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HER SON BEATS HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND

04 Dec

By Terry Loving

New International Version (©1984)
I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.

The more I write about domestic violence and abuse, the more I realize that I will always have something to say about it. This subject matter is very complex, and involves more than the abused and the abusers. The following post I found on Yahoo Answers unveils another hurdle for the abused to overcome – family members who sit idle while the abuse is taking place.  It reminds me of the movie The Burning Bed – where the brain dead parents of the abuser resented the abused, while condoning the horror that their son bestowed upon his helpless wife.

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Here is the post:

“Parents, what should I do? My 16 year old son is beating his pregnant girlfriend?”

“My son is 16 years old. He has been dating his current girlfriend/fiance ( I insisted that they marry each other because of the baby..) for about two years. My son has a violent temper and often talks back to me and his teachers, throws stuff when he gets angry, and frequently throws tempur tantrums. When he was younger, we forced him to go to counseling. After he turned 14, he refused to go anymore, and I couldn’t make him. Last year, he dropped out of high school and began doing PCP, which as you know, can make people extremely violent.”

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“After I made him go through detox at a rehab center for teens, he promised me that he would stay clean. I don’t think that he’s doing PCP anymore, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was using cocaine or herion or even crack. Anyways, ever since they started dating, she has ALWAYS gotten into some sort of “accident” with a doorknob, or a toaster, or a bookcase. She’s extremly “clumsy”.It seems like she always has hand-shaped bruises on her arm (she tries to wear jackets all the time to cover them, but she always ends up taking the jacket off eventually), and every other week, she has a black eye. She’s had a broken nose about three times this year. Last Christmas, she had three cracked ribs and what looked like bite marks on her shoulders. I didn’t want to ask her about it because I didn’t want to be intrusive or upset her, especially on Jesus’ holiday.”

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“Anyways, last week, she called me from a payphone and said that she was sleeping at homeless center because my son told her to get out of the flat (they have a flat in the city.) and threatened her with a knife. She also confessed to me that he had been violent with her before, but she didn’t give out specifics. I ordered her to get out of that homeless shelter and find another place to stay because it was just plain irresponsible of her to put herself in a situation like that. Crazy people sleep in homeless shelters, especially the youth ones. I’m not sure what to do anymore!”

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 “As bad as I feel for her, she’s behaving irresponsibly and she’s putting me in an awkward position. Last night, she slept on my front lawn because she had nowhere else to go. I’m just so sick of having to clean up my son’s filthy messes. This morning, I had to cook breakfast for her and buy her prenatal vitamins. I don’t know if I can feel sorry for this woman anymore. Her parents pretty much dumped her on me, and my son won’t take care of her. My son refuses to get a job, but I’m praying every night for him to get a job as a lawyer or a doctor. I just have no idea what to do anymore. How can I getting my son to clean up his act and take care of his messes without me?”

  • 2 years ago 1

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The above post on Yahoo Answers is “2-years old,” however; I find it relevant to the subject matter of this blog. I sincerely hope the young mother is still alive, doing well both she and her baby – and far, far away from the boyfriend and his weak mother. How in the world could anyone not help this young lady – including her own family? Obviously her family has issues as well. Still, someone should have stood up and helped her.

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We often read about boyfriends and husbands abusing their mates, but hardly a word is spoken about the family members that do nothing to help the abused. In the above post this mother is not thinking clearly. OK, your teenaged son made a baby, but insisting that he gets married “for the sake of the baby,” is often not the answer. The son has much deeper issues than having a baby out of wedlock.

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This young man is a danger to himself, and anyone that is close to him. He has no respect for his parents, authority, his girlfriend, or himself. How can an under aged drug addict, school dropout, and social deviant be a responsible man, let alone a good father? On the flip side, his mother does not mention what happened in her son’s life that caused him to be so angry. He wasn’t born that way – so obviously something went terribly wrong in her family. He “promised” his mother that he would “stay clean” after detox for teens. Anyone who knows anything about addiction understands that promises mean absolutely nothing.

