RSS

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND COHABITATION

17 Jun

By Terry Loving

“Women in cohabiting relationships are more likely than wives to be abused. In one study, marital status was the strongest predictor of abuse-ahead of race, age, education or housing conditions.” 1

“Recent studies from Canada, Great Britain, and here in the United States all point to the same conclusion. Young women who live in a cohabiting relationship with a male put themselves and their children at significant risk of violence and abuse.”

“Cohabitation is risky- especially to young women and children.  If a man isn’t husband material or if he refuses to marry, it may not be a good idea to live with him either.” 2

……………………………………..

“The Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire, the nation’s leading institution studying domestic violence, finds that, “cohabiters are much more violent than marrieds.” Specifically, the overall rate of violence for cohabiting couples is twice as high as for married couples and the overall rate for “severe” violence is nearly five times as high.” 3

……………………………………..

OK, let me just get this out of the way before I continue with this post. This post is not about lecturing those who choose to cohabitate. The information presented, Biblically and otherwise is simply food for thought. We have to answer to God someday for our deeds, and I am not God. So please, just consider the facts, and make wise decisions – especially for your children. How you use your “free will” is between you and your Maker.

Some researchers believe that “cohabitation is an incomplete institution.” Meaning, the relationships are not “governed” by the same laws, and are subject to different “social norms.” It is also noted that “married couples are more likely to resolve their problems, or at least arrive at acceptable compromises…” Cohabitors do not have the same family networks that married couples have, and lack positive relational influence.  In addition, cohabiters tend to live in isolation, which fosters abuse – for the abused are often moved away from family support.

……………………………………..

It is also noted that depression, alcoholism, drug abuse and cheating are issues that exasperate these types of relationships – and are present in marriages – but the percentages are not as high. Cohabitors also experience a higher rate of unemployment, or unstable job histories which often contributes to frustrations that turn into heated arguments. “Bad relationships” are tolerated among those who live together, for there are no legal bindings, and the relationship is “at will.” Meaning, the revolving door is always there, allowing the relationship to be dissolved at the whim of the partner who is dissatisfied.

……………………………………..

Now let’s get down to the street level. Things have really changed within our society as far as relationships go. More and more young women – and some older – are coupling with males that have no ambition, no job, no morals, no sense, no godliness, no respect – and no intention of leaving a good thing – unless of course, he finds a better opportunity elsewhere. Women who move males into their homes in the presence of their children are asking for trouble. One noted and disturbing trend is, women are literally taking care of males – notice I didn’t say “men.” A real man would not live off of a single mother, and take advantage of her in every way.

MEN SUFFER COHABITATION ABUSE AS WELL

MEN SUFFER COHABITATION ABUSE AS WELL

……………………………………..

When good parents intervene on behalf of the innocent children, they are labeled as “trouble makers” and accused of trying to tell their child what to do – especially if their child is female – and lack strong self-esteem. Women are lowering their standards to have a man by “any means necessary.” How can any male call himself a “man” when he sits around his girlfriend’s home, eats her food, suck up her air and heat, and take away from her children? While she is working a full-time job, he is home sleeping, watching TV, playing video games, entertaining his friends, getting drunk or high, and possibly cheating. She comes in from a hard day’s work, and she cooks, cleans and waits on him – UUUUGGGHHHH!

……………………………………..

Many of these lazy bums claim they are “trying to find employment,” when in reality they continually sell their snow job, and the girlfriend buys the lies and deception. She pays the way, he benefits without a ring, marriage license, financial support, commitment or respect for himself or his girlfriend. Often times, violence and abuse keep the rocky romance going for years. When the abusers get tired of looking at the worn out, beat down faces that they scar – they move on to new territory – sometimes.

……………………………………..

And what gets me most of all is this – some females get indignant if you express an opinion concerning her situation – and she calls that “judging.” One such female was told by her friend that she “needed to take her boyfriend home – get him out of her face – because he was drunk.” The girlfriend of the drunk became defensive and ultimately ended her relationship with a very good friend – who by the way was there for her when she was in need. She is still with the alcoholic.

……………………………………..

