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WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

15 Apr

By Terry Loving

“WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?”

The caption on this poster asks a very good question.

Why do we rant about non-sensible issues, argue about sports, debate politics – and ignore an evil that is destroying our homes and our country? Our society treats the topic of domestic violence as if it were some best kept secret. Well, in many cases, I suppose it really is – although it is detrimental for all involved. Secrecy is what keeps the madness alive.

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Just because violence and abuse happens behind closed doors – mostly – it doesn’t change the fact that domestic violence is a crime. We ignore the fact that a violent spouse or dating partner is breaking the law when they physically harm you. Think about it – if domestic violence isn’t a crime, then why do perpetrators get arrested? Why are the abused labeled as victims? – Because they suffer at the hands of those who commit the crime of violence.

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We can understand – to a point – why the abused themselves do not expose their plight. Fear of further harm from their tormentors is probably the number one reason. And those who eventually escape the insanity – years later describe how they were ashamed, embarrassed and didn’t want others to know their situation. On a personal note, I didn’t want my family members involved because I didn’t want any harm to come to them. And yes, there was a level of embarrassment for me as well.

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As far as our churches go, believers in Christ should be speaking out the loudest, and reaching out to the abused and the abusers. Granted, most abusers will never change, but there are exceptions – those who desire to change – but don’t know how. Isn’t it the responsibility of God’s people to show the erring a better way to live? Prove that Hope can change a heart? Lead and love by example? Fulfill the Great Commission? Teach as the Master Teacher has taught?

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Would not reaching out to the abused fill church house pews? These days, it seems that church attendance is all about numbers – fill the seats – fill the buckets, baskets, plates – whatever means of collection of money implemented. My guess is, the abused would not only fill up the seats, they would tell others, “Come, see – we have found the Messiah.” The Lord’s true messengers would preach hope where there is despair; lift up where the abused are torn down. Isn’t this what the Good News is all about? I suspect that most churches want to fill the pews, but only with members that will come, worship, dance, shout, tithe, lift up the preacher, work in the church house, and don’t make waves. The church has failed its duty.

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So what will it take for people to see domestic violence as the crime it is? I believe it will take a mass concerted effort on the part of all involved. Meaning, the abused must speak out; the laws must get tougher; children must be protected by stiffer laws; the abusers must acknowledge their wrong and repent; churches need to work with organizations that fight domestic violence; we must educate our young people about violence and abuse and much more. This crime must be taken seriously, and not viewed as a private matter. When it involves the police, health care, the work place, our judicial system and such, it is no longer private.

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When we stop hiding behind a sham of a life, we will acknowledge the truth. Pride is a powerful motivator to keep domestic violence secret. Every abused person wants family and friends to believe that all is well with them. No one likes feeling like a failure, and too many women take the blame for something they cannot control. They equate admitting abuse with admitting they have failed the relationship – not so.

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When I pray for my granddaughters, I pray that they will never cross paths with the future abusers being groomed in violent homes today. Let’s be real, the likely-hood of our young children and grands dating angry people is very high. Many of the children suffering in violent homes today will be the adults that our children will interact with on some level in the future. The welfare of future generations should get people talking about domestic violence, and doing what they can to end it. But will they? Will you?

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And I also pray for abused women and their children that they find a way of escape. And let us not forget that men are abused as well. The men that don’t fight back should not feel ashamed for being a real man. Real men don’t hit! Our children should not witness either parent committing violence in the home. Domestic violence is a horrid life for a child to live – been there. You never get over it. My mother’s generation didn’t talk about it. My generation opened up a little more, and I pray that the next generation will not stand for it. Whatever foundations those on the front lines lay today will impact the children of tomorrow.

“Kelly Winter, who was blinded by her boyfriend, has urged other women to seek help and escape domestic violence.”

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Are you talking about domestic violence – with your church leaders – employers – law makers – neighbors – family members? Are you doing anything to make a difference – making a phone call – volunteering at a shelter or other organizations – writing about it – teaching a Bible class on abuse – anything????

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Last but not least, it takes prayer, lots of prayer to bring about changes needed to end domestic violence. You may say, “I’ve tried that.” Keep praying. Change does not come overnight. Nor does it come when we want it to – but it does come.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

“The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

“Prayers offered by those who have God’s approval are effective.”

