Communication And Domestic Violence

12 Mar

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The more I read the comments on Message Boards, the more I understand that Americans lack vital communication skills. This could probably be said of any country today, but I am an American, a member of the richest country on earth – and I am starting with home first.

There is a distinct pattern of communication displayed by lay commentators that I have noticed. Or should I say – the lack of communication. First, hardly anyone sticks to the main topic, or speak their minds on the news article – only. The comments become debates, and often times they border on the ugly side, and become very personal. Granted, there are some news items that may stir up your emotions, good, bad, or indifferent. However, what does an article about the struggles of a charity and its overpaid CEO has to do with slavery, discrimination or the KKK?


One commentator bashed parents whose children attend this organization, portraying them as “lazy,” and if they did their jobs as parents, well – there would be no need for this article. For, there would be no need for “Community Boys and Girls clubs.” Others stated that this type of greed is exactly why they don’t contribute to charities – period! And that is what this article is about, greed! The greedy CEO’s of America should answer for their questionable salaries and expensive travel that may or may not have anything to do with the organization itself. Did these “lazy” parents have a say in the salaries of this CEO – or of any company? Did these “lazy” parents build this organization in the first place? Does the commentators know these “lazy” parents personally?


Now I understand more and more why our relationships  suffer so many breakdowns. Communication is paramount, and when people cannot focus on the issues at hand, the conversations go haywire. Here’s an example: A wife complains that her husband doesn’t spend much time with her. Her chief complaint is; she desires more one on one attention from her beloved. When he cannot reason a logical defense for his lack of attention to his spouse, his response may be off the wall: “Your mother is a B****!  She is always sticking her nose in our business! Or, “Why do those kids make so much blasted noise!”


The wife’s concerns have nothing to do with her mother or the kids. She simply requested more attention from her husband. And now, the conversation diverts from a simple request, to an all out assault. “You called my mother a B****! “They are just kids, what do they have to do with this?” The request for attention and intimacy is lost, and has taken on a whole new dimension. Do you see where I am going with this?

While God’s creation struggles to live in peace with one another, there is a very real adversary that instigates, and causes confusion amongst people:

“The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Then Satan answered the LORD and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” (Job 2:2)

The adversary’s mission is what?

Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” And how should we who understand spiritual matters respond? We should “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert,” (1 Peter 5:8).


In other words, the devil knows what buttons to push, for he has studied us individually since the day we were born. He knows when we slip into a mindset of weakness, and loosely monitor our sobriety. In this sense, I am not speaking of being “sober” concerning the consuming of alcoholic beverages. I am referring to the soberness of mind here. The American Heritage Dictionary describes “sober” as being, “habitually temperate,” “quiet,” “showing self-control,” “sane,” “rational: a sober solution to the problem.” 1

Noah Webster Dictionary defines “sober “as, “Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary, or heated with passion; exercising cool, dispassionate reason; self-controlled; self-possessed.” 2


The lack of “sober” communication is the fuel of domestic violence. It is not the job loss, stress factors, disappointments and the like in life that strain relationships. It is the inability to view these life occurrences from a “sober” frame of mind that is only available to those who seek, and are trained by the Wisdom of God.  By this I mean, those who strive to live by Biblical principles, not from a legalistic standpoint, but of love and a sound mind.

Here is the main point of this post, while Satan sows his seeds of confusion amongst mankind, evil deeds slip by unnoticed – until they touch the lives of the unsuspecting. Isn’t that exactly what is happening in our country today? The sin of greed didn’t bring our country down over night. It has been happening all along, and we as Americans have allowed the devil to shift our focus on the wrong things – backbiting and bickering – all manner of ungodliness.


Don’t you think it strange that we will tear one another down, but we won’t ban together and protest – the greed that has our country in bad shape? Ordinary American citizens are like sheep heading for the slaughter. And as long as the devil can keep the nonsense going, the more he can slip into our lives and wreak havoc. What our world is presently experiencing is more spiritual in nature than we realize – or care to acknowledge.

