I don’t know about you, but I am weary with reading about pastors giving abused women the wrong advice. Either they truly don’t know how to counsel a woman who is beaten by her Christian husband, or they just want the problem to go away. The poor advice that is given, “Cook better,” “Be more submissive,” and “Don’t set him off” is deplorable!
When an abused woman-that is counseled to “be more submissive” is murdered, is there some spiritual yard-stick that will measure her not having been submissive enough? And for goodness sake, someone PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what “Cooking better” has to do with domestic violence? And this one, “Don’t set him off”- should that be interpreted – “Be careful how you say good-morning?”
Here is my personal take on this issue – church leaders are afraid! I believe first of all they are afraid of the potential violence that may be directed towards them from the husbands. This may not always be the case, but perhaps in their minds, they envision the worst possible outcomes. I also believe they are afraid of losing membership, and possibly reducing their monthly salaries paid by the church members. And in too many cases, they just want to go home after preaching, and not have to deal with the drama.
Secondly, this kind of misguided advice places the blame for the violence upon the abused. What should an abused woman cook, steaks instead of pork? Bake instead of fry? Forget that the baby is crying, just stand there and make sure the food doesn’t burn? Do you see where this advice is going?
- Emotional Abuse: Understanding Mentally Violent Relationships (emotional-verbal-abuse.suite101.com)
- Marriage and Abusive Relationships (socyberty.com)
- Good News for Domestic Abuse Survivors Seeking Asylum (womensrights.change.org)
- Surviving Domestic Violence: An Interview with Kathy Lockhart (beliefnet.com)
- Surviving Domestic Abuse (psychcentral.com)
- Are You in an Abusive Relationship? (lifescript.com)
- Legal or logistical advice for Spanish domestic violence victim? (ask.metafilter.com)
- Therese Borchard: Surviving Domestic Abuse: Advice From an Expert (huffingtonpost.com)
- Afghanistan: When Women Set Themselves on Fire (time.com)
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