DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – THE DEATH OF A CHILD

By Terry Loving

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” Luke 17:1-2

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“In homes where domestic violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence. “Domestic Violence, Understanding a Community Problem,” National Woman Abuse Prevention Fund.”

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PLEASE NOTE: No matter what – abusers are still responsible for their violence and abuse.

I post a lot about the abuse of women, and I have also written about the not so exposed fact that men can and do suffer domestic abuse – yes, it happens. I would like to spend time talking about the children that live in violent homes, the “silent witnesses” to the evil tyranny that destroys many innocent lives.

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 We know that children die in violent homes – fathers, boyfriends, mothers, girlfriends, family members, friends – all at some point have caused the death of a child during a domestic violence incident. Domestic-suicides are on the rise, and sadly children are killed just because they are in the home – no other reason – they are innocent, but often found guilty by association. I personally know of a sweet 9-year old boy who was murdered along with his mother by her live-in boyfriend. The child was watching cartoons, and had done nothing wrong. His mother’s abuser called him “a momma’s boy.”

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Today, I want to focus on the death of children that are still living. Some label what happens to abused children as a “death of the spirit,” and rightly so. Even though the child who constantly witnesses violence and perhaps suffers abuse directly is growing up physically, their inner core – their innocent free spirit is murdered, and they spend their entire lives trying to unsuccessfully resurrect the dead child. They spend their lives in confusion and pain – left unto themselves to put the pieces of their shattered souls together to make sense of what they endured.

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One of the reasons that I held off writing this post, is the fact that I cannot speak for the children without disclosing my own painful experiences – they have shaped my life – and not in many positive ways. Not only are my experiences traumatic, but they are embarrassing, humiliating, sinful, evil, shameful and have caused relationship confusion over the course of my life.

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Perhaps much of the same scenario is within abusive homes without the presence of alcohol or drugs – from my standpoint however, I can only speak about a home filled with alcoholism and violence. My two brothers and I suffered in many ways – for me – unspeakable horror.

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For the women who are desperately trying to leave abuse, I commend you and please do not take offense to what I have written. Many of you are not alcoholics, poor, uneducated and selfish – my mother was all of these and more.It is my belief that if we are going to expose the horrors of domestic violence and abuse, we have to cover all areas. This evil comes in many forms and the perpetrators can be male or female. 

I do not look down on my mother because of her lack of education and her constant poverty – but know this, alcoholism creates and exasperates poverty in many cases. I say my mother was “selfish” because she had many options to leave abuse, get help for her alcoholism, place her children in safe care, but she chose none of these options when presented. Alcoholism is an extremely selfish “disease” as it has been labeled. The Bible does not see this lifestyle as a “disease.”

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Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.”

Isaiah 5:11 “Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine.”

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“Children immersed in a culture of violence become insecure and lack an inner conscience that holds respect for others. They are easily discouraged and have low self-esteem. They live without hope. From such a life comes confusion, hostility and violence.” Roger Toogood, ASW/ACSW Executive Director, Children’s Home Society of Minnesota

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There are many abused women who suffer abuse at the hands of one man for years. And there are others who continually find themselves in one abusive relationship after another – this is the case with my mother. She was not married to either of her abusers, and separated from my father whom she was married to. I never heard of my father abusing her, however, he had an alcohol problem as well. He left my two brothers and me when I was 3-years old.

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As an adult, I cannot understand why she allowed herself to be treated so badly. Out of all of her siblings, she was the only one that I know of beaten by violent men. Many of the men in our generation were alcoholics, and only one uncle was violent when he drank his poison of choice. I never heard of my mother being mistreated as a child, although her father left when she was young as well. I tried to connect the dots, but she is the only one who lived this way constantly.

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“Approximately one third of the men counseled for battering are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and in their communities. These have included doctors, physiologists, lawyers, ministers and business executives.” David Adams, “Identifying the Assaultive Husband in Court: You Be the Judge.” Boston Bar Journal, July/August, 1989.

 

 Many times my brothers and I were hungry. I can remember going to bed hungry, getting up hoping there was breakfast at least, and going to school on the same empty stomach that I went to sleep on the previous night. There was no shortage of alcohol, only food. I can still see myself getting off the school bus with fingers crossed that there would be food at home – sometimes there was, and many times not. This is one of the atrocities of domestic violence and alcoholism.

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The wars at home are forever pressed in my mind. I can still see and hear that little girl screaming, “LEAVE MY MOMMY ALONE!” I can still hear the sounds of glass breaking, body slamming, screaming, and see ever still the sight of blood. I was in my thirties when I stopped having nightmares, and at the age of 61, I still have flashbacks and painful memories that haunt me and they will never go away.

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My brothers grew up and learned to abuse their wives. My oldest brother’s wife left him, and he abused a girlfriend that took his life. He was an alcoholic as well. Our home was a haven for anyone, young or old who desired to drink, smoke cigarettes and party. My other brother became a Christian and ceased to abuse his wife, they are still together – he refused to bail like my father did. I cannot say much more about him for he is still alive.

 

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• Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.
• Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.  http://www.safehorizon.org/index/what-we-do-2/domestic-violence–abuse-53/domestic-violence-the-facts-195.html

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Children often times rely on the abusers for food and shelter, but secretly wish they would disappear or die. I hated to see my mother’s abusers come home, and yet – I was glad to see any signs of hope that we would eat. If the abuser decided to stay away, especially when he got paid and my mother did not have money, we starved. During bouts of hunger I learned false pride. I had one or two friends then, and when I was offered food at their home I would kindly say, “I’m OK.” They knew I was hungry but they did not press the issue if I refused.

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We constantly moved due to evictions of non-payment of rent. We moved so much our family members called us “Gypsies.” I never understood that as a child. In the 60’s and 70’s, the Constable would plaster a bright orange eviction notice on the brick wall outside of the house. Everyone that passed by knew we were being kicked out. Often times we would have to bathe in cold water, and wash clothes in the bathtub. When the water went cold, and the food was scarce trouble was on the horizon.

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I was molested in the first or second grade – I cannot remember which. My mother had a job at the time, and she trusted one of her boyfriends to watch me because I was home from school with a cold. The memory is so vivid that I can still see the teddy bears on my pajamas. This was my first introduction to the male anatomy. I never told my mother because the devil threatened to “kill her.” Of course I believed him – why not – he beat her bloody, why not kill her too?

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Worst of all, my own mother betrayed me for alcohol. She got drunk with no money, and I paid the price. I wrote the details in my book – one that I have been too ashamed to publish – but asking God to give me strength if it will help someone else.

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I was always ashamed to bring friends home, which is why I had one or two. I would mostly go to visit at their home. I hated for anyone to see my mother drunk and I was very embarrassed. Our home was embarrassing as well – it looked like a war zone, and very dismal.

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I have given you the short version of some of the things I suffered as a child. I can tell you straight up, children witnessing domestic violence will kill the child that was meant to laugh and play like children should. I was never a child. I had to cook, clean, take care of the home and an alcoholic mother. I do not have fun child-hood memories that children should have. I mostly remember wars, betrayal and things I will take to my grave.

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 “Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.”  http://www.safehorizon.org/index/what-we-do-2/domestic-violence–abuse-53/domestic-violence-the-facts-195.html

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All of the above is true – survivors carry a ton of weight and the “flashbacks” never cease. I can watch a movie, read a book, work my ministry and my mind will click with another horrible memory. The sad part is, I struggle with my feelings towards my mother. The Bible admonishes us to forgive so that we ourselves can be forgiven. The problem is this, I will remember something, get angry, cry, and forgive – but the cycle continues to a point that I despise her over and over again. We did not have to go through her messed up life. She was selfish, and claimed to love her children, but she did not. Again, if you do not fit into this category please do not take my pain personally. Do all you can to not allow your own children to suffer and repeat the cycle of domestic violence and abuse.

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I saved the statistics until last because I needed to make this post more personal. I have adult friends that have suffered and shared, but others who act like they were not affected – I do not believe that.

Another thing that bothers me is this – when children grow up under these circumstances, family members especially, neighbors and sometimes friends never consider the source. They will say things like, “Don’t let your daughter hang out with her,” or “He was a mean little boy.” They never say, “Man, they sure messed those kids up!” Domestic violence and abuse will kill your children literally and spiritually. Get out if you can!

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Save your children! You owe them that much and more. If not, they will pass on family dysfunction to the next generation. Every area of their lives will be affected, trust me – I know.

Don’t let your children die!

Ignoring the consequences of exposure to violence on children can negatively impact their cognitive development as well as their emotional and physical health (Edleson, 1999). Complicating these risks and negative impacts is the fact that these children are at higher risk for child maltreatment, with estimates indicating that as many as 70% of children exposed to domestic violence are also victims of child maltreatment (Fantuzzo & Mohr, (1999)

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“I grew up in a home where I would have to fight my father to allow my mother to get away. There were times where I had to get my bb gun at 11-12 years old and aim at my father just to get his attention. The fights my parents had were bad, they dealt a damage to one another all the time but my dad had the advantage. Idk.. stuff like this just never leaves. Theres not a day that goes by where I dont stop thinking about it and this is 6-7 years later. No child should grow up in a home with violence.“

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“Some parents shouldn’t be parents at all. I was abused by a borderline personality disorder (look up the movie Mommie Dearest) mother and a father that enabled her behavior and many times participated in the humiliation, beatings, lies along with physical and mental abuse. My sisters and I suffer in our adulthood and we’ll continue suffering until the day we die. This type of pain never goes away.”

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COMMENT ON VIDEO

“i think i suffer a different degree of PTSD. Domestic verbal abuse and parents would argue all the time. But after all of that stopped my mother dies in a car accident. I still remember the day, songs i heard, games i played, book i read, and the warrant officer who told me the bad news. PTSD is hell in your brain. I cant socialize, have fun, and be an amusing human like i used to. it’s like half of your soul dies. time can heal it as it’s doing for me. but there will always be a scar.”

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5 Ways Domestic Violence Causes Harm to Children

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“Children may exhibit emotional problems, cry excessively, or be withdrawn or shy. Children may have difficulty making friends or have fear of adults. Children may suffer from depression and excessive absences from school. Children may use violence for solving problems at school and home. Children may be at greater risk of being a runaway, being suicidal, or committing criminal acts as juveniles and adults. Children who are experiencing stress may show it in different ways, including difficulty in sleeping, bedwetting, over-achieving, behavior problems, withdrawing, stomach aches, headaches and/or diarrhea.”

“Children who grow up in violent homes have much higher risks of becoming drug or alcohol abusers or being involved in abusive relationships, as a batterer or a victim. Children do not have to be abused themselves in order to be impacted by violence in the home.”    http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/effects.htm

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Parenting after Separating from Your Abusive Ex — by Dr George Simon Jr

“Remember that you have no power over the nature and quality of the relationship your children will have with your ex. And it’s extremely counterproductive to carry out a covert war against your abusive ex through your children. It will only demonize you in their eyes and invite them to over-idealize their character-deficient other parent. Instead, focus intently on the nature of your own relationship with them.”

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Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

“It was reported in 1992 that 63% of children between the ages of 11 and 20 who were in prison, were there because they killed their mother’s batterer.”

“Do statistics like this startle you? Do they make you think about the kind of situation the child must have been in to even think of murder as a solution? Sadly more children than you might think live in homes where domestic violence occurs on a regular basis.”

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Child Protection in Families Experiencing Domestic Violence

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PTSD in Children and Adolescents

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Post-traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents Exposed to Family Violence: I. Overview and Issues

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Women, Domestic Violence, and Posttraumatic Stress

Disorder (PTSD)*

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Child murder by mothers: patterns and prevention

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RISKS POSED TO CHILDREN FROM VIOLENT HOMES

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ALCOHOL

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THE THINGS WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

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Domestic Violence: A Power Struggle With Lasting Consequences

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Alcohol is one of Satan’s tools of destruction. The book of Wisdom warns of becoming partakers and shows the results:

“Who has woe? Who has sorrow?
Who has contentions? Who has complaining?
Who has wounds without cause?
Who has redness of eyes?
Those who linger long over wine,
Those who go to taste mixed wine.
Do not look on the wine when it is red,
When it sparkles in the cup,
When it goes down smoothly;
At last it bites like a serpent
And stings like a viper.
Your eyes will see strange things
And your mind will utter perverse things,
And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of
the sea,
Or one who lies down on top of a mast.
They struck me, but I did not become ill;
They beat me, but I did not know it.
When shall I awake?
I will seek another drink.”

(Proverbs 23:29-35)

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“Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.”
– Herbert Ward

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com

“This fine but shocking drama (which Ted Turner paid for and then refused to show on his cable outfits), based on the novel by Dorothy Allison, concerns extensive abuse endured by a girl (Jena Malone) at the hands of her stepfather (Ron Eldard), while her mother (Jennifer Jason Leigh) looks the other way. Anjelica Huston made her directorial debut with this film and demonstrates that talent also runs in the family when behind the camera. Difficult to watch but mitigated by Huston’s intelligent approach and sense of balance–as well as outstanding performances–this is a significant film best left to the most mature audiences. –Tom Keogh”

“ What’s more, Bone’s mother has to choose between her daughter and the man she loves. ”

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 

DO ABUSERS HAVE A CONSCIENCE?

By Terry Loving

The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Timothy 1:5

“And herein do I exercise myself – And this very tenet is a pledge for my good behavior; for as I believe there will be a resurrection, both of the just and unjust, and that every man shall be judged for the deeds done in the body, so I exercise myself day and night, that I may have a conscience void of offense toward God and toward men.

Toward God – In entertaining no opinion contrary to his truth; and in offering no worship contrary to his dignity, purity, and excellence.

Toward men – In doing nothing to them that I would not, on a change of circumstances, they should do to me; and in withholding nothing by which I might comfort and serve them.” ¹

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“Abusive people have dysfunctional or even non-functioning consciences. In contrast, their victims have very active consciences. And the abuser uses this to his advantage. He can, without any hesitation or remorse, insinuate a horrid charge against her, making her feel the pangs of her own conscience, and causing her to wonder if she really is guilty.” ²

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Most have heard the saying, “Let your conscience be your guide.” When making decisions in life, “normal” thinking people rely on their inner voice to decide what actions they should take. Depending upon the level of maturity, a person with high morals, integrity, ethics and the like will usually make decisions they can live with. In other words, the choices they make in life would be those that do not keep them awake at night torturing their minds with guilt. After making their final decision they are able to live with themselves knowing they made the right choice – no harm done.

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1 John 3:21
“Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.”

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The abuser’s decision-making process is much different. Their decisions are not based upon what is right, just, fair, moral, ethical, nor do they consider the feelings of others. Life is all about the abuser and their comfort and well-being. It is within the avenues of power and control as well as entitlement that the abuser establishes a domain of terror. He feels justified.

The word conscience is defined as:

[kon-shuhns] Show IPA

noun

1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience.

2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.

3. an inhibiting sense of what is prudent: I’d eat another piece of pie but my conscience would bother me. ³

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Pastor Jeff Crippen beautifully explains in his book – A CRY FOR JUSTICE how we assume that abusers must be “weighed down” by their horrid actions toward others. Normally, non-abusive souls would agonize over wrongs committed towards others, and seek to make amends. Because we would feel bad inside, we naturally think that others would feel the same – not so with abusers. In fact, Jeff explains how abusers use our assumptions against us as they play the “victim.” The abuser’s deeds do not weigh heavy upon them, for they are functioning in what they perceive as a normal way of life. They are oblivious to the real pain they cause others because they do not care – life is all about the abuser – no one else – not even God.

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In the absence of a “healthy” conscience, abusers can beat the daylights out of their victims, and minutes later take the family out for an ice cream cone. His family, especially his spouse is his personal property to do with them as he sees fit. The beatings or verbal put downs in his mind are his God-given right to keep his family in line. After all, God made him the head, and all beneath him must submit or face dire consequences. Is there any remorse for the abuse? Never! Entitlement and false justification do not produce such emotions.

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Abusers lack empathy which is why they can bloody your face and throw you a towel in disgust – “Clean yourself up, you are a mess!” Your bloody wounds are only an issue when you no longer look “pretty.” After all, he is the only man that is allowed to look at you. They will never admit fault for your pain, because you – according to them – “Brought it on yourself!” Abusers are very capable of fake empathy, especially when the abused threatens to leave them. The false tears only serve to melt the heart of the abused, and the cycle of torture will repeat itself. This is how the crazy making stage begins.

