AFTER THE VIOLENCE – THEY HAD SEX

By Terry Loving

It was another night of violence – body slamming – glass breaking – yelling – punching – the same scenario,  every time. Except this time, something was different.

My mother wasn’t sitting on the couch nursing her wounds. Maybe she didn’t get hurt that badly this time? Someone did – the sounds of violence were too intense for no harm done. Something was different though – it was quiet – too quiet – did someone die? Hopefully, it wasn’t my mother. What would we do? Where would we go? It was quiet, too quiet.

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As I slowly crept to the closed bedroom door, I heard moaning. Someone was still alive. Did my mother need a doctor? Was she bleeding like the last time? I was afraid to open the door – but I had to know if my mother needed help. My hands were shaking, but I forced them to turn the knob, and open the bedroom door. It was a “No-No” to open the grown-ups bedroom door without permission – but this was an emergency – my emergency – I had to find out if my mother was still alive.

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Nothing could have prepared my young mind for the confusion I experienced that day. My mother was alive, hurt, but alive. Her abuser was in the same position that he was always – on top – they were having sex. I stood there for just a moment trying to take it in. I wasn’t interested in the act itself – but the explanation. How could she take a beating like that, and they have sex afterward? I was a kid then, I can’t remember my age – but I knew that what was happening wasn’t something that was supposed to happen. Sex?? How??

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A friend of mine confided in me that his parents had sex after the violence as well. Ike Turner and many other abusers expect/demand sex after they beat their victims senseless. For abusers this is the icing on the violence, a coming down after a building up. For the victim, this is forced sex, humiliation, torture, adding insult to injury, and in many cases – marital rape.

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As a child, I could not understand why my mother would allow it. As an adult, I realize that she had no choice. Why face another beating when you are already bleeding and broken – just give in and survive. And that is what sex after a beat-down amounts to – survival. No one can convince me that a battered woman enjoys sex after physical abuse. Personally, I had a hard time being intimate with my ex-husband after his verbal tirades. In fact, I didn’t. So, I know that this isn’t sex that is enjoyed. If so, then both abuser and the abused have serious issues.

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If you are living with violence and abuse – sexual abuse – it won’t be long before you are an empty shell. You will be among the walking dead, soul-less, and you will have nothing left. I pray for your strength to get out of the hellish life you are living, seek help. If you stay, there are only two roads that will lead your life – anger and revenge – depression, and possibly suicide – either way – death. You are worth much more than that to God. He loves you. You are worthy of love and respect no matter what you have gone through. Honor yourself – live!

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NATIONAL CENTER  – on Domestic and Sexual Violence

http://www.ncdsv.org/

SIGNS OF ABUSE AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES

http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/domestic-violence/sexual-abuse.html

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“My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence.” (2 Samuel 22:3 – NASB)

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

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