Many such relationships not only end badly, but not before much damage is done.  The cohabitants do not have the same stake in relationships as married couples do. Married men walk out the door, but single men do so at an alarming rate. They decided not to buy the cow – but got the milk for free – and decided that they wanted strawberry milk instead of chocolate. Those who run didn’t like the taste of marriage, and those who are commitment phobic tend to flee.

……………………………………..

Living together in sin is going against the grain of God’s Will – no wonder the majority of cohabitation fail. After the newness wears off, the gloves come off – and the reality of each other sets in and the dating euphoria is no more. There is no real commitment to be true to one another, and both women and men often cheat while living together. And please tell me why many women tend to allow a loser in their home to rule over them and their children? What is so broken in women that we can respect a man that is not marriage material, and yet, we cling to hope? Why are we dubbed the “fixer uppers?”

……………………………………..

A BIBLICAL VIEW OF COHABITATION

OUR FREE-WILL AND GOD’S WILL TENDS TO CLASH

American King James Version
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

2 Corinthians 12:21 I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.

Galatians 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;

Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

As the saying goes, “God doesn’t bless a mess.”

IN CONCLUSION

… “Canadian and U.S. studies both found that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their live in partner than are women who are married to their partners. You can’t hide a homicide.”

“As one scholar concludes, “regardless of methodology…cohabitors engage in more violence than spouses.”

Isn’t this enough reason to rethink cohabitation?

……………………………………..

1http://www.civitas.org.uk/hwu/cohabitation.php

2Living Together Risky for Young Women and Children
Roger Sider, M.D.

http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/adomesticviolence.html

3 http://www.citizenlink.com/2010/06/14/how-healthy-are-cohabiting-relationships/

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

(click link for more)

“Have you ever asked your son if he were molested? Has your daughter ever been made to sit on “daddy’s” lap and play the tickle game? Does your child cut up in school, act out for no visible reasons? Do you listen to your children when they tell you they are mistreated? Most of all, would you believe your daughter if she told you your boyfriend touched her in her “special place?”

…………………………………..

The Connection Between Batterers and Child Sexual Abuse Perpetrators
By Lundy Bancroft

…………………………………..

Child Abuse and Family Structure

“As one study found, “the risk of abuse and neglect is likely to be exacerbated where substitute individuals fill the roles of biological parents.” A study by two Canadian professors of psychology found that when all the variables of class and maternal age are accounted for, “preschoolers in stepparent-natural parent homes . . . are estimated to be 40 times as likely to become abuse statistics as like-aged children living with two natural parents.”

…………………………………..

WHY NOT TAKE HER FOR A TEST DRIVE ?

…………………………………..

WHY ARE COHABITING RELATIONSHIPS MORE VIOLENT THAN MARRIAGES?*

…………………………………..

Cohabitation has Big Downside, Study Finds

…………………………………..

Unmarried? Living together? You’re breaking the law in Florida

“Cohabitation” of unmarried people is currently a second-degree misdemeanor, punishable by $500 or up to 60 days in jail. The same penalty applies to cheating husbands and wives — though only to opposite-sex couples.

…………………………………..

OHIO LEGAL SERVICES

Domestic Violence : Definitions of Protection Orders and Legal Terms

…………………………………..

Ex-boyfriend charged with murdering woman, 2 kids

“WEST PALM BEACH, Florida (AP) — A man was charged Thursday with murdering his ex-girlfriend and her two children, who were found stuffed in luggage in a South Florida canal, months after police first called him their lone suspect in the case.”


“Beauchamp lived with Brown and her children before her death.”

…………………………………..

Additional links:

http://www.christianmessenger.in/%E2%80%98domestic-violence-higher-among-cohabiting-couples%E2%80%99/

http://www.northwestern.edu/ipr/jcpr/workingpapers/wpfiles/kenney_mclanahan.pdf

…………………………………..

The Danger Assessment

The Danger Assessment helps to determine the level of danger an abused woman has of being killed by her intimate partner. It is free and available to the public. Using the Danger Assessment requires the weighted scoring and interpretation that is provided after completing the training. The Danger Assessment is available in a variety of languages.

…………………………………..

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

…………………………………..

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2011 in COHABITATION AND ABUSE, Home

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND COHABITATION

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: