By Terry Loving
The recent murder of Bobby Tilman shed light on a subject – in my mind – that is often overlooked – females striking males. Tilman attended a house party where a “fight broke out between two females and two males…one of the females hit a male.”1 If the male who was “slapped” had not allowed his inner rage to kill a man, his perceived self-control may have been commendable. If he pats himself on the back and says, “At least I didn’t hit a woman,” his self-praise is worthless.
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I have personally known women who struck the first blow, sometimes involving knives, bricks, and anything that was close by. Some of the women were just as tough as their men, and fought like men who bled, and lived to fight another day. These women would bleed from busted lips, cuts on their faces and body, but they stayed in these destructive relationships until death took one or the other – due to ill-health or violence. One woman was told by her doctor, “You should have left a long time ago.”
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The news articles that I have read didn’t mention why the female at the party slapped the male. Perhaps the public will be enlightened as the trial of the four accused murderers commences. At this point it can only be assumed that something was said to offend the female, or her body was touched purposely – or accidentally in a manner that displeased her. We will have to wait and see.
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(DID SHE REALLY THINK SHE COULD BEAT THIS MAN? And who are they representing – certainly not God!)
AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!!!
In either case, women have been slapping men for centuries. Usually when a male is slapped, he offended the female in such a way that she felt her honor was attacked. One thing for sure in the case of Bobby Tilman’s murder is this – the slap triggered anger – the anger needed an outlet – and “…the next man that walked by…” was the scapegoat.
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It is my hope that we all learn a valuable lesson concerning what happened in Douglasville – violence solves nothing. When a female hits first, she is contributing to the violence in our society as much as the male who hits her back. And what are we teaching our children? When daddy says something wrong, “slap him?” When mommy makes a mistake – “beat her?” When you go to a party, take a gun – “just in case?” If someone looks at you wrong, “kill them?”
“The LORD tests the righteous and the wicked, And the one who loves violence His soul hates.” (Psalm 11:5- NASB)
1 THE SENSELESS MURDER OF BOBBY TILMAN
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WHY ABUSED MEN DON’T SPEAK OUT
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10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife is an Emotional Bully
by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
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ABUSIVE WOMEN
(Click link for more)
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Getting Past Justifying Abuse
HEART 2 HEART – SUPPORT NETWORK AND SELF-HELP DATABASE FOR MEN
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!
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VIOLENCE BEGETS VIOLENCE
Amber Portwood with boyfriend Gary Shirley
“‘TEEN MOM’ star charged with domestic violence felonies.”
“According to police documents, on August 14, 2009, Portwood shoved Shirley against a wall, slapped him on the face and choked him,” Carroll said. “The incident was witnessed by the couple’s 1-year-old child who sat in a child seat on a nearby bed.”
http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/11/18/teen.mom.charged/index.html?hpt=T2
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TEEN MOM COULD LOSE HER DAUGHTER
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“THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”
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Mom slaps referee during daughter’s soccer game in Forsyth County
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Forgetting birthday gift gets man slapped and woman put in jail
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Controversial app lets you beat up your boyfriend
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THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES NO MATTER WHO DOES THE HITTING.
Related Articles
- Murder trial hears of domestic violence (cbc.ca)
- Mel Gibson Admits Slapping, Not Hitting Oksana Grigorieva; Claims He Had to Protect Daughter (thehollywoodgossip.com)
- Domestic Violence Hits Prime Time (womensrights.change.org)
- ‘Teen Mom’ Charged with Domestic Violence (tmz.com)
- Children ‘hidden abuse victims’ (bbc.co.uk)
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Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence 
Craig Benno
December 27, 2012 at 12:45 am
I’m a man who was spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically abused by my then wife. She would not only slap me, but punch me…and yes I did provoke her. My provocation was that I had suffered viral encephalitis, was hospitalised for 2 months and came out in a wheel chair. For her, she was justified in withholding money and belting me because I was a lazy (&&T^%TU who wouldn’t go and work.
It really is a woman’s right to slap and punch a man because its true the man provoked her in the first place.
ssofdv
December 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Hello Craig,
Hhhhmmmm, I don’t know about this one. Personally, I wish everyone would keep their hands to themselves. OK, for the sake of argument, a woman slaps or punches a man that “provoked” her, and he beats her for putting her hands on him – then what?
Also, I am a bit confused with the first part of your comment. Are you saying that you were in a wheel chair, recovering from an illness, could not work – and you were considered “lazy” and refusing to work? Under those circumstances perhaps you were too ill? Or perhaps your wife did not believe you were that ill? Or, perhaps you recovered and played the sick card for too long? I don’t understand.
I am sorry to hear that you were abused by your wife. If people cannot get along without violence and abuse, they should not be together – just my two cents. I hope life is much better for you now.
Thank you for your comment.
Peace
Craig Benno
December 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm
ssofdy. My comment was a touch sarcastic having read this paragraph.
The news articles that I have read didn’t mention why the female at the party slapped the male. Perhaps the public will be enlightened as the trial of the four accused murderers commences. At this point it can only be assumed that something was said to offend the female, or her body was touched purposely – or accidentally in a manner that displeased her. We will have to wait and see.
I read far to often that women are justified in hitting / slapping men, because they were provoked to do so by the man. And its extremely hard to be a male and get any kind of help when your abused by a female in our modern society.
ssofdv
December 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Hello Craig,
Thanks for clearing that up for me. I have known men who were slapped after touching women inappropriately and without their consent. Of course that was a time when more men were gentlemen in conduct and a different culture. Now, women will get hit back, and suffer worst physically than a reciprocated slap.
Unless you are fighting for your life or the lives of your loved ones – I find it hard to accept people hitting others for no good reason. The problem with being “provoked” is the fact that many people will use any and every excuse to become violent. “He looked at me wrong.” “She said something I didn’t like.” “I don’t like him.” The excuses are limitless. Not too many humans have self-control these days. If only we could learn to fortify our inner strength, then what people say or do most times will not matter.
As far as men not getting help for domestic violence – it is unfortunate. But it is also a fact that more women and children are abused, and therefore – our society focuses of the most vulnerable of our culture first. Perhaps you could someday start a support group – you think?
Peace