Domestic Violence – SIN BY SILENCE

13 Mar

By Terry Loving


This post is hard for me, and yet vital to the cause of ending domestic violence and abuse. The woman who stabbed my brother to death didn’t get any time for it – only five years’ probation.  How she got away with pre-meditated murder, I will never know. But that is a tragic story for another time.


It is no secret that women, who kill their abusers, receive harsher prison time than men who kill women. Why is the system the way it is?  For starters – men oversee the system. This post is not about judging the rationale behind the killings; I wasn’t there when they happened. My intent is to shed light on the fact that the violence can drive one to do what they later regret, and it further destroys the family structure. The children are the silent victims that have to grow up without both parents in many cases, and the cycle often expands across generations.


It is my hope and prayer that this post will hit home, and cause many to rethink staying in abusive situations. Those who can should leave before it is too late. Numerous women will remain in prison for the rest of their lives – while too many men who murdered women are walking free among us.


“From behind prison walls, Sin by Silence reveals the lives of extraordinary women who advocate for a future free from domestic violence.”


“I may be in prison, but I can be a mouthpiece for ladies out there that don’t have a voice and have no where to go. Open your mouth and tell someone! Don’t stop until someone hears you. Shout it from the rooftops! Don’t stop!


Saint Valentines’ Day Massacre


“Some abusers call the police to have their partners arrested and use arrest as an additional tool of power and control (NCDBW, 2001).”

“Women arrested for harming others. Arrest and incarceration can result when women try to protect or defend themselves and their children from abuse, as well as when they cannot protect their children. Arrests of women for domestic violence assaults have increased since mandatory and pro-arrest laws and policies have been implemented…”


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© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009
All rights reserved.


Posted by on March 13, 2011 in THE ABUSED IMPRISONED


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7 responses to “Domestic Violence – SIN BY SILENCE

  1. Anne Caroline Drake

    March 13, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Thanks for the shout-out. I am shocked to read that Tacoma is perceived to be a leader on domestic violence issues.

    • ssofdv

      March 13, 2011 at 9:56 pm

      Hello Anne,

      You are very welcome.

      It is unfortunate, that something this tragic has to take place before laws are changed to help victims of violent crimes. What makes the “Brame” case more heartbreaking is the fact that the offender was a police officer – and this awful crime was “preventable.”

      It is good to know that domestic violence cases will no longer be “swept under the carpet.” And the officers that “protect their own” won’t have an easy time of it anymore. I say “Bravo” to Tacoma law enforcement for developing policies that make abusers with a badge more “transparent” and “accountable.” They are supposed to be “Defenders,” not “Offenders.” Perhaps the Tacoma police department can share their “model – 16 page domestic violence policy” with many other states. Let us pray.

      The children have lost both parents – how awfully sad.

      Thank you for stopping by – and may God bless your work to spread, inform, and heal.


      • Anne Caroline Drake

        March 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

        Tacoma might have a nice 16 page DV policy, but nothing has changed since David Brame murdered Crystal in front of their kids.

        Four cops were assassinated in Lakewood because Pierce County continues to have a blind eye on the issue of DV. A school teacher was murdered by a man who had been stalking her ~ he got arrested ~ they let him out on bail. And, Georgia Gunzer was stabbed over 30 times while her 10-year-old daughter was having a slumber party with four of her little friends.

        Policies don’t mean anything if they aren’t implemented.

        I get upset about this because I hear you ~ there are too many kids who now don’t have parents. It is awfully sad.

        Thank you for your efforts to break down the wall of silence.

      • ssofdv

        March 14, 2011 at 2:06 pm

        Wow – I got excited for nothing. I guess I misunderstood your being “surprised.” I was hoping that their policies were being “implemented.” Thanks for clearing that up. Nothing has changed – sigh.

        Poor kids – and we wonder why so many are harmed, and harming others at such a young age. They are angry and hurt, confused and don’t know what to do with those adult emotions.

        Happy to know that we are on the same team. Gee – what is it gonna take – God wiping the slate clean again? Probably so. Sad.

        Peace to you.

  2. Anne Caroline Drake

    March 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Actually, I’m thrilled you wrote about this and ferreted out the article with your excellent research. I missed the article as did others who are working tirelessly on this issue.

    A huge part of the problem is that the press in Pierce County fails to do investigative journalism. The reporter failed to do due diligence before she essentially printed a press release.

    I think you would be shocked at the difference bloggers like us can make by holding the mainstream media accountable. The Judson family has worked very hard, but I’ve watched the system quickly snap back to the status quo as soon as the heat is off.

    It takes a critical mass of dedicated people who have a lot of faith to bring about real change. It doesn’t happen overnight.

    Peace to you too.

    • ssofdv

      March 15, 2011 at 11:20 am

      Thank you very much. You are so right, change “doesn’t happen overnight.”

      I pray that “bloggers like us” will continue to multiply, and challenge evil with courage.

      And yes, we are obligated by truth to hold all “accountable” who suppress the truth with indifference and deceit. We must continue to speak out and stand up for the vulnerable of our society, and never back down.

      Prayerfully, our small army will indeed become that “critical mass of dedicated people” that you speak of. Change concerning violence and abuse are sorely needed.



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