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Abusers who claim to be Christians pretend holiness, and yet – they have no conscience – not in the sense of what we define as “normal.” 1Timothy 4:2 speaks of “hypocrites” and “liars” that have a conscience that has been “seared with a hot iron.” Verses 1-5 gives us a clear picture of the spiritual apostasy that shall take place in these “latter days” – the Christian age. According to various views of Bible commentaries, a conscience “seared with a hot iron” can also be applied to the conscience of abusers, especially those who call themselves Christians.

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Can we not safely say that abusers in our places of worship have “departed from the faith?” The foundation of the “faith” that Jesus ministered is based on love. It is not possible that abusers are following Christ, but their own hypocritical self-imposed doctrine of hate. They are incapable of the agape love that we should have for one another. Agape love possesses compassion for the plight of others as well as; empathy; true love; it is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love that abusers do not possess.

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“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:8

“A new commandment I give to you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”  John 13:34-35

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.”  1 Corinthians 13:1-13

The consciences of abusers are senseless and unfeeling as flesh that has been cauterized. “The sensitiveness of their consciences is destroyed by the brand of the devil.”  People’s New Testament

“The metaphor is from the practice of branding slaves or criminals, the latter on the brow. These deceivers are not acting under delusion, but deliberately, and against their conscience. They wear the form of godliness, and contradict their profession by their crooked conduct (2 Timothy 3:5). The brand is not on their brow, but on their conscience. Comp.” Titus 1:15; Titus 3:11.  Vincent’s Word Studies

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” (Titus 1:15)

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Jeff also notes a “degree of abuse” that ranges from “remarkably selfish” to “narcissistic,” “sociopaths” to “psychopaths.” When abusers reach the sociopath or psychopath levels, many people view the abusers as having no conscience at all. However, Pastor Crippen maintains that abusers do have a conscience, but they are “dysfunctional.” They possess not the normal means of inner conviction which keeps our passions for wrong in check.

When the searing of the conscience takes place, no one can say for sure. What we can know is the fact that abusers “speak lies in hypocrisy,” they are senseless, and unfeeling:

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 “Such a conscience exists in a mind that will practice delusion without concern; that will carry on a vast system of fraud without wincing; that will incarcerate, scourge, or burn the innocent without compassion; and that will practice gross enormities, and indulge in sensual gratifications under the mask of piety.”  Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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The Sociopath Next Door

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I highly recommend A CRY FOR JUSTICE for many reasons. It opened my eyes to a darker side of abusers, and their cunning ways. This book took my understanding of abuse much deeper, and I could feel the essence of evil more acutely as I read each page. It is a must read for those who desire to counsel the abused, and for church leaders who need to educate themselves concerning this atrocity that is hidden within our houses of worship. In addition, I also recommend this book for self-study as well as group Bible study.

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The main reason I applaud this work is the fact that Pastor Crippen isn’t afraid to “call a spade a spade.” He says what needs to be said, and isn’t concerned as many other pastors are about stepping on toes. There is no arrogance in his preaching  and teaching against domestic abuse, for he understands that the Christian church is under spiritual attack, and the people of God have been silent and ignorant for too long. The last place on earth we should witness abuse is in our houses of worship, and our Christian homes.

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It is important to understand the many faces of abusers and how they deceive us. Jeff also covers topics such as, “Why the Church Covers Up Abuse,” “Dealing With Abusers,” “The Abuser’s Use of Shame and Fear” and much more. He also covers “The Devastating Effects of Abuse on Children.” Personally, I am one who is suffering, and will most likely continue to suffer those “devastating effects.” They are very real!

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Pastor Crippen and Anna Wood – THANK YOU!

http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/

A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church

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“Most abusers do have a conscience about their behavior outside of the family. They may be willing to be answerable for their actions at work, at the club, or on the street. At home however, their sense of entitlement takes over.” Lundy Bancroft

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

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Conscience (36 Occurrences)

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http://www.sociopathworld.com/

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Profile of the Sociopath

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Charmer/ Abusers and their ‘Prey’

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   An Interview with Martha Stout

How do you spot a sociopath?

“A sociopath has no conscience, no ability to feel shame, guilt or remorse. Since 1 in 25 ordinary Americans is a sociopath, you almost certainly know one or more than one already. How can you recognize him or her?”

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Potentially Abusive Personalities: Some Red Flags – by Dr. George Simon, Jr.

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 ¹ Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

² A CRY FOR JUSTICE – The Abuser’s Use of Shame and Fear – 89

 ³ Chicago Manual Style (CMS):conscience. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conscience (accessed: April 14, 2013).

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

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• The allure of sociopaths (pandodaily.com)

 

WHY IS “REPENT” SUCH A DIRTY WORD?

By Terry Loving

“Thus says the LORD, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”

Jeremiah 6:16

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In times past, preachers and Revivalists used what was called the “mourner’s bench” to call sinners to repentance.  After hearing a sermon that cut deep within the soul, a “sinner” would be “moved” by the Holy Spirit to change their sinful ways, kneel at the mourner’s bench – confess and denounce all wrong.

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In modern churches, preachers invite or extend altar calls to those who desire to receive Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. During this time, people will publically confess Jesus as Lord, and get baptized – depending on the type of church they worship in.  This is also a time of “joining” a place of worship that is to your liking.

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The mourner’s bench has no spiritual powers – its significance is merely a symbol, a visual that connected sin, confession and repentance.  The practice was akin to kneeling at the foot of the cross and seeking with a contrite heart a cleansing of the soul. In some places of worship, public confession is practiced, and people are invited to empty their souls before the whole congregation. But times have changed, and the practice of confession of sins to God before an audience has all but disappeared.  Granted, we can go directly to God and confess our sins in private, however, this post mainly concerns the duty of repentance overall.

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John the Baptist Prepares the Way

1In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea 2and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” 3This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah:

“A voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.’”^a

“In the time of John, the nation had become extremely wicked and corrupt, perhaps more so than at any preceding period. Hence, both he and Christ began their ministry by calling the nation to repentance.”    Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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Matthew 4:17  “From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.”

Both John and our Lord began their ministries calling for sinners to “repent.” So how is it that ministers today omit this requirement for salvation? Jesus said, “…It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.”

Luke 5:32 says that sinners are called to repentance.

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“I came not to call the righteous,…. Such as the Scribes and Pharisees were in their own apprehension, and in the esteem of others, who trusted in themselves, that they were righteous, and submitted not to the righteousness of Christ: these Christ came not to call by his grace, and therefore did not associate himself with them: but sinners to repentance; such as the publicans, and others, with them, were; and therefore he was chiefly with such, and chose to be among them: these he not only called to repentance by the outward ministry of the word, but brought them to it; he having power to bestow the grace of repentance, as well as to call to the duty of it;” Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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“5:27-39 It was a wonder of Christ’s grace, that he would call a publican to be his disciple and follower. It was a wonder of his grace, that the call was made so effectual. It was a wonder of his grace, that he came to call sinners to repentance, and to assure them of pardon. It was a wonder of his grace, that he so patiently bore the contradiction of sinners against himself and his disciples. It was a wonder of his grace, that he fixed the services of his disciples according to their strength and standing. The Lord trains up his people gradually for the trials allotted them; we should copy his example in dealing with the weak in faith, or the tempted believer.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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Every person on the face of this earth could benefit from a mourner’s bench of the heart. At any time, we can call upon God to forgive our sins – but we must first acknowledge that we are sinners who have a desire to change our ways, and therefore we must repent. But how can we know that we sin against God and others, even ourselves if the preaching is watered down, preached timidly, and filled with promises of riches in this life? If preaching hellfire and brimstone, and repentance of sins is so unpopular – then how can sinners be convicted of their sins so they can come to Christ and be saved?

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Although repentance is for everyone, the remainder of this post will address domestic abusers, especially those who call themselves “Christians.”

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Prayer of a Suffering Penitent

Kind David lamented in Psalm 38 that suffering, and un-confessed sin was the cause of his “anxiety.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For I confess my iniquity; I am full of anxiety because of my sin.”

