By Terry Loving
When you are going through the pain of domestic abuse, you feel all alone. Because you can only focus on your pain at the time, you often feel that you are suffering while other women live in happy homes. It is difficult to see past your street address, but I assure you that many cry out in desperation along with you.
I am writing this post at 8:20 am – could not sleep – on December 30th, 2011. Before I went to bed, I was thinking deeply about the stats on my FLAG COUNTER – 50 flags collected, which represents the different countries that visited my site. The numbers did not impress me, but saddened me. Mostly, I have been writing with the United States in mind as far as domestic violence goes. But last night, I envisioned violence in households all over the world and sighed – “My God.” No one can convince me that Satan – the god of this world is not influencing the violence, and destruction of our homes. I will write more about that in another post.
My fellow Americans – I am writing this post, so that you will understand that this epidemic is not just a problem that exists at your address only. This information will not make you feel better, but you will or should begin to see a bigger picture – evil is at work in the world in many ways. Hopefully, you will consider the fact that you are not to blame for what is happening to you. The abusers seem to belong to the same club – POWER AND CONTROL. Their motto is, “Conquer and Subdue the Weak.” Let’s take a look at what is going on around the world.
Domestic violence in Vietnam
Fewer beatings thanks to group sessions
Domestic violence is prevalent in Vietnam, with poverty, alcoholism and gender role stereotypes considered to be the main causes. Now an SDC-sponsored project has produced encouraging results by or-ganising group sessions for both abusers and victims.
According to local newspaper reports, a woman dies from domestic violence every three days in Vietnam.
Sources report that from 50 to 70 percent of divorces throughout Vietnam have been linked to domestic violence (US 25 Feb. 2009, Sec. 5; DED n.d.; Than Nien 21 Sept. 2008).
“Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria, according to World Bank data.”
“Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners.”
http://www.ncdv.org.uk/ – UNITED CENTERE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN INDIA
“According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from domestic violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states.”
Women in India also admit to hitting or beating because of their suspicion about the husband’s sexual involvement with other women.
“Domestic Violence A Silent Crisis In Russia”
“Domestic violence is one of Russia’s darkest secrets. The government estimates that 14,000 women die each year at the hands of their husbands or male partners. But Russian police don’t even classify domestic abuse as a crime. It’s a social problem few Russians ever mention.”
“Turkey‘s shocking domestic violence statistics”
“ISTANBUL — A woman in the studio audience stands up and, with the spotlight highlighting her covered head, announces to the crowd that her husband abuses her but that she doesn’t know how to react and still be a good Muslim.
The host of this popular Turkish TV show, “Islam in Our Life,” Professor Faruk Beser, is — from his trimmed mustache to his tailored suit — the image of a modern, successful Turkish man. But as he approaches the woman, his answer is far from progressive.
Looking her in the eye, Beser urges the woman to “carry this pain within you and keep living with your husband,” prescribing constant prayer over divorce, and reminding the woman of the rewards she will receive in heaven for her suffering.”
“Four out of 10 women in Turkey are beaten by their husbands, according to the recent study entitled “Domestic Violence against Women in Turkey,” which has collected the first official statistics on this topic in Turkey. Even more disturbing, the study reveals that a significant number of abused women, almost 90 percent, do not seek help from any organization.”
“This is such a silent problem that most people don’t believe you when you give them the numbers…”
Domestic violence in the Netherlands
The Domestic Violence in the Netherlands investigation revealed that more than 200.000 individuals in the Netherlands fall victim to domestic violence every year.
The investigation was performed by the Research and Documentation Centre and the INTERVICT Institute 13 years after the first one and reveals that:
› Most perpetrators of domestic violence are men (83%).
› Most victims of serious domestic violence are women (60%).
› 25% of the victims have attempted suicide.
› 30% of perpetrators often commit other crimes within two years.
Domestic Violence in Africa
According to POWA 1 in every 6 women who die in Gauteng are killed by an intimate partner.
