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WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T SPEAK OUT

03 Oct

By Terry Loving

Proverbs 21:9 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 21:19 “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”

New International Version (©1984)
“A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

Proverbs 27:15 “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;”

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It is widely documented that more women than men suffer abuse. Perhaps this is the reason why more shelters are geared towards assisting woman and their children, rather than shelters for men.  During my research on this topic, I have discovered that men who suffer abuse do not readily report their plight to authorities. Why? Because our society has differentiated gender roles to imply – women are dainty and delicate, while men are rough, tough, and masculine. Therefore, if there is an issue of domestic violence and abuse, society tends to side with the women – after all, how could it be possible that a “dainty” woman can successfully abuse a much stronger male?

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It happens.

Not because the female aggressor is physically stronger than the man that she is abusing, but because he won’t hit her back. Many men are raised to never strike a female, regardless of what she does. Some men may view this mentality as absurd, and look upon the male victim as a “wuss.” The abused man is chided, ridiculed, and laughed at when he seeks help from authorities, and our court system does not place much value upon his complaints. In many cases, the tables are turned when an abused man calls the police. He may have held his aggressive mate by the arms to keep her from striking him further, but often times the police arrest him as the aggressor in the matter. Too often abused men find no relief through our court system, and they are left to feel the same shame that abused women often experience.

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Even though this blog has many posts that refer to the abuse of women and children, men can be, and are often abused by women as well. In order to eradicate the evil of domestic violence and abuse, both sides of the equation must be acknowledged. If we are to establish peace in our homes, we must shine a light on all components of domestic violence. Acknowledging the fact that men are abused is not a taking of sides, feminist verses chauvinist. It is a matter of justice for all. Isn’t that one of the privileges of being an American, “Liberty and justice for all?”

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As long as male verses female, strong verses weak, evil verses good, rich verses poor exist – we will never experience harmony in our world. We will continue to raise our children to view others based on skin color, gender, economic status, religious differences, and everything but “made in the image of God.” Women who verbally and physically abuse their mates are no different from men who do the same. Children are taught family dysfunction no matter who does the hitting – mommy or daddy.

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Why abused men don’t speak out? Because they are not believed when they reach out for help, it is the same frustration that abused women feel. Men are laughed at, women are told to “stop pushing his buttons.” Many “macho” guys feel that if a woman is big enough to hit, she is big enough to get hit back. It has been said that some women strike first because they “want to get hit.” Due to low self-esteem and abuse she suffered growing up, she may feel that getting beaten is all that she deserves. Really, she needs counseling and much help with her beliefs.

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The Effects of Husband Abuse

“Men who experience domestic violence can experience serious, long-term effects on their mental health. Emotional abuse can take a serious toll on a man’s psyche, resulting in depression or low self-esteem.”

“Male domestic abuse doesn’t go away if it’s ignored. Sometimes abused husbands stay in the marriage because they think it won’t happen again – similar to abused wives.”

“We know that many women may have trouble leaving abusive relationships, especially if they’re caring for young children and not working outside the home,” said Dr. Reid. “We were surprised to find that most men in abusive relationships also stay, through multiple episodes, for years.”1

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Regardless of who commits acts of violence and abuse in the home, the children will see, listen, and learn negative behaviors from both parents. If only people were more like Jesus, servants to one another, we would have less abuse in our homes. If we placed more emphasis on out doing one another in serving one another, we would eliminate the selfishness which is the foundation of domestic violence. Also, statistics may determine that violence against women is more prevalent and brutal – however, all violence is sinful. Violent and abusive homes produce more victims and perpetrators for the next generation.

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The true Cycle of Violence involves training our children to hit and abuse innocent people that they will come in contact with. It is no longer just a concern that they will grow up to be violent, young children today are angry and violent – shooting and killing – and guess where they learned such behaviors? – At home.

Until proven otherwise, every complaint of abuse should be taken seriously. No one should have to live this way.

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GALATIANS 5:19-21

“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.”

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HELP FOR MEN WHO SUFFER ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

When Men Are the Victims of Abuse

“Don’t believe it happens? Let Ron Mattocks tell you how his wife mentally abused him and how it ruined his social life, his career, and left him ready to commit suicide. Then find out how he turned things around.”

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RESOURCE LIST – SAFE FOR ALL.ORG

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FREE ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

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Android Phone Angry Wife Game App: Women Abusing Men as Sport

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SHRINK4MEN

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Why do we stay?

“Understanding why men stay in abusive relationships or remain silent…”

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A.A.R.D.V.A.R.C.
An Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

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Battered Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence

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MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSIVE WOMEN

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE-When She Hits Him First

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Erin Pizzey

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WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T TELL

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Sexual Violence Against Men – Still a Taboo Subject

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WomenAbusingMen.org

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DadsRights.org

1Read more at Suite101: Husband Abuse: Men Experience Domestic Violence: How Domestic Violence Affects a Man’s Health & Self-Image | Suite101.com http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/emotional-physical-husband-abuse-a55472#ixzz1Zm0tCUuB

Colin Henderson's winning design will be displ...

Image via Wikipedia

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 3, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T SPEAK OUT

  1. Ian Young

    April 8, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Just found your blog. As a male victim of DV I’m now trying to raise awareness to the same issues that you are. Keep up the good work.
    http://www.thesilenceofdomesticviolence.blogspot.co.uk/

     
    • ssofdv

      April 9, 2013 at 8:45 pm

      Hello Ian,

      Thank you for stopping by. I will surely visit your site very soon.

      Peace.

       

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