“For I will declare mine iniquity – That is, he was not disposed to hide his sin. He would make no concealment of the fact that he regarded himself as a sinner. He admitted this to be true, and he admitted that his sin was the cause of all his troubles. It was the fact that he was a sinner that so painfully affected his mind; and he was not disposed to attempt to conceal it from anyone.”  Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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“I will be sorry for my sin – I will not deny it; I will not apologize for it. I admit the truth of what my conscience charges on me; I admit the correctness and the propriety of the divine judgment by which I have been afflicted on account of my sin; I desire to repent of all my transgressions, and to turn from them.”

“For I will declare mine iniquity,…. Either to men, to ease his mind, justify God in his proceedings with him, and for their caution and admonition: or rather to God, against whom he had sinned, and who only could pardon him; with a view to which he was determined to make a free and open confession of it before him:”  Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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“David’s troubles were the chastisement and the consequence of his transgressions, whilst Christ suffered for our sins and ours only. What right can a sinner have to yield to impatience or anger, when mercifully corrected for his sins? David was very sensible of the present workings of corruption in him.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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1 Corinthians 11:32 “When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.”

David’s penitent prayer did not include a “mourner’s bench” – but his soul mourned over his sins. Deep inside, his soul acknowledged he was a sinner, had sinned, confessed it, and repented.

2 Corinthians 7:10  “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

David’s heart was contrite and his prayer of repentance was honored by God.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

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“The good work wrought in every true penitent, is a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, and sorrow for sin. It is a heart that is tender, and pliable to God’s word. Oh that there were such a heart in every one of us! God is graciously pleased to accept this; it is instead of all burnt-offering and sacrifice. The broken heart is acceptable to God only through Jesus Christ; there is no true repentance without faith in him. Men despise that which is broken, but God will not.”   Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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You cannot be a Christian and an abuser as well.The words “Christian” and “abuser” are not synonymous. They do not belong together, and there is no such thing. There are “Christians” and there are those who abuse while claiming to serve Jesus Christ. If you are an abuser, you are not a true Christian.

Domestic violence and abuse amount to sin, and un-confessed sin separates us from God’s grace and hinders prayers:

Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;

Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him.”

Proverbs 15:29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Isaiah 1:15 – “When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood;”

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Those of you who are married:

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7

Christians are not exempt from wrong-doing and committing evil even as the world does. Unfortunately, Christians have a tendency to see the world as “us” and “them,” “saints” and “sinner,” – however, believers can fall as well. We judge the sins of non-believers as if we never sinned ourselves:

“Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:11

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“You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, be on your guard so that you are not carried away by the error of unprincipled men and fall from your own steadfastness,” New American Standard Bible (©1995)

1 Corinthians 10:12 “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”

2 Peter 1:10 “Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall…”

Abusers in the body of Christ do not love God, and they are not of God.  In fact, their whole idea of “love” is distorted and worldly. Love should not abuse. Love should not hurt.

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Preaching repentance from the pulpit may not be popular or draw crowds, but there is no other way to forgiveness. One may confess to accept Jesus Christ, but without true repentance and a heart change, the confession is mere words – worthless.

Abusers in the body of Christ are yet “carnal” and have “a form of godliness.”

Having a form of godliness – will apply well to those who have all their religion in their creed, confession of faith, catechism, bodies of divinity, etc., while destitute of the life of God in their souls; and are not only destitute of this life, but deny that such life or power is here to be experienced or known. They have religion in their creed, but none in their hearts. Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

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“When men do not fear God, they will not regard man. When children are disobedient to their parents, that makes the times perilous. Men are unholy and without the fear of God, because unthankful for the mercies of God. We abuse God’s gifts, if we make them the food and fuel of our lusts. Times are perilous also, when parents are without natural affection to children. And when men have no rule over their own spirits, but despise that which is good and to be honoured. God is to be loved above all; but a carnal mind, full of enmity against him, prefers any thing before him, especially carnal pleasure.” Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

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But denying the power thereof – Opposing the real power of religion; not allowing it to exert any influence in their lives. It imposes no restraint on their passions and carnal propensities, but in all respects, except in the form of religion, they live as if they had None. This has been common in the world. From such turn away – Have no contact with them as if they were Christians; show no countenance to their religion; do not associate with them; compare 2 John 1:10-11; see the notes at 2 Corinthians 6:17.   Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES.”

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“There is no fear of God – Psalm 36:1. The word “fear” here denotes “reverence, awe, veneration.” There is no such regard or reverence for the character, authority, and honor of God as to restrain them from crime. Their conduct shows that they are not withheld from the commission of iniquity by any regard to the fear or favor of God. The only thing that will be effectual in restraining people from sin, will be a regard to the honor and Law of God.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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Many people ask, “When will domestic violence end?” The only way this evil will end is those who abuse must first hear the pure undiluted Word of God. The power is not in the preaching per se, but in the Word itself:

“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

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“The idea here is, that what “God had said” is suited to detect hypocrisy and to lay open the true nature of the feelings of the soul, so that there can be no escape for the guilty. His “truth” is adapted to bring out the real feelings, and to show man exactly what he is. Truth always has this power – whether preached, or read, or communicated by conversation, or impressed upon the memory and conscience by the Holy Spirit. There can be no escape from the penetrating, searching application of the Word of God. That truth has power to show what man is, and is like a penetrating sword that lays open the whole man; compare Isaiah 49:2. The phrase “the Word of God” here may be applied, therefore, to the “truth” of God, however made known to the mind. In some way it will bring out the real feelings, and show what man is.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

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“When I say to a wicked man, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.” Ezekiel 3:18

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“Repent” is not a dirty word – it holds the key to spiritual regeneration, and leads the lost and erring to the One who saves. It opens the door of stony hearts to receive guidance from God’s loving kindness and long suffering for our sakes. Feel good sermons won’t change hearts, nor will prosperity preaching – teaching disciples to place their trust in riches. Repentance cleanses the soul and gives us another chance to be in right standing with God.

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If you are an abuser who claims to know God, you are lying to yourself. You who are in the pulpit and abusing your loved ones are worst off, and you will be subject to a higher scrutiny in the Judgment. There should be no shame in confessing your faults to save your souls. If not, why bother getting up on Sunday morning and walking through the church house doors? What is the point? God is not listening to you.

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Lastly, King David acknowledged that his sins and his sins alone were the cause of his misery. Abusers blame their loved ones when things go wrong in their lives, but David says:

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For I confess my iniquity; I am full of anxiety because of my sin.”

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Abusers possess an uneasy spirit – a fretfulness that does not allow them to be at peace with themselves. In public, they put on a front that all is well until they reach home. When those who could witness their false sense of self are not present, they unleash their unjust fury upon those who they claim to love.

Abusers why not put pride aside and do as David did before it is too late? Domestic violence and abuse is wrong, sinful, and you alone are to blame for the turmoil within your household. You may lead the beautiful songs on Sunday morning, preach earth shaking sermons, and serve within your congregation seven days a week – but your un-repentant sins will soon find you out.

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“For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light.”  Mark 4:22

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.”

3 John 1:11 “Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.”

Proverbs 14:16 “A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’”

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.”

What is “lawlessness” and “iniquity?” – SIN!

What is domestic violence? – SIN!

What is abuse? – SIN!

REPENT!

 ”Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.” Proverbs 28:14

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.” Matthew 7:13

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How to Recognize True (and false) Contrition — by Dr. George Simon, Jr.

“A person’s character deficiencies inevitably spawn a host of irresponsible behavior patterns – bad habits that can become easily ingrained and, once rooted, extremely hard to break.  Often, these dysfunctional patterns involve forms of mental, emotional, and even physical abuse within relationships.  And while many of the character-impaired individuals I’ve worked with experienced periods of profound unhappiness and even a degree of regret over their actions, only a handful made truly significant changes in their once destructive behaviors.”

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“Kevin says faith has also helped him, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. “What oftentimes happens is that people will think because they’re at a church or a synagogue or a mosque or whatever their particular faith is that they’re okay. No. Are you really dealing with where this emotional hurt came from?” he says. “Mental development has to happen, emotional development.”

“Kevin says healing doesn’t only happen when talking to a therapist or pastor. It also happens through support groups or advocacy organizations. “Part of this is that we have got to make a commitment to becoming allies in speaking out against this,” he says. “Are you willing for the rest of your life to commit verbally, emotionally, spiritually to challenging any forms of violence toward women and girls?” he says. “That’s the kind of work we need to get to.”