“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”(or woman)

http://bible.cc/james/5-16.htm

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“We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers…” 1 Timothy 1:9

“Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” Galatians 5:23

“Her boyfriend shot her face at point-blank range, but Carolyn Thomas survived. Follow how doctors restored her obliterated face.”
The Oprah Winfrey Show  |  April 08, 2011

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Carolyn-Thomas-Facial-Surgery-Progression#ixzz1XwjsbYoP

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“It’s not the malicious acts that will do us in, but the
appalling silence and indifference of good people.”
Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Florida divorce proceeding turns violent — in judge’s chambers

“A bailiff was not in the room at the time. The judge said if he had had any indication that Gonzalez was violent, he would have had security in his chambers. Scott-Gonzalez said in the past, she had twice sought restraining orders against her estranged husband but both attempts had been denied.”

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CHRISTIAN SUFFERING-IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GOD’S WILL?

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THE THINGS WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

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Why Doesn’t The Church Talk About Domestic Abuse?

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Click to Empower – What to Say When You Think Someone is Being Abused

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“THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”

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ABUSE DOES NOT ALWAYS LEAVE VISIBLE SIGNS. THE PAIN OF EMOTIONAL AND VERBAL ABUSE CAN LAST A LIFETIME!

THE STING OF VERBAL ABUSE

THE GASLIGHT EFFECT

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Domestic Violence Awareness Embroidered Patch

Domestic Violence Awareness Embroidered Patch
Click to see more

http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.

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18 Comments

Posted by on April 15, 2011 in SPEAK UP! SPEAK OUT!

 

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18 responses to “WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

  1. delbertdelbert

    April 17, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Hi Terry, this is a super article indentifying details of sadness. Though I agree with all you have written: the greatest sadness is that no matter how much is said demonstrated discussed or written about domestic violence and abuse, seemingly, the horror continues.

    Yes, we who care must never yield always toeing the line against these evils; the human family suffers each moment each time someone is harmed; the human being bears the scars of this criminal behavoir.

    “The welfare of generations should get people talking about domestic violence, and doing what they can to end it….” Agreed.

    For without discussion, serious considerstions and other forms of engagement, this disease would never be removed, and then left to mutate.

    Hope Love and Prayer are our greatest swords. Acknowledgement is the first fire to burn. The skies and our hearts and minds must ever glow brigthly with a passion to heal this wound to forever remove its scar.

    Be Well, Terry.

     
    • ssofdv

      April 17, 2011 at 10:51 am

      Hello Delbert,

      Thank you very much for commenting. Yes, “the horror continues.”

      One of the biggest obstacles is the fact the most people see domestic violence as a “private” matter – it really isn’t. When you lay all of the components end to end, you have the domino effect – touching many lives – institutions, law enforcement, and our judicial system, etc.

      The most horrid of all is the lack of addressing this evil as SIN. In this area, the church as a whole has failed. This once great institution could and should have an impact from the pulpit. On the other hand, what we are witnessing today is the “Great falling away.” Not only are Christians abandoning the very spiritual principles of our God and Savior, but the heart of people in general has grown cold. The Bible warned us that this would come, and here it is.

      I often think about the next generation and the legacy that we will leave them. If more people would just think about the welfare of their own families – especially the children – things would change. Unfortunately, we live in a selfish society – where hearts of stone only care about self-comfort and ME gratification. Sigh.

      No matter how big the giant, we must continue to fight the good fight of faith. We must continue to be a light in this dark world. Even when we feel overwhelmed, we must rest – but never quit! We are the hands, eyes and mouths of the Lord on earth. Our mission of mercy is huge, but it doesn’t compare to what Christ has done for us. This is the message that must go forth, even when no one is listening.

      Thank you for being a part of our small, but life-changing army.
      Peace

       
      • Delbert H. Rhodes

        April 17, 2011 at 11:15 am

        Terry, as you well know many would be the responses to your comments; however, simply put, I say “Absolutely.” Also, and of course, you “are” welcome.

