responsibility of the abusers.

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“REALITY”

Abusers are no better than brute beasts!

Unfortunately, many women live with beastly behavior everyday, sad.

…………………………..

It is not your destiny to die at the hands of abusers.

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WHEN FAIRY TALES DON’T COME TRUE 

Domestic Violence The Story of Power and Control (PDF)

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8th Century Domestic Violence

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Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

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Fairy Tale Malarkey

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Soul Mates and Selfishness

Mixing Myth and Faith

The view that there is a predestined one-and-only out there for each of us has permeated even the Christian view of courtship and marriage.  We have spiritualized it.  We teach, “God has made one special person just for you.”

Really?

If that is not the epitome of self-centered, narcissistic thinking, I do not know what is.  God did not create another human being just to satisfy your needs or to make you feel complete.

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http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 20092012
All rights reserved.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on November 26, 2012 in LIES AND DECEPTION

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – NO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”

  1. Blueberry

    November 26, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Thank you for your post I was just speaking to my best friend who saved my life about the spiritual side of domestic violence. I experienced it, GOD gave me signs through dreams but I was too blind to leave, my 5 year old son kept giving me death warnings of what he was seeing in his dreams. It’s been 18 months since my abuser has been gone and I am still suffering with the effects of it. I truly know that domestic violence is an evil spirit.

     
    • ssofdv

      November 27, 2012 at 12:41 am

      Hello “Blueberry,”

      First, congratulations on being “18 months” free of abuse.

      Some day your suffering will subside. You will never forget – but you will learn to recognize peace within your soul as you stay violence free. Healing takes time, and there is no way to measure just how long it takes. Be good to yourself in the meantime, and protect your son.

      When I was a child, God used me to warn my mother as well. She did not heed the message, “REPENT” that I wrote as a child. I had no idea what that word meant, but she did. She kept her life the same almost until the day she died. I am happy that you acknowledged your son’s dreams.

      An “evil spirit” – I can agree with that. Violence within itself especially in the matter of domestic abuse is pure evil. There is either good or evil in our world – no in between. I am happy your best friend is there for you. Stay strong. God bless your soul with His everlasting peace and love.

      Peace

       
  2. pregoandtheloon

    December 12, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Your work inspires me, and I have nominated you for the Prego Project Award (voicing violence award) Below I have enclosed the link: http://pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/prego-project-like-support-reblog/

     
    • ssofdv

      December 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      Wow! What an honor. Thank you, and I am very happy that something I have said via the Holy Spirit has “inspired” you. Stay strong.

      Peace

       

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