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Domestic-Violence-Abusive-Men/11#ixzz2NFzUE53W

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Why Men Abuse Women

“Tony says it felt like he “blacked out” during the abuse. “You don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “I completely own up to [what I did], but in that rage, it’s like your brain wires, they aren’t clicking.”

“He says being in an abusive relationship is like being in a drug addiction. “It becomes like your bond in the sense that the woman is like cocaine inside of that relationship. That’s the only connection you have, because there’s no real love,” he says. “In order to overcome it, it’s almost like you have to separate, go to rehab, move out of the dope house and never come back.”

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Domestic Violence and Claims of Change: Is It Possible?

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Danger of Rationalizing Sin

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How to tell if he’s changing

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How to tell if he’s not changing

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DOMESTIC ABUSE – DOES IT EVER STOP?

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 

“FREE” DOMESTIC ABUSE DIGITAL TRACT DOWNLOAD

By Terry Loving

CELEBRATING “1000+” HITS ON THIS BLOG

This means that vital information is going out all over the world! I wish there was no need for this type of information, at the same time, I am happy that those who need it are finding it. Congratulations goes to those who are brave enough to open their eyes and seek help. Don’t stop now!

PRAISE GOD!

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”

Finding the words to comfort an abused person is often difficult. You suspect your next door neighbor or classmate is being abused, but you do not know how to start the conversation that may lead to help. You may get the dialog going, but you may not get the chance to give them vital information such as the Domestic Violence Hotline number.

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Abused persons are everywhere worldwide. They have doctor, dentist, and other healthcare appointments. If permitted, why not leave a tract on the reading table? The lady sitting next to you on the bus may be an abused woman. Opportunities are all around us to help abused persons, but we would not know them unless they wore a sign that said, “Help me, I am being abused!” Most times, the abused do not reach out because of fear and lack of helpful resources. They also keep the abuse to themselves because they feel ashamed for being in such a situation.

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Even in our churches women are silently suffering abuse. Unfortunately, waiting for preachers to tackle this very difficult subject is often futile. You may never hear a sermon denouncing domestic violence ever, and that is not only sad – it is sinful.

With Christian tracts, you can leave them anywhere, to be picked up and read by anyone. You can leave tracts in the ladies bathroom at your place of worship, schools, waiting rooms, lunch rooms, just about anywhere there are potential victims that may need to hear the truth and get help. Not every abused person has access to a computer, and her abuser may not allow her use of one. The abused need to know that are not alone.

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Christians should not wait until preachers preach against domestic violence. This may never happen in all places of worship. I and others commend the preachers who are speaking out. We are commanded to spread the Gospel, and relieve the suffering of others, especially when we know there is distress. I designed a Domestic Abuse Awareness tract that is a “free” download from one of my websites.

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OK, yes the site advertises jewelry and craft items I make, but it also saves me money. Meaning, I don’t believe in trying to trick people into buying anything, so please do not get that idea. When I set up my online craft store I discovered an opportunity to sell and give away digital goods within the program. I was about to pay e-Junkie $5.00 a month for this service, but saved myself some money. I am paying monthly for my online store and ministry, www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org, therefore, I am combining opportunities to save money.  Ministries are not free from expense.

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With that said, here is the link for the “free” tract. Following are the download instructions:

1. You will receive an email confirmation with the download link. NOTE- the program is set to allow only “2” opportunities for you to download.
2. Click on the link in the email sent to you
3. Choose “Save File” from the pop-up box
4. Choose destination on your PC to save the file (ex. Desktop)
5. Click “Save”
6. Click “Open” (my site is a “trusted” site noted by the (“https”)  – And I use Norton Anti-Virus
7. If file does not open automatically with Adobe Reader, you will have to choose the program to open the file, click on “Adobe Reader”
8. Click “Ok”
9. Click “Open”
10. You are able to print to a two-sided printer
11. Or you can print both front and back copies, use two-sided tape to paste the back sides together, and copy as two-sided document at your favorite printer source such as Staples

NOTE: The “free” version will contain Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence information on the back. This is a tri-fold brochure type tract. The PDF download copies are much clearer.

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Shortly, you will be able to download a copy without my ministry name and links so that you may insert your own, for the low price of $2.00 per copy. The information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline will remain on the paid copy. This will be a non-religious version.

Enjoy! And leave one or more everywhere you go. This will be your opportunity to help break the silence, and motivate people to start talking about this evil.

God bless you always, and thank you for your courage.

Terry Loving

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ABUSE HURTS! – Girl

$5.00

Learn More

Related articles

• When domestic violence becomes a workplace problem (abc.net.au)
• Proposal To Protect Victims Of Domestic Violence EU-Wide To Become Law (eurasiareview.com)
• Reeva Steenkamp: Another Woman Needlessly Dead (candidobservation.wordpress.com)
• Profile of an abuser (didoodlesaboutstuff.wordpress.com)

 

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and THE DEAF COMMUNITY

By Terry Loving

“They were utterly astonished, saying, “He has done all things well; He makes even the deaf to hear and the mute to speak.”

Mark 7:37 (NASB)

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“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

Mark Twain

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NOTE: The help links on this site are for all who need help, not just women)

Imagine escaping domestic violence, going to shelter, and not being able to communicate your situation to anyone there. Imagine the police knocking on your door in response to a neighbor calling about the “noise” in your home – and you are unable to tell them what you are going through. Imagine wanting to scream out loud for help but you are unable – because you are mute. These are just a few of the many obstacles that deaf woman who are abused face.

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Statistics

• The number of deaf individuals in the United States range from 1 to 140 individuals out of 1,000 (Galludet Research Institute – Accessing Safety Initiative, 2008), though determining a number is complicated based on varying definitions of deafness
•  Less is known about how many deaf women are victims of domestic violence, but we know that women with disabilities have higher incidences of trauma and fewer mental health options (APA, 2008)
• Within the deaf community, there is a “double code of silence” related to domestic violence because services are typically not culturally sensitive or accessible for deaf survivors and because the deaf community has historically misunderstood or minimized the issue (Rems-Smario, 2007)
• Deaf woman have increased barriers to services and are likely at greater risk for fatalities

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Mainstream organizations that provide services to hearing abused women most likely are unfamiliar with communicating with deaf and hard of hearing individuals. Very few organizations know and practice ASL (American Sign Language), and are uneducated concerning deaf cultural norms. These disadvantages form roadblocks to helping the deaf and hard of hearing to transition from terror to safety.

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Our society does not acknowledge deaf people belonging to any type of culture, but they do – their own. Most people view the deaf and hard of hearing as people who are handicapped, have disabilities, and people who need audio-logical services.  The Deaf Culture isn’t recognized as being on the same level as ethnic or religious cultures that may have distinctive dress codes food preferences, or specific ways of worshiping or living in general. However, according to the deaf, they have a culture – “We have a language; we have a culture,” they say.

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Whether hearing or non-hearing, or hearing impaired – the abused suffer the same components of abuse as the hearing abused. The abuse still amounts to power and control through physical, emotional, economic, spiritual, and other means of mistreatment. Concerning the deaf with hearing partners, there is added stress that the deaf or hearing impaired endure such as:

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• Making fun of your speech or English skills
• Making fun of your ASL style (American Sign Language)
• Taking away your SSI checks or making you lose it by reporting additional income
• Using ASL to make you afraid with gestures, facial expressions, or exaggerated signs, then denying it by saying that is Deaf culture to justify the behavior (example: saying you are so fat in ASL with deep or strong facial expressions, and claiming that it is permissible by Deaf culture to do so)
• Overuse of floor stomping and pounding on the table or door to get your attention
• Signing very close to your face when angry
• Using intimidation with body language in ASL
• Getting angry because you look away while he is talking
• Checking your TTY, VRS, and Videophone conversations
• Throwing objects as an acceptable way to get attention
• Telling private things to people while standing next to you (example: “My wife is lousy in bed.”); justifying this action by saying that is common for Deaf people to share everything with each other
• If you have a hearing partner, he doesn’t allow the children to use ASL to communicate with you
• He does not tell you when people try to call you

The list is extensive, and you can read more here.

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The Domestic Violence Intervention Project of Duluth, Minnesota developed the Power and Control wheel for the deaf:

As noted in the wheel, the abused suffer the same types of abuse that hearing women suffer: isolation, threats, emotional abuse, economic abuse, intimidation, using children, blaming, denying – all as a result of so called “male privilege.”