The Institute of Security Studies did a research project in 1999. They found that:
90% of the women interviewed had experienced emotional abuse: being humiliated in front of others was most commonly reported.
90% had also experienced physical abuse: being pushed or shoved and being slapped or hit were highlighted.
71% had experienced sexual abuse: attempts to kiss or touch followed by forced sexual intercourse occurred most often.
58% experienced economic abuse: money taken without consent was most common.
42.5% of women had experienced all forms of abuse.
60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.
Report: Domestic violence on the rise – Israel
Disturbing statistics. The last five years saw an increase of 55 percent in the number of teenage girls seeking help on matters of domestic violence, a report of the Teenage Girls Service at the Ministry of Social Affairs relayed to Ynet Thursday reveals.
The data also indicated a sharp increase of 60 percent in the number of violent incidents reported in the haredi sector, and of 37 percent in the Arabic public, this in comparison with statistics from the year 1999.
According to the ministry’s statistics, the most significant rise in girls’ distress was expressed in the number of reports on sexual abuse, an increase of 21 percent in the last five years, and of domestic violence – an increase of 55.5 percent during the same period.
The above countries are just a few which share the atrocities of domestic violence. Each time you scream, a woman in another country is screaming also. When your children run and hide, children on the other side of the world are hiding in closets – trembling in fear as well. The abusers view the women the same – “property,” “worthless,” “slaves,” “sex objects,” “inferior” and the like. The common motivation abusers possess is a misplaced desire for power and control. American women may enjoy more “freedom” than women in other countries. However, how they are treated by abusers amounts to imprisonment in many areas – no different from women suffering in other countries.
SISTERS IN PAIN
You are far away, on a shore I may never see
A land my feet may never touch
We are different in many ways, and yet the same
Sisters in pain
When you cry, I cry
When you hurt, I hurt
Our hearts together long for relief
And yet, it never comes for we are
Sisters in pain
Someday, oh yes – someday
Like an eagle spreading her wings
We shall soar, fly away
Ascending above the lies and deceit
Smiles will be ours to own once again
We will embrace, shedding tears of joy
No longer will sorrow be our comforter
My sisters, stand strong – it won’t be long
We are united in pain,
And we shall no longer be in agony,
For we shall at last taste the sweet flavor of victory
© Terry Loving, 2011
Revelation 7:17 “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”
Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”
Isaiah 1:27 “Zion will be redeemed with justice, her penitent ones with righteousness.”
Isaiah 25:8 “he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.”
Isaiah 30:19 “O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.”
Isaiah 41:14 “Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”
“Her husband, Syeed Hasan Sumon, who is nearly blind from a degenerative disease, pulled his wife’s hair, throwing her to the bed and pinning her arms down with his legs, she says. Then, in an account that is bone-chilling, she says her husband pressed his fingers into her eyes, gouging them out. According to Monzur, he gnawed at her cheek, lips, and nose, biting off bits of flesh, blood spilling throughout the room as Monzur flailed. Her daughter, Anusheh, stood in a corner of the room, screaming, as two household servants struggled to open the locked door. A neighbor took her to the hospital, where her parents soon arrived. The diagnosis: blindness. “I lost my eyes,” says Monzur. “I don’t want anyone to suffer like I am suffering. It is horrible.”
“Monzur, speaking softly through tears, says she still has hope doctors in Canada will be able to treat her eyes and she may one day see again.”
“Parts of Guatemala have the highest murder rates in the world, according to the United Nations, especially along drug trafficking routes that lead from South America into the United States. The culture of violence has resulted in an epidemic of domestic violence, sexual abuse and rape, sex trafficking and femicide – the murder of women. In Guatemala, on average two women are killed every day.”
“Sexually transmitted infections are also related to abuse victims; with 40% of the women of abuse having at least one sexually transmitted infection, vs 18% for the women who were not in abusive situations.”
“This is an epidemic,” said Robert S. Thompson, MD, senior investigator, lead author of one paper. “But it flies under the radar, because of the stigma and shame associated with it — as well as the fear that many health care providers have of opening what some call a ‘Pandora’s Box’ of difficult problems that they are unsure how to address.”