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There are several points in this post that upset me. Here is one of them:

“Anyways, ever since they started dating, she has ALWAYS gotten into some sort of “accident” with a doorknob, or a toaster, or a bookcase. She’s extremly “clumsy”.It seems like she always has hand-shaped bruises on her arm (she tries to wear jackets all the time to cover them, but she always ends up taking the jacket off eventually), and every other week, she has a black eye. She’s had a broken nose about three times this year. Last Christmas, she had three cracked ribs and what looked like bite marks on her shoulders. I didn’t want to ask her about it because I didn’t want to be intrusive or upset her, especially on Jesus’ holiday.”

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This woman called this girl “extremely clumsy” when the reality is her son was beating the life out of her. It is obvious that this young lady is being tortured while pregnant: “hand-shaped bruises, black eyes, broken nose, cracked ribs and bite marks!” Come on! What does it take to get this poor girl some help? Now here is the kicker – “I didn’t want to ask her about it because I didn’t want to be intrusive or upset her, especially on Jesus’ holiday.” OMG!

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Why would you not be intrusive? Why would you not risk upsetting her to make sure she was OK? – Especially knowing that she is not. Why would you have more respect for a man-made holiday than two human lives – a young pregnant mother and YOUR unborn grandchild? Do we really think that Jesus takes a “holiday” from caring about the sorrow in our lives? Did He hang out a shingle stating that it is His “holiday” so leave Him alone? Better yet, did Jesus say it is a “sin” to care about someone on His “holiday?” I don’t mean to be mean, but is this woman on drugs as well?

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OK, here is more nonsense. The girl had strength enough to go to a “homeless center,” for she had no other choice at the time. For some reason, she could not depend on her own family, so she sought shelter among strangers. The father of her child threw her out in the street, what else could she do, especially being pregnant. Not only did he kick her out, he threatened her with a knife. I would leave too.

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The supposed “adult” in this situation “ordered her to “get out of that homeless shelter and find another place to stay.” She had the nerve to say this girl was acting “irresponsible” for going to the shelter when she had nowhere else to go. Well Mommy Dearest, if she had another choice she would have chosen it. This woman had the gall to call the people who “sleep in homeless shelters, especially the youth ones – crazy.” Well, her son would have fit right in.

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 More insanity:

“As bad as I feel for her, she’s behaving irresponsibly and she’s putting me in an awkward position. Last night, she slept on my front lawn because she had nowhere else to go.”

“WHAT!” Your grandchild slept within the womb of his mother outside – on your front lawn – because the mother “had nowhere else to go.” Yes, I am convinced that this woman is on drugs too. How in the world is this putting the future grandmother “in an awkward position?” Someone please explain this to me. THESE ARE HUMAN BEINGS! And one of them has her blood running through his or her body.

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“I’m just so sick of having to clean up my son’s filthy messes. This morning, I had to cook breakfast for her and buy her prenatal vitamins. I don’t know if I can feel sorry for this woman anymore. Her parents pretty much dumped her on me, and my son won’t take care of her. My son refuses to get a job, but I’m praying every night for him to get a job as a lawyer or a doctor. I just have no idea what to do anymore. How can I getting my son to clean up his act and take care of his messes without me?”

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Well, what caused your son to have “filthy messes” in the first place? His trouble did not start at the age of “14.” By this time, whatever went wrong at home became a full blown crisis. This woman is selfish and mean. Ok, so what you had to feed a hungry pregnant girl and buy her “prenatal vitamins.” “SO WHAT!” She was homeless and hungry, and carrying your grandchild. How could this woman not “feel sorry” for this abused and mistreated young expectant mother? And by the way, the girl’s parents are no better.

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Yes, this woman obviously has issues. Her son will never be the “doctor” or “lawyer” that she prays for him to be – not living the way he does. Since her post was written two years ago, her son would be about 18-years old. If his life hasn’t changed, he will always find a way to fall back on his parents to help him in some way. His mother will be cleaning his “messes” until the day he changes, goes to jail, or dies.

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I wonder how many parents feel the way this woman does. I also wonder how many mothers know that their sons beat their girlfriends and wives and say nothing. How many parents close their eyes to their children abusing their grand babies? How many are afraid to confront their own children about abusing others, especially pregnant women?