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“The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) advises, “One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. Women living with disabilities have a 40 percent greater risk than women not living with disabilities.” Public awareness is a step in the right direction.”

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Few Deaf women report violence and utilize available services for several reasons:

“Deaf women don’t rely on the same services as the rest of society because of the lack of ASL, adaptive technology and understanding of Deaf culture. Information and services from domestic violence agencies, police, hotlines and courts aren’t easily accessible, especially in an emergency and may even prevent Deaf women from getting the services they need to keep safe.”

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“Most Deaf women refuse to go to domestic violence shelters or transitional housing because no one there uses sign language, no adaptive technology is available and typically there isn’t anyone available who understands Deaf culture or its relevance in providing services, which causes intense isolation. A Deaf woman in a shelter may want to return to her abuser because at least she knows what to expect, and communication with her abuser may be easier than at a shelter.”

“Deaf women, like other women fear for their safety and fear that reporting will intensify the abuse.”

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On a personal note, there is another side to this issue that makes it difficult for the deaf and hard of hearing to reach out for help. As a person who is hearing-impaired, I understand the obstacles that stand between the hearing world, and those of us who struggle to fit in. I myself am late-deafened, and this is a whole new world for me. I understand what it feels like for people to dismiss you because they do not like repeating themselves. The ignorance and being made fun of is painful.

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One lady I encountered was very surprised that I spoke so well to be hearing-impaired. Huh??? I am not mute lady! I was not born this way. This just shows the level of ignorance when it comes to people with disabilities. I myself do not like the label “handicapped,” for I am very capable of accomplishing many things. In spite of the “hand that I have been dealt,” I strive to be all that I can be, and I am sure this is true of many who have physical limitations to overcome. I also find that people with limitations to bear try harder. Employers would do well to hire those of this nature, for they would probably have more dedicated employees.

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Although I wear hearing aids, communication is often difficult – and only those who understand my frustrations are patient with me. Our society places much emphasis on so-called perfection, and have very little empathy and understanding for others who struggle with physical impairments whether blindness, deafness, or other issues. Abusing anyone is wrong and sinful. Abusing those who have to bear the burden of limitations is really low. God is not pleased.

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With the help of God, I am creating my own world. I am pretty much reclusive; however, I find other ways to communicate with people. I applaud Hamilton Web-Captel for their “free” service which makes it possible to make important phone calls I would not otherwise be able to make. I also have a TTY phone loaned free to residents of Georgia. I do not use this as much as the web captioning service and I mention these services for those who may be in need of them. Also, Goodwill of North Georgia is another organization that will assist with free assistive listening devices, employment and many other services – for free.

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If you are deaf or hearing impaired, there is help and hope.

Please make use of the links provided and find help. I will update this post often as I find useful information.

NOTE: As a recluse, I have found my voice in writing and my mission in life. Spending a lot of time alone, with the exception of family and friends may not be for everyone, but for me – It is OK. My limitations have allowed me to become more empathic towards others who are suffering – hence, my ministry. Sometimes, slowing down, being still is advantageous – you can hear the voice of God more clearly. I also believe that God allowed me to go this route for I was too busy of a person to find my calling – now I have – and though a difficult subject matter – God gives me what I need to help others. So, no sympathy is needed.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”. (Romans 8:28)

“They brought to Him one who was deaf and spoke with difficulty, and they implored Him to lay His hand on him. “Jesus took him aside from the crowd, by himself, and put His fingers into his ears, and after spitting, He touched his tongue with the saliva; and looking up to heaven with a deep sigh, He said to him, “Ephphatha!” that is, “Be opened!” And his ears were opened, and the impediment of his tongue was removed, and he began speaking plainly. And He gave them orders not to tell anyone; but the more He ordered them, the more widely they continued to proclaim it” . (Mark 7:32-36)

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
‘You shall not curse a deaf man, nor place a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall revere your God; I am the LORD.

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American Standard Version
“Hear my prayer, O Jehovah, and give ear unto my cry; Hold not thy peace at my tears: For I am a stranger with thee, A sojourner, as all my fathers were.”

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“A Psalm of David. To You, O LORD, I call; My rock, do not be deaf to me, For if You are silent to me, I will become like those who go down to the pit.”

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 ”Does he who implanted the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see?”

Psalm 94:9

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Domestic violence increasing & becoming more severe

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DEAF CULTURE

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Defining Deaf Culture

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http://deaf.com/

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It might not be easy to see the abuse at first. Abuse and domestic violence relationships, especially deaf partnered with hearing, are frequently overlooked, discounted, tolerated or accepted because the abuse is not readily apparent to outsiders or the deaf person may not want to appear as a “victim.”

http://dawwwn.homestead.com/files/dv.html

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ABUSED DEAF WOMEN’S ADVOCACY SERVICES

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College Survey Indicates Relationship Violence is Higher in the Deaf Community

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Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault of Deaf Women

(This link has several social agencies listed for help)

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Famous Deaf People

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http://www.ncdhhs.gov/index.htm

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DEAF SERVICES

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Related articles

• Deaf want a fair hearing on film and TV subtitles- (timesofmalta.com)
• Reaching out to the ASL and deaf communities (teresaseacret.wordpress.com)
• Right of the deaf to be heard (trinidadexpress.com)
• Experts examine effect of deafness on access to healthcare (amplifon.co.uk)
• Online Communities Offer Comfort for Deaf and Hearing-Impaired Individuals (healthyhearing.com)
• The Best Apps for Learning Sign Language (healthyhearing.com)
• Deafness doesn’t need to be a barrier to sport (earth.co.uk)
• Playing Sports with Hearing Loss (healthyhearing.com)

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http://www.spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2013
All rights reserved.

 

GOD LOVES WOMEN? YOU CAN BET ON IT!

By Terry Loving

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

 (A relationship with God and eternal life is offered to “whoever” – male and female)

I received an email from someone named “J” – and I promised to reply to their inquiry. With their permission, my reply is this post, for there are many – especially women – who may feel the same way “J” does. Below is the unedited email:

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“Comment: the woman in India has died, i read last night. she was gang raped. it is modern day Judges 19. where does God say He loves women, where does God say He hates the sin of a guy using God given strength to over power & beat & rape a woman to death like in Judges 19. He didn’t give women strength , He made them a target for pain & suffering. i need to know where He says its wrong to hurt women.”

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First of all, YES! – God loves women! His only begotten Son died for male and female – everyone. Also, God has given women more strength and courage than we utilize for our own sakes. Sorry, I do not agree with, “He made them a target for pain & suffering.” I understand your anger over the rape and death of that precious Indian woman. The whole world should be outraged. However, God did not rape or murder her – those who were influenced by evil – harbor evil within their hearts – take pleasure in doing evil took her innocence and her life.

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

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Although a horrible rape resulted in death in Judges 19 as well, I find that many people do not dig deeper into the story to find the ultimate truth.  When tragedy strikes, too often we blame God for the happening, and quickly assume – in the case of Judges 19 for instance – that God favors men, and does not place a premium on women. Please understand that everything that man did in the Bible was not always justified in the sight of God, nor was everything permitted by God. Too often, assumptions are made to justify the doings of man. There are many examples in the Bible where men made decisions they erroneously believed would bring them favor with God, but ultimately – God was displeased.

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)

“Behold, I have found only this, that God made men upright, but they have sought out many devices.”   (devices = schemes, follow their own downward path, seek many alternatives, sought many inventions, looked for many ways [to avoid being decent]) –      http://bible.cc/ecclesiastes/7-29.htm

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BACKGROUND INFORMATION

The Levites spoken of in Judges 19 and Judges 17: 7-13 were viewed as men close to God, for they served in the Temple of God.

“Originally, firstborn sons were designated to be the holy tribe, the ones who would serve in the Tabernacle and the Temples, and be the spiritual leaders of our nation; G-d having “acquired” them when He spared them during the Plague of the Firstborn in Egypt. When the Tribe of Levi proved their mettle during the debacle of the Golden Calf, G-d removed the privilege of priesthood from the firstborns and instead sanctified the entire tribe of Levi.

