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“Is It Possible To Not Be An Abuser If You Hit Once?”

21 Dec

By Terry Loving

Titus 2:6  “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.”

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Psalm 37:8 “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil.”

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Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

“Husbands, love your wives. Be not bitter against them – Wherever bitterness is, there love is wanting. And where love is wanting in the married life, there is hell upon earth.”

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The title of this post is a search term used to reach my site. It is a very good question, and I will try to tackle it in an honest and Biblical manner. You only hit her once, and now you wonder if that makes you an abuser. Well, first of all, we will define the words “abuse” and “abuser” to answer this question.

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Abuse

2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way:

3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.

4. to commit sexual assault upon. 1

a·buser n.

Synonyms: abuse, misuse, mistreat, ill-treat, maltreat
These verbs mean to treat wrongfully or harmfully. Abuse applies to injurious or improper treatment:

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Noun1.abuser – someone who abuses

maltreater, offender, wrongdoer – a person who transgresses moral or civil law 2

 maltreat  (mælˈtriːt)   — vb ( tr ) to treat badly, cruelly, or inconsiderately  3

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Think about this for a moment. If you are sick and your doctor prescribes medication, and you take it only as directed, you are not abusing your meds. However, if you take more than prescribed, and decide to use the drugs as a means of getting high instead of getting well – you are abusing your prescription medication – especially if you drink alcohol to enhance the high.

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What you are doing in this case is going beyond the boundaries of what is prescribed. The boundaries are there for your protection, and your well-being. The operative word here is “boundaries.” When you physically assault someone – even if it is the first time – you have trespassed “boundaries.” The abused may or may not have expressed “boundaries” early in the relationship such as, no hitting, no cheating, no neglect and the like. However, even unspoken “boundaries” can be trespassed by way of human mistreatment – that is frowned upon by our supposed civilized society.

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 In light of the above definitions, ask yourself if you treated someone in a “harmful, injurious, or offensive way.” Did you “speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about” this person? Did you “commit sexual assault upon?” Did you “revile” (berate, insult) or “malign” (do evil) to someone who did not deserve such treatment? If you are an honest person, by now you should have the answer to the question as to whether or not you abused someone.

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Most abusers are noted for habitual mistreatment of others, and over time their injustice increases. Most abusers will not submit to therapy, God or repent for their evil deeds. Most abusers feel justified in their anger, and view their mates especially as their “property” – to treat them as they see fit. Most abusers falsely believe that God gave them the authoritative right to treat their mates with harshness, if they don’t “do what they are told.” Which are you?

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Hitting someone in anger is never justified. You stumbled, but still chose to use violence as a means of settling a dispute. Whether you will be known as an abuser, or someone who made a terrible mistake is up to you. If you fail to practice self-control, and neglect seeking the cause of your anger – and dealing with it effectively – then yes, you will become a habitual abuser. You can stop it now, or you can allow Satan to convince you that you are justified in your actions, and continue to hurt the one you claim to love.

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Whether you will be known as an abuser, live a life as an abuser – is totally a decision you will have to make – starting right now! If you hit someone once – that is not a good thing – and you can seek help before you ruin lives – including your own. Every human being possesses the ability to become angry, it is how you handle anger that makes the difference. Some things are not worth getting angry over, and it is never cool to hit.

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So, “Is it possible to not be an abuser if you hit once?” It is possible to not continue living this way. However, you did abuse someone, and you must own that. People tend to think that if you did not bloody a nose, break bones, or black eyes – you did not abuse. Wrong! Abuse is exhibited in many forms including verbal, economic, spiritual and emotional. You abused someone, even if you hit them only once. Repent to God, and the abused. Strive for self-control:

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2Peter 1:5-11

“Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.”

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 If you need help, do not be afraid to seek it. Falling on your knees and repenting is the first step. Acknowledge your wrong-doing, and seek godly ways to never commit this sin again. Abusing others places you in the position of transgressing a moral law, as well as God’s law. Ask yourself this, do you want your legacy to be tainted with abuse of innocent persons? When you stand before God in the Judgment, how will you plead – innocent or guilty? What possible justifications will you offer your Creator?

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What excuses will you offer the abused? Remember this, abuse is a choice. Will you choose to stop it now, or continue on this destructive path? Is abusing someone the way you choose to get love, when you are actually destroying what your heart desires? No one loves an abuser, they are just afraid – and eventually will find a way to get away from you. Is this what you want? Only you, the one who hit once can make a character choice in the right direction. Only you are to blame for how you treat other human beings, made in the image of Almighty God. Only you can make the choice today to never hit again – what do you choose?

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Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“A man of violence entices his neighbor And leads him in a way that is not good.”

Psalm 9:12 “For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)

“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

Colossians 3:8 “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary

19. (Eph 5:22-33.)

…”be not bitter-ill-tempered and provoking. Many who are polite abroad, are rude and bitter at home because they are not afraid to be so there.”

Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

Husbands, love your wives,…. See Gill on Ephesians 5:25.

“and be not bitter against them; turning love into hatred of their persons; ruling with rigour, and in a tyrannical manner; behaving towards them in a morose, churlish, and ill natured way; giving them either bitter words, or blows, and denying them their affection, care, provision, protection, and assistance, but using them as servants, or worse. All which is barbarous, brutish, and unchristian, and utterly unbecoming the Gospel.”

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I Said I Was Sorry

by Mark Gungor on October 5th, 2009

“I hear tales all the time of men who have done hurtful things—huge things like having an affair or smaller things like saying something very mean and spiteful—and then they say, “I’m sorry” and expect it all to go away. When it doesn’t these guys get upset and throw it back on their wives because his wife “can’t get over it”. It just doesn’t work that way for women. Men need to learn that pushing her to “move on” isn’t the answer. The answer is for you to own the problem that you created.”

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 21, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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