         
      • anonymous

        February 25, 2014 at 1:49 pm

        I love the attention you are bringing to Domestic Abuse, the face of Domestic Abuse. But sometimes I think those photos are the problem. Sometimes domestic abuse doesn’t look at all like that, but it’s still abuse. Studies have shown emotional abuse is more traumatic to victims than physical abuse, and it isn’t against the law. My face looks just like anyone elses face, but I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I feel like the general perception of a victim of domestic abuse is someone with bruises and cuts, like above. But most often it doesn’t look like that. But it’s still abuse and it is still wrong. http://behindperfection.wordpress.com.

         
      • ssofdv

        February 25, 2014 at 4:39 pm

        Hello anonymous,

        I agree that not all abused women have physical bruises to prove their abuse. The purpose of the most gruesome pictures I could find was more for impact. Too many people do not take domestic violence and abuse seriously. It is my desire to get people to see what goes on behind closed doors – a crime!

        You have given me something to think about and possibly write about; the hidden scars of abuse that no one else can see. Many abusers hit where clothes can cover up bruises, careful not to hit a woman in the face. And others abuse psychologically and damage emotions resulting in self-esteem that was once vibrant, but now lost.

        Actually, I did touch on the topic of Gaslighting, http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org/id88.html

        And Verbal abuse on my web site, http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org/id110.html
        I now have these links on the article. Thank you for your comment. May God heal your wounds and use your pain for His Glory and helping others.
        Peace

         
  2. Carolyn S. Hennecy

    October 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    I hope it’s okay to share an upcoming event that I am directly involved with. No matter where you are, you can view it. ABC Action News of Tampa will be airing their primetime Emmy award winning special, “Taking Action Against Domestic Violence” on Friday, October 14. It will air at 8:00p EST, and will be available on the internet at 9:01p EST, immediately following. The link to view it is: http://www.abcactionnews.com/dv. You will be able to see my story. Domestic violence does not start with a punch, a kick, a gunshot or knife. It begins with a word or phrase of degradation. It continues. It becomes a matter of Power & Control. The abuser panics when he/she feels power and control over the victim is being lost. I agree. The silence cloaks the abuse. It suffocates the victim with a total loss of “me,” self-esteem and sense of value. I hope many will take time to watch this special.

     
    • ssofdv

      October 12, 2011 at 10:05 pm

      Hello Carolyn,

      Sure, I will be happy to post this information. And I will make a personal note to watch the show.

      Also, please spread the word about my domestic violence embroidered patches. A portion of the sales will go to THE WOMAN’S RESOURCE CENTER (http://www.wrcdv.org/) – in Atlanta, GA. The link to SSOFDV online store is, http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org/cgi-bin/online/storepro.php.

      They were there for me when I needed help, and this is my way of giving back so others may be assisted. In addition, this in my personal crusade to get people talking about domestic violence and abuse. I attached four patches to a t-shirt, and made up business cards with my blog and web address. I also included the National Domestic Violence Hotline number. The purpose is to strike up conversations, and give vital information to the abused. I gave a card to a guy the other day when he inquired about the patches. So many people need to be educated. And this is one of the ways that I hope to strike up conversations. I plan to put more patches on my winter jacket as well.

      Good luck with the show. Lord willing, I will be watching.
      Terry

       
    • delbertdelbert

      October 13, 2011 at 10:45 am

      Hi Carolyn,
      Thank you for informing Terry about the show. I too intend to view it. Domestic Violence is a hurtful issue and every voice against it is needed helpful and appreciated. I too witnessed this horror at home in childhood.

      Happy to know you
      Del

       
      • ssofdv

        October 13, 2011 at 11:24 am

        Hello Carolyn and Del,

        I taped a note to myself on the fridge to not forget to watch. And yes, “Domestic Violence is a hurtful issue.” It stays with you for the rest of your life. You are correct Del, it is a “horror.” I pray that many will wake up and get involved soon.

        Peace to you both.

         
    • ssofdv

      October 13, 2011 at 11:29 am

      Carolyn,

      I put your entire request on my “Home Page” until the show is over tomorrow. I with post the link for web access on various page thereafter.

      Peace

       
  3. delbertdelbert

    October 13, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Oh, and thanks Terry for posting the information regarding Carolyn’s story.
    Del

     
    • ssofdv

      October 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

      You are very welcome my friend. We must work together and become “a force to be reckoned with.”

      Peace

       
  4. delbertdelbert

    October 13, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Absolutely!

     

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