Moses blessed the tribe of Levi, saying, “They shall teach Your ordinances to Jacob, and Your Torah to Israel.” Aside for their Temple duties, the tribe served as the rabbis and teachers of their Israelite brethren.” ¹

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“Michah” in Judges 17: 7-13

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

“17:7-13 Micah thought it was a sign of God’s favour to him and his images, that a Levite should come to his door. Thus those who please themselves with their own delusions, if Providence unexpectedly bring any thing to their hands that further them in their evil way, are apt from thence to think that God is pleased with them.”

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Jewish custom places a high premium on hospitality.

In Rabbinical Literature:

“Among the ethical teachings of the Rabbis, the duties of hospitality occupy a very prominent position. Some regard hospitality more highly than the reception given to the Shekinah (Divine Presence); others make it superior to visiting the house of study; others, again, consider it as one of the six meritorious deeds whose reward is like a tree, the fruit of which man enjoys in this world, while the trunk remains for his enjoyment in the world to come (Shab. 127a). Special emphasis was laid upon the hospitality due to a scholar, so that it was said that one who shows hospitality to a student of the Law is regarded as if he had offered the daily sacrifice (Ber. 10b, 63b, Ḳid. 76b; Gen. R. lviii. 12).”

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The old man in Judges 19 perhaps felt that he had two situations to defend, a Levite and one to whom he extended the hand of hospitality. In this case, it isn’t God Himself who is making the distinction, but man. Rather than suffer perceived consequences for allowing a son of the priesthood line and his guest be overtaken by evil men, the owner addressed the crowd in this manner:

“23The owner of the house went outside and said to them, “No, my friends, don’t be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don’t do this disgraceful thing. 24Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But to this man, don’t do such a disgraceful thing.”

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Again, this wasn’t a decision made by God, but by the man of the house and the Levite.

In the same way, Lot offered his daughter’s instead of the two angels:

“1The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2“My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.”

Lot also made the decision to offer up his daughter’s to evil men desiring to have sex with the angels.

Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

“Here is my daughter, a maiden – Such a proposal was made by Lot to the men of Sodom, Genesis 19:8, but nothing can excuse either. That the rights of hospitality were sacred in the East, and most highly regarded we know; and that a man would defend, at the expense of his life, the stranger whom he had admitted under his roof, is true; but how a father could make such a proposal relative to his virgin daughter, must remain among those things which are incomprehensible.”

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Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

...”let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes; this was a very great evil in Lot to make such an offer of his daughters; it was contrary to parental love and affection, an exposing the chastity of his daughters, which should have been his care to preserve; nor had he a power to dispose of them in such a manner: and though fornication is a lesser evil than sodomy, yet all evil is to be avoided, and even it is not to be done that good may come: nothing can be said to excuse this good man, but the hurry of spirit, and confusion of mind that he was in, not knowing what to say or do to prevent the base designs of those men; that he might be pretty certain they would not accept of his offer, their lust burning more after men than women; that this showed his great regard to the laws of hospitality, that he had rather sacrifice his daughters to their brutal lusts, than give up the men that were in his house to them; and that he might hope that this would soften their minds, and put them off of any further attempt; but after all it must be condemned as a dangerous and imprudent action:…”

 

Movie – One Night With The King – Queen Esther

Neither of these situations suggests that God Himself commanded the old man, the Levite, or Lot make such sacrifices. But one thing should be noted in both scenarios, the perpetrators were eventually destroyed.  The rape and murder of the concubine in Judges 19 triggered a civil war. The rapists were of the tribe of Benjamin, and the elders refused to give them up to justice when commanded by the other Jewish tribes.

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Prior to the general assembly of the tribes of  Israel, the husband of the concubine cut her body into twelve pieces, representing the twelve tribes of Israel – and sent them each a visual impact of the horror that had taken place.:

“29When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. 30Everyone who saw it said, “Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Think about it! Consider it! Tell us what to do!”

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In those days, Israel had no king, or magistrates to consider and punish this crime. Therefore, it was up to the people to decide what punishment the men of Gibeah should face – the death penalty was decided. The tribes of Benjamin refused to deliver up the malefactors of Gibeah to justice. The tribe of Benjamin took a stand against the united force of all Israel, fought against justice, and consequently against the just God Himself.

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In Judges Chapter 20, you can read about the civil war which the rape and murder spurred. The Israelites obtained over the Benjamites in the third engagement. The first two times they went to battle they did not consult God, but assumed that their cause was righteous enough that God was automatically on their side – they depended upon themselves too much – assumption can be defeating.

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After the war, there was a remnant of Benjamites, 600 men who took shelter in the rock of Rimmon for four months. The perpetrators were killed in the battle, and God gave the victory to the tribes that fought for justice and punishment of the evil men who raped and murdered to satisfy their evil lusts.

Jude 1:7

 “In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.”

When we do not “rightly divide” the Word of God, we often blame God unjustly. On the surface, the rape of the concubine may seem that God favors men over women, but this is not true. Not only did God stand for justice, He loved this woman enough to avenge the wrong she suffered. How many civil wars in our modern living were fought over rape, domestic violence, and injustice period? Today, we have the judicial system that Israel did not have; therefore, we have access to justice and retribution through our laws. Most importantly, God is a God of justice – He will avenge all wrong.

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“where does God say He loves women, where does God say He hates the sin of a guy using God given strength to over power & beat & rape a woman to death like in Judges 19.”

I believe I have shown through this example how much this woman was loved, and how justice was served.

“He didn’t give women strength , He made them a target for pain & suffering. i need to know where He says its wrong to hurt women.”

We live in a fallen world, and we should not blame evil doings on God. Too often we get angry with God when a loved one dies, or is taken from us tragically. Humans want it all – free will, a God hands-off policy, and a Divine puppet. We do not want God telling us what to do, and yet, we want Him to be there when something happens to visually and instantly satisfy our need for justice and revenge. One woman stated to me a while ago, “God has some explaining to do!” She was barren and angry that God did not see fit to bless her womb. News flash, God does not owe us any explanation at all:

Isaiah 45:9 “Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘He has no hands’?

Romans 9:20 “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”

Isaiah 64:8 “Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

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“He made them a target for pain & suffering. i need to know where He says its wrong to hurt women.”

Throughout the Bible you can read where God hates injustice and wrongdoing. To say that God made women “a target for pain & suffering” is unjust. It is Satan who hates women, and all mankind. Our world is experiencing spiritual warfare like no other time in history, and yet – God gets the blame for all the bad things done in this world. We fail to acknowledge that evil exists and the fact that humanity has a spiritual enemy:

Revelation 12:9

“The great dragon was hurled down–that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time.”

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

Job 1:7 “The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered the LORD, “From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it.”

“Your adversary the devil – This is the reason why ye should be sober and vigilant; ye have an ever active, implacable, subtle enemy to contend with. He walketh about – he has access to you everywhere; he knows your feelings and your propensities, and informs himself of all your circumstances; only God can know more and do more than he, therefore your care must be cast upon God.”      Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible

As a roaring lion – Satan tempts under three forms:

1. The subtle serpent; to beguile our senses, pervert our judgment, and enchant our imagination.

2. As an angel of light; to deceive us with false views of spiritual things, refinements in religion, and presumption on the providence and grace of God.

3. As a roaring lion; to bear us down, and destroy us by violent opposition, persecution, and death. Thus he was acting towards the followers of God at Pontus, etc., who were now suffering a grievous persecution.

Satan is an enemy to mankind in general, but more especially to the seed of the woman, to Christ personal, and to Christ mystical, to all the elect of God:

The devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. He goeth about as the lion, seeking for prey. The lion while hunting only roars when it springs. So the devil is stealthy and does not give warning of his approach.

Evil is not of God!

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Question: Does God love women?

“Answer: This is an interesting question, but it certainly has a Scriptural answer. First let me remind you that it says in Genesis: “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27) In other words it takes both the attributes of the woman and the man to see what God is like, since both are half of the picture (image) of God.” (Read more)

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“I believe one reason Jesus may have appeared to the women first after He had arisen from the dead is because He loved them, but also because of their courage under fire that the male disciples did not show when He died on the cross. All the rest of the males had run away except for John. Mary, Jesus’ mother, and other women were at the cross when Jesus died.” (Read more)

“Who did Jesus stop to talk to on His way to Golgotha, was it not the women?” (Read more)

“Why else would these women have been so loyal to Jesus except that He had had a godly love for them! Who is Jesus? He is God in the flesh, what He was like is exactly what God the Father is like! Does He love women? certainly He does!” (Read more)

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God loves wives so much that He stops listening to the prayers of their husbands if they mistreat their wives – that’s HUGE!

