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HE CONTROLS HIS TEMPER WHEN HE WANTS TO

07 Sep

By Terry Loving

Weymouth New Testament
“For a man’s anger does not lead to action which God regards as righteous.”

Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

Have you ever noticed, that abusers who are sent to court mandated anger management classes – already know how to control their anger? Think about it, most abusers if not all, possess seething inner rage acquired either through childhood, or some unkind act of another adult. Then again, jealousy, selfishness, and anger due to underachievement and a lack of success also produces anger in some people. Many angry people have a very good idea why they are angry deep inside. On the other hand, there are others who are angry and unable to verbally express what they are feeling. Perhaps as children they were molested, and never found the words to express how they felt about the horror. Or, they could have spoken out, but no one believed them – so they became angry adults. They pick and choose when and with whom they will express their rage.

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Anger is not necessarily a “bad” emotion. However, when anger is out of control and misdirected it can destroy lives, even kill. There are times when we should, and justifiably so – become angry.  I get angry when I hear of another child being molested, mistreated or murdered. My anger then turns to sadness, and propels me to be an instrument of change. I have no desire to go out and hurt someone because someone hurt me. I allow myself to feel whatever feelings I have concerning a hurtful issue, process what I can, and let people go if necessary.  What I don’t understand, I will seek professional answers, and leave the rest in God’s hands.

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My soul carries a burden I don’t wish on anyone. Child molestation stays with you for life. You are never free of the horrible memories, and the anger that the vile acts produce. But you can learn to move on with your life without taking your anger out on innocent people. If you were sinned against, this does not give you the right to sin against others – especially innocent children.

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Anger management begins with possessing empathy for other human beings. If your heart is selfish, and only your feelings are paramount, you will have a difficult time defusing your angry outbursts. Uncontrolled anger always seeks an outlet no matter the cost. And yet, there is an element of control – to a degree – that many angry people exercise consciously.

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For example – Tom was cut off by a crazed driver on the way home. The maniac almost caused Tom to have a very serious accident. When Tom pulled up beside the other driver at the light, he swallowed all that he thought he would verbalize once they were face to face. The road raging fiend was intimidating, and looked like he could chew nails with no problem.  Tom swallowed his anger, and carried it home. A marital argument was just the release mechanism his angry soul needed – he punched his wife in the face.

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I am a witness that most abusive men will not fight other men. They will beat the snot out of women and children, but not other men – they become cowards, and their inner beast is at last tamed at the hands of one who is their equal – brute for brute. Becoming the coward instead of the abuser is another way of exercising control over abusive behaviors.

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For the most part, abusers will bring their negative life experiences home with them, and release the pressure by violently abusing their loved ones. Not all abusers will go “postal” when they experience bad times at work – they save the anger until they get home – where they can safely release behind closed doors. At home, they are “king,” and the little woman and her whining subjects better do as the “king” says – or else. At home you can “flip the script.” Meaning, you were the door mat at work, and now your family is tipping quietly around the house trying not to provoke your anger genie.

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And what about the guy who waits until family and friends have left the holiday party? All night he is giving his girlfriend funny looks. He is the only one at the party pretending to enjoy the festivities. Finally, when the last guest has gone, the door is shut – he shoves his girlfriend’s head into a wall. If he was that angry, why did he wait to beat her up? Why didn’t he just deck her when they had company?

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He likes your cooking today, and hates it tomorrow – hence – a black eye. Why didn’t he hit you yesterday whether he liked the food or not? Well, he wasn’t ticked off, or feeling out of control yesterday – so you were safe. The next night, your cooking was an excuse to blow off steam. The point is, his anger was under control the previous night – but he chose to let it rip the next night. What is the difference between those two nights? What internal signals gave the abuser permission to batter an innocent person? What causes an abuser to place limitations on whom they hit? And where the violence should take place?

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If your abuser slams his employer’s head into a wall, he will face some very serious consequences. If he treats his friends – if he has any – the way he treats you – the abused, he would have no friends. When he beats you behind closed doors, most times he gets away with it. After the first slap, the first punch, the first toss down the stairs, the first head slam, the first cussing out – it gets easier the next time. When they want to, abusers can and do “manage” to control their anger tantrums. When a child sees mom coming with the belt, they usually stop rolling around on the floor, kicking – screaming and acting like they are losing their minds. Just like children will try you, push buttons and see what they can get away with – so will emotionally immature adults.  Where there is no empathy, there is no respect. If violence happens once, it will happen again.

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If it were not possible for an angry person to control their anger, our Maker – God – would not have given us instructions to do so. Listen to the Word of God and take heed:

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil.

New International Version (©1984)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Ephesians 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;

Colossians 3:8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Bible in Basic English
Let all bitter, sharp and angry feeling, and noise, and evil words, be put away from you, with all unkind acts;

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The Bible has much to say about “anger” and how destructive “unbridled” anger can be. The above verses show us that we have a part in changing our negative behaviors. To “put off,” “rid yourselves,”  “put away” and the like tells us to DO SOMETHING! Anger doesn’t dissipate into thin air, we must find out why we are angry, and do something about it. Even if you cannot afford earthly counseling, heavenly counseling is always available, and it is free.

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If you are an angry person, and you are sincere about not wanting to cause others pain any longer – seek God’s help. If you don’t have a Bible, buy one. Go into a private place, alone with your Creator and talk to Him. He already knows that you are struggling with issues you cannot get under control. Ask Him to not only forgive you, but show you the way out of your pain, and how to cease causing pain when you really are crying out for love.

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Read all of the scriptures concerning anger and own them. Pray those particular scriptures daily. When you do that, you are in agreement with God, for you are saying what He has said. God looks at the heart. When he chose David to be king, it wasn’t his outward appearance He was interested in:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

God knows what is in our hearts. We can hide from other human beings what we are really feeling, but God knows what is really going on inside of us. Don’t allow the voice of your father to ring aloud in your head anymore. He may have taught you that women are second class citizens, and not worthy of respect. But remember this, Jesus died for everyone – including the one you are abusing. Don’t allow feminism to cause your heart to become hardened against men, and the vulnerable placed within your care. Why wait until the courts mandate that you take anger management classes? Start seeking out the real cause of your anger before it is too late.

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Take a good look around – people are dying by the bucket loads these days. And someday it will be my turn – your turn – your neighbors turn – your momma’s turn – your – well, you get my drift. Life is short. Do you want to spend all of your life on earth abusing and misusing innocent people? Is that the reputation you desire to follow you throughout eternity? When you finally stand before God at the Judgment, how will you defend yourself? Will you blame your angry violence on your messed up childhood? – Your daddy? – Your momma? – Your wife that could not cook a lick? God gave everyone a purpose for being alive. How will your plead your case that you stole the life of another, and interfered with the God-given plans meant for that person, the one you claim to love?

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When I think of all the abused, I feel sad. When I think of all the abusers, I shake my head and ask, “Why?”

Jesus wept. We all should weep over this atrocity – especially those who claim to be Christians.

1 Chronicles 28:9 “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.”

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YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR ANGER WHEN IT SUITS YOU –

why not allow the Holy Spirit to help you get rid of unproductive anger?

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT ANGER?

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ONLINE ANGER SURVEY

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Quick Tips for Managing Anger Podcasts

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“CHRISTIAN SUFFERING – IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GOD’S WILL?”

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IS THERE A SOCIOPATH IN YOUR LIFE?

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE

 

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