“A Bakersfield family had its world turned upside down this summer when Tabasha Criado and her four children were murdered in Medford, Oregon. “Her husband killed her, stabbed her, stabbed the children and then set the house on fire, and then tried to kill himself as well, but was not successful,” said Evelyn Young, Criado’s Great Aunt.”
“Domestic violence is a threat to equality and justice that no civilized society should allow to exist.”
“Just for one moment, imagine you are an American woman, married and living in a foreign country with three very young children. When you met your husband in college, he was charming, polite and loving. You were young, naïve, and in love. You dropped out of college and moved overseas because your husband convinced you that life would be better there. Now you find, once you are here, he becomes a stranger-unpredictable, moody, controlling and increasingly violent. After the most violent of episodes, he apologizes, but he won’t let you go back home.”
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“Maria was born in the Dominican Republic. She married a United States citizen, immigrated to this country, and obtained “conditional” resident immigration status, which enabled her to remain legally in the United States provided that she stay wedded to her spouse. Soon afterward, her husband began to brutalize her physically. “One time I had eight stitches in my head and a gash on the other side of my head, and he broke my ribs…. He would bash my head against the wall while we had sex. He kept threatening to kill me if I told the doctor what happened.” Afraid of the risk of deportation, Maria endured her husband’s treatment for months. After she finally fled, her spouse demanded that she return to his apartment for her immigration documents. At first, she told him, “No, you’re going to hit me.” But then she realized that she had to go because she needed the papers. She described the consequences: “He beat me on the head. He sat on my stomach. He put a knife to my throat and raped me. Then he threw me naked on the street.”
“According to filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, who just won the Academy Award for the short form documentary “Saving Face”, “If a man wants to take on a second wife but his first wife doesn’t want him to, he says, right I’ll just throw acid on her face and get rid of her, so she’ll spend the rest of her life in and out of hospitals.”
AFGHANISTAN – WHY DOES AMERICA SUPPORT A COUNTRY THAT TREATS WOMEN IN THIS EVIL MANNER?
“KABUL (Reuters) – For Afghan women, the act of fleeing domestic abuse, forced prostitution or even being stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver by an abusive husband, may land them in jail while their abusers walk free, Human Rights Watch said.”
“Running away is considered a “moral crime” for women in Afghanistan while some rape victims are also imprisoned, because sex outside marriage – even when the woman is forced – is considered adultery, another “moral crime”.
“The plight of a woman called Nilofar illustrates the problem. She was stabbed repeatedly with a screwdriver in the head, chest, and arms by her husband who accused her of adultery for inviting a man into the house, the rights group said.”
But afterwards, she was arrested, he was not.
“The way he beat her wasn’t bad enough to keep him in jail. She wasn’t near death, so he didn’t need to be in prison,” the prosecutor of the case told Human Rights Watch.”
“HE WILL KILL ME”
Is Your Date an Abuser? Learn the Signs Before It’s Too Late
The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.
“You control everything in my life,” she complained.
“Shut up,” he warned.
“I will not shut up,” she responded.
He stood up. “I said, ‘shut up.'”
She got to her feet also. “I will NOT shut up,” she said.
Then came the beating that finally drove her out. When he let go, she grabbed Lydia and walked to the police station. She hesitated at the door, then thought of her daughter, took a deep breath and walked in.
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- Norway: Muslims Commit a Whopping 70% of Domestic Violence Cases (actualgrit.wordpress.com)
- London charged with domestic violence (hollywood.com)
- Uptown domestic violence march honors most recent victim (charlotte.news14.com)
- Black Women and Domestic Violence (ssofdv.wordpress.com)
- OJ Simpson’s Former Nephew Dodges Domestic Violence Bullet (tmz.com)
- Verizon Donates 11,000 Pre-paid Calling Cards to California’s Domestic Violence Coalition (yubanet.com)
- Breaking the Silence of Domestic Violence: A New Me Foundation (chicagotalks.org)