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

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In conclusion “J”, please read posts from this site and you will find many scriptures that speak to God’s displeasure of mistreating women, and one another period.

It is my hope that you have been enlightened, and that the Holy Spirit will touch your heart with truth. It is man that twisted the scriptures to paint our God and Savior as members of the earthly “good ole boys network.” That is the work of Satan.

Thank you for allowing me under the direction of the Holy Spirit to answer your inquiry. May God bless you with His everlasting Peace.

Peace be unto you.

Terry

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“God does not make bad things happen, but religion most certainly can. Since the first words were written in the Bible, men have twisted it to justify their own beliefs, prejudices, and even their own dark desires. That truth is proven even more so in this film.”  (Review quote)

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¹ http://www.askmoses.com/en/article/261,2081262/What-is-a-Levite.html

http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.

 

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND VICTIM BLAMING

By Terry Loving

New American Standard Bible (©1995)

“You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

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“Unlike other victims of violent crime, battered women are often viewed by the police, the prosecutor, judges, jurors and probation/parole staff as responsible for the crimes committed against them; responsible either because battered women are believed to “provoke” the perpetrator into violence or because they are believed to have the power to avoid the criminal assault through accommodating the perpetrator’s demands. Other victims of violent crime are not seen as culpable for the crimes inflicted upon them, but battered women frequently report that criminal justice system personnel appear to consider them “unworthy victims” who are clogging up the courts with unimportant family matters.”  Read more here.

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Victim blaming did not originate with the murder of Kassandra Perkins, nor will it end when another woman loses her life to domestic violence. There are many speculations concerning Kassandra’s death such as, “She stayed out too late after attending a concert.” Kassandra was a gold-digger.” “She was the catalyst in her own murder.” “She was leaving the relationship, and planned to get as much money as possible.” “She took their daughter to a relative’s home without his (Jovan’s) consent.” “Kassandra was lazy.” And so on and so on.

“Belcher telling Perkins, “You can’t talk to me like that!“

The next sound was gunfire as Belcher repeatedly shot the mother of their daughter. He shot her “9 times.”

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Let us assume the negative talk about Kassandra Perkins was true. So where is the justification for murder? There was no mention of a physical altercation where Jovan had no choice but to defend him-self. In fact, she was no physical threat to him at all. This was not a case of an excusable homicide, and Jovan would have served prison time, maybe not as much as he deserved, but he would have if he had not killed himself as well.

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If I had my way, this murder would be classified as premeditated, for Jovan stated in a text message that he would shoot Kassandra if she did not leave him alone.”

Correct me if I am wrong, but shooting someone “9 times” indicates that you want to make sure this person dies. Where was the love his friends said he had for her?  Did Jovan hate the sight of Kassandra so much so that he wanted her dead, and gone from his life, especially since he had a new woman that he desired to be with? Say what you will, but there is no way  this murder is the victim’s fault.

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Too many times the victims of domestic violence are not believed when they seek help, and they are blamed when relationships turn violent. A woman who threatens to leave abuse has every right to get away from the violence, especially if she has children. It is the insecurity and controlling behaviors of abusers that will not tolerate separation, not the woman’s choice to leave that is the excuse for murder.  It is a well-documented fact that women who try to leave, or have left abuse are in more danger of losing their lives.

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Also, some of the news comments are very disheartening such as the following – (unedited):

Both parties are too blame, women are not always best, but we pretend we are. I am not blaming her, but I’m sure she played her part and he played his like a good soap opera.

OK, how can “both parties” share “blame” for her death? And this other statement: … “Women are not always best, but we pretend we are.” What is the world is that supposed to mean?”  - Victim blaming again.

Oh not that she lied about who the father was. I am sorry for the child, but maybe the child will be better off. A man can be driven to do stuff, and she drove him there.

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 First of all, commentators assumed a little too much. And how is the child “better off?” She is an orphan left with an awful legacy. When she grows up, she will have to deal with people saying awful things to her about what happened to her parents. Especially when she goes to school, and we know how cruel children can be at times – they learn from their parents. To say a man “can be driven to do stuff, and she drove him there,” is another victim blaming statement.

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“She pushed my buttons!”

We hear this excuse all the time. Our children can sometimes make us very angry – do we murder them? Couples learn much about one another after spending quality time together. We learn the soft spots and the subjects that bring about anger, hurt, and tears – do we murder our spouses because they touch a nerve – accidentally, or on purpose? Training a new puppy is often frustrating, costly and time-consuming – do we kill the puppy? Do we take out a gun and shoot the old woman for driving too slow? In America, these situations happen every day – whether we hear about them or not – people killing just because they can.

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There has been a rash of murder-suicides in the news lately. And there are many people who are scratching their heads and wondering why this is happening. God already warned us these types of atrocities would come upon us:

“But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

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 Today, life is all about “Me!” People in general lack self-discipline over their emotions. Abusers have no self-control, and act impulsively – then expect understanding for their ugly behaviors. Victim blaming is an easy scapegoat  for allowing violence to be the solution for domestic issues. If self-control were not possible, God would not command it to be exercised.

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)
“Like a city that is broken into and without walls Is a man who has no control over his spirit.”

He that hath no rule over his own spirit,…. His affections and passions, puts no restraint, unto them, as the word signifies; no guard against them, no fence about them, to curb his curiosity, to check his pride and vanity, to restrain his wrath and anger and revenge, and keep within due bounds his ambition and itch of vainglory; is like a city that broken down and without walls; into which they may go with pleasure, and which is exposed to the rapine and violence of everyone; and so a man that has no command of himself and passions, but gives the reins to them, is exposed to the enemy of souls, Satan and is liable to every sin, snare and temptation. Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible

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Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.”

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 Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

16:27,28. Ungodly men bestow more pains to do mischief than would be needful to do good. The whisperer separates friends: what a hateful, but how common a character! 29,30. Some do all the mischief they can by force and violence, and are blind to the result. 31. Old people especially should be found in the way of religion and godliness. 32. To overcome our own passions, requires more steady management, than obtaining victory over an enemy. 33. All the disposal of Providence concerning our affairs, we must look upon to be the determining what we referred to God; and we must be reconciled to them accordingly. Blessed are those that give themselves up to the will of God; for he knows what is good for them.

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Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary

Sin, if it receives any check, becomes cowardly. 24. It is better to be alone, than to be joined to one who is a hinderance to the comfort of life.

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James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

Proverbs 14:29  “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.”

Proverbs 19:11  “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Ecclesiastes 7:8  “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.”

Psalm 12:8  “The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men.”

Proverbs 29:11  “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

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Victim blaming will not stand in the Day of Judgment. All of the flimsy excuses for abuse and murder will be judged.

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 There is absolutely nothing that Kassandra Perkins was accused of that warranted her murder. NOTHING! She is a victim, Jovan Belcher is a murderer and solely to blame for both their deaths.

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2 Peter 1:3  “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”

Matthew 5:21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’

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New American Standard Bible (©1995)

AND IF IT IS WITH DIFFICULTY THAT THE RIGHTEOUS IS SAVED, WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE GODLESS MAN AND THE SINNER?

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A SIN PROBLEM!

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Types of victim blaming

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Avoiding Victim Blaming

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Rethinking ‘Don’t Blame the Victim’:
The Psychology of Victimhood

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Blaming the Victim

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Delhi anger on streets after rape victim dies

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/delhi-anger-on-streets-after-rape-victim-dies-20121229-2c064.html#ixzz2GTCB4D25

In the wake of the attack, much of the country’s fury has been directed towards a police force seen as apathetic, corrupt and misogynist, and a political class that often seems uncaring. Senior police are regularly quoted in the Indian press as saying women who are raped are to blame for their attacks – for being out at night, for talking to men, or for wearing jeans.

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Related articles

• In Bit About Kasandra Perkins Murder, FOX’s Perino Blames Victims (pinkbananaworld.com)
• Domestic violence help is available (kshb.com)
• When Daddy Kills Mommy (ssofdv.wordpress.com)

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http://spiritual-side-of-domestic-violence.org

No portion of this web site may be copied, edited, or used in any form without prior permission.

© Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence Org., 2009-2012
All rights reserved.