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Should this woman have called the police on her son? Do you think the mother should have helped the pregnant girl, even to the point of getting safely away from her son? Should the mother have confronted the son about the abuse? Do you think this mother was afraid of her son? What would you as a parent have done? What would you have done for the pregnant girl? I would love to hear responses from my readers. This happens more than we know.

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Domestic violence involves many characteristics that are often overlooked. Mostly we think of men beating women, however, there are many areas such as the above that need to come to light. “It takes a village” to end domestic violence and abuse. When you think of all the abused persons in this world, there are many family members that stand idly by and do nothing. For sure there are families that try to help, but there are too many that close their minds to the abuse. There are too many young girls getting pregnant and suffering abuse with no one to help them.

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There are too many pregnant women being beaten, kicked and mistreated on a regular basis. How can an abuser kick a pregnant woman knowing there is a life growing inside of her? One has to have an evil heart to do such a thing.

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Another mother submitted this post:

“I just found out that my 16 year old son has been physcially abusive to his longtime girlfriend they known each other sinced they were in diapers. This brings me back nightmares when my ex husband used to beat me in front of my son every day i was miserable i am so upset at my son for doing what he did he has no positive male role model in his life my husband died when my son was only 6 years old i was just too afraid to tell someone and his gilfriend broke down and told me what should i do about this?” 2

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In this case, this mother states that she “just found out” that her son was beating his girlfriend. Her son witnessed his mother’s abuse, and learned to be an abuser himself. The mother was “too afraid to tell someone” about her abusive situation, but here is her son’s girlfriend confiding in her – that her son is her abuser. Should there be a need to ask strangers what to do? From her own experiences, should this mother not have the boldness to confront her son? The problem I see in both situations is the mothers are afraid of their own children.

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“The Florida Attorney General’s Statewide Domestic Violence Fatality Review Team, in their report issued January 2011 found that “in 37% of domestic violence fatalities, family members, friends, co-workers and others were aware domestic violence was occurring.” In simpler terms, for every 3 women, men or children who die as the result of domestic violence, one died with others knowing they were being threatened, abused, battered, beaten, or in grave danger. Some of these may have been a murder/suicide. Far too often the aggressor kills the victim, or the children (or both) before taking their own life.” 3

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Many people blame the victims of abuse for not leaving, getting help, or speaking out. The next time you are tempted to speak against an abuse victim, remember the above situations. Often the abused are treated as if they are burdens to their own families. Young women, and girls are tossed out in the cold with no one to help them, not even their own blood. Too many screams are heard by family members, and ignored. In situations such as these, no wonder the abused often commit suicide. If God works through people – and He does – then if no one will help them, the abused concludes that even God Himself has abandoned them to their misery.  God doesn’t need us for anything. However, he carries out His will through humans, and we should be the heart of God towards everyone.  This is really sad.

A battered mother-to-be who was blinded by her boyfriend has urged other women to seek help and escape domestic violence.

Kelly Winter, 25, was 26 weeks pregnant when she was hit so hard in the face with a mug flung by Mark Carroll that she lost the sight in her eye, had four teeth knocked out and required a five-hour operation.

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1 http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100306140009AApMlOa

2 http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110322081519AAlzPXF

3 LIVING NEXT DOOR TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

http://cshennecy.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/living-next-door-to-domestic-violence/

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Romans 14:12 So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

New International Version (©1984)
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.

Proverbs 29:16 When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall.

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Domestic violence during pregnancy

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TEEN DATING AND VIOLENCE

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Being pregnant not so wonderful for many Latinas and blacks

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Why Are Pregnant Women More Vulnerable
to Domestic Abuse?

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Domestic Violence in Pregnancy

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND PREGNANCY IN RURAL WEST VIRGINIA

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SURVIVOR STORIES OF TRIUMPH

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Man Charged With Stomping On Pregnant Ex’s Stomach

 

“According to the complaint, Turner kicked, punched, struck and choked the victim repeatedly, ordered her to lie back on the bed and then stomped on her stomach with both feet.”

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The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 4, 2011 in PREGNANT AND ABUSED TEENS

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “HER SON BEATS HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND

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