Whether you accept this or not, Jesus is coming back! And when He does, do you really want Him to find you still bickering about things you cannot do anything about? Will He find you still controlling your household through fear, intimidation and violence? Will He still hear the verbal abuse spewing out of your unholy mouth? Or will He find you feeding His sheep – winning souls for the Kingdom – working out your own soul salvation?

Satan is building up his arsenal of warriors – although he loses the war in the end. In light of this, I leave you with this question, “Whose side are you on?”


Key point – effective and ineffective communication touches all our relationships: children/parents – employer/employee – husbands/wives, etc. – (The article, if you care to read it).


“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18


1 “sober.” The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 12 Mar. 2010. <>.

“… 1 Peter 4:7 – “But the end of all things is drawn nigh: be sober therefore, and be
watchful unto prayers; (DBY). 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober and self-controlled. …” – 11k2 sober….


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Posted by on March 12, 2010 in EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE/ABUSE


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2 responses to “Communication And Domestic Violence

  1. eistone

    July 24, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    What the hell does god and the devil have to do with domestic violence and communication? As humans, we need to look within ourselves to change our perception, attitudes, and behaviors–not something that might not even exist. The point is that we must rely on ourselves, not others who cannot be there. In addition, I understand that people might not have as high of an education level as the author, however, the author shows that their education, if any, is nullified by thinking they can judge others by calling them “lay” commenters. In addition, again, the church has shown throughout the thousands of years it has been active to use violence more than conversation when others oppose their nonexistent authority.

    • ssofdv

      July 24, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      Wow! And I mean “WOW!”

      I am going to allow this comment to prove a point, but future posts containing profanity and those laced with attacks will be deleted.

      First of all, this is a “Christian” site. If you do not agree with the content here, feel free to land elsewhere.

      Secondly, I take it that you do not believe in God and the evil influence of the god of this world – your choice. No one on this site is trying to convert you to the beliefs of those who serve Jesus Christ. You entirely missed the whole point of this post, and your comment proves that. Nowhere in this post is the intent to put anyone down, especially “lay” commentators – which simply means:

      [ley-muhn] Show IPA
      noun, plural lay•men.
      1. a person who is not a member of the clergy; one of the laity.
      2. a person who is not a member of a given profession, as law or medicine.

      Further, the term “lay” fits the post message as reference to those not associated with the “CEO” status of which the post complains for putting down the parents of the children who attend their organization, “Community Boys and Girls clubs.” The reference to “lay” commentators is in reference to those not associated with this particular profession mentioned in the post.

      My post proves my point concerning the lack of vital communication within our homes and communities. You were quick to cuss me out basically without knowing me, or understanding what I stand for, or what I really meant – which I feel that I was very clear about my statements.

      “What the hell does god and the devil have to do with domestic violence and communication?”

      Everything! If you read an ounce of what is written on this blog, you would understand that. But of course, it would take belief in God and the existence of the evil one to understand spiritual matters.

      “As humans, we need to look within ourselves to change our perception, attitudes, and behaviors–not something that might not even exist. The point is that we must rely on ourselves, not others who cannot be there.”

      Well, this is the very reason the world is in such sad shape. It is all about “self.” OK, so how do we change our perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors without guidance of a better and much higher standard of living? That can only come from the God that you do not believe in, and that is your choice. We are all sinners saved by His amazing Grace. Can man save a soul? His own soul? I think not.

      “In addition, again, the church has shown throughout the thousands of years it has been active to use violence more than conversation when others oppose their nonexistent authority.”

      As far as the history of the “church” as a whole, I agree that man has distorted the truth of the Word to fit personal agendas. It is man who is the failure in spiritual matters, not God.

      If you take the time to read the other posts written, perhaps you will come to understand that there really is a spiritual side to mankind. If not, then we shall politely agree to disagree – you will move on, and I will continue to Praise God and His Word. I will pray for you, even so.



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